Angel Radio

by A. M. Blaushild

  “That’s great. I mean, who knows? We’ll see. By the way, I was wondering. The deer thing. You never really explained what that was about, and I mean if you’re going to come with us you ought to stop being so mysterious about everything.”

  “Oh! Of course. One sec, just gotta word it out in my head before I explain.” He made a bizarre face of concentration, and I probably made a similar one. Why was he suddenly so awful at being human? “Yes, so that deer-angel—”

  “Excuse me,” said Midori in a quiet voice. “What deer-angel?”

  “I’m getting to it. That angel had possessed a deer, and was highly dangerous because of it. As you’ve noted, angels really do best in human hosts, though to be honest they really are ill suited to possession in general. Angels that take over animals become highly unstable—something about the wild mind of the creature matched with the energy of the angel has toxic results.”

  “And touching one?”

  “How do you think they possess their hosts? It’s bad enough to touch an angel, but at least they don’t usually bother possessing bodies. Feral angels will always go for a human body, and that has disastrous results.”

  “Like what?”

  “Terrible stuff. I saw it happen once. Very unclean. The human had no doubt died from the process, and I doubt that even if the angel had been removed, the old body would have functioned properly anymore. Always keep your distance and shoot to kill.”

  “Then why—when you attacked that demon thing, you left those angels in peace. Why didn’t you try anything on them?”

  I was a bit nervous that I had cornered him into admitting he was on their side, but he came back strong. “You can’t kill every angel, Erika. There’s too many of them and too few bullets for that.”

  “Excuse me?” tested Midori quietly, repeating it to herself several times. Then she finally spoke above the both of us, yelling a little bit. “Excuse me, I’m going for a walk.”

  “Of course, go right ahead,” said Gav.

  “Are you all right? Should I come along?” I asked.

  “She’s fine. Let’s stay and talk some more,” Gav replied, dragging my attention away from Midori’s retreating figure.

  “I have nothing left to say.”

  “Oh, come on! I’m sure you do. Where’s your sense of curiosity? Here’s an example for you: How did I know how to kill that demon? Well, the truth is I’ve been doing a lot of that kind of stuff lately. I’ve been killing off all the monsters I find in the forest, not to mention occasionally I go ahead of you and get rid of some of the ones that would have slowed you down.”

  “Thanks, but I think I want to talk to Midori right now.”

  “Please, stay here.” I almost felt bad for him. He obviously had some sort of order to keep an eye on me, but there was no way for him to enforce it if I didn’t play along.

  “Erika, please, sit back down.”

  “No can do, pretty boy. Wait here, I’ll be back in like twenty minutes.”

  “It’s probably too late for her, Erika,” he said, stone-cold, and I spun around on my heel.

  “Don’t you start with the cryptic shit again. If this is another badly phrased sentence, I swear to God I’m going to bash your face in.”

  “Erika, watch yourself. This is not a joke.”

  “And you’re not Gav.”

  “Correct. Please, sit down. Let us talk this out.”

  11

  “MIDORI,” I said. “I’m not leaving her to whatever you’re doing.”

  “So between learning the truth of what is truly happening and potentially saving someone you barely know, you choose her?”

  “Always. The truth can wait, because it’s always going to be there. She won’t.”

  “I might be gone by the time you return. Wouldn’t you rather speak to me? Even for a few seconds. See what you can learn.”

  “I’ve told you all I want to. Leave if you have to. I know I am.”

  The thing that perhaps was Gav, or maybe used to be him, did not stir. The air was heavy with a wet fog, the sort that only rolled in after a storm, and brought with it the tranquil scent of pine and soil. The sky was darkening rapidly, sun long gone behind the clouds, and the moon was nowhere in sight.

  There was no way to tell where Midori had gone, but somehow I just knew. Something in the moss led me down a steep hill into a gorge. A hiking path intersected with my route, and I followed it to the bottom of the gorge and the serene waterfall pool where Midori was kneeling.

  She looked like radiance.

  “I’m scared,” she said, one hand idly turning the water of the pool about.

  “And?”

  “Uneasy?” She looked to me with wide and trembling eyes.

  “Is this about Gav? Because you know, it turns out that that wasn’t—”

  “No!” she shouted, but her hands clamped over her mouth immediately. “I’m sorry. What I mean to say is, it’s not him. I don’t care about him. I don’t care about any of this, all these monsters and angels and forest guardians—I just want it to end.”

  “I thought you were all… cocky about it earlier. You’re chosen, right? Meant to live on.”

  “But I hate it. I hate all of this so much. I just want a normal life, and I want normal things, and most of all I want everything to be logical and make sense. I hate these spirits so much.”

  “Why?”

  She closed her eyes, and her face told me she wasn’t about to open them anytime soon. “Because I’m just a dumb kid. I’m nineteen years old. I ran away from home when I was sixteen because I thought my family hated me and my online friends were my only real ones. But most of all, I wanted to leave the city. I didn’t hate the crowds or the noise, even if I always complained about them. Looking back, it was comforting. All those people, always living right outside my window. But I had it set in my heart that I was a creature of the earth, meant to wander the woods and frolic among deer and wear flowers in my hair all day long and sleep under the stars. I was a witch—or at least, called myself one. I never really did any spellcraft. I barely understand what modern witches are. I just wanted to be one, to be independent and unique and live with plants.”

  “Doesn’t everyone do this kind of thing, though? It’s perfectly normal to want to be special.”

  “No one’s actually special or unique. We’re all the same. I couch surfed my way through two years of my life, living off friends and night-shift jobs. I read dumb books and made an altar and believed myself to be finally at peace with myself.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with any of that, Midori—”

  “I’m not Midori, okay? That’s not my name. My real name’s Sarah Rosenthal. I renamed myself Midori because it means ‘green’ in Japanese, and I thought it was nice and earthy, because everything in my goddamn life was nice and earthy. I traveled around New England for those two years in the best state of being I’ve ever been in, but I was thoroughly miserable. Every night I’d toss and turn to the pace of the wind, and every morning I’d shiver at the birdsongs and the touch of the falling leaves. I hated organic food, I hated gardening, and I hated my new wardrobe of flowing clothes made of flowing fabrics and asymmetrical skirts. I was not at home, but I had to be at home, because this was all I ever wanted.”

  “That’s… really sort of awful. I want to say something, but….”

  “Don’t bother. The worst part of this story is yet to come. There is no conclusion. I’m still wandering the earth pretending I know anything about psychics and spirits, but for some reason I’m entirely right. Why am I suddenly so right? I am dreaming? No one said this would happen. No one said life would be like this.”

  “You shouldn’t be so caught up like this. Nothing’s your fault. And you know, I think you shouldn’t be so caught up on your past like this. You should never live as who you used to be, only as who you want to be.”

  “This is who I want to be. I wanted this, I asked for this, I imagined this. And now this is real and perfec
t and absolutely awful.”

  “I don’t want to try to make this about me—because it isn’t—but I sort of want to say that, well, I get what you’re going through. Not to imply you’re going through some sort of phase or whatever. Unless you want to think of it that way? Please, disregard that. What I mean to say is, I’ve dealt with a lot of shit in my life and I know where you’re coming from. My whole life, I’ve never had more than one or two distant friends, and every day I would tell myself I was going to start changing—wear what I wanted, talk to anyone I liked, show more interest in the world. But I never could. I wish I could have done something like you did, to be honest.”

  “Running away was the worst thing I ever did. My life was hell.”

  “But at least you tried! I was wallowing around feeling terrible for myself, hating who I was, and at least you were trying to live your dreams. So what if things weren’t how you expected? At least you lived them. At least you had a chance to grow.”

  “Everything that grows has to wither.”

  “But we aren’t plants. We’re people.”

  “Yeah, fuck plants.” She wiped a hand across her cheek, but she wasn’t crying anymore. She took a deep breath. “Even now I can’t admit you’re right. But thanks for trying. Thanks for trying.”

  There was no moon, but the sky had lightened. A couple stars peeked down over us, and again I had the feeling Midori was the one emitting the light—there was just something about her.

  “But there’s one more thing. I don’t want to appear like I just ran off like this for no reason but to sulk. Something else has been bothering me, something that he had said.”

  “What is it?”

  “He said humans should never come in contact with angels, especially ones in the shape of animals. And I know I have. Am I possessed?”

  “What? When did this happen?”

  “A while ago. A long time ago, I think. Before the angels even arrived. I had been out for a walk around a particularly pleasant field when I saw this great beast appear suddenly. I was afraid to approach it, but it seemed like some sort of sign—like some sort of patron god to me. It was like a gazelle, mixed with a rose bush. Long limbed, covered in thorns, and colored in the deepest green. Absolutely beautiful and very frightening. Ever so real. I walked to it and I kneeled to it and I think it might have possessed me.”

  “Why would you think that? And how do you know it was an angel?”

  “The eyes. So many of them, always watching me. And it had two feathery pairs of wings set upon its back as well. And I think it was possession because I can’t remember much else after that moment. Darkness. And then, several days later, I resumed life like nothing had happened. And nothing had, oddly enough, for no one noted my absence. It was like they had all forgotten about me.”

  “Gav was pretty clear that people who had been possessed by an angel died. Maybe you just had a blackout? Some sort of ill-brought hallucination?”

  She shook her head. “It was too real for that. I know it happened. The only problem is, I don’t know why. Since that day I haven’t gained any new abilities or even lost consciousness. If it’s possessing me, it’s not doing much.”

  “So… maybe it didn’t? Maybe it just let you be, whatever it was.”

  “Well…. There’s been one thing. I haven’t really been hungry. Or thirsty. Or even tired since that day.”

  “Oh,” I said. “Oh. That’s certainly something. A whole hell of a something.”

  She shifted uncomfortably. “And ever since I woke up yesterday in that burning field, I’ve felt empty. I’m missing something. I think it’s finally left me.”

  “So what, you think that elk-angel had just been chilling out in your body for however long, stopping your major bodily functions, and then just got up and left suddenly last night?”

  “As weird as it sounds, yes. But it isn’t like I’ve recovered at all—I still can’t sleep. I just want to know why.”

  “Nothing’s weird anymore, Midori. Or should I start calling you Sarah?”

  “Please don’t,” she said weakly. “I’m not yet ready to be true to myself like that.”

  “Just let me know when you’re ready.” I took her hand in mine and gripped it tightly, helping her to her feet. It was entirely dark now, but we found our way back without trouble.

  I was almost disappointed to see the-thing-that-was-Gav was still there waiting. He had started a fire, in fact, and was waiting beside it.

  “I can’t feel heat,” he said.

  “That’s a lovely fact that I don’t care about,” I said. “What happened to ‘I’ll be gone if you decide to chase down Midori’?”

  “I am gone. Or I will be shortly. I just wanted to check up on you two.”

  “What’s going on?” asked Midori, looking to me.

  I shook my head. “Who are you?”

  “I am, say—” He looked up as he paused, evidently thinking it over. “—pretty much the game master. The show runner. Nearly the one in charge.” There was a long, quiet moment where I watched his cold face and pondered the implications of him holding power. Then, very quickly, he made a sound like a snort of laughter. “Uh, you know what? I’m mostly joking. I have to go.”

  “Seriously?” I said.

  “Yes.” And he delivered that promise quickly, slipping away from our campsite and into the shadows with great agility.

  We halfheartedly grabbed our bags, but the still-burning fire was very inviting.

  “Do you want to listen to the radio with me?” I asked.

  “Not really. Today’s been pretty loud. Too much talking. But I know you like it for some reason, so go ahead.”

  “I don’t know why you don’t. Isn’t it nice to just hear something regular for once? Isn’t it hopeful to hear something from a civilization that exists, even if it’s somewhere far away?”

  “What kind of radio is that anyway? Shortwave?”

  “Huh? I don’t know, actually. Some sort of ultimate radio I found in a wilderness shop. Why?”

  “Don’t mind me. I’m just curious.”

  I flicked the radio on and settled on the ground, curling up on a blanket I had laid on the ground and watching the fire’s flicker. Midori remained sitting, but she too was gazing into the flames.

  Emil’s voice came out of the static after three minutes. “Hello listeners. Miss me?”

  “I’m the one who was missing, dickweed,” Ada said.

  “But I’m the favorite!” he protested. “All right, Naomi is the actual diamond among us, but let’s not get too caught up on that. We have a lot of news to cover tonight.

  “Since the last broadcast was cut off rudely, a lot was missed. We’re sorry that any vital information may have not been delivered, but hopefully things have worked in your favor regardless.

  “I guess we should head right in. What’s tonight’s theme again? Care to take us away, Ada?”

  “Today we’re reporting on an outbreak of environmental disasters that seem to be sweeping the nation—or rather, our little corner of it. Rivers are flooding, trees are uprooting, and lots of fires are burning tonight. Could the angels be to blame? If so, why? Like seriously, why? They already killed the humans, so do they also have some sort of grudge against wildlife? Not to mention the confusing idea behind them even causing floods and windstorms. Are they that strong?”

  “That’s all very intriguing. Have any answers for us, Naomi?”

  “I do believe so! I have noticed some interesting activity of the Ophanim recently, perhaps they are the arsonists we’ve been seeking? As for the winds, well, many of the larger angels have wings large enough to summon such a gale. I’ve yet to see an angel go anywhere near the water, though. Not even a stream! So I suppose that’s one mystery left standing.”

  “Very interesting indeed,” Emil said, “and now, the weather. Clear days ahead full of sunshine. Expect some chilly winds, though. It’d be best to bundle up early in preparation for the coming frost. About now
would be a good time to plant bulbs, if there was anyone left to plant them. Such a weird thought, isn’t it, that so many bulbs are left to die in flower shops around the world. I wish them the best.”

  “I have one more thing to say today. Watch yourselves out there, listeners. Bad things are coming. Not like they had ever stopped coming, but it’d be good to start being more aware of their existence.”

  “Thank you, Ada. I suppose this concludes Angel Radio. A bit shorter than I was expecting, honestly! Ah well, I suppose that’s for the best,” said Emil.

  “When isn’t it?” said Naomi from a ways off, and I heard the slamming of a door before the station let out to static once more.

  “It’s done,” I said, sort of dumbly.

  “Can you turn it off now?”

  “Oh yes, sorry. I guess I’m heading to bed.”

  “I’ll be up watching the sky, I guess.”

  “Aren’t you…?” I started. “Oh wait, sorry. Right. Good night.”

  “Good night and good morning,” she said, watching the clouds idly.

  I had gotten up already before I realized I had no intention of cleaning out a car of its previous owner to find somewhere to sleep. I was quite tired, but the grass wasn’t feeling very appealing right now either. Instead I made my way back to Midori and sat next to her.

  The fire was beginning to die from lack of timber, and I watched it suffer in silence. I didn’t have anything more to say to Midori, but I didn’t quite want to leave her yet either. And it was in this way that I drifted off: silent, drowsy, and by her side.

  12

  I AWOKE on the ground alone, and as I got up and rubbed my eyes idly, I spotted Midori a ways off standing on the roof of a car. I stretched out and joined her.

  “What do you think that is?” she asked, pointing to something off in the distance from where we had come from. It didn’t quite look like anything at all, resembling a black dust cloud. But a dust cloud was something that probably shouldn’t be cloaking a forest, so it was definitely of some interest.