A Late Hard Frost

by Stephanie Joyce Cole

  Though he didn’t look towards her, she saw his profile clearly. Her eyes widened and she stepped quickly to the back of the deck, hissing a curse. Brian. Brian was still here in Homer. She ducked through the door, back into the warmth and noise of the restaurant, and pressed her back against the wall. He hadn’t seen her, she was sure of it, but she would wait a while, wait until she could glance out and make sure he was gone.

  He looked utterly drunk, and it wasn’t yet noon. She bit her lip and slipped through the crowd to sit at a tiny table that had just been vacated by the parka-wearing couple. So Brian was still here. She frowned and tried to recall her conversation with Moira as well as she could. Moira was done with Brian, that much had been clear, but she hadn’t said that Brian had left Homer. Maybe he was going to stick around. Who knows, maybe he was hoping to squirrel his way into Moira’s good graces and get back together with her, though getting stinking drunk in the middle of the morning didn’t seem like much of a good strategy in that direction.

  Cass pressed the back of her hand into her forehead and closed her eyes. This morning had unfolded with too many twists and turns. As soon as she was sure Brian was gone, she was going to head home. No more stops.

  Chapter 16

  Living in Dreamer’s cabin was cramped and cold, but Nick shrugged that off. Cindy and Kevin were ensconced in the cabin, awaiting completion of the repairs on the apartment in town, and Nick saw them every day.

  This morning he was a bit later than usual. He’d taken on some work on the side, helping Nelson with repairs on his fishing rigs. It didn’t pay a lot, but it would give him a little extra money. And a little extra was certainly welcome. He didn’t resent taking care of his family, but the costs added up. He’d paid off part of Cindy’s credit card bill, enough to get the company off her back for the time being, and he’d gone by Sweenie’s and paid that bill too. They hadn’t carried much with them from California, and though he’d accommodated their needs as best he could from his own wardrobe, new jackets, gloves and hats that fit them were in order. It was cold for them, even though it was technically spring in Homer. They had to have some sturdy shoes, too, not the flimsy sandals Cindy brought or the broken-down sneakers that were almost falling off Kevin’s feet. And after Cindy had slammed her cell phone into the bed in frustration, he realized that her phone service had been cut off, so he’d put her on his plan. It all added up. In a good season, his income from fishing paid the bills, but there usually wasn’t much left over for the unexpected.

  Cindy was still aloof, not making any commitments about how long they’d be staying, not saying anything about her thoughts for the future, if she even had any. If Nick asked anything that hinted of the future, she’d just shrug and turn away. He gave her the space, figuring she was still angry with him, and a bit lost about her situation, but he wished she would let him help her figure things out. He wished, too, that she would show a little gratitude for the help he was trying to offer.

  But with Kevin it was different. Kevin always glommed onto him as soon as he arrived at the cabin, with stories to tell, questions to ask, looking for Nick to sweep him up and give him a ride on his shoulders even before Nick could take off his jacket.

  “Grandpa, Grandpa, lift me up!” He held out his arms, practically quivering with excitement, his face alight. Nick hadn’t asked Kevin to call him grandpa, but he delighted in hearing it.

  Nick swung him around in a circle, Kevin giggling all the time. When he put him down, Kevin ran to the table. “Can we play Snakes and Ladders again, Grandpa?” He waved the box in the air, scattering game tokens on the floor.

  “Sure, sure, Kevin. Why don’t you set it up while I talk to your mom for a few minutes?” Cindy hadn’t looked up from the couch, where she was hunched over a magazine.

  He stared into her rigid face. She looked a little better now. The dark circles under her eyes weren’t as pronounced, but she still seemed to spend a lot of time sleeping or huddled in front of the fire. “Do you want to go into town? Do you need some more groceries? I can take you down to the store this morning, if you like.”

  She shrugged. “I guess.” She pushed herself into a more upright position, and ran her long, elegant fingers through her dark, tangled hair.

  Nick saw Anya in that gesture. He’d long since put his life with Anya behind him, but he wondered how much of her had been transplanted into Cindy. Cindy had lived with Anya all her life, up to the time that Jackson’s abuse had come to light. It appeared it wasn’t just Anya’s dark, exotic looks that Cindy had inherited, but Anya’s attitude of entitlement too.

  He blamed himself for the breakup of his marriage, but it was complicated. His total focus on his work, his need to compete and come out on top, had left him with little to offer to Anya. She had money, of course, lots of it, and she loved that, but he hadn’t given her much else. In retrospect, he could see how self-centered and selfish she had always been, but he certainly had done his part to destroy their chances to make the marriage work. After the divorce, Anya had carved away at his relationship with Cindy, and finally he had just given up. In the end, he realized all too well, they had both failed Cindy.

  Cindy pushed herself off the sofa cushions and shuffled to the sink, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. Kevin was happily plunking game pieces onto the table, muttering quietly to them as he set them up. “You go there, no, not there…and you go there.” Nick cleared his throat.

  “Maybe, on the way back, we could drop in and say hello to Cass.” He saw Cindy’s back stiffen, and knew what her answer would be even before she spoke.

  “Maybe you could drop us at the store before you go over there. Kevin might mess something up, there with all her…stuff.”

  It was a lame excuse but he bit back his retort. The resistance on both their parts to having anything to do with each other was unyielding. Cindy looked away or changed the subject when Nick mentioned Cass. And Cass mostly ignored anything Nick reported about Cindy and Kevin, putting on that icy, standoffish face, staring into space, not responding. He’d never seen two people dislike each other so quickly and completely. He was torn between them, and he didn’t know how he was going to fix it.

  “Grandpa, it’s ready!” Kevin’s face beamed at him as he climbed up into a chair. “We can play now.”

  Nick grinned and ruffled Kevin’s shock of red hair as he took the opposite chair. Somehow, he was going to have to figure it all out.

  ***

  The next morning, Nick arrived a little after eight to drive Cindy and Kevin into town. Cindy was still knocking around in the bathroom, getting ready, and Kevin sat at the kitchen table in front of a bowl of Cheerios and milk, splashing and sloshing more than eating. Nick rubbed the top of Kevin’s head and looked around. Since Cindy and Kevin settled in, the cabin looked different. Cindy’s black sweater was spread out to dry on a towel near the sink. Kevin’s few toys were mostly corralled in a cardboard box near the foot of the bed, but the sit-in plastic car that Nick had found at the Goodwill was parked in the middle of the braided rug. Nick wheeled it into a corner. Kevin’s drawings were taped to the refrigerator. Nick smiled at the new stick drawing of a large moose (at least he thought the brown mass with four stick legs was a moose) chasing two other stick figures into a house.

  He sat down across from Kevin, brushing toast crumbs on the table to one side with his hand. “Hey, Kev, nice picture. Did a moose come after you?”

  Kevin grinned and shook his head. He swung his spoon out of the cereal bowl and droplets of milk splattered across the table, a couple of them landing on the back of Nick’s hand. Kevin frowned at them, as if he wondered where they’d come from. “Nope, but we saw one. No, two.” He held up two fingers, high over his head. “But we stayed away, like you said, Grandpa.” He rubbed his finger over the closest milk spot. “It was big.”

  “Yep.” He could listen to Kevin all day long. They could just sit here, and Kevin would talk, and Nick would be as happy as a clam. His he
art swelled with every “Grandpa” that slipped out of Kevin’s mouth.

  But it was time to get going. Susanna would be waiting for them, with the keys to the apartment. It was nearly ready for them, the remodeling and repairs mostly finished. It was tiny and not luxury digs, but he hoped that seeing it, seeing that they could have their own place, would generate a little bit of enthusiasm for their staying in Homer, if only for a while longer. Kevin would like looking down onto the street from the kitchen bay window. But then, he wasn’t worried about Kevin. These days, Kevin had bright eyes and a big smile for anything that came his way, but Cindy was another story. Despite all his efforts, she still answered most of his questions with an indifferent shrug. Nothing he did seemed to have an effect on the giant chip on her shoulder. But still, they’d stayed. They were here and every day he felt the longing in him grow, the longing to keep them here.

  Today, though, he had a surprise for them, awaiting near the apartment. He was pleased with himself, happy that he’d thought of another way to make them feel more comfortable, more at home.

  He drifted to the pile of paper on the tiny table near the front door. Envelopes and junk mail teetered in a messy stack. Cindy must have picked up the mail yesterday from the mailbox down by the highway. He shuffled through them, dropping the junk into the trashcan, pulling aside the few envelopes that were worth opening.

  He paused and frowned at an envelope with a return address from the clinic. It was addressed to Cassandra, followed by “care of Nick Dubanski.” It had been torn open. He pulled out the contents. It was a doctor’s bill, the remainder of the charges for Cass’s latest visit that weren’t covered by her scanty health insurance. He frowned, tapping the edge of the paper against his palm. Cass had reluctantly agreed to have the bills sent to him, at least for now. She’d argued that she could pay for the charges herself as soon as the tourist season revved up and her work started to sell, but she hadn’t argued when he insisted that he at least front the payments, for now. It only made sense. They’d figure the rest of it out later, he told her.

  He shoved the torn envelope into his pocket and turned as the bathroom door creaked open. He’d talk to Cindy about opening his mail, but that would have to wait. If they didn’t get going, they’d be late.

  Cindy was, as usual, dressed entirely in black: jeans, a T-shirt with a logo so faded it was unreadable, unlaced boots. A ghost of a smile slipped over her face when she first saw him, but in an instant it was gone, her lips pulled straight and tight. She nodded briefly in his direction, moving over to Kevin. “Kev, what a mess you’ve made.” She ruffled his hair and grabbed his bowl and spoon, taking them to the sink, returning to drop a wet sponge in front of him. “Wipe off that table, little man.” Kev happily smeared the milk and bits of cereal around the tabletop. Nick smiled to himself. Whatever else what going on with Cindy, she seemed to have this motherhood thing down.

  They didn’t talk much on the ride to town. It was a perfect bright blue June day. A fresh sea-smelling breeze danced among the clumps of new grass by the road and riffed through the pale green growth tipping the branches of the birch trees. Kevin was on the lookout for moose, squirming against the seat belt strapped over his booster seat as he searched the horizon right and left. Cindy stared at a spot on the far horizon, seemingly lost in thought. Nick did think she was looking a little better, less tense, less exhausted.

  Susanna was waiting for them on the apartment stoop, squatting cross-legged with her pretty, blonde head tipped up towards the warm sun. She hugged each of them in turn, even though she was meeting Cindy and Kev for the first time. Cindy looked a little surprised and kept her arms stiffly at her sides, but Kevin seemed delighted to be enveloped in a new set of arms. Susanna led them up to the apartment and burbled away as she opened doors, turned taps on and off, and pointed out the thermostat. The apartment was tiny but newly painted a bright white, with pale blue curtains over the windows that looked out over the main street. “It’s not noisy, even though the street is right below you. We splurged on really good windows.” Susanna tugged one of the windows that refused to open and Nick moved over to help her. “And there’s a parking space for you, right next to the stairwell.”

  “Well, thanks, but we don’t have a car.” They were the first words Cindy had uttered, though she’d been scrutinizing all aspects of the apartment from every angle as they walked through.

  “But I thought…” Susanna looked from Cindy to Nick.

  Nick cleared his throat. “Well, Cindy, that’s a little bit of a surprise for you and Kev. I have a friend who’s leaving Alaska for a few months and, ah, I arranged to borrow his car for you two. So you can get around on your own.” It wasn’t the way he’d intended to tell them about the car. He rubbed his hands together, buying a little time, searching for the right words. “It’s really an old clunker, but I’ve had it checked out, and it’s safe. I’ve already got the insurance arranged, so you can start driving it anytime.”

  Susanna had discretely slipped outside the front door, mumbling about needing to make a phone call. Cindy held Kev’s hand and stood absolutely still. Nick watched as her eyes filled with tears.

  ***

  On the drive back to the cabin, Kevin bounced up and down on the front bench seat between them. He was singing some silly kid’s song, unaffected by the deep silence that had settled between Nick and Cindy. Cindy stared out the window, her head averted away from Nick.

  He didn’t know what he’d expected from her when he’d told told her about the car. It was good news, right? But she’d just nodded, two curt nods, her eyes swimming in tears, and then she’d turned away. Not even a thank you. They’d quickly left the apartment, waving a hurried goodbye to Susanna who was still outside talking on her cell phone.

  Nick cleared his throat. “Cindy,” he began, and then paused. “I, ah, I thought you’d welcome having a car. But if you don’t want it, that’s fine too. It’s not a big deal.”

  Of course, it was a big deal, but she was still a mystery to him, so he took a mental step back, reining in his disappointment. When he glanced away from the road at her, she was still staring out the side window.

  She turned towards him, and her eyes, for once, were soft. “Dad, it’s good. It’s…really good.” He watched as she swallowed hard and turned back to face the window.

  Back at the cabin, he sat on the front step in the sunshine, waving away hovering mosquitoes, waiting while she settled Kevin for his nap. After a few minutes, she dropped down next to him. They both raised their faces up to catch the sunlight. Nick bided his time: Whatever was going on, she needed to come out with it.

  “The car is great.” Her voice was gravelly. “And the apartment is nice. Kevin loves it here.” She stretched her long legs out in front of her. “You’ve done a lot for us.”

  He took it as a thank you. “You’re my family. And you’re welcome.” He resisted the urge to reach over and hug her.

  “It’s been hard for us.” She rubbed her forefinger against a spot on her front of her black jeans. “We haven’t been able to rely on anybody for such a long time. And I haven’t done a very good job of taking care of us.”

  She pulled her legs in close to her body and wrapped her arms tightly around them. “It’s not easy for me to take help. I don’t like weak people and I didn’t want to be one. And I was pretty pissed at you, and I didn’t want your help after everything that happened. What you let happen. But I had no choice.”

  He bit back a sharp reply. Her words weren’t artful, but they were probably honest.

  “So, anyway, I’m not sure where we go from here but…well…thank you.”

  Damn it, he couldn’t help it, he did reach for her then, half expecting her to pull away, but she didn’t. She didn’t hug him back, but she let him pull her close for a moment. His own voice sounded gruff. “Cindy, you’re my family. You must know I’d do anything to change what happened and the mistakes I made, but I can’t. What’s past is past, and you and
Kev are here now. And well…” he paused for several heartbeats. “Well, you must know I love you both.”

  He heard her gulp down a sob as she turned away, but she nodded.

  He leaned back onto his elbows, his heart swelling. It was enough, for now.

  ***

  He headed into town for some take-out hamburgers while Cindy roused Kevin from his nap. He grinned at the dusty road ahead, the ravens circling above, the oncoming cars. It was a good day.

  When he got back, greasy sacks in hand, Kev was whacking at a tall patch of weeds next to the cabin with a crooked birch branch, jumping back and forth and shouting out warnings to invisible enemies. “Get away! He-yah! Get back!” Nick waved as he walked by and left him to it.

  Cindy was setting the kitchen table with paper plates and napkins. Nick resisted the urge to give her another hug. Better not rush things.

  She passed him a cup of fresh coffee. She frowned into her own cup and bit at her lower lip.

  “When we were in town yesterday, just walking around, we saw…Cassandra.” She curled her lips as if Cass’ name had left a bad taste in her mouth. “She’s very beautiful.”

  “Yes, she is.” Nick waited, puzzled.

  “And she’s pregnant.” Cindy’s voice was flat.

  “Yes, I told you that she is.” Where was Cindy going with this?

  “Dad…are you sure it’s yours?”

  “What?” The word exploded from Nick’s mouth. “Of course, I’m sure. What are you getting at?”

  Cindy’s eyes turned hard and her face settled into sharp planes, as she wiped her hands on the dishtowel. “I don’t get it. She’s young and beautiful, and you’re old enough to be her father. And she just makes that clay stuff. She can’t make much money. Don’t you wonder if she’s taking advantage of you? That she just needs you to take care of her and this baby? Maybe she’s using you?”