Only Mine

by Cheryl Holt

  But he’d been very clear about the role she could fill in his life, and she would never humiliate herself by begging for a few scraps of his attention.

  “Hold it right there, Miss Fenwick!” he snapped from behind her.

  She whipped around. “Don’t take that tone with me, Captain. I may have mentioned this to you before, but I am not a lowly private under your command.”

  “You haven’t answered my question. What are you doing here?”

  “Are you deaf, Captain? I live here.”

  “I don’t think so, Miss Fenwick.”

  His snotty pomposity made her blood boil, and she stomped over, coming so close that her skirt swirled around his legs. Sparks ignited, the air charged by the excitement their proximity always generated. He was stunned by it and hastily stepped back as if he was afraid she might catch him on fire.

  “You don’t think so?” she fumed.

  “No, I don’t. I wrote you a very precise letter, and I know you can read. Did I—or did I not—inform you that you’re not welcome?”

  “Ooh, you egotistical prig. How dare you insult me.”

  From down the stairs, a man—it had to be Mr. Grey—called, “Benjamin, are you fighting with someone? It sounds as if there’s a woman up there and you’re fighting.”

  “I’ve discovered why Caleb was in London today, Soloman,” Captain Grey replied. “Annabel Fenwick is here.”

  There was a pause as if Mr. Grey was processing the news then he said, “Why is she? Has she explained?”

  “I suggest you speak with your ward. It seems he invited her to move in.”

  “Didn’t you tell her she couldn’t?” Mr. Grey asked. “I thought you advised her there could be no contact.”

  To which Captain Grey hollered, “Yes, and didn’t I tell you she never listens?”

  “Do you need some help in dealing with her?” Mr. Grey was laughing, and Annabel’s temper flared even hotter.

  Captain Grey’s lewd, salacious gaze slid down her torso, and he snorted with amusement—or perhaps disgust. “I don’t need any help dealing with her. I’ve never needed any help.”

  “Tough talk, Captain,” she said, taunting him.

  He opened the door to his bedroom suite and pointed inside.

  “Get your ass in there.”

  “No.”

  “I’m not about to stand here and shout at you while the whole house eavesdrops.”

  “And I’m not about to let you shout at me so it seems we’re at an impasse.”

  “Your ass! In there now!”

  “Such language, Captain. Since you’ve resorted to using foul words, I can only conclude that you’re angry with me.”

  “You have no idea, Miss Fenwick.”

  “You’re a bully and a lout, Captain Grey. You assume you can simply pat me on the head like a little girl and I’ll go away.”

  “I have never thought that. I have always believed that you are recalcitrant and impossible.”

  “Those are some of my best traits,” she responded.

  “You are the most obstinate, willful, annoying female who ever lived.”

  “And you are the most irritating, infuriating male.”

  “Inside, Miss Fenwick! Now!”

  “I’d rather not. I’m hungry and I intend to eat supper. I can’t bear to have you yapping at me on an empty stomach.”

  She whirled toward the stairs, but he grabbed her from behind, an arm encircling her waist. She was lifted off her feet and carried bodily into the room.

  She wasn’t worried about what would happen. He wasn’t prone to violence, and she had her pistol in her pocket but she refused to bicker. It made her sad and weary.

  She’d loved him so much, and he...what? She hadn’t a clue how he felt about her. It was so unfair that the emotional burden of their amour had landed on her. He would blithely walk away, unaffected by what had occurred between them.

  He kicked the door shut with the heel of his boot then he set her down with a hard thump. Before she could straighten and regroup, he shoved her against the wall and fell on her like a ravening beast.

  His lips captured hers in a torrid kiss that went on and on. For a brief instant, she struggled to prevent it, but she swiftly realized it was exactly what she needed to transpire. She might have been wandering in the desert and found an oasis. She might have been drowning and he’d thrown her a rope.

  She pulled him even closer and reveled in the scorching embrace. He was like a man possessed, as if she were a demon and he was trying to exorcise her.

  Maybe the stupid oaf had some feelings for her after all, and she gleaned some satisfaction from knowing he hadn’t been quite as blasé as he’d pretended.

  “You missed me,” she said when she could catch her breath.

  “Don’t talk, Annabel,” he seethed. “Just be silent and let me finish this.”

  “You wrote me that horrid letter! I’ve never been so offended.”

  “I asked you to be silent. Why is it so difficult for you to heed me?”

  “You broke it off with me—in a letter!”

  “Of course I did. I couldn’t bear to do it in person.”

  “Why break it off at all?”

  “Because you don’t want me, you little witch!” He bellowed his reply. “Now be silent! Please!”

  He started kissing her again, the embrace growing even more desperate, more fraught with unspoken yearning. My goodness! She’d been moping and convincing herself he hadn’t cared, that he didn’t love her, but might she have been wrong in her assessment?

  Men were such thick creatures. Perhaps he was extremely fond, but being perfectly oblivious he hadn’t recognized the extent of his affection.

  The possibility that he might be besotted left her dizzy and speechless. For weeks, she’d been telling herself it was over and she had to move on. What had he been telling himself?

  Someone knocked on the door, and a man said, “Is everything all right in there?”

  Benjamin yanked away. “Everything is fine, Soloman. Go downstairs and leave me alone.”

  Mr. Grey snickered. “I felt I should check.”

  “We’re just dandy,” Benjamin tightly stated.

  “I have a young ward in the house, and I—”

  “Soloman!” Benjamin ground out. “Get out of here or you’ll regret it.”

  “I’m going, I’m going,” his cousin mumbled, and they froze, listening as his footsteps faded down the hall.

  “Exasperating busybody,” Benjamin muttered.

  He looked completely ruffled, as if he’d been running a long race and had lost or as if he’d been in the ring with a more experienced pugilist who had beaten him to a pulp. She was humored to observe him when he was so discomfited.

  During their acquaintance, he’d always been totally composed and in control, and she was thrilled to observe him when he was uncomposed and out of control.

  She grinned. “I take it you’re glad to see me, Captain.”

  “I’m not glad,” he claimed. “I’m so bloody relieved I can barely stand it.”

  “You missed me,” she repeated. “Admit it for once.”

  “Yes, I missed you.” He spat it like a curse.

  He kissed her yet again, gentler this time, as if he’d managed to expunge some of his rage and temper. He rested his forehead on hers and murmured, “What am I to do with you, Annabel? Tell me.”

  “What do you want to do, Captain?”

  He studied her forever, his beautiful blue eyes digging deep. Finally, he said, “I don’t think I can live without you.”

  “That’s a pretty comment, Benjamin, but I won’t be your mistress. Not ever.”

  “I know.” His scrutiny intensified. “While we were apart, an interesting event occurred that has altered my circumstances.”

  She jerked away and threw up her hands. “I don’t wish to hear about it. I demand we discuss you and me and nothing else.”

  “I’m not engaged anymore,” he
blurted out without warning.

  “You’re...what?”

  “My fiancée cried off.”

  Annabel gasped. “She didn’t.”

  “She did. I’m not about to be an earl so I’m not the prize she imagined me to be.”

  “Fickle of her, but not surprising.”

  “She’d also developed a bit of a tendre for your brother.”

  “He’s charming that way. Immature debutantes love him, and they’re never wary when they should be.”

  He snorted at that. Had he realized how capricious Veronica was? Had he realized she wasn’t very smart or shrewd? Annabel wasn’t concerned about the blasted girl or her problems. She was only concerned about how the information would impact her own situation.

  “You’re a free man, Captain.”

  “I am,” he agreed.

  “You’re a bachelor again.”

  “Yes, and I’m at loose ends. I’ve been wondering if I should return to my regiment and resume soldiering.”

  Her shoulders fell, some of her confidence slipping. “I’m certain King and country will appreciate your service.”

  “On the other hand, I was wondering if I shouldn’t stay in England and marry someone else. I am thirty after all.”

  “Yes, you’re absolutely in your dotage.”

  “There are many females who would be eager to ally themselves with me and my family.”

  “They’ll be lined up out the door.” Sarcastically, she added, “How will you ever pick the best one?”

  “I’m handsome and rich so I’m a marvelous catch.”

  “You’re humble too,” she muttered.

  He chuckled. “How about you? Do you think I’m a marvelous catch?”

  She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of a reply. Stoically, she said, “Don’t tease me about this, Benjamin. I can’t stand to hear about your marital plans.”

  “Well, you should hear about them because as I was riding to Scotland with your sister—”

  She interrupted. “A trial imposed on a martyr, I’m sure.”

  “I had many, many hours to reflect on my future. Guess what I decided?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “I can’t choose any of the available girls in London.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because they’re not you.”

  So...they were back to her being his mistress again. Her spirits flagged, her mood darker than it had ever been. She wanted him for her own, and when he’d been engaged she’d understood why it was impossible. Yet now he was free and could select any bride in the kingdom, and she still wasn’t good enough for him.

  “What now, Benjamin?” she murmured. “Can we finish this so I can go down to supper? I’m very hungry, and I don’t have the energy to spar with you.”

  “Spar with me?” He scowled. “We’re not sparring.”

  “We’re not?”

  “No. I’m going to tell you what I need from you. You’re going to concur—without arguing. We’re settling this once and for all.”

  “I will argue until I’m blue in the face,” she insisted. “I will argue until the end of time. I will not be your mistress. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.”

  “Who said I was asking you to be my mistress?”

  “Well...”

  He dropped to one knee and clasped hold of her hand, and he gazed up at her, his expression alight with desire and affection. She started to tremble so hard she could barely stay on her feet.

  “What are you doing?” she inquired.

  “You know what I’m doing.”

  “Please don’t. I told you I can’t bear to have you tease me.”

  “Who’s teasing?”

  Was he about to propose? Could it be? The prospect was so preposterous she wanted to laugh. He couldn’t be serious, could he? But it seemed as if he was absolutely bent on proceeding.

  “I can be bossy and dictatorial,” he said.

  “Yes, you can be.”

  “I can be obstinate and domineering and horrid.”

  “I agree.”

  “I can also be faithful and loyal. I can be steady and constant and true.”

  “I suppose you can be. Occasionally.”

  “And I love you, Annabel. I love you so much it’s killing me. Will you marry me?”

  She frowned and shook her head. “You can’t mean it, Benjamin.”

  “Why can’t I?”

  “Because I’m Annabel Fenwick. I’m Cecil Fenwick’s daughter. I am sister to a gambling libertine and a demented kidnapper. There could never be a place for me in your world.”

  “Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?”

  “What’s come over you? I can’t imagine.”

  “I love you. That’s what happened. It took me a long, cold ride to Scotland to realize it.” He stood and dipped in for a quick kiss. “Say yes, Annabel. Say you’ll have me.”

  “I’m too afraid.”

  “Why would you be?”

  “You’re currently possessed of a strange impulse, but I’m sure it will pass. If I consent to be your wife, you might be glad now but what about a month from now? A year from now? If you regretted it later on, I’d never survive it.”

  He drew her into his arms and snuggled her body to his. “You silly woman. How could I ever regret having you as my bride?”

  “I drive you mad with my negligent behavior and attitudes. Most of the time, I’m not certain you even like me. How could you wed me? It’s ludicrous.”

  “Yes, it is. You’re correct. It’s crazed and deranged and very likely the sole unhinged decision I will ever make, but if you refuse me, Annabel, I doubt my life will be worth living.”

  He stared at her, and she stared back, trying to get a picture in her mind of what her future would be like as his wife.

  The easy part would be the financial security. She’d never have to struggle or fret over how she would eat or pay her bills. The bigger issue had to do with dependability and fidelity.

  While being raised by Cecil, she’d regularly watched men betray their wives. She didn’t know Benjamin all that well, yet she knew him better than she’d ever known anyone. Deep down, was he different from her father’s friends? Was any man?

  “Swear to me that you’ll be faithful,” she said.

  “Is that what’s worrying you? I will be faithful until my dying day.”

  “Swear to me that I will come first in your esteem and affection.”

  “Oh, Annabel, there’s never been any question of it.”

  “Swear you will remain by my side, that you won’t stray, that you will never leave me.”

  “Me! Leave you?”

  He picked her up and twirled her in a circle. “You are insane, Annabel Fenwick, and you haven’t given me your answer. Tell me you’ll have me. Tell me you’ll be my bride. You have to be mine. Only mine.”

  “Only yours,” she mused. “I like the sound of that.”

  “Yes, only mine,” he said. “Only mine forever.”

  She felt as if she was standing on a high cliff, as if she was hurtling toward the edge and about to jump off. “Yes, Benjamin Grey, I will marry you. I will have you as my husband for the rest of my life.”

  “And I will have you as my wife—for the rest of mine.”

  He kissed her then, tenderly, sweetly, and they both sighed with delight.

  “Let’s go to Grey Manor,” he suddenly suggested.

  “Now?”

  “Yes. We can be there in a few hours.”

  “It’s dark and raining.”

  “I don’t care. I plan to debauch you, and I shouldn’t do it here in Caleb’s home. He’s just a boy after all, and he shouldn’t be exposed to that sort of depravity.”

  “You’re not debauching me until we speak vows in front of a vicar.”

  He tugged off a signet ring he always wore and slipped it onto her finger. “I don’t have a vicar, but I have a ring. We’ll get a Special License tomorrow. Will that suffice?”

>   “I can’t decide.”

  They’d already been intimate on several delicious occasions. How could it matter if they spent the night together?

  She suffered a spurt of panic, terrified he might change his mind after, but if he tried any nonsense, she had a nephew who was an earl. He could force Benjamin Grey to behave as he ought.

  “This is the first time I’ve ever seen you at a loss,” he said.

  “I’m not sure I trust you.”

  “Not trust me. Are you mad? Perhaps you are. It runs in your family.”

  “What will your servants say if you stroll in with me?”

  “They better not say anything, and you’re being ridiculous.”

  Before she knew what he intended, he scooped her up and tossed her over his shoulder as if she were a bag of flour.

  “Put me down, you cur!” she scolded.

  “No. We’re heading to Grey Manor, and I won’t listen to any complaint.”

  He marched out the door, and they reached the stairs and went down to the foyer—with her protesting all the way.

  Soloman Grey was there and he asked, “What are you doing, Benjamin?”

  “Annabel and I are riding to Grey Manor.”

  “Why?”

  “Can you make him put me down, Mr. Grey?” Annabel asked.

  “I doubt it, Miss Fenwick,” Mr. Grey replied. “He looks awfully determined.”

  Annabel shifted around, seeing Caleb and Peggy were with Mr. Grey.

  Caleb grinned up at Mr. Grey. “I told you he was sweet on her.”

  “So you did, Caleb. I didn’t believe you.”

  “Have you proposed, Captain?” Caleb appeared mischievous but resolved too. “Will you marry her? Because if you won’t, I really can’t let you leave with her.”

  “We’ll wed as soon as I can obtain a Special License,” Benjamin promised.

  “Would you like me to come with you, Miss Annabel?” Peggy said. “Will you need assistance?”

  Benjamin answered for her. “She won’t need any help. Not tonight. She’s mine. Only mine, and I know just how to take care of her.”

  They walked out, Caleb and Peggy laughing and clapping. Mr. Grey was more reserved, but he was definitely smiling.

  “When will you be back?” Mr. Grey said to Benjamin.

  “I might never be back,” Benjamin responded. “I’m betting she’ll keep me busy for quite some time.”