by Kim Amos
“Good thing you’re here,” Betty said, wiping her hands on her apron as Audrey shrugged out of her coat. “I was worried you’d gotten stuck on a motorcycle again and couldn’t get off.”
Audrey blushed. She seriously had to stop telling them everything that happened at the Harley dealership or she’d never hear the end of it.
“Aw, now, I’m just teasing,” Betty said, eyeing Audrey’s pink cheeks. “Come on in and let me heat up that hot dish for you. We’d better serve it soon, or Pregzilla is going to chew through the walls.”
“I am not Pregzilla,” Willa protested as Betty took the hot dish from Audrey. “I’m just tired. And hungry. Good Lord, being with child takes it out of you.” She was sitting at the table with her feet up, sipping some kind of sparkling juice. Audrey laughed, happy that Willa had told everyone her wonderful news.
“For crying out loud, you’re still in the first trimester,” Stephanie said. “Just wait until the third.” She shook her head, no doubt reliving the memory of carrying her twins.
“Don’t I know it. Barely a few months in, and I’m already such a mess. Burk is going to ship me out of state. I swear it.”
“Out of state?” Audrey asked, shaking her head. “No way. Pregzilla is Japanese. You’re going to have to go overseas.”
“Oh, she’s not going anywhere,” Anna said. “I see how my brother looks at her. If Burk thought Willa was beautiful before, Willa pregnant is doing him in. He can hardly speak around her. It’s disgusting. And adorable.”
“Come on, Sam must have looked at you that way,” Stephanie said, pulling her bright red hair into a quick, messy bun. “He must have been over the moon when you were pregnant with Juniper.”
Anna’s dark blue eyes crinkled with a happiness that swelled Audrey’s heart. Was it really possible to be adored so thoroughly? That even when pregnancy made you fat and gassy and swollen, a man could love you more than anything? She suddenly had a hard time swallowing, wondering if anyone would ever love her that much.
“Sam liked it, I guess,” Anna said evasively, taking a sip of wine.
“Oh, I’m sure he more than liked it,” Stephanie said. “I bet he had your pregnant self every which way he could get it.”
“Steph!” Anna cried, laughing. “You sound like Betty!”
“Sometimes Betty says things that need saying,” Audrey chimed, quoting Willa from the other night at the Wheelhouse. Her friend winked at her, and Audrey grinned.
“I do what now?” Betty asked, stepping out from the kitchenette, where she’d been reheating Audrey’s hot dish.
“You just tell it like it is,” Willa said, “and that’s why we love you.”
Betty huffed. “Damn straight I do.”
Minutes later, forks were clinking on mismatched plates and spoons were scraping bowls as they ate and talked together. Anna told them that Juniper’s drum lessons had her banging her and Sam awake each day, whacking them both out of bed with wooden spoons. Betty said her pastor husband had become addicted to a reality show about drag queens and thought there were good life lessons in the program that he should preach from the pulpit, though he wasn’t sure how the congregation would feel about the show as a metaphor. And Stephanie regaled them with a story about how one of her twins had dumped all of her expensive packets of chocolate protein powder into the tub and then mixed in enough water so he could take “a mud bath.”
Audrey laughed and ate and listened, but inside was wondering at what point she should jump in and talk about Kieran—or if she should at all.
Kieran and I had sex.
He told me he has feelings for me, but I don’t trust him.
Sometimes, in spite of everything, I fantasize about the two of us being together.
I don’t know everything that happened five years ago.
But I’m not sure I want to know now.
It all sounded so ridiculous. Betty would probably tell her to stop giving it any thought at all—that Kieran Callaghan could fuck her eight ways until Sunday, tell her he was a prince with a flying carpet, and it wouldn’t matter one whit.
Except it didn’t feel that way. She was working so hard to tell herself not to pay attention to Kieran, not to let him affect her, that it was exhausting. Her head hurt and large swaths of her ached.
“You okay over there?” Willa asked, elbowing her gently.
Audrey lifted her eyes from her hot dish and forced a smile. “Fine. Just thinking about the Asparagus Festival. I submitted my paperwork for Asparagus Queen today. I guess I’m just nervous.”
“You don’t say!” Betty cried, her blonde hair bouncing. “Good for you!”
“Audrey, that’s perfect!” Stephanie said. “You’re coming out of your shell in spades. How wonderful!”
“I’m thinking of using the prize money to pay for some personal training certifications. To maybe start my own business here in town. That is, if I win.”
“How fabulous! I’ll be your first client,” Willa said. “You can help me lose my baby weight.”
“Even if you don’t win, I suppose you could work and save for a while to get the certifications that way,” Betty said.
Audrey wasn’t sure how to tell them that she’d eventually have to find a job that wasn’t at the dealership because of how complicated things had become with Kieran. She’d called in sick every day since Sunday. It was irresponsible and gutless, and if she kept it up, Kieran would surely have to fire her. She would have to go in tomorrow, no matter what, just to ensure she wouldn’t get canned until she had something else lined up. The thought steeled her resolve for her new line of business.
“I’m really more interested in using the pageant to help my business. Or, that is, my would-be business. This is just a way to build on the personal training interest that’s already out there. The whole town will be watching the pageant, after all.”
“Are you thinking of asking them to add a swimsuit competition or something?” Stephanie asked. “Show your figure a bit?”
“No, nothing that dramatic. I was just thinking I could talk about wanting to be a small business owner up on that stage. Really come across as a professional. Help people see I’m serious.”
Betty sat back thoughtfully. “It’s a good start. Afterward, you could put up some flyers in the grocery store and advertise in the Loon Trader.”
Audrey nodded. Betty was a savvy businesswoman, and she ran an online Halloween shop in addition to Knots and Bolts. She’d taught Willa the basics of the business plan that had helped the White Pine Bed and Breakfast get off the ground.
“The pageant plus the additional advertising could be really powerful,” Audrey agreed. “It could prove to the whole town that there’s new life in this gym teacher.”
“There’s new life in you either way,” Anna said, smiling. “Whether you win at the pageant or whether you start your own business, we’re so proud of you.”
“Thanks for your confidence,” Audrey said to her friends. “I wish you were all on the voting committee. This crown means a lot, actually, especially if I leave the dealership.”
“Hold on,” Willa said. “Who said anything about you leaving the dealership? I thought you liked it there. I thought you had some business ideas for the place.”
Audrey bit the inside of her cheek. Darn it, she’d gone and spilled too much. “It’s fine,” she hedged, still not wanting to talk about Kieran, “but I don’t want to be there forever. It’s a gig, not a career.”
She could feel the women all staring at her, doubtful. “Why do I think this all has something to do with that Irish boy?” Betty asked.
“Did something happen during your date on Sunday?” Willa inquired.
“Wait, you had a date on Sunday?” This was from Stephanie.
Audrey rubbed her temples. This was going in exactly the direction she wanted to avoid. “Yes, I had a date with Kieran on Sunday. It was…” she tried on different words to describe the day.
White hot. Thrillin
g. Maddening.
All of the above.
“I don’t know what to say,” she finally admitted. “Kieran and I—that is, he told me he has feelings for me, and it’s thrown me into a tailspin. Five years ago, I would have given anything to hear him say that. Now, I just want to avoid getting hurt again.”
“So that’s why you want to leave the dealership,” Betty said matter-of-factly.
Audrey traced a pattern on the red table’s smooth surface. Was it self-preservation that had her leaving the dealership? Or was it something else entirely?
Cowardice.
The word lodged in her throat and she couldn’t swallow it down.
She was running away from Kieran because she was scared: fearful of the way he made her feel, frightened of the emotions she was afraid would burst through her heart and overtake her, and, worst of all, petrified of what he would say about the past. Because what if it changed her mind about him? What then?
To her horror, she felt a tear begin to slide down one cheek. She wiped it away, hoping no one would see, but everyone around the table picked up on it.
“Oh, honey,” Willa said, putting a warm hand over Audrey’s. “It’s going to be all right. You’re going to get through this.”
“I’m just so confused,” Audrey said, taking in a shuddery breath. In a matter of weeks, Kieran had gone from storming into the dealership and threatening to fire her to professing his affection for her. He was a mass of mind-boggling contradictions. “I keep deciding how to feel about Kieran, what box to put him in, and then he goes and moves everything around.”
“Love is kind of like that,” Betty said gently.
Audrey lifted her eyes. “This isn’t love,” she said. “I don’t know what this is, but it’s not love.”
“Okay, okay,” Betty said, holding up her hands in an I surrender gesture. “Sorry about that.”
Audrey massaged her forehead. Her skull felt like it was going to split into eight thousand pieces, and fragments of her would forever be lost in the braids of the carpet underneath her chair. “Can we talk about something else?” she asked. “Please?”
“I have dessert,” Anna said, standing. She began to collect the dinner plates, and Audrey quickly followed, glad for the distraction.
“What did you make?” Stephanie asked, helping switch the conversation.
“It’s a tart.” Anna moved into the kitchenette. When she returned, she was carrying a lovely pastry with a flaky crust and a golden orange middle.
“Oh, that looks heavenly!” Willa said, staring at the dessert. “What kind is it?”
Anna locked eyes with Audrey. “Passion fruit.”
Audrey had to grin. “Well, that figures.”
“You get an extra big slice,” Betty said, serving Audrey. “You need it.”
Audrey picked up a fork, and didn’t argue.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Friday morning, Audrey stepped out her front door with a hastily scribbled to-do list in hand. Its length had her wondering if she was going to be able to accomplish even half.
She had to pick up a dress from Willa for the pageant, then beg the local cobbler, Landon Valcheck, to fix the broken strap on the one pair of high-heeled shoes she owned. After that, she had to swing by Lumberjack Grocery to buy detergent so she could do the loads of laundry that were spilling out of her hamper. Oh, and she still had to make it to work by ten o’clock. Which meant she needed to get to the Rolling Pin, pronto, for a much-needed cup of coffee.
Audrey’s mind was so preoccupied that she almost didn’t notice the rose petals on her front steps—at least until her heel slipped on one of them. She caught her balance and looked down to find the crimson bits of flower scattered everywhere outside her front door, down the stairs and small sidewalk, all the way to her car.
She stilled. In her mind’s eye, she pictured dark hair licked with flames and sea-green eyes.
“Kieran,” she breathed, smelling crushed rose on the day’s warm breeze. The clusters of red had bits of poetry racing through her brain, the lyrical words Kieran had recited to her from his stolen book. Especially one of her favorites: “But he that dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose.”
She’d always loved the Anne Brontë poem about being courageous in spite of failure. And of course she’d made no secret about loving roses.
Her muscles trembled. Had he really done this?
She stared at the sea of tiny red waves and inhaled sharply. Who else could it be?
No one was the answer.
She closed her eyes briefly. Good grief, why did he have to be so damn romantic? Why did he have to confess his feelings and then leave her rose petals in a grand emotional gesture?
Audrey clutched her to-do list in her hand, wondering how she was ever going to get anything done with the vision of rose petals in her brain all day. She would have to find Kieran at work and thank him. She hadn’t been sure what to say to him all week. Now she knew she had an opener.
“I’ll just tell him this was nice,” she murmured, making her way along the petal-littered sidewalk to her car. She stopped to pick up a single crimson arc, inhaling its sweetness and fingering its softness. “This was lovely.”
Even as she spoke the words, she could feel the dam beginning to crack in her heart, letting rivulets of emotion seep through.
If the dam burst, she might feel too much—and never be able to construct the edifice again. She’d had five long years to build this one, stone by stubborn stone. In spite of her best efforts, Kieran was chipping away at her protective wall. Oh, there was part of her that wanted to help him tear away the barriers. To let everything she felt for him just come roaring through—the passion, the affection, the rainbow of emotions for him that colored her insides.
But did she dare? Could she trust him?
What if he had secrets from five years ago that would undo her all over again?
She climbed into her car and started the engine. That may be, she thought, but I can still talk to him.
The question was whether it would really just be a conversation—a polite chat where she’d thank him for the flowers—or if she’d find herself wanting to hurtle her body at him all over again.
* * *
Two Rolling Pin coffees in hand, Audrey trekked past clusters of golden daffodils, up the sidewalk to the White Pine B and B’s wide front porch. The wooden planks had recently been painted a rich brown—no doubt Burk’s doing the minute winter’s grasp on Minnesota had loosened—and the new floor color was complemented by sky-blue wicker furniture, plus an assortment of cushions in flowers, stripes, and paisleys. It should have been an odd arrangement, but the whole thing had a unique, charming quality that was threaded through the entire B and B. “I call it Minnesota chic,” Willa had joked once about her style. “Manhattan meets the Midwest.”
Before she could ring the bell Willa pulled open the door, smiling. “I saw you drive up. Come on in.”
Audrey handed her a coffee as she stepped into the warm space. “Decaf, for the mom-to-be.”
Willa took it and inhaled the aroma. “Giving up wine for nine months will be hard, but giving up caffeine might just kill me.”
“You’ll be able to drink it again when you really need it. I hear those midnight feedings can be brutal.”
Willa’s emerald eyes flashed playfully. “You know you’re going to be the one I call when I’m up with the baby. Two o’clock a.m., your phone rings, it’s me wanting to talk to pass the time while my boobs get sucked on.”
“By someone who is not Burk.”
Willa snorted. “Touché. By someone who is not Burk.” She turned toward the magnificent staircase that led up to some of the guest rooms, as well as Willa and Burk’s room. “Speaking of boobs, let’s find you a dress that shows yours off.” She and Audrey began the climb up the gleaming wooden steps. “I pulled out a box from the attic with some more of my New York wardrobe in it. The pickings are slim—I threw out so much—but th
ere’s one in there that just might work.”
Ten minutes later, Audrey was standing in the middle of Willa’s bedroom wearing a sparkling charcoal dress that hugged every inch of her body. The hem was hand-beaded with exquisite crystals, daring anyone to look away. The scalloped top plunged into a V at the front, but it was tasteful, not tawdry. The bulk of the material was in the fitted sleeves, which came all the way to Audrey’s wrists. It was a perfect blend of sexy and elegant.
“You wear it better than I ever did,” Willa said, studying her.
Audrey turned in front of Willa’s large, gilded mirror. The dress must have cost a fortune when Willa bought it new, and Audrey could understand why she’d kept it. It was also everything Audrey wanted it to be: a mix of gorgeous and eye-catching in a way that would have everyone looking at her—for all the right reasons. Her stomach fluttered at the idea that she’d be modeling this in front of the entire town.
As if reading her thoughts, Willa came and stood next to her. “You can win if you wear jeans and a T-shirt,” she said gently. “You are so beautiful, and this town loves you. No matter what you have on.”
Audrey fingered the dress’s glittery material. “I appreciate that,” she said. “I’m just ready for something different. I want people to see me in a new way.”
“People plural or person singular?”
“Come again?”
“Do you need everyone to see you in that, or just one person in particular? The person whose name rhymes with Kieran Callaghan?”
Audrey fought to keep the color out of her cheeks. This was most decidedly not about Kieran. “It’s actually the opposite,” she replied, turning back to the mirror. “I’m doing this because I need to move forward with a new career. A job where I’m not around him all day long.”
Willa took a sip of coffee. She stared at Audrey’s trim figure in the mirror, but her eyes were farther away, focused on something Audrey couldn’t see.