Bi-Sensual

by Nikki- Michelle

  “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m just going back down memory lane. I don’t plan to make any stops. But I want you to always remember this, even if you never see me again. I would have done anything, anything at all, for you.”

  Her words chilled me. That “even if you never see me again” bit chilled me to the bone. I didn’t know why. I just knew I didn’t like it.

  She said, “All you had to do was tell me, El.”

  I was confused. Didn’t really know what she was trying to say. I said, “Huh?”

  She placed her lips against mine. Dipped a finger inside my bottom lip, then put it in her mouth. “I can taste him. I smell him on you. That day I walked in your house, I smelled that damn African hemp and sandalwood. You never had that sandalwood smell before him. I knew something would be different that day, because your place had the scent of someone else. But I was so happy about the news of the baby that I didn’t pay attention. Then I opened your bedroom door, and it hit me. I’d smelled that scent on you before, but I’d never thought anything of it. I smell him on you even now. He’s in your blood.”

  Her words made the blood in my veins rush faster. My dick was rising to the occasion. I knew she felt it. Would have been hard not to. Her words were so true, they were poetic.

  Nicole ran a hand over my scalp. Massaged it. Her eyes stayed locked on mine as she did so. I wanted to kiss her. Wanted to kiss her badly . . . but, with Nicole, I was afraid of rejection.

  “All you had to do was be honest about who you were, who you really were. I’d have moved mountains for you. Would have tried some shit I never would with anyone else with you, for you. Do you get what I’m saying to you, El? My love was unconditional.” Tears fell from her eyes.

  “I messed up,” I said.

  “You did. Had you come to me and told me, we could have figured it out together. I didn’t understand it, but I would have for you. You don’t get how much I fucking loved you. I will never love another man that way. My husband got a new version of me, and even though I love that man with everything I have, the love I gave you was yours and yours alone.”

  I didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what to say. Nicole had just thrown my world into a tailspin. If only I had known then what I knew now. But that was then. Her phone rang, and Malcolm’s face lit up the screen. She moved away from me. Dried her eyes and answered her phone.

  “Hey, baby,” she answered softly.

  She might not have loved him as she had once loved me, but she did love him. I could tell by the way she spoke to him. When she told him she missed him, there was happiness in her voice, where just moments before, sadness had been. When she was done, she came back to lie beside me. But by then her cramps were back. That was when I massaged her and she fell asleep.

  Her words stayed with me throughout the night. Back then I hadn’t been mature enough to be open, honest, and up front about my sexuality. I’d hid it. I wasn’t sure if it was out of shame or if I’d just liked the thrill of the game. Maybe I’d been selfish. I’d wanted the cake. It was my cake, so why couldn’t I eat it too? I’d been a fucked-up person, and I wouldn’t make excuses for it.

  Two hours later I woke up to my phone vibrating. I didn’t bother to look at the caller ID.

  “Yeah, Mona?” I answered.

  “Where are you?” she asked.

  I didn’t answer. Not right away.

  Mona said, “Oh . . .”

  “You and Demi okay?”

  “I think Demitri is having some kind of mental breakdown.”

  I didn’t know if she was joking or not. It was hard to tell by the tone in her voice.

  Still, I asked, “How so?”

  “We came back to you guys’ place after you left. He locked himself in another room. Won’t come out. Won’t answer me. Nothing.”

  I looked down to see Nicole staring up at me. She was lying on my chest, but clearly, she wasn’t asleep. Her eyes were wide and bright.

  Mona said, “He’s just acting really odd, and I’m worried. Are you still with her?”

  I cleared my throat. “Yeah.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Talking.”

  “About your son?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Are you in her room, Elliot?”

  “Let me call Demi, and I’ll call you—” Before I could finish, Samona had hung up in my face.

  “Who was that?” Nicole asked.

  I knew she’d heard everything. The room was quiet, and the volume on my phone loud.

  I almost said, “Nobody,” but caught myself. Mona wasn’t “nobody.” “Mona,” I answered.

  “Your girlfriend?”

  I shook my head. “No. My friend.”

  “Friends get mad when other friends are in hotel rooms with their ex?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “I’m a doctor of psychology. Explain it to me. I’ll understand it.”

  I took a deep breath and then gave a frustrated sigh. I didn’t respond to Nicole. Called Demi’s phone, but he didn’t pick up. I tried again and still no answer.

  “You and that man share a woman?” Nicole asked.

  She said “that man” as if she didn’t know Demi’s name, as if even the words that man tasted sour on her tongue. I asked her to move so I could sit up. I threw my legs over the side of the bed. Ran a hand down my face, then dialed Demi again. No answer.

  “I have to go,” I said, then stood.

  “No,” Nicole said, then jumped from the bed. She rushed around to stand in front of me. I backed up. She came closer. Her pain must have been gone.

  “Nicole, stop,” I warned her. “Let me leave up out of here.”

  She walked up to me until no space stood between us. “Is this how it was when you used to sneak away with him?”

  I frowned. “Why are you doing this? It was years ago.”

  “I need to know.”

  “Why?”

  “Did you rush away from him like this when I called?”

  “Nicole,” I snapped at her, barked out her name like she was annoying me, like she was getting on my last damn nerve.

  “Elliot,” she said, her voice soft like silk. “Did he used to corner you like this? Make you stay longer than planned?”

  I tried to move her out of the way, but like Mona, Nicole was pretty tough . . . for a woman. There would be no just casting her off to the side.

  “No,” she said, then regained her balance. Stood firm. Revenge was in her eyes.

  “Don’t do this. You have a whole family at home,” I pleaded.

  She placed her hands on my waist. “It’s still hard for you to say no to me, huh? He made it this hard to say no to him?” she asked, then placed her lips in the center of my chest. Right on my sternum. Then she moved to the left. Kissed me over my heart. It had been so long since I’d felt any kind of connection to Nicole. It all came rushing back to me. Her hands ran over my abs, up my chest. Her fingers traced my Adam’s apple, then traveled up to my lips. My eyes bounced from Nicole to my ringing phone on the bed. Demi’s name flashed on the big screen.

  “I have to go,” I said again, my body betraying me, contradicting my words.

  Nicole stood on her toes, cupped the back of my neck. Her other hand slipped into my jeans. Her breath hitched. As did mine. She brought my lips down to hers. Kissing her was like kissing lightning. The jolt of electricity that shot through me almost crippled me. I had to get out of there.

  My phone stopped ringing. Only to start up again. This time it was Mona’s vibration. But I couldn’t get away. Nicole’s tongue was holding mine hostage. She smelled like all those beautiful flowery scents women liked to wear. Her breath was cinnamon fresh, which told me she had awakened and gone to the bathroom. My left hand gripped the back of her hair. Right hand got reacquainted with her round backside.

  Fuck.

  God help me.

  I’d missed her.

  My hand slipped under her nightshirt. The
panties she had on caressed her backside the way I wanted to. Her hunt for red October had never stopped us before. And if I didn’t get ahold of myself, it wouldn’t now, either.

  Demi rang my cell again. It was as if he and Mona were tag teaming me. One after the other, they were trying to get to me. But Nicole’s hand was stroking my manhood. Pre-cum coated her fingers. She whimpered when my lips found her neck. The more she reacted to me, the more animalistic I became.

  I had to stop. I had to get out of here. I pulled away first. I picked Nicole up, then dropped her in the middle of the bed.

  “Stop,” I said to her.

  “Did you tell him to stop? How many times did he keep you away from me?” she replied.

  I walked over to the chair and picked up my shirt. I saw that side of Nicole that Demi had always spoken about. The evil and manipulative side. She didn’t want me because she wanted me. She wanted me to get back at Demi.

  I didn’t respond to her. I slid my feet into my loafers. My phone rang on the bed. It was Demi. Nicole looked from me to my phone. Before I could get to it, she snatched the phone up.

  “Nicole, give me my phone,” I demanded.

  She backed away. Looked at my phone as it rang. Stared at Demi’s picture like it made her sick. I rushed around the bed to where she was. And she moved, quicker than a flash of lightning. I felt stupid. I felt childish. To have to chase a grown woman—a grown, educated fucking woman—for my phone was juvenile.

  “Fuck him,” she said to me. “Fuck him to hell,” she said, then answered the phone.

  I yelled her name, to no avail.

  “Hello,” she blurted into the phone.

  I moved toward her again. She skittered to the other side of the bed.

  “Say something!” she yelled into the phone. “I can hear your breathing, you sick son of a bitch.”

  I got on the bed. Caught Nicole by her ankle when she tried to get away again. I snatched her back to me. My knee slipped, and I fell on top of her, wrestling for my phone. She screamed. Swung at me, trying to slap me. Nicole had lost her damn mind. Anger and bitterness did that to a woman. I dipped my head to avoid her hand. Her thighs fell open, and I fell in between them. Her titties bounced and swayed underneath the nightshirt.

  “Give me the fucking phone, Nikki.”

  “Take it,” she spat between clenched teeth. “You should have called earlier, Demitri. You could have heard him trying to fuck me.”

  Her phone rang. Her madness ceased. Just like that, her madness stopped. Her phone was on the nightstand. I was closer to it. Her eyes came to mine, but my mind was already made up. I moved to grab her phone. Used my finger to swipe the screen toward the right to answer the call.

  I said a clear and crisp “Give me my phone, Nikki.”

  Malcolm’s voice could be heard asking, “What the hell is going on?”

  “Give me my phone, or I tell—”

  Nicole tossed me my phone like it was on fire. She held her hand out for hers. I could have made her life a living hell right there, but I didn’t. I passed her the phone. Snatched my shirt up, then left her room. I got on the elevator, not knowing the craziness had just begun.

  Mona

  A few minutes earlier . . .

  “So you’re just going to leave without saying good-bye to him?” Demi asked.

  “He left without saying good-bye to me.”

  “He went to see a woman about his son.”

  “Sure.”

  “You mad?”

  I cut my eyes at him as I packed. “What do you think?”

  “You shouldn’t have watched the rest of those DVDs.”

  “You shouldn’t have shown them to me in the first place.”

  “I didn’t want you to think I was just crazy. I wanted you to see what I see. Feel what I feel.”

  An hour after I stopped the first DVD, I’d popped another one in. In this one they were sharing breakfast in bed. Elliot did things to that woman with fruit that should have been illegal. Nicole had some kind of scar or something on her inner thigh, which he kissed often. She giggled, then told him to “fuck the pastor’s daughter like a slut.” In another video he took a yoni egg and brought her to an orgasm that turned her into a cussing idiot. I removed that one. Popped in another. In this one she was giving him head. Had him coming like a geyser in less than five minutes. Shooting his shot to the heavens. She joked about it being a sin to spill seed, according to the Bible, so she licked up as much as she could.

  In that same video, after Elliot damn near crawled to the bathroom, Nicole got a call from one of her friends. She put the phone on speaker and fought with her long braids to put them in a ponytail.

  “I’m so happy you’re happy, sis,” the friend said.

  Nicole was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Happy in love. “Me, too, gyal. Thought I was doomed. Thought mi never find it again.”

  Her friend said, “Di bwoy wi di gyal name is a ske-tel-bomb chi-chi.”

  Sadness overtook Nicole’s features. She looked at the camera like she had finally remembered it was recording, then turned it off. I stopped watching the videos after that. Elliot had those videos handy, as if he liked to relive his past from time to time. It was all too much for me. I just needed to get away and clear my head. There were too many people in this equation, and I wasn’t one of the important ones.

  Elliot had responded to Demitri twice since he left to meet Nicole. Hadn’t called me or texted me back once. If I’d been unsure of where I stood before, I got the message loud and clear once Nicole came to town.

  I tried to give Demitri something of a smile, but I didn’t have one. I knew what he felt, because I felt it too. Nicole’s energy was all encompassing. She’d flown into Atlanta and snatched Elliot away from me and Demitri without even having to try. I could never make him cry, move him. Nicole still owned the scars on his heart. But Demitri owned his heart. And I was just something to do.

  I finished packing. I didn’t feel anything at the moment. I was numb. I wanted to cry. Felt like crying. But, honestly, I would have just been wasting time and energy. So I saved all the feeling sorry for myself shit. Bottled it up and tossed it out the window. I poured myself some bourbon.

  I watched Demitri watch me. “Why don’t you try calling him again?” I suggested to him.

  “Not about to beg or seem desperate. Said I’d never do that shit again,” he said with conviction. “I said my piece. It’s up to him now. Up to him,” he added, then stood to pour himself a drink. He downed the contents of the tumbler in one shot. Sat back down in the chair. Shoulders slumped, like he was too tired, too mentally exhausted, to hold them up.

  “She really does have some kind of power over him, huh?”

  He nodded. “Love, the agape kind, is a powerful drug. Trust me.”

  I studied him for a while. Saw the way his love for Elliot had crippled him. Turned him into the little boy version of himself. I wasn’t sure I wanted a love that would do that to me. That was some scary shit. To love a person with every single molecule . . . to the point that it pained you to think about someone else loving him or her the same?

  I poured myself another drink. Walked over to him. He looked up at me. His gray eyes were red. Wet from unshed tears. Wasn’t sure if they were angry tears or what. He looked as if he was hurting. Like the pain was so bad, he couldn’t think straight. Like he was going in and out of his mind.

  I held the glass tumbler to his lips. He took a sip. I finished what he didn’t. Dropped the tumbler on the carpet, then straddled his lap. No Maxwell played tonight. There was no rain. Just the hum of the A/C and our breathing. Elliot’s absent presence bringing us close. Our dislike for Nicole bringing us closer.

  Demitri was studying me, as I was him. Maybe he was trying to see what made me special to Elliot. I wouldn’t be able to help him with that answer. I studied him to learn the same. With Demitri, it was easy to see. Over the weeks, I’d learned the many reasons a person could love him.

&n
bsp; Demitri was the male version of Hathor. He was Eros. He was Min. He was Bes. He was all those gods of love, sex, lust, and pleasure all rolled into one. Never met a man who oozed sensuality by just existing.

  And then there was the way he took care of Elliot, the way he reciprocated Elliot’s love. If Elliot bought food or cooked, Demitri fixed the plates. If Elliot was annoyed, Demitri knew how to make him laugh. Everything was equal. There was balance. Yin and Yang. Even when it came to me, after we all hooked up. If Elliot massaged my feet, Demitri massaged my scalp, my temples. If Elliot loved me from the front, Demitri loved me from the back.

  Maybe that was why we ended up naked on my hotel room bed again. Maybe that was why we didn’t give a shit that Elliot had asked us not to partake in the act of sexual congress without him. Demitri was naked underneath me. Shaft deep inside me as I worked my hips and ass in slow motion. He threw thrusts at me, which I caught and tossed back at him. Some were too much for me, but I held on, anyway.

  His girth stretched me the distance. Took me the extra mile. I had the right to experience pleasure and sensuality on my terms. Had the right to go after what I was longing for. Even if it wasn’t with Elliot . . . I could pretend. As I was sure Demitri pretended I was someone else. I could see it in his eyes. We’d dipped into a kind of madness that we wouldn’t admit to when it was all over.

  And we didn’t. After Demitri came like he was a madman, he said some things in his native tongue I didn’t readily understand. I blurted out things in Spanish that he probably didn’t understand. It was rare I spoke my father’s language, but Demitri brought it out of me. After we were done, I lay on his chest. He ran his fingers up and down my spine. Playing in the sweat we had produced. He was still inside of me. I could feel him pulsating. He wasn’t hard, but thick enough to stay the course.

  We lay in our misery, loving each other’s company. I was the first to get up. Had to pee badly. I walked into the bathroom. Did my thing. Was in my thoughts until Demitri showed up at the door with another kind of look on his beautiful face.

  “What?” I asked.

  “The condom,” he said.

  I looked down at his manhood. “Where is it?”