Chasing Superwoman
Page 17
But I never try to impress Doug. It’s not even intentional. It’s just a gift. I think God knows that we are all people pleasers by nature, so He makes sure we have at least one person in our lives that we don’t have to impress. In my case, I’m lucky enough to have that person be my husband.
Here’s the other thing about Doug—he hates when people try to impress him. So when Lady Lawyer drags him to cocktail parties and social events, he drags his feet reluctantly, never follows the dress code, and ends up spending half the night talking to the bartender about the baseball playoffs or the newest movie. He really doesn’t care what people think about him, and he won’t try to impress anyone. He doesn’t even try to put on a happy face and fake it. So he ends up telling strangers that they have lousy fashion, or he tells the neighbors that he hates the color of paint on their shutters or that new car they just bought is overpriced and overrated. He just tells it like he sees it. The good news? You always know what you’re going to get. I have dozens of names for myself, but only one for him. He’s just Doug. He knows who he is, and who he isn’t.
Sometimes I really hate labels too. At least once a week, someone accuses me of being Superwoman. The problem is, I don’t want to be Superwoman. Superwoman has been thrust upon me. What are my options anyway? It’s either suck it up and be Superwoman, or change my lifestyle, move out to the country, quit working, and join the PTA. I know it’s not that black and white. Sometimes it just feels that way.
Nonjudging Jane likes to ask people, “Who are you?” It’s a trick question, of course, but she asks it to make a point.
Most people respond, “I’m a teacher,” or “I’m a mother.”
Nonjudging Jane will respond back, “No, that’s what you do. Who are you?”
It’s been awhile since I’ve thought hard about who I am, but most of us have our identity wrapped up in what we do. We’re totally performance driven. For working mothers, it’s easy for us to wrap our identity up in our careers, but it’s just as easy to wrap our identities into being mothers. Not just any mother, but a good mother with obedient—even doting—children. That is why most of us who work outside the home are utterly crushed when we see our children suffering because we work. What does that say about our identity as mothers?
So while I want to be judged on what I do—not some ridiculous label—I think I might crack if my entire identity rides on my performance. As much as I pretend to be Superwoman, my daily life (let alone my experience on airplanes) confirms that it’s just not possible to do it all.
This is where grace comes in. As a child of God, I don’t have to earn anything. I am holy, blameless, forgiven, and even redeemed by the blood of Jesus. This doesn’t give me a license to screw up; it just gives me the freedom to be the best wife, mother, and lawyer that I can be.
Think of the one thing in life you have always wanted to do. Climb a mountain? Go back to school? Start your own business? Even write a book? What if you knew the end result? Before you ever went back to school, you could see your diploma just sitting there, waiting for you. And your report card is sitting right next to it to prove your success—straight As! Now, think how much confidence you would have to go back to school. You don’t have to worry about failure, you just have to focus on learning and doing your best. Or what if you knew your book was going to be on the best-seller list before you even wrote it? Wow, what a motivation to write! It doesn’t mean it won’t be hard and tedious to write the manuscript. You’ll go through lots of revisions and you’ll be that much more motivated just because you know it will be a success. In fact, you’ll even work harder because you recognize the awesome privilege of having a large readership.
So Jane was right after all; it’s not what I do that defines who I am. It’s whose I am, not who I am. I know how the story ends. It ends in the arms of Jesus. It ends with grace, not guilt. And rather than floundering against the waves, I can hold still and float (even flow) with the current.
I love to read my kids the story of Punchinello.2 Punchinello is a Wemmick who is always getting bad marks. You see, the Wemmicks are wooden people, all made by the woodworker, Eli, and they go around all day putting stars and dots on one another. The stars signify good performance, while the dots represent bad marks. Punchinello has lots of dots. One day he meets another Wemmick, Lucia, who has no stars or dots. “How can this be?” wonders Punchinello. Then Lucia tells him that it’s easy—she goes to see the woodworker, Eli, every day and spends time with him. Lucia doesn’t care what the other Wemmicks think—they’re just Wemmicks after all. But Punchinello still isn’t sure. He is completely terrified to go see Eli.
Yet he just can’t live in a world of stars and dots, so he decides to take the plunge to go and visit Eli. Punchinello finally decides, “I don’t want anyone’s stars or dots.” So he goes to visit the woodworker, Eli. Just as he begins to understand his true identity, one of the dots falls off like magic.
Like Punchinello, I can’t live up to anyone’s expectations, including my own. The good news? I don’t have to. The more I spend time with my maker—following the Spirit and floating in the river—the less I worry about what other people think.
Maybe Trusting Tracy was right after all. Floating sounds exhilarating, but sometimes I’m just not sure I can let go. The irony, of course, is that when I let go and rest in God’s grace, I finally experience the freedom I’ve been longing for. As David Benner explains,
Floating is a good illustration of this, because you cannot float until you let go. Floating is putting your full weight on the water and trusting that you will be supported. It is letting go of your natural instincts to fight against sinking. Only then do you discover you are supported.3
Have I gotten to the point where I don’t care what anyone thinks? Of course not. But I don’t sit around worrying about what God thinks about me. I know what He thinks. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”4 And approaching life like a river has given me an overwhelming sense of relief. I don’t have to be Superwoman anymore. In fact, I don’t even want to be Superwoman. From what I can tell, Superwoman doesn’t exactly have Jesus on speed dial. And she’s running, not floating.
I’m tired of running.
So instead of chasing Superwoman, I’m thanking God for His grace and trusting the Spirit to carry me through the waters of motherhood.
What about you?
My Mother’s Sauce
I don’t use a recipe when I make my mother’s sauce. I’ve seen her make it so many times (and have made it myself so many times) that I can make it in my sleep. Just in case you want to give it a try, here’s my best shot at a formal recipe. (Sorry, I never measure.)
Supplies:
• a 16-quart saucepan (the bigger the better—I’ve moved up to the 20-quart pan)
• a wooden spoon
• a kitchen full of children (optional)
Ingredients:
• olive oil
• garlic (the more the better)
• peppers and onions (optional)
• four to five 28-ounce cans of tomato sauce
• four to five 28-ounce cans of tomato puree
• one to two 28-ounce cans of crushed tomatoes
• Italian spices (basil, oregano—the fresher the better)
• three to four pounds of ground meat
• Italian-style bread crumbs
• two to three eggs
• parsley
• five to seven links of Italian sausage, both hot and mild (I cut them in small pieces after they cook)
Ten Steps to Perfection:
1. Wash your hands.
2. Make someone else (preferably over the age of eighteen) open all the cans of sauce.
3. Sautee garlic, onions, and peppers in a liberal amount of olive oil. Don’t burn the garlic!
4. Dump the cans of sauce, puree, and crushed tomatoes into the saucepan (with the olive oil).
5. Add plenty of water (at least three to four empty cans) so the sauce doesn’t burn as it cooks.
6. Make and roll your meatballs (ground meat, parsley, bread crumbs, eggs, and more garlic and Italian spices).
7. Drop the raw meatballs one by one into the saucepan.
8. Drop the raw Italian sausage into the saucepan (if you’re on a diet, boil the fat out first).
9. Add Italian spices.
10. Stir occasionally and cook all day on low (the longer the better—at least six hours).
A couple of hints (a.k.a. lessons I learned the hard way):
• Don’t burn the sauce—put it on the simmer burner, and if it sticks to the bottom of the pan, add water.
• If the meatballs are too mushy, add more bread crumbs. If the meatballs are too hard, add an egg (or some water).
• The best “job” for kids is making meatballs. Just make sure they wash their hands, and try to keep them away from the stove.
• Making sauce is an art, not a science. If you don’t have a specific ingredient, feel free to improvise. Experimentation is always encouraged.
• Don’t plan on leftovers. If you’re smart, you’ll freeze over half the pan for individual dinners before your friends and neighbors smell what you’re up to.
Questions? Email me at sdimickele@gmail.com or visit my blog at http://susandimickele.blogspot.com.
Notes
Introduction
1 U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, “Women in the Labor Force: A Databook,” Report 1002 (2007), www.bls.gov/cps/wlf-databook-2007.pdf.
2 The Barna Group, “Americans Not Concerned About Their Spiritual Condition,” August 6, 2007, www.barna.org/barna-update/article/12-faithspirituality/98-americans-not-concerned-about-their-spiritual-condition.
Chapter 1: The Superwoman Within
1 Matthew 5:48 (MSG).
Chapter 2: Superwoman Has a Day Job
1 Colossians 3:23.
2 Ephesians 2:10.
Chapter 3: It Takes Children to Make a Mommy
1 Matthew 10:16.
2 Luke 1:56.
Chapter 4: The Daily Grind
1 1 Samuel 1:27.
2 1 Samuel 3:9.
Chapter 6: Superwoman Goes to Hollywood
1 2 Samuel 6:16–23.
2 Proverbs 22:6.
3 Proverbs 31:30.
Chapter 7: Superwoman Goes to Church
1 Matthew 24:10, 12.
Chapter 8: Adventures in Shopping
1 Luke 12:20.
Chapter 9: Generations of Superwomen
1 Acts 2:42.
Chapter 11: When Will I Get Some Rest, God?
1 Matthew 11:28–30.
2 Luke 9:13.
Chapter 12: Will I Ever Be Content?
1 Hebrews 13:5.
Chapter 14: Devoted Mommy
1 Proverbs 22:6 (KJV).
2 David G. Benner, Surrender to Love: Discovering the Heart of Christian Spirituality (Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press, 2003), 67.
Chapter 15: Chasing Superwoman
1 Hannah Montana, “Who Said,” Hannah Montana © 2006 Walt Disney Records.
2 Max Lucado, You Are Special (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books 1997).
3 Benner, Surrender to Love, 61–62.
4 2 Corinthians 12:9.
CHASING SUPERWOMAN
Published by David C. Cook
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David C. Cook Distribution Canada
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David C. Cook U.K., Kingsway Communications
Eastbourne, East Sussex BN23 6NT, England
David C. Cook and the graphic circle C logo
are registered trademarks of Cook Communications Ministries.
All rights reserved. Except for brief excerpts for review purposes,
no part of this book may be reproduced or used in any form
without written permission from the publisher.
Some names have been changed for privacy purposes.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from THE MESSAGE. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible. (Public Domain.)
LCCN 2010924060
ISBN 978-1-4347-6462-1
eISBN 978-0-7814-0450-1
© 2010 Susan DiMickele
Published in association with the literary agency of WordServe Literary Group, Ltd., 10152 S. Knoll Circle, Highlands Ranch, CO 80130.
The Team: Susan Tjaden, Amy Kiechlin, Sarah Schultz, Caitlyn York, Karen Athen
Cover design and illustration: The DesignWorks Group, Connie Gabbert
First Edition 2010
Photo by Larraine Albert
Susan DiMickele has been a trial lawyer for fourteen years and a mother for eight of those years. While she strives to be at the top of her profession, her greatest accomplishment and challenge is partnering with husband, Doug, to raise Nicolas, Anna, and Abigail to know and love God. She lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her family.
If you enjoyed this title, visit DCCeBooks.com for more great reads.
What people are saying about …
Chasing Superwoman
“Finally a voice that modern day moms can relate to. Chasing Superwoman gives today’s working mothers the laughter and encouragement they so desperately need as they struggle to balance faith, family, and friendships from the front lines of working America.”
Michelle LaRowe, executive director of the International Nanny Association, mom, and author of Working Mom’s 411, A Mom’s Ultimate Book of Lists, and Nanny to the Rescue!
“Chasing Superwoman is a beautifully simple story of the faith journey of a working mother learning to balance work, family, and marriage while trying to define her own calling to be a disciple of Christ. Susan DiMickele offers not only practical advice but also encouragement to women who struggle to be all things to all people—all the time. DiMickele tells her story with humor, grace, and a sense of humility, describing the challenges of discipleship for all people of faith in a world where God is increasingly marginalized and roles are not always clearly defined. Women will identify with her narrative and appreciate her realization that by the grace of God, we are all freed from the need to be perfect. A highly recommended read for working mothers—and fathers.”
Bishop Callon Holloway, Southern Ohio Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church Association