by Tara Fuller
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Tarik said. The wind caught his dark curls and tossed them into his eyes. He pushed them away and grinned down at me. “We’re going to be late.”
“I’ve been right here.” I looked up at him, losing my breath. The chiseled line of his jaw. The way the sun reflected off his skin, making it a shade darker than honey. No wonder the other girls in the village hated me. That heartbreakingly beautiful smile was for me. Only me. I held out my hand and let Tarik help me up. He brushed the sand from my skirt, businesslike, efficient. I still flushed and felt a rush of heat flow through me. I laced my fingers through his and we headed into the village. The smell of warm baked bread wafted through windows. The cobblestone street was spotted with shiny slick dots of moisture. Tarik squinted up at the dark sky and sighed.
“I think we’re about to get wet.”
As the words left his lips, the rain started to pour. Sheets of it created a wet, blurry curtain between us and the world. I held up my hands and laughed. The water streamed down my skin, pounded against my open palms, and I loved it. Loved the sound of Tarik laughing beside me. His black hair plastered to his scalp. His white shirt becoming one with his skin. He yanked me under the ledge of a building and pressed me as close to the clay wall as he could get me.
“We’re missing dinner,” I said through a smile. Water from his chin dripped onto my nose. “Your mother will be furious.”
He smiled and pushed the wet braids back from my face, securing them behind my neck.
“I think this might be worth her wrath,” he whispered. Tarik closed the space between us and kissed me. He kissed me like he was dying and I was feeding him the oxygen he needed to survive. I’d never in my life been as consumed by another person as I was in that moment. I’d never been as in love as
I’d been in that moment. Tarik’s hands slid up the backs of my thighs and lifted me against the wall.
The rain beat against his back as he pressed into me, sheltering me from the storm.
“I don’t want to wait anymore,” he whispered into my mouth. “I want you. I want to feel the way I feel right now, forever.” He stopped to claim another kiss from my mouth and broke away when I whimpered.
“I love you, Anaya,” he said, burning me with his gaze. Water streaming down his face. “Say you love me as much as I love you.”
“I love you.” I barely got the words out before his lips crushed against mine, stealing the breath in my mouth. He tasted like rain. He tasted like what I wanted the rest of my life to taste like. And I knew in that moment that I didn’t want to wait any longer for him, either.
I gasped as the sound of voices approaching tore apart the memory and blew it from my grasp. I tried to sit back away from Cash, but his fist was closed around my dress, refusing to let me go. His eyes were so wide, his mouth half-open, the words refusing to come. Something inside the hollow of my chest was hammering. The memory. Remembering what it had felt like to be that alive. I looked up at
Cash and jerked my dress from his grip.
“No…it can’t be…” I bit my lip. “You can’t be…”
I shut my eyes, trying to compose myself as the door closed behind the footsteps entering the room.
“Anaya…what was that?” Cash whispered.
“It’s you,” Emma said, angry and surprised. “Anaya. I remember you.”
She stormed forward as if I were the enemy and not the one who had given her her memories of
Finn back.
“What are you doing here?” She glared at me before her gaze flitted to Cash. “Why did you do this to him? This is all your fault! You get that, right?”
“Em, cool it,” he said. “Anaya…was that real? That was you. That was me. I felt you.” He reached out, dazed, and placed his hand on my leg, his eyes tracing over every part of me. “I…I…”
“Hello?” Emma threw her hands up. “She did this to you! Are you forgetting about that part, Cash?
Snap out of it.”
“Emma,” Finn said, placing a sturdy hand on her shoulder. His eyes, eyes that had seen beyond forever, looked at us with a strange kind of understanding. He pulled her back a little. “Don’t.”
Emma looked back and forth between Finn and Cash, eyes wide and disbelieving. Her watery gaze finally settled on me.
“You were supposed to take him weeks ago!” She held her hand out. “He is suffering because of you. How can you just sit there and let him die? Why? I just want to know why?”
She broke into sobs and I turned away. I let my gaze settle on Cash’s face. His eyes. Tarik’s eyes.
Oh my God… I stood up, suddenly painfully aware of the demanding call of heat at my hip. “I can’t…I can’t do this now. I’m being called.”
Cash just looked at me as if he didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to say, either. I still couldn’t believe this. He couldn’t be Tarik. He couldn’t. Tarik was in Heaven. He was waiting for me.
This had to be some kind of illusion. But…it wasn’t. The memories never lied.
I turned to Emma and took a step forward until we were toe to toe. Her eyes opened a little wider, but she stood her ground, her pretty jaw clenched in fear or anger. Maybe a little of both.
“If anything happens to him while I’m gone, I will hold you responsible,” I said, my whisper like venom. “If the life is gone from his eyes when I return, then I will bring the wrath of the Almighty down on the both of you.” My eyes flicked up to Finn, who was reeling Emma into his arms, fire in his eyes like a challenge.
“Back off, Anaya,” he said. “We’ll keep him safe. You’re not the only one who gives a damn about him.”
We all turned around when we heard monitors wail behind us. Cash threw his legs over the bed, jerking IVs out of his wrist.
“Cash, what are you doing?” Emma rushed over to help him.
“I’m leaving,” he said, holding her watery gaze with his. “Are you going to help me or not? I want to go home, Em. I don’t need this hospital. And I sure as hell don’t need a babysitter, let alone three of them. Everyone needs to stop acting like I can’t take care of myself.”
I let one last look pass between Finn and me before I settled my fingers around my blade and gave in. He nodded once. I closed my eyes and dissolved into the light.
Chapter 22
Cash
“I wish you’d stay at my house, or at least let me or Finn stay here with you,” Emma said, smoothing the comforter on my bed for the millionth time.
I put my hand over hers to stop it, and her eyes drifted up to meet mine.
“Em,” I said. “I’m going to be fine. I’m not going anywhere. Not tonight anyway. You heard the doctor. He said I have a couple of weeks.”
“Why won’t you let them help? Operate? Something.” Her voice dissipated into a pained whisper.
“Anything.”
I looked across my room at Finn, who was leaning, arms folded, against the doorframe, watching us.
He looked tired. I rested my elbows on my knees and sighed.
“Finn, will you tell her?” I said. “Tell her it won’t do any good.”
He pressed his lips together and averted his green eyes to the stain on the tan carpet where I’d spilled paint a year ago.
“You don’t know that,” Emma said.
“He’s in an expired body,” Finn said softly, as if the tone behind the words would make it any better. “There is nothing anyone in this world could do to change that.”
The thought of being alone should’ve scared the crap out of me. But being surrounded by people whose eyes only reflected the fact that I was going to die scared me even more. Fear swirled around in my veins, mixing and melding with the last bit of life that flowed there. Black and red. Death and life.
My lungs made an attempt to keep up but it just resulted in me coughing until my stomach twisted into tense knots. When it subsided and I could breathe again, Emma was curled up beside me rubbing circles on my
back. A tear slid silently down her face, leaving mascara tracks on her cheeks.
“I love you, Em,” I whispered, squeezing her knee. “But I need you to go. I just want to close my eyes and forget that this is happening. Even if it’s just for a night. Besides, I’m sure Anaya will be back soon.”
“You trust her?”
I thought about that. I thought about all the reasons I shouldn’t, and still, I found myself saying, “Yes. You should, too.”
It only took a flick of my eyes to the shadow demon swirling up the leg of the nightstand to get
Emma’s attention.
“They’re here, aren’t they?” she whispered. “The shadows?”
I nodded. There wasn’t any use denying it. Finn crossed the room, his eyes following mine to the nightstand.
Breathe. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, then exhaled. I had to keep it under control. If I could keep them at a minimum, this wouldn’t be as bad. One I could handle. If a swarm of the things decided to show up, I was screwed.
“How many?” Finn asked.
“Just one.” For now.
He nodded, stepping back to the center of the room, beckoning me to follow. “All right. Enough of this. Get up.”
“What?” Emma and I said it at the same time.
“Trust me,” he said. Those should have been the two words that kept me in place, but my curiosity got the best of me. I slid off the bed and stood beside Finn.
“Now what?”
“Get the shadow to come over,” he said. “There’s still only one, right?”
I nodded, feeling sweat break out across my bow. “Why the hell would I want to do that?”
“You’re not helpless, Cash. Open your hand and focus on the power there. If you’re a shadow walker it will be there. You just need to tap into it.”
I flexed my hand and looked up at the shadow that was inching closer with each frantic beat of my heart, like it was being lured in by my panic. It finally got close enough to wrap around my ankles and
I couldn’t stop myself from shaking.
“It’s okay,” Finn whispered. “What do you feel like you could do?”
“Finn…,” Emma interjected, sounding worried.
I held up my hand. “It’s okay, Em.”
I narrowed my gaze on my fingers and a blue shimmer sparked from the tips. The shadow slithered up the leg of my jeans and without a second thought, I reached out and closed my fingers around its neck just like I’d seen Noah do. A screech rattled my eardrums and the shadow twisted under my grip.
It sizzled under my skin but it couldn’t get away, turning from smoke to sludge under my touch. When
I couldn’t stand the pain anymore, I released it and it slithered out of the open bedroom door.
Finn stared at me, wide-eyed. “Did it work? You were able to grab it, right? Force it into a corporeal state like you did with Anaya?”
I opened my trembling palm and we both stared at the angry red burn. My fingertips were blistered and my palm looked like raw meat. I swallowed. “Yeah. It worked.”
“That’s…unreal,” Finn breathed. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“You haven’t?” I gaped. “Then why the hell did you have me try it?”
“I was part of the afterlife for over seventy years and never met a shadow walker,” he said. “But I heard stories. That they could force any kind of spirit out of elemental form. Souls, shadows…why do you think everyone wants you so badly? You’re powerful, whether you want to acknowledge it or not.”
As much as my palm hurt like hell, I laughed, the sound part relief that I wasn’t completely helpless and part terror that I seemed to have one more thing in common with Noah. I still didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. God, I wished I could talk to Emma about this, but I didn’t have a doubt that if I did, Finn would know about it by morning.
“Is it gone?” Emma spoke up, her arms wrapped protectively around her middle as she searched my room for something she’d never see.
“Yeah.” I smiled and my shoulders sagged in relief. “It’s gone.”
Emma’s phone started to ring in her pocket. She slid her finger across the screen to silence it and groaned. “It’s Mom. I’ll text her and tell her I’m going to be late.”
“Don’t,” I said. “Seriously, I’m good now, guys. And I give you permission to wake me up ridiculously early as long as you promise to bake me something.”
To be honest I doubted I would have been able to keep anything down, but I knew it would make her happy if I sounded like my old self.
Emma watched me for a thoughtful moment and then leaned up to plant a soft kiss on my cheek.
“Call if you need anything. I don’t care what time it is.”
I nodded and waved to Finn as he grabbed Emma’s hand and led her out the door.
After they were gone, I lay in bed, listening to the ragged sound of my breaths. They sawed their way out of my throat before dragging back in. The room was so dark I couldn’t see my hand in front of me. Good. If the shadow demons were here, I didn’t want to know it.
I couldn’t get Anaya out of my head. Out of my bones and veins and everywhere in between. I couldn’t shake that memory. Was it real? Had that really been me, with her? God, she’d looked… she’d felt so alive. I could still taste her, and the memory didn’t even belong to me. Or did it?
My bedroom door creaked open and I tensed, fighting the urge to curl into myself under the heavy blankets. But when a breath of warmth entered the room, like a spray of invisible sunshine, I relaxed.
“I’ll tell you the same thing I told Em,” I said, watching Anaya’s shimmer appear in the dark doorway. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
“I’m not here to babysit you.” She stepped into the room, skimming her fingers on the doorframe, and stopped once she was inside. The door clicked shut behind her. I sat up and cleared my throat. I didn’t need her of all people seeing me like this. Weak. I took a deep, ragged breath, pushed the blanket off me, and stood up.
“Did you see what I saw?”
Anaya’s gold eyes lit up as they trailed over my bare chest. My heart was starting to pound. It felt good. It felt alive. I took a step closer.
“Y-you should lie down,” she said quietly.
“Answer the question.”
She looked away. I took another step closer. Close enough to feel her warmth sparking off my skin.
Close enough for those sparks to catch fire and blaze through my veins. My chest. All the places that made me weak for her. Only her. My heart was a jackhammer in my chest having her this close.
“Anaya,” I whispered through the aching need that had taken up residency in my throat.
“Yes?” She didn’t look at me. Instead she held her golden gaze on the half-open window, her profile like a work of art shimmering though the dark. The curtains glowed, brought to life by moonlight and a breeze that smelled like fresh-cut grass. I touched her chin with one fingertip and turned her face toward me.
“Tell me it was real.” I let my fingertip smooth across her jaw, down to her collarbone. A line of blue sparks trailed after my touch, stitching Anaya back to life. “I need it to be real.”
Anaya just looked at me for a moment while my fingers found their way into the braids that covered her neck. Then, slowly, she nodded.
“It was real.” She placed her open hand on my stomach and a sound escaped her throat, almost a whimper. “We…we were real.”
That was the only signal I needed. After all of the waiting. The wanting. I slid my hand up into her hair more firmly and kissed her, pushing her back until the closed door stopped us. Until there was just my weight against her. Her softness beneath me. The sense that every ounce of Anaya was filling up the empty hole in my chest. Anaya gripped the waistband of my shorts in her fists, opened her mouth beneath mine, and everything dead and dying within me roared to life. My right palm slammed into the door behind her to keep my balance and I lost mysel
f in the warm sensation of her lips. The taste of her tongue. Her fingers brushing the bare skin of my abdomen. She whimpered and suddenly she was pressed against me, knee to chest. Jesus…she was going to kill me. And I didn’t care. Anaya’s fingers slid up my stomach and I couldn’t contain the moan that left me. I needed more of her, but one nagging little thought kept interrupting perfection. Was it me she wanted, or Tarik?
“I’m not him,” I gasped, forcing myself to pull away from her mouth. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to form a coherent thought other than what does she look like under that dress?
“What?” She looked dazed, her gold eyes creating a glow around our faces in the dark.
“I mean, don’t do this because you think I’m Tarik.” I took a deep breath and looked down at her lips. “Do this because I’m me. Because you want me. Not because you want who I used to be.”
Her eyes lit me up. Drinking me in. Considering. One of her hands slid up my chest. She spread her fingers out over my sluggish heartbeat and closed her eyes.
“I want you,” she whispered. “I wanted you before I knew.”
I wanted her, too. I couldn’t remember ever wanting anyone as much as I wanted Anaya.
I closed the space between us slowly, letting her lips draw me in with their next breath. Heat bloomed in my mouth, slid down my throat. I couldn’t get enough. I pulled Anaya against my body, wondering how someone who wasn’t alive could feel warmer than me. Maybe that just showed I was more dead than alive at this point. I didn’t care.
I stumbled backward, tripping over my discarded jeans in the floor, keeping Anaya pressed against me all the way. The backs of my knees hit the edge of my mattress and my pulse pounded a little harder. I was never nervous when I had a girl this close to my bed. But Anaya wasn’t just a girl. She wasn’t a girl at all. She was…everything. I kissed her harder, needing to be closer to her than I’d ever been to anyone. Heart pounding out of control, knowing I was this close to having her after wanting her for so long.