by Kim Amos
“I hurt Burk pretty badly when I left for New York,” she said after a moment. “I was horrible to him. And I wasn’t exactly wonderful to you when we were teenagers and ran track together.”
Audrey blinked at the abrupt change in conversation. “Willa, that’s so many years ago. It’s water under the br—”
“I can’t think where I’d be if Burk hadn’t forgiven me,” she pressed on. “If he hadn’t opened his heart to me and risked believing that I’d changed. Or at least that I was trying to change. I’m just saying that five years is a long time. And people don’t always stay the way they were.”
Audrey stared at her figure in the silver dress. She certainly couldn’t have imagined herself wearing this dress six months ago. Hell, six weeks ago it would have been a stretch.
Willa put a warm hand on her friend’s shoulder. “I don’t know what I would have done without your forgiveness, too. You always see the best in people, and it’s such a blessing. To me, to the people in your life. I’m just saying, don’t lose sight of that.”
Audrey’s throat thickened. Willa and Burk were so happy together that it was tough to recall that their relationship had been a struggle. But Willa was right. She had been mean, selfish, and cruel to the people around her. Audrey and Burk included. Audrey had forgiven it all because she was willing to trust that, down deep, Willa’s heart was tender enough to change. She’d been right, of course. And now thinking about Willa being anything except her dearest friend in the world was jolting. Discombobulating, even.
Her insides pinched. She wanted so much to believe that Kieran could be the same way. That, like Willa, he deserved a second chance. She pictured the rose petals, heard his poetry, saw the kindness in his face. But the stakes were so high.
She knew she could love Kieran again, but if it didn’t work out, she wasn’t sure she could survive the heartbreak again.
“What if I’m wrong about Kieran?” Audrey asked, searching her friend’s face. “What if I just end up getting hurt again? And he rides off, like last time, leaving me in the dirt?”
“That’s a legitimate concern. He absolutely could do that. There are no guarantees he won’t.”
“Then why do I even want to risk it?”
“Because that’s what faith is. That’s what love is. You believe, even when you’re not sure what you’re going to get in return. And you trust it will work out for the best. He told you he wants a future with you, right? Then you believe him. You take the leap with him.”
Audrey groaned. That seemed like an awfully tenuous answer.
Willa smiled. “I’m just saying, think about it. In the meantime, you need to get to work, and I need to get lunch started for our guests. Would you believe, we have six more people checking in this afternoon for the Asparagus Festival.”
Audrey shimmied out of the silver dress, hugged her friend, and set off for the dealership. As she drove into town, her throat was crammed with all the words she wanted to say to Kieran.
Thank you for the roses.
I am afraid of how much I could care for you.
In five years, there’s never been anyone else.
If it wasn’t for the fact that she was behind the wheel, she would have closed her eyes in order to sift through the tangle of phrases. As it was, she pressed down the accelerator and hurried to her job.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Kieran was standing over Fletch Knudson in the dealership’s windowed conference room, pointing to a product catalog. “This is what I’m talking about, Fletch. Practical stuff, not high heels and bustiers.”
He placed his finger on the page, next to a black leather jacket—fitted and feminine, but safe as well. Next to it were thick riding gloves, tapered and sleek but completely functional. This was the way forward. The dealership was going to carry better attire for women. And it wasn’t going to ignore them as customers anymore—it was going to target them. In short, the dealership was going to execute Audrey’s ideas in full.
On the conference room table was a file folder with Kieran’s recent research on how many working female professionals there were in the area. He’d gathered statistical and demographic data, and the results were astounding. Vets, doctors, office managers, entrepreneurs—all women. Now, it was his aim to train the sales staff to target these women, plus carry stock that actually appealed to them. If they could do it, the dealership could be doubling, maybe even tripling, its profits.
Fletch smoothed his bristly moustache. He didn’t look convinced. “You say Audrey came up with this?”
Kieran nodded. “Audrey was the one who realized tha—”
He stopped as Audrey walked by the conference room on her way to the dealership floor to work. The points of her stilettos clicked on the hallway tiles, and the fringe on her cuffs fluttered like prairie grass. He stilled, surprised to see her today. He’d begun to wonder if she’d ever return at all, and if he’d have to fill the role with someone else. Frankly, a more shrewd manager would have fired her by now. Four days of calling in sick without an explanation was more than enough grounds for dismissal. Because, of course, he knew why she hadn’t been in, and it wasn’t the flu.
She’d been avoiding work so she could avoid him.
He watched her with a protective vise gripping his heart. Her athlete’s body was poured into the same jeans and fitted leather top she always wore, but he suddenly hated her attire.
He wanted her clad in safe riding clothes, not sexy ones. He wanted her to sport a helmet that would protect her incredible mind. He wanted her fingers covered by gloves so that her hands wouldn’t be soiled by the messy, dirty world around them.
He wanted her in something that reflected as much care for her insides as her outsides.
He leapt to his feet and dashed to the conference room door. Audrey saw him through the floor-to-ceiling glass and stopped. He pulled open the door. “You got a minute?” he asked. “Fletch and I were just meeting about your idea.”
Her brown eyes widened. “You mean my business idea?”
He nodded. “The very same. I was just showing him a product catalog especially for women. Wondered if you wanted to weigh in.”
Audrey’s bewilderment turned to delight in the space of a half second. And that was exactly how long it took Kieran’s heart to crumble into dust and settle at the bottom of his rib cage. If he could, he would spend his life working so that Audrey always looked this happy. He would toil for years to make her eyes glitter like this, if that was what it took.
Trying to stay focused, he ushered her into the room and seated her next to Fletch.
“Kieran was just saying you think the ladies need some different things from us,” Fletch said, the tone of his voice indicating he still wasn’t convinced. He slid the catalog over to her. “More like this?”
Audrey’s eyes flicked briefly to the pictures on the pages. “That’s just a small part of the big picture,” she replied. “Women are earning more than they ever have, and we should be going after their business. I was looking online, and did you know that one in four motorcycle riders is a woman? But when they come into our showroom, we largely ignore them. We have racks of clothes for guys, but only a few items for women, and those pieces are a joke. Bikinis, baby-doll T-shirts, ridiculous shoes. They need attire. Actual riding gear. And if we carried it—if we actually respected and acknowledged that women were more than an accessory—I think it would be good for business.”
Fletch shook his head. “I mean no disrespect, but it’s a little ironic, hearing this from a woman who we’re paying to be an accessory.”
The edges of Kieran’s vision darkened with anger. He was ready to storm Fletch, to take him by the throat and rattle him, but Audrey just laughed. “I get that,” she said, “and add to that the irony that I never would have even noticed any of this if I wasn’t out there sitting on a bike dressed like a female member of the Village People.”
Fletch chuckled. “I can’t say I’ve ever taken advice from an
yone wearing a corset. But I know you know this town. You really think this can work?”
Audrey nodded. “I do.”
Kieran wanted to pull Audrey into his arms, wanted to kiss her brilliant head and put his hands over her stunning heart, but instead he cleared his throat, businesslike. “I can recommend the initial changes, but Fletch is the one who will need to really implement them. He might need help. You up for that, Audrey?”
Audrey started. “Like really work with him on this whole thing?”
Kieran shrugged. He didn’t want to push Fletch too far, but he also knew that this project could use Audrey’s oversight. “Don’t see why not. We could get you out of those chaps and into a business suit. Full time. Salaried.”
He glanced at Fletch, whose eyebrows were arched with surprise, but at least he wasn’t angry or irritated. His gut clenched with hope. This could work.
Audrey’s thick lashes fluttered. “I don’t know. I was thinking of starting my own business. This is—I don’t know.”
She was visibly flustered, and Kieran desperately wanted to hold her, tell her to take her time deciding. “It’s all right,” he said instead. “Nothing has to be decided today. I just wanted to pull you into the conversation and make sure you knew your idea was being taken seriously.”
From across the table, Audrey trained her eyes on his. The warmth there heated him from the inside out, sent hot flames dancing along his skin.
“Thank you,” she said. “This means a lot.”
Fletch’s phone beeped, and he excused himself to answer it. Within seconds, it was just the two of them, facing each other across the wide conference room table.
Kieran glanced at the surface. It was smooth and plain and flat—the perfect surface on which to turn over his last, terrible card.
“Audrey,” he said evenly, “there’s something else I need to ask you.”
* * *
Whatever else Kieran Callaghan might say to her, Audrey wasn’t sure she was going to hear it. The stays on her corset were strained to breaking, and she couldn’t get enough air into her lungs. Her heart felt like it was expanding by the second inside her chest.
He’d offered her a job. A real job because she had an exceptional idea and he’d listened to it. If her clothes would let her, she’d dance around the conference room like a fool.
Damn this outfit, she thought.
She wanted to stretch the leather and yank off the fringe and kick away these high heels forever. But, according to Kieran, she might not have to do any of that. She could just simply set it aside, and walk away.
He’d offered her a job. No, more than that. He’d taken her idea about female customers, mulled it over, shared it with Fletch, and they’d just pulled her into a discussion about it. He wanted her to help implement it.
Good God. First the rose petals, now this.
Her breath caught again, and she started to feel light-headed. Tenderness filled her until she wondered if she’d burst. Across the table, Kieran stared at her. He’d said something about needing to talk more. Good Lord, she wasn’t sure how much more she could take.
“I know this is an odd time,” he began, his deep voice filling the empty room, “but there’s something else I need to ask you. It has to do with what I started to say on Sunday. About what happened when we first met.”
Audrey could feel her eyes widen. She thought she’d been more than clear with him that she didn’t want to talk any more about their past, and yet here he was broaching it again. And at the dealership, no less.
Kieran held up a massive hand, clearly reading her expression. “I’ll only ask you this one more time. Will you please hear me out? And when I’m done, if you need to leave, you can have the rest of the day off.”
“Why would I need that?”
“Because what I have to say doesn’t just affect me—it has to do with your family. You need to know the truth.”
“My family?” she asked. “My parents are dead. All I have is Casey.”
Kieran’s pressed his lips together so that they almost disappeared. He simply nodded—once.
Audrey’s warm excitement was instantly replaced by cold fear. It settled on her like an autumn fog rolling in from the river. Her whole body was rejecting the idea that Kieran should say anything at all. Or that what he had to say could somehow involve her sister.
Oh God, she thought, what if Kieran and Casey had fallen for each other at some point, and that was why Casey wanted her as far away from Kieran as she could get?
The idea was baffling. And horrifying. It couldn’t be true…could it?
Don’t talk anymore, she wanted to tell him. Let things be simple. Whatever happened doesn’t matter. Let’s just be friends and let it end there.
But that was an impossible idea. Willa was right. Audrey was going to have to listen to this man. And then she was going to have to pray that her heart didn’t end up dried and crumpled—in danger of being blown to oblivion from even the slightest breeze—when it was all over.
But even if it did, she had to take this chance. She had to seize this moment and face whatever it was that Kieran was trying to tell her.
Her voice shook as she tried to speak. “All right,” she said, staring at the chiseled lines of his face. “Whatever it is, let’s hear it.”
“It’s hard to know where to begin,” he said, “but I think it starts with me having a gambling problem. And needing money. That’s where your sister, Casey, comes in.”
The name of her sister on his lips was so strange. Worse was the sadness lining Kieran’s face. She wished his eyes would storm with anger, wished his muscles would clench with fury. Something about him being angry was far less scary than the sadness that was radiating off him.
Kieran took a breath. “I’d better start again.”
Audrey listened as he poured out his story, her heart plummeting farther into her body with every word until it was lodged in her heels and she was certain it would never beat inside her chest again.
“My sister?” she whispered. “She paid you to leave?”
Kieran nodded. “She thought I was a no-good. Not worthy of you. And in a way she was right, Audrey. I had a gambling problem. And I’m not sure I could have faced it if Casey hadn’t sent me packing.”
Audrey shook her head. She wanted to dislodge the information.
Kieran was a gambler. He had lost the money meant for his sick mom.
“I don’t…” She started to form a thought, then stopped. As awful as it was to think of Kieran gambling away money meant for his mom, she was somehow less addled by that than the thought that her own sister had sent Kieran packing. The notion of it had her stomach roiling with nausea. Did her sister honestly think so little of her? Could that really be true?
“So why not just tell me?” Audrey asked, swallowing back tears. “Why not just tell me the truth?”
“Because then I wouldn’t get the money,” Kieran said. “Five years ago, I had to pick the money or you and I chose...” Here, his voice trembled dangerously. He took a breath. “I chose the money.”
“But Casey knows you’re back,” Audrey said, grasping at logic. “So you violated the terms of the agreement. Only she hasn’t said anything to me.” Ergo you are lying, she thought. This is all a bunch of hooey.
“It paints us both in a bad light, so I can see why she’d wait. Only I couldn’t wait. I thought I could come back here and just stay away from you and things would be fine, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I tried talking to her, to straighten things out, but it didn’t go very well.”
“You and Casey spoke recently?” The idea was dumbfounding.
“Yes. I told her I was going to try to repair our relationship. Needless to say, she wasn’t exactly thrilled by the idea.”
Audrey was still having trouble grasping that Casey and Kieran had spoken not just five years ago, but in the recent past.
Kieran exhaled. “I knew this wouldn’t be easy for you to hear.
I know she’s your only family. But I will say this. She loves you, and she was only trying to help you. In her way.”
“By manipulating my life behind the scenes?”
“Both of us are guilty of that. Not just Casey. If I could do it over again—if I could change my decisions—I would. I’m sure Casey would, too. I want you to know that I care for you so much. I’ve never stopped.”
Kieran’s voice was gravelly with emotion. Audrey’s nerves knotted at the sound of it.
Audrey looked down at her hands. For so long, she’d wondered if she’d imagined what had transpired with Kieran all those years ago. She wondered if she’d made a mountain of emotion out of a situation that had barely been a grain of affection. If she’d imagined love, when he was imagining lust.
Turned out, she hadn’t misread him. He’d cared for her. Their affection had been mutual.
It was almost enough to wash away the fact that he’d chosen money over her.
Almost.
Part of her wanted to rush headlong into his arms, to plunge her hands into his thick hair and pull his face toward hers. She would kiss away the worry etched into his brows. She would smooth away his concerns, absolve him of their mangled past.
She closed her eyes. The other part of her wanted to push him away and continue her course of independence. She hadn’t needed Kieran Callaghan for five years, and she could let this conversation be the reason she didn’t need him again—ever.
She could do either of these things, she knew. The options were right there, tearing her heart apart in an unwinnable battle. She could wrestle with those options as much as she liked, but the one thing she could not do was think that her sister—her closest living relative—had started this avalanche of misery in Audrey’s life.
“I need time to digest all this,” she said slowly.
“Of course.”
“Honestly, I don’t know if I believe you.”
“Any part in particular?”
“About Casey. I don’t—I can’t see her doing any of this.”
Couldn’t she? No. Never.