by Jaye Diane
“You’re welcome,” Robyn said, squeezing Emerald’s hand gently. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”
“How’s my baby?” Grace asked Robyn.
“When I left, she and Devin were reading an alphabet book.” Robyn smiled brightly.
“He’s such a good dad,” Grace mused. “Whoever would have thought a jerk of a brother like that would be such a cool dad?”
“Shut up!” Robyn laughed.
Emerald smiled.
“And how about my other brother?” Grace asked, looking Emerald in the eye. “Why aren’t you going back to his apartment?”
“I don’t think Javy wants me around right about now,” Emerald said, referring to Javier, Grace and Devin’s brother. He was the oldest of the four Jamison siblings.
“Ha ha, so funny,” Grace said sarcastically.
Robyn laughed again. Emerald stared at her, straight-faced.
“Cut it out,” Grace complained, swatting playfully at Emerald’s hand. “You know I’m talking about Linc! You knew that last night I assumed you were going back to his place.”
She’d deliberately let Grace think that because she hadn’t wanted to talk about it at all. She still didn’t want to talk about it. But from the way her two friends stared at her, she knew that it was time to confess everything. Maybe she’d feel better after she got it all off her chest.
“I think it’s time for Lincoln and me to go back to being friends.”
Grace’s mouth dropped open. Robyn shook her head.
“We’ve had our fun. It might be time to move on.” Maybe if she said it enough she’d actually believe it. “I care a lot about him, more than I’ve cared for any other man.”
Her friends stared at each other and frowned at her.
“If you care so much about him, why break up?” Grace asked.
“I can never be the woman he needs. I can’t be the woman he wants. I’m damaged goods. He needs someone who’s…normal…like he is.” She bit her lip so she wouldn’t cry but her eyes stung anyway.
“Oh my god!” Robyn shouted, jumping up off the couch. “You love him!”
Grace slapped a hand over her smiling mouth.
“I…do,” Emerald admitted. She closed her eyes. “Why did this have to happen to me? How did this happen?”
“This is great!” Robyn said, practically screaming. “Oh, wow!”
Grace giggled. Emerald opened her eyes to glare at them.
“It’s not great,” Emerald cried, irked by Robyn’s enthusiasm while she felt she was in crisis. “Did you not hear what the hell I said?”
“I know you’re scared,” Robyn said somberly.
“Scared of what?” Grace asked, dropping her hands down to her lap.
Too upset to explain such a long, sad tale, Emerald silently bowed her head.
Robyn kneeled down on the floor in front of Emerald.
“It’s going to be okay,” Robyn whispered. “I know this is new for you. But Linc is a good man. He won’t hurt you.”
“Hurt you?” Grace asked, whispering too.
Emerald looked over at Grace, seeing the understanding in her eyes.
“He loves you,” Grace said, sliding over to be closer to Emerald.
“You don’t know that,” Emerald said. “And I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“We do know,” Robyn said. “He was torn up when you went missing. He was beside himself. And last night when he came to your hospital room…”
“It doesn’t matter,” Emerald choked out. “He doesn’t need me. I come with too much baggage. I think it will be best if-”
“It doesn’t matter?” Grace yelled. “When you get a man like Linc, you don’t just throw him away.”
“He loves you.” Robyn took Emerald’s face in her hands. “Remember when you were trying to convince me to give Devin a chance? Linc deserves a chance. He won’t let you down.”
“But what if I let him down?” Emerald asked.
“You won’t.” Grace said confidently.
“The only way you’ll let him down is if you don’t give your relationship a chance.”
Emerald nodded, so burdened by emotions that she could no longer speak. She’d never planned to settle down with anyone. She still wasn’t sure she could. But if anyone deserved a chance, it was Lincoln. She wanted to give him -them- that chance. It scared her how much she did want it and she admitted to herself that she’d never wanted anything so badly in her life.
Chapter Fourteen
After Devin had gone home around four in the morning, Linc had finally been able to get some sleep, feeling sorry for himself. But the sleep had only lasted for a few hours. It was a restless, dreamless sleep that left him feeling tired and irritated when he woke up later that morning.
He scowled as he sat in his bed, wishing he could go back and change what had been said. But would it make a difference even if he could? Wasn’t it better that the truth was out? She’d basically told him to get lost and as much as he wanted to change that or undo it, he knew that he was better off knowing the truth.
After brooding over coffee he busied himself cleaning his apartment, finding a few items that belonged to Emerald. They served to darken his mood even more.
A hair clip, mascara, black stockings. Simple items that painfully squeezed his heart and made him miss her even more than he already had.
He hated feeling like a quitter but if she didn’t see how much he cared for her there wasn’t much else he could do. If she could have seen for herself how scared he’d been when she’d disappeared, she’d know the depth of his feelings. He was done trying to prove himself to her.
And yet he couldn’t completely give up on her. He’d never allowed himself to acknowledge how much he cared about her or how much he’d wanted her. But once he’d finally gotten her, she’d become a part of him and had quickly gotten under his skin. There was no letting go now. No matter how much his head told him he should.
Talking with Devin had helped to clear his mind enough for him to understand that she needed some space. Hopefully she’d come to him in her own time. And if she didn’t, he had to come up with a plan to try to get her back. But he knew that he’d have to play it cool and move very slow.
Moving so fast was what had gotten them where they were now. They’d hooked up at Devin’s and Robyn’s wedding and that had been exactly three weeks before. No wonder she was pushing him away.
But their relationship hadn’t felt as if it was moving too fast. After years of wanting her, it hadn’t been moving fast enough for him. He’d denied his feelings too long and they’d been dying to burst free.
Her father had done a serious number on her. She was so used to being on her own and not being loved that she didn’t know what to do with any deep emotion. He was stunned that her friendship with Robyn had survived.
That spoke to Robyn’s character and the deep love that she had to have for her friend. He was sure there were times that Robyn had probably wanted to give up on Emerald. And yet she hadn’t. Now she was the closest person in the world to Emerald.
That was enough to make him feel some motivation. But he wasn’t entirely convinced of his chances and his spirit continued to limp along.
He continued cleaning, hoping that if he worked fast enough and hard enough that it would be a decent distraction. But she stayed on his mind the entire time, plaguing him until he was cursing himself under his breath as he worked.
After he’d adequately swept, mopped, sprayed and dusted he changed into a sweat suit and went down to the basement gym. Perhaps if he drained his body enough, he’d become tired and at least escape into sleep.
He entered the small gym. The walls were a dull red and the floor was gray. The room was filled with modern equipment, from the shiny weight bench and various sized dumbbells to the elliptical and exercise bikes.
He went straight to a bench to press weights, taking small breaks between lifting. When his arms began to fe
el tight and tired, he had a go on the treadmill, glad to have the small tenant gym to himself. Sweaty and tired, he drank water at the fountain and then walked out of the gym.
He walked straight to the elevator and pressed the call button, waiting patiently for the elevator to come. Maybe he could take a shower, get some lunch and get distracted by a movie or a video game.
But when he stepped onto the elevator, he knew that he didn’t want anything other than to go to sleep and forget his pain. There was nothing that could distract him away from his ailing heart.
When he entered his apartment, he closed the door and paused. It was strange how she’d only stayed with him for a week and yet his apartment felt so empty without her. It had never really felt like home. But when she’d been there with him, he’d actually felt as if he’d belonged there. With her.
He closed his eyes for a moment, willing the despair not to creep in. It infuriated him that he felt so hurt and weak and there was nothing he could do about it. He muttered to himself before going down the hall to the bathroom.
He quickly stripped and got into the shower. He rubbed the soap over his body and let his mind wander again, thinking of Emerald. He really was completely clueless about what he should do next. Beyond the fact that he loved her and missed her, he really didn’t know anything at all.
“Drive safe!” Emerald warned Robyn.
Robyn waved and walked away from Lincoln’s apartment building. The snow was really coming down and Emerald hoped that Robyn got home safely. The guilt tried to sneak in but she quelled it. She hadn’t forced Robyn to come get her from the hospital or to take her home or to Lincoln’s house. Robyn had chosen to do those things because she’d wanted to.
Robyn had wanted to stay until Emerald was inside the building but Emerald had shooed her away, worried about her friend getting home in the messy weather.
Emerald chose to be thankful rather than feel culpable for something that her friend had taken pleasure in doing. As a child her father had resented her sometimes and she’d gotten used to fending for herself.
Maybe having Robyn looking out for her for so many years could finally overshadow her experiences with her father. It wouldn’t happen overnight but she’d work on it. And she’d work on letting Lincoln in if it wasn’t too late.
Since Lincoln’s building was kept locked at all times, she’d anticipated having to ring his doorbell. But two teenage girls came out, allowing her to quickly enter the building. It was still early in the day and the doorman wasn’t on duty just yet. She moved as quickly as she could but then once she was inside the building she took her time getting to the elevator.
When she reached Lincoln’s door she rang the bell. She doubted she had the energy to knock. Every step she took required a great deal of energy and effort and all she wanted to do was sit down.
The door swung open after a few seconds and he stared at her with wide eyes as if he couldn’t believe she was there. She smiled hesitantly, wishing that she could jump on him and tell him how sorry she was. Unfortunately her battered body would never be able to handle that and she knew she had to take it one step at a time.
“Come in,” He said, clearing his throat.
She walked in slowly, dropping her duffel bag next to the door. He closed the door behind her, clicking the locks closed.
Without her having to ask, he helped her remove her coat and hung it up for her. They quietly walked to the living room and Lincoln propped a bunch of pillows up on the couch for her and helped her sit down.
After she was as comfortable as was probably possible, she opened her mouth then closed it, not knowing exactly where to begin.
He sat still, his face expressionless, his arms resting loosely by his sides. If it wasn’t for the rigidity of his shoulders, he would have looked relaxed in the sweatpants and T-shirt that he wore.
“Lincoln, I don’t know where to start,” She said honestly, meeting his eyes with her own.
“Tell me how you feel,” He replied gently. “Tell me anything.”
She nodded slowly as her heart began to ram against her bruised ribs. She’d better get this over with so her body and her mind could relax.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you last night.”
“Why did you?”
There was a wealth of emotion in his eyes and she felt herself tremble.
“I was so scared,” She confessed. “I still am. But I’m tired of being scared.”
She closed her eyes, wanting to blurt out everything that was in her heart at the same time as she wanted to hide. But the need to share with him was much stronger and she opened her eyes again.
“My parents were the two people in the world who should love me unconditionally and neither of them was able to. My father didn’t seem to actually care about me until I didn’t even live with him anymore.” Saying the words out loud after so many years of hurt was hard, but she’d let go of the hurt long ago, just not the wariness and fear that had come along with it. “I think I walked around thinking that I was unlovable. And that I could never love anyone either.”
He got up and came to sit next to her, turning his body on the couch so that he was facing her. His eyes looked a bit glossy and she marveled at the fact that he might actually have tears in them.
“I can’t imagine how hard your childhood was, Emerald. No child should have to grow up like that or feel the way you felt.”
“I know. When I was too young to really understand, I’d beg or just cry. As I got older, I stopped trying to get his love. For a long time I was empty inside.” She struggled to breathe normally, her heart beating quickly and erratically in her chest. “Then Robyn came along. And she became my first friend and first real family. And even now I struggle to accept her love. It’s been a long road.”
“I understand. But please know that I’d never hurt you.”
“And I don’t want to hurt you.” But of course that was exactly what she’d done.
“That’s easy,” He said, a half smile on his face. “Then don’t.”
She returned the smile.
“I…care about you, Lincoln.” She winced at her cowardice. She’d already told him that she cared about him.
Stop being a coward. Just tell him how you feel.
“I want to be with you,” She said, speaking so fast that she was sure he couldn’t make out the words. She said again, but much slower, “I want to be with you.”
His heartfelt smile was all she needed to begin calming down.
“From the beginning I knew that there was something special between us,” She admitted. “But I was fighting it. I don’t want to fight it anymore. I want to be with you. If you still want me.”
“Of course I still want you,” Lincoln said, taking both of her hands in his own. “I’ve wanted you for years.”
“Huh?” She asked stupidly. He’d wanted her for years?
He pressed a kiss across both her knuckles.
“From the moment we met, I had a thing for you. But you wouldn’t give me the time of day.”
He’d flirted from time to time but she hadn’t taken him seriously and there had been times that she’d found him annoying. Of course he was smart, successful and good looking but the idea of crossing the line from acquaintances -later friends- to lovers had never seriously crossed her mind. It wasn’t until they’d begun spending so much time together during the prep for the wedding that she’d begun to feel something for him.
To find out that he’d liked her and wanted her for years was astonishing and she didn’t know how to react to that revelation.
“I don’t blame you,” He went on. “I know I seemed like a player back then. And in many ways I was.”
“I never would have guessed how you felt about me,” She said. “But even if I had, I had a lot of growing up to do. A lot of baggage to get rid of.”
“I know,” Lincoln agreed. “I had a lot of growing up to do too. I lied to myself about how I felt about you. I denied to myself about how
much I cared. But I’m glad it all worked out the way it did. I just wasn’t man enough for you back then.”
“What do you mean by that?” She felt somewhat embarrassed and she wasn’t sure why. Was it because he’d been crushing on her for so long or the other myriad of confessions they were sharing?
“You had a lot going on, a lot of issues to work out,” He said, speaking hesitantly as if he didn’t want to offend her. “I was young and carefree. I only wanted to have fun. I wanted you,” He clarified. “But my main goal was to have fun. I wouldn’t have understood all this back then. I’m not sure how I would have dealt with it.”
“I’m not sure how either of us would have dealt with it.” But she was glad that they were sitting there together, finally getting everything out in the open.
“I think this is how it was meant to happen,” He said, kissing her hands again. “Minus the psychopathic stalker,” He added quickly.
“Ugh, thank God that’s over with!” She didn’t want to think about Casey ever again. She wanted to move on and pretend she’d never dealt with the vicious, pitiful woman.
“I know; sorry.” He leaned close and kissed her cheek. “I was so scared when you disappeared. I’ve never prayed so much in my life.”
“I never should have gone out by myself,” Emerald said regretfully. “I just wanted some time alone to clear my head. I thought I would go for a short walk and come right back. I didn’t expect her to find me here.”
“I’m so happy that you’re okay.”
“So am I. I’ll take these injuries. If it wasn’t for Mr. Appleton, I’d probably be much worse. Or even dead.”
The cops had already been en route to Tasha’s house after checking Lacey’s but they’d gotten there after Appleton had already called for an ambulance. Casey’s mind had already been so far gone. Emerald had her doubts about how she would have fared if not for the security guard coming in and stopping Casey.
“I’m sorry that I had such bad tunnel vision that I never suspected anyone but Marley,” Emerald said. “I feel so stupid for not thinking of Casey at all.”