Dance For Me

by Alice Dee

  “Mind?”

  “Yeah,” she said, fidgeting with her hands. “Like, did I just force myself on you?”

  “What’re you talking about? Of course not. You’re my daughter.”

  Tristan sat up and laced her hands together.

  “What about Josephine? Does it bother her that I’m here? Maybe you two want to live alone…”

  Dan shook his head.

  “Absolutely not, Tristan. Josephine loves you. We both do and she doesn’t mind you living with us at all. Why would you think that?”

  Tristan shrugged.

  “I don’t know. I mean you’re retired and all, you came here to start a new life with your wife.”

  He reached over and rubbed her arm.

  “No baby, no. You could never be a burden to us. However,”

  “However what?”

  “You don’t want to live with us forever, do you? If Dominic is the one, you should consider moving ahead with him. If not, let him go.”

  Tristan shrugged.

  “I’m still young. I just don’t know if I’m really ready to commit. I mean, it scares me. One guy for the rest of my life? I mean right now?”

  He looked at her understandingly.

  “Honey, if that’s what you’re feeling, you need to let him know. Poor guy. Don’t string him along. Dominic is a good guy. He doesn’t deserve to be misled.”

  Tristan stared at the chocolate and vanilla swirl carpet for a moment. She thought of Dominic and that gnawing suspicion about his next door neighbor. She didn’t like the way Dominic was looking at her. She could even sense Dominic getting all awkward around Hope. The thought of Dominic with his neighbor or any girl for that matter made her sick. No way would she let Hope or anyone even think they had a chance.

  “I was so mean to him tonight,” she mumbled. “I was a bitch.”

  “You need to make up your mind. Do you want a life with him or not?”

  “Yes,” she said. “Yes, I do.”

  “Then apologize and make things right again.”

  “How?”

  “I don’t know,” he chuckled. “Only you know that.”

  “You’re right.” Tristan got up, knelt down to kiss her dad’s cheek and went upstairs to shower. She came back down the stairs a half hour later in jeans and a sweater unzipped to show off her pushed up boobs. Josephine was home now, crocheting booties for a friend’s baby.

  “Goin out?” her dad asked over his shoulder.

  “Yeah. Don’t wait up, I’ll be back tomorrow after work.” With her overnight bag hanging off her arm, skimpy lingerie stuffed inside, Tristan went to the refrigerator for water, grabbed her car keys off the counter and left for the night.

  14… Rooftop Angeles

  Dominic walked around side of his apartment building and climbed the iron ladder that led up to the roof top. He liked it up there where it was quiet and tranquil, no one around to interrupt his thoughts. He hadn’t been up there in weeks but tonight he needed to be for some moments of serenity, to try to piece together the puzzle. He always tripped out on how black the sky was and how many stars he could see. Back home the stars were hardly visible ever, except for some clear winter and summer nights.

  He looked down from the sky that was beginning to cloud and stopped in his tracks when he saw Hope sitting on the edge of the building, her legs hanging on either side of the wall. She was wearing one of her long dresses but had it hiked halfway up her thighs, the sheer apricot materiel tucked between her legs. That haze surrounding her made her appear like a haloed angel.

  “What’re you doing up here?” he asked, feeling like this was probably a dream.

  Startled by his voice she turned her head which had been facing the other direction. She was just as surprised to see Dominic up there. He smiled really making her inner rain begin to come down. Her head was bubbled by a cloud of smoke.

  “I didn’t know you smoke,” he said, walking up toward her.

  “I don’t smoke.”

  “Then what’s that?”

  “It clears my head.” She leaned her head against the wall and put the joint to her lips. She was collected on the outside but heaven only knew how she felt on the inside…

  Dominic’s heart started beating faster, intensified by her presence. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, placing them on the ledge. He was on a high too.

  “Here I was thinking I was the only one who knew about this place.”

  “Mm hmm,” she said, nodding and taking in a lungful of smoke. She held out her hand.

  “Nah, I don’t. I mean there’s nothing wrong with it I just don’t do it myself.”

  Hope shrugged and turned her head to the side, staring out at the sparking strip of lights in the not too far distance, all surrounded by a sea of pitch blackness.

  “It’s been a long night.”

  Hope nodded. “For you and me both.” All she wanted was to forget about tonight.

  “How long have you been up here?” he asked, trying not to stare at her legs but thieving a glimpse here and there.

  “Like twenty minutes.”

  Dominic smiled.

  His smiled tickled her insides. She just couldn’t take it. It felt so good it felt bad.

  “I better go,” she said finishing what was left of the joint. She mashed out the roach. The end of the joint always tasted bitterly nasty. She swung her leg over the wall and hopped down, letting the material drape her legs down just passed her calves.

  “Nice talking to you,” he said over his shoulder.

  She twirled around, sandals in hand and caught him looking over his shoulder.

  “You drink?”

  Hope rolled her eyes up to the sky.

  “Occasionally, I guess. Why?”

  “My mom sent me this stuff. It’s like, this liquid that you like, mix with vodka. It’s kind of fruity.”

  “Fruity is good.”

  “No, I mean the other kind of fruity.”

  “Uh huh…” she pulled her lips into a smile.

  “Maybe you and your friend would like it.”

  “Is that an offering?”

  He shrugged. “Yeah.”

  “Ok, I’ll give it a try.”

  “I’ll get it for you now because I will forget about it.”

  Dominic led Hope down the iron ladder, climbing down first and helping her out as if she needed the help. They walked around the building in silence. She stopped at a leaky faucet to rinse her feet and strap her sandals back on. Dominic politely let her walk up the stairs ahead of him. He tried his hardest to not look at her in that way, to not notice her fragile frame, her backside, her back, her body as a whole. His dick was going haywire telling him to feel one way while his head told him to feel another.

  “Come in,” he said after unlocking his door. “I’d feel rude just leaving you out here.”

  Hope paused, thinking about where that could lead…or not, hesitantly agreed and warily stepped inside. He closed the door behind her and went into the kitchen, divided by wall with a huge rectangular cut out. She could see him looking through cabinets for the drink. She stayed put in the middle of his living room and checked out her surroundings. His furniture was ugly. He had a coffee table that looked like he’d found it in the dump and a beat up box under his TV. The TV was probably the only thing new in that living room. He had sweet scented candles in glass jars all over that were probably placed there by his girlfriend.

  Hope’s eyes roamed the walls and pictures of Dominic and people she assumed were family. She curiously strolled into the kitchen and saw a picture on the refrigerator of Dominic with Tristan, her breasts pushed up against his face. Hope rolled her eyes. Tristan was such an obvious whore.

  “Here it is.” He turned the bottle around and looked it over. He handed it to Hope.

  She took the bottle in her hand, the liquid dark and purple, with a slightly blue hue.

  Tristan got off her car, set the alarm and walked across the parking l
ot to the staircase leading up to Dominic’s apartment, her heels clanking with every step. She fixed her hair into place with her hands and knocked on the door. She would definitely be asking for her own key tonight. That was a step in the right direction, surely. She waited a moment, knocked again. She could see that his light was on through the blinds.

  “Are you expecting someone?” Hope asked with apprehension that it was Tristan.

  Dominic froze. “Hold up a sec.” He went to the door hoping it wasn’t Tristan. But when he opened the door he saw that it was Tristan, and worse, she had her overnight bag with her. Without giving her the slightest implication to come in, he stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

  “What’re you doing here?”

  Tristan expected him to be mad but knew she could use her female prowess to change his attitude.

  “I’m sorry about tonight Dominic. I’ve come to my senses.”

  “Just like that?”

  “I said some things I shouldn’t of. I mean the things about your father-”

  “Tris, please!” he said in frustration.

  “I’m trying to apologize. I want to make it up to you.” She reached for his hand. “I want to stay the night. I’ve been thinking,” she went on.

  All Dominic could think about was getting her out of there.

  “I want to move in.”

  “Where is this coming from? I thought I was just some sad dog that followed you here?”

  “I didn’t mean that. I’ve been thinking about it and you’re right,” she said with a huge smile. “What was I thinking? I want to. I want to live with you. What do you think?”

  “I- uh…“ Dominic shrugged. She was confusing him more and more. “I just need some time. You know?”

  She noticed the sweater he was wearing and lowered her brows.

  “Are you going somewhere?”

  “No. Look, we’ll talk about this later. But I just need time to myself right now. I just need space. Just tonight.”

  “So you don’t want me to stay?”

  “It’s not that I don’t want you to,” he lied. “It’s just, it’s getting late. I just want to sleep this whole thing off. I just need to be alone tonight. Please Tristan, don’t take it personal. I just need my space.”

  She nodded. “Okay. All right baby, I understand.”

  This was almost too easy.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow during lunch okay?” She put her arms around him and stood on her toes to give him kiss. It was like kissing a mannequin. She backed away and looked at him funny.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” he promised.

  “Okay. I really am sorry from the bottom of my heart, believe me? I really love you Dominic.”

  “I love you too.”

  Tristan sort of smiled and waved to him as she walked down the stairs. Dominic sighed with relief and watched her get into her car. She stayed there for a moment and then the car started and she drove off. He felt bad for lying to her but at the same time he felt it was worth it because of what was standing inside his kitchen at that very moment.

  Dominic came back inside and saw Hope standing in the same spot with the bottle in her hands.

  “Was that your girlfriend?” Her smile was from cheek to cheek, lips together.

  He wanted to lie but his expression had already given him away.

  “She just stopped by real quick.”

  There were too many seconds of silence. He was scratching or tugging at his ear, she was still smiling but trying not to. Something unspoken was swirling in the air.

  “Okay. Well thanks for this,” she said, holding the bottle up toward him for a second. “I’d better get going.”

  “Work night, huh?”

  “I was already at work.” She cringed at the memory of earlier tonight.

  “All right, well Miss Hope, see you soon I hope.”

  She smiled and walked toward the door, he opened it for her. It was disappointing; he totally sent Tristan home in exchange for a couple of extra minutes with Hope. Not good.

  “Have a good night,” she said.

  But her smile and vibe made it feel worth it.

  “You too.”

  He stared while she walked a few feet away to her own door. He would stand there and watch her till she sunk in the darkness of her apartment but she would think he was a creep so he closed his door and smirked to himself, thinking about her.

  15… Crap

  Tristan watched hair strand ribbons of yellow-orange bile swirl in the toilet bowl like dye in water. Her legs were folded underneath her while her hands were squeezing down on her knees. Thick drool slimed off her bottom lip and glopped into the toilet bowl. She reached for a piece of bath tissue and wiped her mouth. Her eyes closed and she flushed away the bile, wiped her wet eyes with the back of her hand. She didn’t get up right away but stayed in front of the toilet until she was sure she was done, that everything in her stomach had come up. She rinsed her mouth, the water sweet against the bitterness on her tongue, and tiptoed to her bedroom. She closed the door behind her and dialed her work number from her cell phone. She felt better now but was going to call off anyway.

  She knew. She couldn’t explain how if she had to, but she knew what she knew. Tristan crawled into bed and pulled her blanket under her chin, staring blankly at the ceiling. She had been waiting for her period but it wasn’t coming and it was already going on month two. She should have been getting passed her second period by now. Her nipples were sore and her stomach never felt settled. A wave of sickness swept her again but this time it was less physical; she felt sick because she knew exactly what was going on in her body.

  Tristan stayed in bed until eleven, getting up once she was sure her dad and Josephine were out of the house. She went downstairs and fixed herself some crackers and cheese, a glass of fruit juice and dialed Charla’s number. Charla answered after the third ring.

  “I need you to come over. Something’s wrong.”

  “Are you at home?”

  “Yes. I need you to come over.”

  “I can swing by after work.”

  “No, on your lunch.”

  “Are you all right?”

  “No I’m not.” Tristan dropped the butter knife she was holding and covered half of her face with her hand. She started sobbing which scared Charla.

  “I’ll be there in thirty minutes, okay? Just wait for me.”

  “Don’t lag!”

  Tristan hung up, stared at her car keys thrown on the tiled counter. She had to be sure. She grabbed them and her purse and got into her car, drove to the drugstore to buy a pregnancy test. When she got there, there were so many different brands she didn’t know which to choose. She grabbed the most expensive one and the cheapest, a Gatorade, quickly paid and bolted out of the store. She got home at 11:25, went into the downstairs bathroom and did her thing, anxiously waiting.

  Charla let herself in Tristan’s house, calling out her name. She found Tristan in the kitchen sitting at the table with a troubled expression on her face.

  “Sup girly?”

  Tristan had tears running down her cheeks and her eyes were red like she’d been crying for a while.

  “What’s wrong?”

  She held something out to Charla. Charla took the stick from Tristan’s hand.

  “Oh my Gawd, you’re-“

  “Don’t say it.”

  “Well, this is a good thing! Right?” She raised her eyebrows. “Right, Tristan?”

  “No! I’m not ready to be a mom! And Dominic? Dominic’s not ready to be a dad!”

  “Have you told him?”

  “No,” she sobbed. “I don’t even know how to handle this myself!”

  “Calm down,” Charla coached. “Take it easy, just breathe.” She pulled a chair and stared at the two pink lines in the little window of the plastic stick. “Maybe it’s wrong.”

  “It’s not.” She handed her another stick with a blue plus sign. “That means
baby.”

  Charla got up, spat her gum in the trash and sat back down.

  “You shouldn’t tell him yet. You should think about what you want to do about this first.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Charla leaned forward. “Guys are possessive. Knowing Dominic, he’ll force you to keep the baby if you don’t want to.”

  Tristan looked at Charla’s hair. It was in an up ‘do that resembled a honey bun.

  “What if I wanna keep it?”

  “Yeah, what if you want to keep it and he doesn’t want it?”

  “Dominic’s not that kind of guy.”

  “You don’t know that. You said you’ve been having a lot of problems, right?”

  “Yeah but this is a baby. I would think he would want me to keep it.”

  “Uh huh,” Charla said skeptically. “Guys want you to think that. That is, until the situation arises. You know how guys are. They’ll say whatever they need to till they have you where they want you. Once you get knocked up, that’s it. They vanish. They run with their tails between their legs.”

  “I don’t know what I’ve done. I had this feeling but I hoped and hoped it wasn’t…what should I do?”

  Charla squeezed her friend’s arm.

  “We’ll figure it out. I’ll help you. I’ll support whatever it is you want to do.”

  Tristan put her hands over her face.

  “I don’t know what to do! I can’t have a baby, I can’t! I’m not ready for that!”

  “Breathe,” Charla reminded her. “Just take slow deep breaths. If you don’t want this baby, take care of it. You may not even have to tell him. How would he ever know?”

  Tristan spread her fingers and peeked at Charla through them.

  “I don’t know if I could do that.”

  “Take care of it or not tell him?”

  “I’m not ruling anything out.” She moved her hands from her face which had not a lick of makeup. She always pounded it on so this was a big difference.

  “Well this is something you need to think about long and hard.”

  “Have you ever had one, an abortion?”

  Charla pressed her lips together.

  “Once, yeah. It was in high school.”