Julian & Lia

by Maria Monroe

  I look curiously at him, and he gestures for me to open it. Inside are two slices of pie, one chocolate cream and one berry. "Tell me these are from Sal's."

  He nods, grinning.

  "Julian. Seriously? This is the best breakfast. Ever. For real."

  He hands me a fork and I take a huge bite of the chocolate, then hand the container over to him. The cold air, and the sweet pie, and the hot coffee is such a perfect combination that if nothing else happens today, I'll go home happy.

  We're almost done with the pie when Julian says, "OK, now watch." He scoots closer and puts an arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him. His thigh, pressing against mine, is hard and warm, and I lean against him. We stare out at the horizon, and as the sun rises slowly, orange and bright in the clear sky, the vibrant and colorful autumn leaves of the trees surrounding us look like they're glowing from within. Everywhere I look the most glorious colors shimmer, the trees on fire with morning light. I've never seen anything like it.

  "Oh. Wow. Julian, this is amazing."

  "Maybe even awesome?" He nudges me.

  "Maybe." I grin.

  "It is." His voice is quiet, almost dreamy. He pulls me closer still, his arm around me, and we sit there, drinking coffee and finishing the pie and watching the rising sun paint the trees in glowing shades of autumn.

  "This?" I say finally, gesturing around us. "It's, like, the best thing ever. It's better than . . . "

  "Sex?" Julian vibrates with a low laugh.

  "I was going to say pie. I wouldn't know about sex." I add under my breath, "Thanks to you."

  "Hey. I heard that."

  I shrug.

  "Look," he says. "Lia. It's just that you're . . . "

  "I'm what?"

  "A virgin."

  "So? Everyone was once."

  "I know. But I feel protective of you. While wanting you, so fucking bad I should add, at the same time."

  "But if I'm ready, and I tell you that, it should be enough. If I wasn't a virgin, wouldn't we already have slept together?"

  "Baby?" he says with a growl. "There wouldn't be a night since the day we met that I wouldn't have been inside you."

  "So what are you waiting for?"

  He sighs, and I'm afraid I've pissed him off. But I deserve an answer.

  Finally he says, "I don't know, Lia. I don't want to be the person who fucks you up, the person you end up hating because I took the one thing from you that you can't get back."

  "But it's not like I've been saving myself for something special. I just never really had the opportunity. It won't be a huge loss. Really."

  "Then humor me, Lia. Just do things at my pace."

  "Do you make other girls hold out this long for you?"

  "You're not other girls." He leans over to kiss me, and his mouth tastes like coffee and chocolate.

  I want him to say more, but I sense him closing down on the subject. "Hey," I say, "How did you find out about this place anyway?"

  "I might have been here with some buddies. Drinking."

  "Till sunrise?"

  "Maybe," he says with a laugh.

  "That's intense. Do you still party like that?"

  "Nope. Not usually. It's hard to keep up a strict drinking schedule when you're worried about your grades."

  "Are your grades good?"

  "Straight A's," he says with a wink. I probably shouldn't be surprised. Julian's rare but insightful comments in class have shown me his deeply intelligent side before. And just being around him, it's obvious that he's not an idiot. But knowing that his grades are good too, in addition to him having that bad-boy exterior that's so irresistibly hot, is an even bigger turn-on. "The only non-A I've gotten in college was in Film Studies freshman year."

  "I'm kind of glad you failed."

  "Me too." He kisses me again. The sun warms my face in the cool air, and I feel like everything is finally going right. Things that feel too good to be true usually are, but I ignore the small warning inside that tells me not to enjoy myself too much. I lose myself in Julian's kisses.

  ***

  The weeks pass quickly, a strange but exhilarating mix. Ever since the sunrise breakfast, things have been different, however slightly. Julian texts me every once in a while just to say hi. He walks me from class to my dorm. He invites me to lunch at Sal's, sometimes alone and sometimes with Vanessa, who so far hasn't let on that she suspects anything is going on between her brother and me. Now that he knows I like black coffee, he sometimes brings me a hot cup from Starbucks or Sal’s to Film Studies class in the mornings. Vanessa's been at home studying a lot, so my "lessons" with Julian aren't as frequent as I wish they could be, but we find time for some intense sessions.

  Still, though, we haven't slept together. Paradoxically, it seems like the more Julian likes me, the less he wants to go all the way. I know he’s not losing interest, because every time we're together, the passion is intense, but I wish he was ready to take things further.

  I've been spending more time with Vanessa too, and despite the huge secret I'm keeping from her, we've become close. In fact, I've been so happy that even Greer is way less annoying. Sometimes I even find her endearing.

  One Friday night I'm at Julian and Vanessa's. Vanessa and I have been binge watching My So Called Life with Julian acting obviously bored and obnoxious.

  When Vanessa gets up to use the bathroom, Julian whispers to me, “When Vanessa gets back, tell her you're heading back to your dorm."

  "Why? I like this show." I want to say yes immediately, but I feel like I have to play hard to get, at least a little.

  "I have something you're going to like even better." His words are a low rumble, the very sound of him enough to make up my mind.

  When I tell Vanessa I'm going back to my dorm, Julian says he'll walk me. I say goodnight to Vanessa with the promise to get together soon, and head out into the cold night. I walk in the direction of my dorm, but Julian directs me to the back of the house, where he and Vanessa keep their car.

  "Get in," he says, opening the passenger side door.

  "Where are we going?"

  "Field trip."

  "Another one? The sunrise isn't for . . . " I look at my watch, “another seven hours or so. It's a little early for that."

  "Smart ass. I have something else in mind."

  I raise an eyebrow at him but get into the car. He blasts the heat, and soon we're driving along the night street. The radio's on, and Julian’s singing along. He's actually got a decent voice, at least for car or shower singing. The thought of Julian in the shower makes me feel antsy. I think about the two of us under the pouring water, soaping each other up. What if our first time is in the shower, and we’re all wet and sudsy, my legs gripping his hips as he slides inside me? I close my eyes for a second, letting the fantasy wash over me.

  He puts his hand on my leg from time to time, and I feel warm and safe inside the car as we drive through the cold darkness. It feels like the last time he took me on a field trip, and I wonder if this could possibly be as good as that was.

  After a while he turns off the main road and pulls into the parking lot of a strip mall that hosts a pharmacy, a restaurant, a few stores that are closed for the night and, at the end, a building lit up with a big sign reading "Pleasure Place." In smaller letters the sign reads “Adult Toy Store.” Of course he parks right in front of the sex shop.

  "No, Julian," I say instantly. "I cannot go in there."

  "Yes you can, Lia."

  "I can't! I've never been anywhere like that. I'd be embarrassed."

  "Lia, you've done a lot of things over the past few weeks that you'd never done before. Trust me. Just consider this one of your assignments."

  I sigh. I don't want to set foot inside Pleasure Place, but I know that Julian has a way of making me do things I'm not sure about and, at least so far, enjoying them immensely. When he says I can trust him, I know he's telling the truth. It's like he sees or senses my limits and is careful not to push
me too far.

  "Fine. What's my . . . assignment?"

  He grins in the dark car, then turns to me so that he's leaning over, his breath hot against my cheek. "You're going to purchase something from the store, and I'm going to use it with you."

  "Oh," I whisper. "But exactly what kind of, um, products do they have in there? Like, I know nothing about this sort of thing."

  "I know. It's going to be so hot to do something new with you." His lips touch mine softly, then he winds my hair around his hand and pulls me towards him, crushing my mouth with his, our tongues finding each other. He pulls away from me to say, "So there will probably be a large selection of vibrators. Those can be used to stimulate your clit and vagina. Dildos. Butt plugs."

  "Oh my god." My pussy clenches. I've never given much thought to my butt when it comes to sex, but somehow hearing the words in his whisper causes a reaction deep down inside.

  "Lotions. Lubricants. Handcuffs and other restraints. Paddles. Tawses."

  "For?"

  "Spanking naughty girls, of course," he whispers.

  "Wouldn't that hurt?" My voice is low and strangled, my clit suddenly throbbing.

  "That's exactly the point," he murmurs, reaching down to caress me between my legs. I moan against his mouth, but he pulls away.

  "Julian," I manage, "doesn't it seem a little out of order to take me to a sex toy store when I've never even had sex. I don't want my first time to be with a toy."

  "There are a lot of products that don't involve penetration. Come on."

  I take a deep breath and get out of the car. Julian takes my hand, and we walk into Pleasure Place, which is, on the inside, surprisingly clean and well-lit. It's tastefully decorated, with black and white framed nudes on the walls, and could easily have been a perfume boutique or something equally fancy if not for the giant dildos on display near the entrance.

  Behind the counter are a guy and girl, probably in their twenties, who cheerfully greet us like we're just walking into Walgreen's. They let us know that they can help if we need any advice or have any questions. "Fat chance," I think. There's no way I'd be able to ask two total strangers about any of the products here. I simply can't imagine using the words "vibrator" or "butt plug" out loud without literally dying of shame.

  But Julian has other ideas.

  "Actually," he says, sauntering up to the counter, me in tow, "my girlfriend needs some help."

  His use of the word "girlfriend" is almost enough to assuage my embarrassment. But not quite. My cheeks burn as the girl, only a few years older than me, comes out from behind the counter. She's slim and sexy, wearing a tight and short black dress with tall black boots. Her hair is obviously dyed a deep black and pulled back into a severe bun. One eyebrow is pierced, and her lipstick is the reddest shade I think I've ever seen.

  "I'd be glad to help," she says smiling at me. "My name's Kara."

  Julian lets go of my hand. "I'm going to browse," he says.

  "I'm going to kill you," I hiss, but he just grins evilly at me as he walks away to another section of the store.

  "So, what can I help you with?" asks Kara, looking at me kindly. I know she can tell I'm completely out of my element and really embarrassed, but her calm demeanor is already helping settle my nerves.

  "I have no idea," I confess in a quiet voice. "My . . . boyfriend . . . " I gesture at Julian.

  "Are you looking for something in specific, or would you like me to show you some of our most popular products?"

  "Um . . . the popular products?"

  "Of course!" She leads me to a counter that actually has a sign saying "Our most popular products," and it appears that the items are broken down by category. "First," she says, "here are some vibrators. Most of them can be used externally or internally. These two here are really good for beginners. Well, all of the vibrators are great for someone who's new to using products, actually."

  I gulp and hope she doesn't hear me. This is too much! It's not that I'm opposed to using toys, but I never thought my first experience with them would involve a conversation with a complete stranger. "We have some products," continues Kara, "that are designed to stimulate both internally and externally at the same time." She shows me a bright pink dildo-looking thing that has an extra arm that would, I suppose, stimulate the clitoris while being inside.

  "Here," says Kara, continuing down the counter, "we have some items for anal play. Our plugs are really popular, and we have a variety of sizes. Most people like to start with the smaller ones and work their way up."

  Oh god. I know I'm blushing, both because it's embarrassing to talk about butt plugs with someone, but also because I'm not as horrified by them as I should be.

  "And here," Kara is saying, "are some items for spanking play. We have a full selection of implements, from paddles of all sizes in both wood and leather to tawses and crops. Here are some of our items for people who want lighter play, but over there we have a pretty big section just devoted to spanking and punishment. It includes blindfolds and restraints of various kinds." She gestures to the far corner of the store, and there's Julian, browsing the wall of paddles and whips. Holy crap! Is that what he's interested in? I think my mouth must have literally fallen open in shock because Kara has a slight smile on her face as she brings my attention back to her. "So, do you have any questions for me?"

  "Uh, what's the best thing for a . . . beginner?" I manage.

  "It all depends on your interests, but I think a good vibrator is a great product to start with. It's easy to use, and they are very popular. You can enjoy them with or without a partner. Why don't you take a look at the first display I showed you? You can't go wrong with any of the products there."

  I nod and make my way back to the vibrators, while Kara heads back to the counter to talk to three middle aged women who just came in together. They're well dressed, and I'm surprised that the people here aren't dirty miscreants or obvious perverts like I thought they'd be. I quickly choose a purple vibrator that looks like a small computer mouse. Now what? I hold the box in my hand and look around for Julian. Am I supposed to give it to him? Is he going to buy something too?

  He's still in the "punishment" section—why does it make me warm and squirmy between my legs when I think of that??—but he sees me looking his way and saunters over. He looks so hot in the well-lit store, with his smirk and dark wavy hair and stubble on his face. The usual worn jeans and his hoodie give him the perfect casual bad-boy look, and I notice the middle aged woman and Kara glance at him as he makes his way towards me. I'm literally weak in the knees looking at him, and I smile as he approaches, despite my embarrassment about being in the store.

  He stops in front of me and looks down, licking his lips. "Lia," he says. "Did you choose something?"

  "Yes." I nod

  He takes the box from my hand and examines it. "Good choice. I think we can have some fun with this."

  I follow him up to the counter, where Kara gives him a hand-out on how to clean and care for the vibrator. When she hands him a coupon for a future purchase, he winks at her and says, "Next time, I get to choose what we buy." Oh god.

  "Have fun!" calls Kara as we walk out into the night.

  In the car, I have so many questions. Like why Julian spent so much time in the punishment section of the store. And how many times he's been here before. And whether or not he uses things like this regularly with his girlfriends. But there's no way I'm going to ask. We drive in silence for a few minutes, and then Julian abruptly pulls off the road onto a quiet and dark residential street where he parks.

  "Where are we?" I ask.

  "Nowhere special." He takes off his seatbelt.

  "Are we going somewhere?"

  "No. We're staying right here in this car. Take off your seatbelt."

  Something about his voice makes me shiver, in a good way, and I unclip my belt.

  "Tell me about what you saw in the store," says Julian, taking the vibrator box out of the bag and starting to open it. "I
t comes partially charged," he says in a matter-of-fact tone as he pulls the vibrator from the box.

  "I saw, uh, vibrators." Saying the word out loud is embarrassing.

  "What else, Lia."

  "Uh, you know. Stuff."

  " Tell me what sort of stuff."

  "Um, dildos. And, uh, plugs."

  He raises a corner of his mouth. "What kind of plugs, Lia?"

  "Um. Butt. Plugs." I can’t believe I said that out loud! I know I'm blushing. But it turns me on when Julian makes me say things I don't really want to say out loud.

  "And what did you think of those, Lia?" He pushes a button on the vibrator so I can hear it humming.

  "I don't know," I whisper. This feels so strange, sitting in a car with Julian in the dark, while he holds a vibrator that he's presumably going to use on me right here in only a short matter of time, talking about butt plugs. I'm so ill prepared for this, and the emotions are staggering. I'm turned on and fearful, and I take a deep breath.

  "Tell me, Lia," he says. "Were you at all turned on by them?"

  "Yes," I whisper.

  "Good," he says. What is he referring to? Me answering the question? Or me being turned on by it? And if it's the latter, what does that mean? Is it something he wants to try? I tense involuntarily between my legs, feeling wetness begin. When I squirm in my seat, Julian grins slightly. "What else did you see in the store, Lia?"

  "Uh, things for, you know, spanking?"

  He groans quietly, a low sound in the dark car, and I feel my wetness growing. "And what do you think of spanking, Lia?"

  "I've never thought of it before," I whisper.

  "And now that you have?"

  "I don't know. I'm . . . confused."

  "Because you felt turned on thinking about it?"

  I nod.

  "Don't worry, Lia. We're not going to try those things yet. Maybe in our advanced class next semester." He grins again, and I can't help smiling, even though my body is in a confused state of excitement and fear, mostly of the unknown. Still, the thought that he mentioned being together next semester makes me smile.

  Suddenly, he reaches down and slides his seat back from the steering wheel as far as it can go. "Now," he says, "we have to finish your assignment."