Hello Gerald, she said, managing to make her voice in his head sound both friendly and steamy at the same time.
His eyes bugged out. “What are you supposed to be?”
Isn’t it obvious? I’m a cat-girl geisha.
Gerald’s nose twitched. “Yeah, but... why?”
She flicked open her paw-shaped fan and cooled herself daintily. You were having a bad day, and I wanted to make you happy.
Gerald nearly fell over. “Well, I am touched that you wanted to do something nice for me. I mean that sincerely, it is very kind of you. Only... why this?”
She gave off a confident sniff. I searched through the analytics, and of all the costumes one can buy for their virtual girlfriend in True-Life, this one was purchased by human males more than any other.
Gerald could only stare at her.
She spun around dramatically. Do you like it? I had the family seamstress whip it up for me.
Gerald was having trouble finding a courteous way to respond. “I would... I suppose... if I were Japanese... and into cosplay... and a furry.”
What’s a furry?
“Better you don’t know. So, is there anything I can help you with?”
Well, it just so happens that I won a pair of tickets in the temple raffle.
“Congratulations.”
She took out the tickets from her paw-shaped purse and fanned herself with them. These are V. I.P. seats for the fireworks; a private booth, fully catered, very extravagant. Naturally I could go with anyone, but I knew you’d had a rough day, so I thought I’d give you the honor of being my escort tonight.
Gerald leaned forward to get a better look at the tickets. “Are those for the private Ssykes company booth?”
She pulled them away. So what if they are? I still won them. Now, get dressed into some formal wear. Please don’t keep me waiting too long. I don’t believe in being fashionably late.
Gerald rubbed his red eyes. “I don’t even own any formal wear...”
“Geri, what is SHE doing here?” Zurra yelled as she ran up, holding the jade dress she had modeled for him earlier in the day.
Gerald blinked. “What is she doing here? She came to my door, same as you.”
Zurra inflated her hand and smacked him in the chest. “I am very upset at you, Here I am getting myself all dolled up like a leopard changing his spots, and this is what I find?”
“I don’t see how that is my fault. I can’t stop people from coming to my door.”
Cha’Rolette stepped in between them facing Zurra. Gerald and I were just about to leave to watch the fireworks together.
Zurra puffed out her cheeks. “You can’t go with him, I asked him to go.”
“No you didn’t; you said that you wanted to go with me, I never said I’d go with you.”
Ha, you see? Now, run along and go find a nice mop bucket to sleep in.
“I didn’t say yes to you either, Duchess.”
Oh, don’t be silly. Of course you are coming with me.
Gerald rubbed his bloodshot eyes. “To be honest, I’m feeling pretty down, I wasn’t planning on attending the fireworks at all, with anyone.”
The girls ignored him as they growled at each other.
Gerald doesn’t want to sit back in the nosebleed section with you and the commoners. Stinking of cheap beer and failure. He’s an Exeter student now, he’d much rather experience the luxury of a private booth.
Gerald glanced back at the bed in his room. “Actually, I’d prefer to just go to sleep. I haven’t had a chance to sleep in a real bed since I left Earth.”
“Who’s asking what you want, Geri?” Zurra snapped back.
“No one, apparently.”
Zurra placed her hands on her hips and waggled her head at Cha’Rolette. “You’re an idiot, curly-fry. You don’t know my Geri at all. He doesn’t like that all that fancy slop. He likes hot dogs and Twinkies. He likes cheeseburgers and Spam...”
“Those are things you like.”
“...If he went with you he’d be bored to death, little miss stuffy-pants. You wouldn’t know a fun time if it jumped up and bit the hand that feeds you.”
“That’s not a proverb, Zuri.”
Cha’Rolette scoffed. Ha! I can be fun. I can be very fun. My companionship is extremely diverting. Everyone says so.
“Oh yeah? Can you do this?” Zurra stuck her thumb in her mouth and blew. Her head inflated like a balloon.
How is THAT fun?
“Actually, that was pretty funny,” Gerald chuckled.
Quiet, you. The point is, this little bag of phlegm can’t tell you what you like.
Zurra’s eyes twinkled wickedly. “You know what I can tell you? I can tell you what Gerald’s lips taste like.”
Cha’Rolette gasped, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. You lie.
“Ask him. Geri and I are dating exclusively.”
Tell me she’s lying, she asked in a panic.
“She’s lying. We’re not going out. And she forced herself on me, I didn’t kiss her back.”
“It’s still more than you’ve done with him, baguette-head.”
“You’ve already used that one.”
“I can use it again. I can use it as many times as I want.”
Well, Gerald and I have already been on three dates, how many have you been on with him?
Zurra was shocked. “T-T-T-Three?”
Gerald furrowed his brow. “Does sitting by the pond count?”
Of course it does.
“No, I won’t let you have him,” Zurra yelled, grabbing onto his arm and yanking.
He doesn’t belong to you! she yelled, grabbing his other arm and pulling.
“Stop it!” Gerald yelped. “You’re going to pull my arms out of their sockets.”
Zurra yanked harder. “You let go, he’s my bride!”
Cha’Rolette pulled harder. There’s no way I’m going to lose to someone like you! I’m a Ssykes!
As the girls pulled harder, Gerald looked like he was going to die. Cadbury ran around in a circle flapping her wings excitedly before running into a wall.
Zurra reeled back with one arm. “I said let go!” She struck Cha’Rolette in the shoulder, zapping her with electricity. It surprised her so much she let go, and she and Gerald went crashing down to the floor.
A loose tip of ta’atu fell across her face as she gripped the burnt fabric of her kimono.
Oh, you shocked me! You little klerf! Cha’Rolette’s face twisted with wrathful indignation. How dare you? she spat, rising to her feet. That’s it, I’ve had it! You’ve crossed the line. School or no school, diplomatic immunity or not, NO ONE bruises the heir to the Ssykes family!
Cha’Rolette whipped her hand out, her eyes flashing, and Zurra was thrown against the far wall. She then fell apart, sliced into a thousand tiny cubes along with her dress by unseen blades.
“Holy cow,” Gerald said, scooting back as the pink cubes scattered about. “Holy cow, look what you did to her.” Cadbury came up and curiously pecked at one of the cubes. “You know, it’s a good thing she can regenerate from that.”
Can she? Frakk!
Gerald looked up in surprise. “You mean you didn’t know?”
The cubes flowed back into one amid the shredded dress and Zurra punched with her fist, releasing a bolt of lightning that arced down the hallway, its tendrils burning wall paper and shattering decorative vases and paintings. Cha’Rolette’s ta’atu uncurled, and the bolt deflected slamming into a vending machine and reducing it to molten slag.
“Ladies, please calm down! Remember you are diplomats, representatives of your worlds!” Gerald pleaded.
That’s right, and I’m going to show her which one is superior! Cha’Rolette kicked up and Zurra was struck from below. The invisible force slammed her into the ceiling, breaking the ferrocrete. The contents of the bathroom above spilled down into the hallway. A jetted whirlpool, a sonic shower, and a very surprised Talseerian man wrapped in a towel
.
“You are civilized ladies,” Gerald shouted as he helped the man into his room. “The elite have no need for violence.”
Zurra rose up from amid the debris, looking furious. “Violence? This isn’t violence. Not yet, anyway. I’ll show you violence!” She let loose another bolt, twice as strong. Potted plants and mirrors shattered, the floorboards splintered. Cha’Rolette deflected the bolt and it punched through the wall into Gerald’s room, shredding the bed and splintering the cabinet. Cadbury screeched in terror and hid in the bathroom.
Slowly, Gerald and the frightened Talseerian man peeked through the hole and out into the burning hallway, their shock evident on their faces.
“We can talk through our differences!” Gerald shouted.
Cha’Rolette punched forward and Zurra was thrown back into the fountain near the lift, smashing into it with the force of a train. Her body wrapped around it like taffy, then was crushed down from above, flat as a pancake.
I am talking. Did you hear me, Immestria? Cha’Rolette taunted.
Gerald and the Talseerian looked at each other. “Why do girls have to be so violent?”
Cha’Rolette deflected a fresh bolt of lightning. It sailed down the hall just as Tomar rounded the corner happily carrying a new fertility statue. The bolt hit the statue, shattering it into a million pieces.
“Frakk!” Tomar hollered then was forced to duck for cover to avoid another bolt.
Cha’Rolette swatted her hand, and a wall of energy slammed Zurra against a mounted shrine, splattering her like a bug. A second later, she pulled herself back together.
“Duchess, this is pointless,” Gerald pleaded. “It doesn’t matter how many times you bash her, she’s practically invulnerable to physical attacks.”
Cha’Rolette wiped the sweat from her brow. We’ll see about that.
As Zurra rushed at her, Cha’Rolette thrust out her hand and Zurra exploded from within, splattering in pink droplets all over the broken walls.
Cha’Rolette placed her hands on her hips and tossed her ta’atu back smugly. For a moment, everything was quiet. Then each droplet reformed itself into a tiny copy of Zurra. Thousands of her swarmed along the walls and floor like insects, crawling up Cha’Rolette’s legs, dropping down onto her shoulders and hair.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh! She squealed, jumping up and down in a girly panic. Get them off! Get them off! Get them off! Get them off! Get them off!
She shook her head in disgust, flicked her scorched kimono, kicked her broken sandals, and slapped them off her arms, but the tiny Zurras held on tenaciously, biting, punching and kicking for all their minute bodies were worth.
Not knowing what else to do, Cha’Rolette dropped to the floor and rolled around, crushing the tiny Zurras on her back and chest, but before she had even rolled upright again, the pink splat marks had reformed into more tiny Zurras and continued their attack.
Ahhh! There’s one in my ear! There’s one in my ear! Cha’Rolette squealed, grabbing her head as she rolled. There’s one in my klerfing ear!
Gerald hung his head. “This has got to be the most undignified thing I have ever seen.”
Finally Cha’Rolette managed to get to her feet. She punched her fist into the palm of her hand and an invisible sphere exploded from her, taking all the pink copies with it. They splattered against the ruined corridor, then flowed together into a single body, and Zurra was once again standing opposite her opponent.
The two girls were breathing heavily now. Their outfits were torn and frayed, their styled hair in ruins. Bruises and scratches marred their pretty faces. Their eyes locked fiercely.
Zurra reached up and flicked her thumb against her nose. “Hey, Geri, remember this one from that show we used to watch when we were kids?” She cupped her hands at her side and began chanting. “Kah... Mehhh...”
Gerald’s eyes went wide. “Zuri, no!”
“Hah... Mehhh...”
“We’re not kids anymore! That was just a show,” he yelled, jumping deep into his room for cover.
A sphere of white-hot electricity formed between Zurra’s hands. With a crack like thunder she thrust it out before her.
“HAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Zurra released a beam of energy so bright it filled the hall. The exposed wood and framework burst into flames from the heat.
Faster than thought, Cha’Rolette placed her hands on her temples and created a barrier around herself. The beam struck the bubble and washed around it, destroying the structure beyond and exiting out the side of the hotel. From there, the beam punched through a pet grooming center, crashed through a vegetarian restaurant, and struck the base of the Nebblehalft mountain range, burrowing a perfect shaft straight through to the other side, where it burst out, splitting the west sea, before the curvature of the planet dropped away and it sped out into space.
Zurra was giving it everything she had. The edges of her body began to fray and evaporate. Cha’Rolette struggled to keep up her defenses. Her ta’atu trembled, her face was pinched. Her invisible barrier buckled, threatening to break.
...
...
...
...and then everything stopped. The world went gray, as if all the color had been sucked out of it. Gerald watched as Zurra stood frozen in place, the energy of her beam crawling by at a snail’s pace. He saw Cadbury frozen in midair as she attempted to flee into a closet, one of her feathers slowly rotating in the air behind her.
“Come with me,” said a voice. Gerald looked up and saw Ilrica standing above him, her beautiful emerald eyes shining, the only color in the world of gray. Gerald took her hand and she helped him to his feet. The air felt different. It was thick, like moving through water.
“What did you do?” he asked.
“Just a little Bertulf trick I picked up,” she said as she led him out into the hallway.
Hidden from him before, Gerald could now see Cha’Rolette’s two bodyguards standing beside her. “Whoa, were they here the whole time?”
Ilrica nodded, “they’re always with her.”
Gerald marveled as she led him past them. “I wonder why they didn’t step in to help?”
“They would have if she was in any real danger.”
Gerald looked at the beam streaking out into the mountains. “So what qualifies as real danger?”
“Anything that would hurt the family name. Their job isn’t to protect her. Not really. Their job is to keep her in line.”
Ilrica gripped his hand tighter and leapt out through the hole in the side of the hotel. He only had a moment to panic, before they were falling upwards. Gerald felt a wave of nausea, his body having absolutely no idea how to react to this situation. It was as if gravity had reversed. Suddenly the sky was down and the planet was up, and they were falling into the sky. Ilrica didn’t seem bothered at all. She flicked out her hand and then they were falling forward, zipping across the skyline just across the tops of the buildings. It probably looked like flying, but felt more like falling.
Gerald covered his mouth to keep his lunch inside of himself, and glanced back at the hotel, the energy beam bursting out from the side. “Are you sure they’re going to be all right?”
“They’ll be okay.”
“Are you sure?”
Ilrica shrugged. “Probably.”
“Probably?”
Ilrica laughed. “You still don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?”
“They were holding back because you were there. They didn’t want you to get hurt. If they had given it their all, the entire city would have been vaporized.”
Suddenly, the gray world became colored again, and the hotel exploded in a massive fireball. Ilrica looked down at him, her sharp features made sharper by the illumination of the fire. “And I’m stronger than both of them,” she added.
Gerald swallowed hard.
Then they fell downward again, although at this point, Gerald didn’t even know what that meant exactly. They came to rest on top of the h
yperspace antenna tower. As the cold wind whipped around him, Gerald wrapped his limbs around a metal joist with all his might.
“Whew, got you out of there just in time,” Ilrica said, putting her hands on her knees and gasping for air. Gerald watched in horror as the hotel collapsed into debris.
“I thought you said they were holding back.”
Ilrica wiped the blood off her nose onto her sleeve. “Yeah, I think they were kind of overestimating how durable you are. People who have never hunted humans before don’t realize they can be delicate.”
Gerald looked at the blood trickling out of her tall, wolf like ears. “Boy, that really takes a lot out of you doesn’t it?”
She shook her head, “Aw, this is nothing. A true Bertulf can bend time like this for hours on end.”
“A true Bertulf? What does that mean?”
Ilrica reached out and flicked him in the forehead with her claw. “It means I’m still earning my place in the bonfire circle. Why do you think I work so hard?”
Gerald clucked his tongue. “Granted, I haven’t known you that long, but I don’t ever recall seeing you work hard.”
“That’s because you’re not paying attention.” She leaned back and rested against a brace. “Now, try to show a little more gratitude, I just saved your life.”
“Sorry,” Gerald said, rubbing his head. “I’m kind of new to this damsel thing. If you want I can give you my handkerchief as a token of my appreciation. I’ll wish you good luck as you head off to the Crusades or whatever.”
Ilrica held up her hand. “Nah, keep that frilly stuff. If you want to thank me, bring me a gazelle, I’ve always wanted to try gazelle.”
Gerald scratched his head. “I’m pretty sure those are on the endangered list.”
Ilrica gave him a wink. “That never stopped me before.”
Gerald looked out as emergency vehicles flew to the hotel from all directions. “Isn’t the city supposed to have emergency defense barriers for stuff like this?” he wondered aloud.
“Yeah, weird huh?” She slapped her knees. “I’m thirsty, let’s go get some beer.”
* * *
Down amid the rubble of the hotel, underneath a cloud of dust that blocked out the sunlight, some pieces of broken ferrocrete stirred. A chuck fell away, and Cadbury poked out her head. She squawked in confusion, and then shook herself clean, losing a few feathers in the process.
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