Once a Bridesmaid

by Courtney Hunt

  “He’s coming in Friday night for a long weekend.” Erin turned in the chair, giving her a beaming smile. “I’m so nervous!”

  Lauren stared at her. Her serious, business-minded friend had changed in Savannah where she’d met this Matthew. Erin giggled. Actually giggled. Lauren blinked, feeling her jaw sag. Even in high school, Erin hadn’t giggled.

  “You should have little cartoon birds circling your head, chirping love songs,” Lauren said. “You’re crazy about him, aren’t you?”

  Erin nodded, biting her lower lip. It hit Lauren then. Erin was actually in love with this Matthew. A man she’d known just over a week. How could things have gotten this far so fast?

  Her brother, Dylan, who had met this Matthew, swore that everything was fine. Lauren trusted Dylan. Still, it was early days yet. Everything could cave in like a bad soufflé. And who knew what Matthew intended? Plus, it was long distance.

  Lauren wanted to be happy for her friend but her cynical side worried for her. Lauren watched Erin, who stared out the window, a dreamy expression on her face. Instead of voicing her deep-seated doubts, Lauren pasted a smile on her face. “I can’t wait to meet him.”

  At the sound of Lauren’s voice, Erin jolted and flushed harder at being caught in her daydream. “So, what’s up with Kyle?”

  “Nothing.” Lauren’s voice hit high-pitched the way it always did when she was lying. Erin raised one eyebrow. Lauren stammered on. “I saw his photos. Joe is right. He does have a good eye. And he worked hard at the wedding on Saturday.”

  “How about at the bachelorette party?”

  How had Erin known about that? Lauren nodded, doing an impression of a bobblehead doll. “Yep. Did great there, too.”

  “And he was fine with being mistaken for a stripper?”

  Lauren shut her eyes. Damn. She’d forgotten that she’d told Erin that. “Yeah, we had a good laugh.”

  “A good laugh?” Erin tilted her head to the side, raising her eyebrows again.

  “Yep. Quite a chuckle.” Lauren tapped hastily on her keyboard, carefully not looking at Erin. She didn’t think Erin would ever actually fire her for violating the non-fraternization policy, especially when she’d just been in violation of it herself with this Matthew. Erin might be a hard-driving, hyper-focused businesswoman, but she wasn’t a hypocrite. And she was a good friend. Still, Lauren didn’t want to disappoint her.

  “So, are you planning to laugh it up again?” Erin asked.

  Lauren shook her head, her eyes glued to the screen, as delicious images of their one night together tumbled through her mind, the feel of Kyle’s hands on her skin, his lips trailing behind his fingers. Lauren shut her eyes, trying to think of anything but Kyle.

  Erin finally said, “He seems very nice. Good looking, too.”

  “You and Maybelline should form a club,” Lauren groused. “You know I don’t do repeats.”

  Erin sighed and shook her head. “I know. It’s a shame, that’s all. It looks like Kyle’s got quite a nice laugh.”

  “He does.” Lauren agreed. But she didn’t want a relationship. Her childhood taught her the futility of that fool’s game. Of the bitterness and anger that remained after the laughing was done. No matter how pretty Kyle’s eyes were, how good his big hands felt on her, or what a great eye he had to find beauty and light through his camera lens, she didn’t want to be around to see the laughter slip from his lips and only the bitterness remain, like it had with her parents. Better never to risk it than end up like that. No matter how much she might be tempted to want more with Kyle.

  Much better to be alone.

  Now, if only she could make herself believe it.

  Chapter Five

  “You don’t have any assignments for me?” Kyle asked his second-to-last remaining editorial contact, hearing the tinge of desperation in his own voice. He hunched his shoulders and turned his back to the brisk winter wind, pressing his phone to his ear to hear the response. At sunset, on Thursday, Kyle and Casey walked along the darkening beach, neither dog nor man venturing too close to the water’s edge. Far too cold this late in December.

  “Sorry, Rawlings. Nothing at the moment,” Ben said, sounding distracted already. Kyle swallowed down the bitterness that Ben, the editor who ran the photo that destroyed Kyle’s life, got to keep his cushy job while Kyle paced on a freezing beach desperate for work.

  “Thanks, man. Merry Christmas. Say hi to Cecilia and the girls.” Kyle hung up and sighed. Though the spectacular sunset unfurled ribbons of crimson, gold, and peach across the sky, Kyle couldn’t see the beauty in it. He wanted back in the field, to see the world through his camera lens, to discover the stories out there. Unfortunately, no one seemed to want to give him a chance to do that again. He scrolled through his contacts to his absolutely last remaining editor friend.

  Before he could dial, a slim figure caught his eye, stepping down from the wooden access stairs to the sand. Dressed in jeans and a dark jacket, her bright copper hair made the only spot of color on the otherwise deserted beach. Lauren. She turned away from him, her hair streaming behind her, striding toward the lighthouse at the tip of the Cape. She bent her head down, sand flying from her footfalls, her hands in her pockets, shoulders hunched.

  Kyle hesitated. She’d made it clear that she didn’t want more than a one-night stand. But she’d also agreed to be friends. Should he approach her? Say hello? Her body language indicated a desire to be alone. Then again, she hadn’t seen him. Should he call to her?

  In the end, Casey made his decision for him, running ahead, barking at the seagulls wheeling above in the brisk sea breeze. Lauren turned. She caught sight of Kyle and waved. Casey bounded to her and Lauren extended her hand. After a brief sniff, Casey licked her hand and she patted his head. When Kyle limped up to her side, struggling to walk in the slope of the sand, she cooed nonsense to the dog who stared up at her in canine adoration.

  “Who is this?” Lauren asked, still rubbing Casey’s soft ears.

  “Lauren, meet Casey.”

  “What a sweet face.” Casey was a mix of breeds but mostly resembled a smaller yellow lab. “Does he belong to the Mitchells?”

  “No, they’ve been watching him for me a while now. I met him just outside of Kabul.”

  “And you rescued him?”

  “Think it was mutual.”

  Lauren looked up at him then and they smiled at each other. Kyle couldn’t be imagining this connection between them. But, she’d been very clear. Just friends. Still, he couldn’t help the happy little lurch near his heart when he saw her smile. “So, no raucous bachelorettes or…”

  “Not on a Thursday night in December, less than a week before Christmas.” Lauren shook her head. “I’ve got the wedding this weekend but, mostly, this is a slow time for us.”

  “What brings you to stomp down the beach, then?”

  Lauren gave Casey a final pat and stood. “Erin’s got a visitor. Thought I’d give her some privacy.”

  “Is this the lunch date?”

  “The very same.” Lauren nodded, her mouth downturned and her arms crossed tightly over her middle.

  “Well, you’re welcome to walk with Casey and me, if you like.”

  They fell into step, neither speaking, as they walked along the sand, toward the lighthouse. Occasionally, the light beam swept over them, highlighting the deepening dusk. Kyle tossed a tennis ball for Casey who joyfully fetched, sand flying up behind his paws as he galloped. He dropped the ball at Lauren’s feet, tail wagging.

  “Think you’ve made another conquest,” Kyle said. She picked up the ball and tossed it for the dog, just as the last rays of the sun died out. Kyle’s fingers itched for his camera, to capture Lauren as the blue hour shadows fell across her face. Strands of her long hair caressed her cheek and he shoved his hands into his pockets so he wouldn’t be tempted to brush it away and bend closer and… “So, you don’t like Erin’s visitor?”

  “I don’t know him. I just met him.” She chewed
her bottom lip. “So did she, actually. They just met last week. She was in Savannah for a week of wedding stuff. His brother was the groom. Things are progressing really fast and I’ve been worried, I guess.”

  “That it was one-sided?”

  “It’s just really unlike Erin to fling herself into a relationship. She’s Miss To-Do List, very cautious, very careful, very focused. And then, suddenly, all these photos of her with this gorgeous guy start popping up, she’s relaxing and having fun.” Above them, stars glimmered into view, scattered across the darkening sky, as twilight deepened toward night. “When Matthew walked in the door tonight, the way they looked at each other, it’s the real deal.”

  “But?” Kyle said when she scowled, watching her feet as she picked through the sand. By unspoken mutual agreement, they turned back when they neared the lighthouse, just as the blue hour ended, before full dark cloaked the beach.

  “She’ll probably have a great big engagement ring soon and maybe even be married this time next year. In five years, she’ll have a minivan with two kids and a stick family on the back window. A lovely house with a white picket fence. Even a shaggy dog to go with it.” Lauren shook her head. “And you know that’s all great for her. It’s what she really wants and I’m happy for her.”

  “Surprised to be jealous?” Kyle guessed.

  “I’m not jealous.” Lauren shook her head again. “I don’t begrudge Erin her happiness. She’s lit up from within she’s so happy.”

  “You just want a little happiness for yourself, too?”

  “All the domesticity would choke me. I feel claustrophobic at the very thought. Buried in the burbs.” Lauren shrugged as they slowly climbed the wooden stairs, their footsteps echoing down the deserted beach, Casey trotting happily at their side. “Not the type to want to be tied down. Don’t believe in love, anyway.”

  “You’re a professional bridesmaid but you don’t believe in love?” Kyle had never met a woman who didn’t want love or some form of a commitment. Lauren seemed allergic to the very thought.

  “Or marriage.”

  “So are you a heart-hearted opportunist, or what?”

  “Hardly. Maybe it’s more accurate to say I believe in it for other people. I’m just not cut out for it.” Lauren smiled. “Thanks for walking with me.”

  “Casey and I are just going to grab a pizza and clear out the DVR. You’re welcome to join us.” Kyle held out his hands, palms up. “Just as friends.”

  “A friendly pizza?” Lauren smiled at him.

  “Don’t the lovebirds need their privacy?” Kyle’s heart beat just a bit faster, hoping she’d say yes and not wanting to look too closely at his motivations.

  “If you’re sure you won’t mind…” Lauren said. “Lead the way.”

  Once they reached the Mitchell’s house, just a few streets from the water, Lauren followed Kyle and Casey up the stairs to the apartment above the garage. Across the driveway, the Mitchell family gathered around their kitchen table, playing a board game. The yellow light above the table cast the scene in a homey, warm light, the Christmas tree twinkling merrily behind the little family.

  As Lauren watched, the youngest Mitchell girl jumped up, her hands over her head to give a vigorous, booty-shaking dance, her dark curls bouncing as she celebrated. Joe swung her in the air, her nightgown flaring out around her ankles, all of them laughing together. Lauren could never recall that much laughter in her childhood home.

  Kyle fumbled with the key, the dog knocking into his legs in his eagerness to get inside. Finally, he opened the creaky door to a tiny, one room apartment, letting Casey dash inside first. Though small, it was homey and neat, with a colorful quilt tossed over the wrought iron bed in the far corner. Near the door, a little sitting area sat clustered around a large wide screen TV.

  Above the squashy blue sofa, enlarged photo prints were tacked to the wall. She stepped closer, looking with interest. There was a colorful bazaar in some exotic foreign land, a silhouetted figure jumping off a cliff into a greenish tide pool, a shifting sand dune and near the center, a photo of her. She recognized the traffic cone bridesmaids’ dress. Kyle caught her just as she’d turned at the head of the aisle, so her face was in profile and shadowed and the candlelight caught the light in her hair.

  “I only hang up my favorites.” Kyle emptied his jacket pockets of sea glass, the color of his eyes in the sunlight, into mason jars arrayed along a low shelf.

  “And I’m one of your favorites?” Lauren looked at him, noting his long eyelashes, sharp cheekbones, and soft, inviting mouth.

  “I like the shot. It makes you curious to know more about that mysterious, beautiful girl. And the colors remind me of a sunrise.”

  “That dress made me look—”

  “Not the dress. All the colors in your hair.” He tapped the photo. This close, his breath smelled of cinnamon and she caught the forest scent of his cologne mingled with the cold winter air from outside. “Now, beautiful, what do you want on your pizza?”

  “Whatever you like, other than green peppers or mushrooms. Yuck.”

  “Duly noted.” Kyle ordered the pizza while she played with Casey and gave him a dog bone out of the glass container on the counter. He offered her a cold beer and they sat on the sofa together, careful to leave a wide space on the cushions between them. Casey climbed between them, laying his head on her lap. Kyle waved his hand at the now-dozing dog. “Do you mind?”

  “He’s adorable.” Lauren rubbed his soft fur, feeling the tension in her shoulders ebb. After several moments of silence, Kyle glanced over at her.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Course.” Lauren sipped her beer, enjoying the bitter, yeasty taste of the rich ale.

  “You seem very determined not to be involved in a relationship. I just wondered why?” Kyle asked her. “Did some guy break your heart? He must have done a good job.”

  “No.” Lauren shook her head. “I’ve never been in love. Never even been close. Never wanted to be.”

  “Because?”

  “Because…” Lauren sighed. He’d asked a fair question. She didn’t owe him an explanation, but maybe it would feel good to talk to someone about it. “It’s because of my parents.”

  “Bad divorce?”

  “No, not at all. They’re still married. It’ll be thirty years next May. But they’re miserable. They battle each other all day, every day. They snipe and swipe and loathe each other. Fight over nonsense. Now it’s just a pattern, just who they are. The Bickersons.” When Kyle remained quiet, Lauren continued. “I didn’t want to ever hate the man I married that much. And I didn’t want to have to bear the burden of him hating me either.”

  “Okay but it’s a long way between only having one-night stands and marriage. There must be more to the story than that.”

  “I tried to date in high school and college, but the guys always seemed to want more. The last guy I dated seriously…” Lauren swallowed, picking at the label on her beer, not really wanting to talk about David. “We’d been friends first and tried to extend that relationship to a beneficial arrangement.”

  “And?” Kyle prompted when she said no more.

  “He wanted more than that and I didn’t. When it didn’t work out, he said I broke his heart. He ended up transferring to another school, and I lost a close friend, too. So now, I get out before that happens, before it stops being just for fun. Why start something I can’t finish?”

  “But doesn’t that get lonely? Never letting anyone too close?”

  “I’m not lonely.” Lauren insisted, though she shut her eyes thinking of the joy on Erin’s face earlier, the answering adoration in Matthew’s eyes. “I have my friends, they’re like my family.”

  “But tonight, with Erin and this guy, you saw what you’ve been missing all along?”

  “Not missing. I’ve never wanted it at all.”

  A knock at the door sounded throughout the apartment. After Kyle paid the delivery guy, they settled onto the
sofa with fresh beers and big slices of pizza.

  Lauren took a few bites of the gooey, cheesy pizza and then, burst out. “And how do people live with the constant fear that it will all cave in? That in ten years, they’re not going to be fighting about who walked the dog and where the kids will go to summer camp and—”

  “They probably will fight about all those things. That doesn’t mean they don’t love and adore each other still.”

  “Maybe. But it’s too big a risk for me to take. I’d rather be alone than that miserable.”

  “But what if you were going to be that happy?”

  “It wouldn’t last.” Lauren shook her head. “What movie are we gonna watch?”

  “Movie? How about the Cowboys game this past weekend?”

  “You cannot be a Cowboys fan.”

  “Yes, ma’am. I’m sorta from all over but I lived the longest in Dallas. America’s team, and all that.”

  “I’m from Jersey originally and I went to high school in Atlanta. That doesn’t mean I don’t know the Pats are the best in the league.”

  They flipped on the game, polishing off their pizza, and idly watching, chatting companionably. “So how come you lived the longest in Dallas?”

  “Army brat. My dad served all over the world. I was born in Jerusalem, went to kindergarten in Germany, and bounced around the U.S. after that. But I did high school in Dallas. That makes me an adopted Texan.”

  “Is your dad still in the military?”

  Kyle shook his head. “Both my parents are gone. No siblings. Just me. And Casey, here.”

  After the game, Casey sat by the door, waiting patiently for Kyle to take him out. Lauren tidied up the plates and the pizza box before following Kyle down the stairs. They shivered in the side yard waiting for Casey. Lauren watched Kyle, the light from the silver moon gilding his handsome face. She stepped closer to him. Maybe she could make just one exception?