“I kinda fell into it. My dad went to college with John, you met him?” I nodded, “He asked me to help out with one of the fundraiser basketball tournaments. I filled in as a community member on one of the teams with the kids. By the end of the night, he had offered me a job as a recreation leader.”
“You must have impressed him.” I said.
“Nah.” He smiled up at me. “John tried to play it off like I was helping him out, but he was stepping up for me. He knew I didn’t have much going on in my life at the time.” His smile wobbled and I thought about his tattoo again. I wanted to know more, but before he redirected the conversation back at me, “What about you? How’d you wind up there?”
“I needed a change. I’ve worked on campus since I came here. The job was okay at first, but lately I’ve been restless. I saw this job on the help wanted board on campus, and thought it was worth a shot.”
“Was it? Worth the shot?” He asked, but by the intensity of his stare he seemed to be asking about more than my job.
“So far. It feels, I don’t know, right.” I tried to find the words to describe how the last two days had been for me, but came up short.
“Fate.” He said plainly, but hadn’t lost the intense stare. “In more ways than one. Don’t you think?” I darted my eyes down to my fidgeting fingers. The sudden surge of August in my life wasn’t something I could ignore, or wanted too. I had thought of the term fate myself a few times, but could fate be trusted? I hoped so.
“I think.” I lifted my eyes to find his again. The intensity faded and softened into the sweetest gaze. His eyes reflected the same hope I felt in my heart. True hope, the kind that only comes from living without it.
Our drinks were ready shortly after we sat down, and August and I talked the two hours we spent there. The entire two hours. I’d learned all about his family, a lot of which I already knew from Capri, but I didn’t stop him. I liked hearing him talk. I liked hearing his thoughts and his voice. I liked the way his eyes danced when he told stories about him and Wes standing up for Capri as kids. I liked the adoring smile smeared across his face when he mentioned how his mom and dad have been married for thirty years and still stayed up late at night talking. I laughed at the wide eyes and fake grin he plastered on when he said they even still make out.
As much as August told me, I still sensed him holding back. For one, he never mentioned anything after high school directly related to him. I enjoyed his tales of mayhem and mischief, but I found it odd he never mentioned a story from the last five years. Not that I was in a place to judge.
I opened up more to August in those two hours than I had with most people in years. I talked a lot about my mom, Lennon, and even gave him some good back mail material on Capri. I mentioned briefly that I had a strained relationship with my dad, but not much more. I didn’t want him to pity me or worse, stereotype me as someone who’d become too dependent on him.
The thought reminded me of Nolan. I rarely thought of him anymore, if at all. The words he had said to me when he broke my heart had somehow still stayed with me.
“C’mon Kensie, don’t get all upset.” I smeared the tears from my cheeks and glared at him. Upset? How could I not be anything less than ripped to shreds? I gave him my virginity two weeks ago, and now he’s breaking up with me.
“I thought you loved me?” I didn’t mean for it to come out as whiny as it did.
“I did,” he said more sympathetically now and reached up to touch my face. I jerked away from his deceptive touch.
“I don’t get it. What did I do wrong?” I thought we were happy, both of us. When Nolan and I started dating six months ago I never imagined it ending like this, or at all. Maybe it was naive of me, but I really hoped we would last. I needed for us to last. I had fallen in love with him, and I needed more than anything for him to never leave me.
Nolan put his hands on his hips and huffed looking up to the dark sky, not a star to be seen through the cloud cover. “You got so clingy, Kensie. You always want to be with me, and if you’re not you want to know where I am or what I’m doing. I’m feeling suffocated.”
A fresh set of tears poured from my eyes. I loved him. I had fun with him. Of course I wanted to be with him. I held on too tightly though. I held on so tight; afraid of the day he would leave. Well, now here it is.
“You’re a great girl, Kensie,” he started to say, but I turned and walked away at that. No pity. I don’t like pity or reassurance. I heard him sigh from behind me, but didn’t stop. I walked until I got into my house, and then I went straight to my room, to cry. Alone.
I hadn’t allowed myself to get close to anyone since Nolan. Emotionally anyway. I set out on a mission shortly after he broke up with me to prove that I wasn’t clingy starting with his best friend. What followed was a series of one-night stands that held no value to me, and no risk of abandonment. The disconnection and isolation I got from those moments became addicting. Only then was I able to forget all the shattered pieces inside of me.
There is no doubt that August changed things for me. Rather than walking away, I feel pulled to him. He’s woken up a person inside of me I thought had been long gone. All this time I’d thought I wasn’t ready to trust again, but now I see that I’ve always wanted that. I just hadn’t found the person to inspire me to. Now I’ve found August.
“I need to get back to work.” August said with a groan and glance at the clock. “You wanna come back with me? Hang out a bit?” He grinned hopefully.
“I’ll pass.” I scrunched up my nose.
“I see you’ve had enough of me, huh?” He stretched his arms above his head. My eyes followed the muscles in his arm lengthen and contract. Not enough in the least.
“Not at all, but I have had enough teenagers for one day.” I thought about calling my dad back too, although, that would only take up ten minutes of my time.
“Ah, yes, they take some getting used to.” He stood and held his hand out to me, “C’mon pretty girl. Let’s get you back to your car.”
Chapter 6
Lennon was in class for another hour, so I had some alone time after getting home. I sat cross-legged in a mish mash of black sheets strewn all over the bed. The phone in the palm of my hand taunted me with a shining a blue glow across my face. My finger hovered over the call button when the screen went black. Being this nervous over calling my own father saddened me. I touched the keypad reigniting the light. I had to do this, if for anything to know I did what I could to repair our relationship.
I hit send.
Ring. Maybe he won’t answer
Ring. I should hang up and make my bed first.
Ring. Why is he not answering?
A heartbeat before I hung up, he answered mid-ring.
“Hey, kiddo,” his voice was hidden below the shouts and cheering in the background. The deep rumble of my childhood both soothed me, and nauseated me. It was hard for me to believe the man who could heal a bad day at school with a bedtime pow wow, had become the source of years of hurt.
“Hey Dad, sounds like your busy. I can call you back later?” It was also hard for me to believe the man who comforted me, was now one that made me nervous.
“Just a minute, Kensington.” I cinched my eyes closed ignoring the urge to correct him, and listened to the noise drift further away.
“Hey, kiddo. We’re at Parker’s play-off game.”
“S'okay dad, I won’t take up too much time. I wanted to let you know I’ll be at Thanksgiving dinner this year.” I don’t know why I’d decided to go. Spending time with August had me looking through different lenses. I’d spent the last three years avoiding my dad, so perhaps I was part of the blame for our disconnected relationship. One dinner couldn’t make things worse. I heard more cheering in the background, but no response from my dad. He probably wasn’t even paying attention.
“Dad?”
“What? Oh yeah, sorry Kensington, I don't know what to say. I’m pleased you’re going to be with all of us thi
s year. I’ll let Jodie know so she can plan dinner. “Cheers erupted through the line again. “Atta boy, Parker! Nice corner shot!” My dad shouted into the phone. I guess my fabulous athlete of a stepbrother is saving the game again. “I need to get back to the stands, kiddo.”
“Bye, da..” and he hung up.
I stared at my screen trying to decide how the call went. On a scale of Tom Cruise jumping on a couch, to a Brittany Spears fan ugly cry, I sat comfortably at a Kristen Stewart halfsy smile.
“Roomie, I’m home.“ Lennon bounded in the room, but paused in the doorway with grocery bags in hand, “Wait, what happened? You’re abusing you’re cheek.”
Lennon had been my roommate since freshman year. I will never forget walking in and seeing her hanging her band posters all over my side of the room. She had already decorated her bed in purple and black linens and hung black roses from the ceiling.
“What are you doing?” I asked her as I watched the pint size black haired beauty standing on my mattress.
“Decorating our room,” she answered without stopping what she was doing.
“Who's to say I want to wake up to Austin Carlisle every morning.”
She dropped her poster clay on my bead and stared at me in disbelief. “Do you have a vagina?”
I choked on my spearmint gum. “Uh, yes….” I waved my hand across my nether regions.
“Then you want to wake up to this man every morning. I'm doing you a favor. You can even play with your snatch a little while he smiles down on you.” She continued to hang up the other corner of the poster. I immediately liked her. She was sassy and unguarded, and everything I had hoped for in a roommate. I wanted real, and it seemed that Lennon kept it real.
“Well, I guess I should be thanking you. I’m trying this whole born again virgin thing, so Austin will do a nice job of keeping me occupied.”
Lennon's eyes widened at me in disbelief and jumped off the bed to plumage through her boxes. “Oh honey, here I have an M. Shadows one for you too sweetie. Sounds like Austin might need some backup.”
From then on, we were best friends. She’s the rocky to my road, and the vodka to my tonic. She’s quick to call me out, and even quicker to have my back. Put simply, Lennon is the best friend I’ve ever had.
“I called my dad.” I peered up at Lennon hoping she'd put some calm to my unease. She also had the ability to add a little extra tenacity too it, so much so that I often wished I could bottle it up to use for myself. I may need it when I visit my dad.
“And,” she dropped the bags in the doorway, and sat on the bed beside me. “How'd it go?”
“Okay I think. I mean, He was at Parker’s game so obviously he was busy, but he stepped away to take my call.” I shrugged my shoulders. Gratification never came with the call, but neither did regret.
“Oh sweetie, that isn’t bad at all. That's actually pretty decent of your dad. Did you talk much?” Lennon placed her hand on my knee offering me comfort. For someone who was so fierce, she never shied away from affection.
“No, not really. I told him I'd be there on Thanksgiving.” I flinched when I bit my cheek too hard leaving a metallic seeping in my mouth.
“So, you’re going? Why’d you decide to go this year?” A wave of panic washed over me that Lennon recognized immediately. “No…don't over think Kens. This could be a good visit for you two, and if he breaks your heart again, I’ll shower his beloved Beemer in tampons and maxi pads.”
“What?”
“Don’t question my retaliation techniques. Go with it.” She kicked her boots off letting them fall to the side of the bed in a clunk. “I am curious though, why the change of heart?”
“I wouldn’t go as far as to say a change of heart, more like a last chance.”
Lennon regarded me closely, “I think I like this plan. It’s like you’re reaching out, looking for something to grasp. It’s good.” She smiled wickedly, “You should start with grasping August,” she nudged me with her shoulder, “Eh? Eh?”
“Well…” I trailed of and looked coyly over my shoulder.
Lennon’s eyes widened, ”Did you grasp that? You grasped that didn’t you? You little floozy!”
“No!” I shoved her away from me laughing, “But I did see him today. If you can believe it, he works at the youth center I got hired at. He’s some kind of leader. Fate’s a slick bitch.” I was starting to like her, and the welcome predicaments she placed me in lately, like the storage closet.
“There’s more. Spill it woman.” I groaned. What was she a savant? “And before you call me a witch or some crazy ass thing, your face is the shade of Capri’s lipstick.” Of course, my blush never lied.
“He kind of kissed me.” I didn’t even try to conceal my smile, “On the corner of my mouth.”
“Like, on purpose, or did he miss?” She asked confused.
I laughed and threw my pillow at her. “On purpose. At first I thought he was being a gentleman, but now I think he was trying to tease me.”
“Well, hot damn. Your dad wasn’t King Douche and August is lighting a fire in your pants.” She pulled a bottle out of one of her grocery bags. “Margaritas and chick flicks. Let’s do this.”
One Mean Girls viewing and way too many tequila shots later, Lennon and I were roasty toasty. We came up with a game where we would take a shot every time the other person could quote a scene word for word. We had watched the movie over a dozen times together, so that equaled a lot of shots. I wasn’t much of a drinker anymore, but I decided it was okay since I was in the safety of my dorm room with only Lennon. There weren’t any guys around to lose myself to tonight. Unless the RA came knocking on our door, but I’m pretty sure my body wouldn’t be compelled to launch itself at the five foot two calculus major.
“So,” Lennon began while wiping her entire hand across her face, “lemme get this straight.” She slurred a little at me. “He has kissed you on the corner of your mouth, and your cheek. Not butt cheek, as you clarified for me.”
I giggled. “Yes, all in one day. Thas a lot of body parts for one day. Don’t you thin?” I looked up at her from where my head dangled upside down off the edge of my bed. Thank God I was slurring like she was.
“I thin he should be able to do better, sweet cheeks. How could he not want to smother you with kisses even after only an hour? We should call him. Tell him you need more kisses. Smothering.”
I rolled over onto my stomach and reached out to grab my phone off the side table. I missed my grab and sent it tumbling to the floor. “Shit, my hands aren’t working.” Lennon and I both giggled uncontrollably. I was going to regret this in the morning. “Maybe I’ll sext him.”
Lennon sat up as quickly as her sluggish body could move and her wide eyes sparkled at me. “Yes! Let’s sext.” She clapped her hands together like a schoolgirl, although she missed her palms a few times smacking her wrists. “Oh, I’m so excited Augie came along to help you get your groove back.”
“I’ve always had my groove, Lennon.” I stood up from my bed and swayed my hips in a half hazard assumingly sexy way. “I’ve had it under lock and key. I’ll give August the code.” I raised my eyebrows and Lennon crinkled her nose at me.
“No more cheesy jokes for you. That was lame.” Lennon’s comedic bone must lose its blood supply when she drinks, cause I’m freaking hilarious right now.
“Okay, so how should I do this? How does one sext?” I must approach this task and professionally as possible.
“I think you have to say some dirty things and send him a picture of your nipple.”
I looked at Lennon in disgust. “My nipple? Who wants to see a nipple?”
“Okay, the whole boob?”
“I’m not sending August a picture of my boob. He needs to earn boobage.”
Lennon and I ran some ideas back and forth and even Googled. “How to sext?” After wiping the tears form our endless laughing, I had it.
“I know Len! I’m going to send him pictures of all the new place
s I want him to kiss.”
She did some version of the MC hammer dance across the carpet, “You’re a genius, Kens. That boy’s not gonna know what got into you.”
“Okay, what first?”
“You should start small, build his anticipation.”
“Anticipation. Yes, he needs anticipation. Okay.” I thought for a moment. “ How about my shoulder. That could be sexy?”
“Perfect! Hand me your phone and push your strap over.”
Lennon grabbed my phone from me and took to picture.
“Okay, now what do I say?” I thought and came up with something suggestive but not too revealing.
Me: You’ve missed a couple of spots.
“Oh that’s good,” Lennon squealed over my shoulder. “Quick send another one before he can respond.”
Next she captured my neck. Snap. My collarbone snap, and got in one more of my jawline, snap, before I got my first message tone from August.
Humpty: Oh?
Humpty: Shit Kensie…
Humpty: Okay, what the hell are you doing?
Lennon and I laughed as his texts flew in one after the other. I thought to make a snarky remark about accidentally sending him those texts, but I decided honesty would be the best. Even in my intoxicated state, I was clear about not wanting any blurred lines between us.
Me: I’m sexting you.
I waited a few minutes with no response. “I shouldn’t have told him that.” I clicked on the message I sent him frantically trying to delete it. How is it that my phone can talk to me, but can’t delete a message I just sent? Someone needs to get on that.
Lennon patted my shoulder. “I think he’s taking care of some business with his bottle of lotion, if you know what I mean. Lotion for the motion.”
The blood in my veins chilled numbing a few fingers and toes. I had said too much. I misread him today. He could be laughing his ass off right now too. No, that’s not it. This is hot. My sexting is so hot. Another text came in.
Humpty: I’m so on board with this.
Humpty: Seriously though, can you send me more?
Truth In Wildflowers Page 8