Playing for Keeps

by Shiloh Walker

  “Everybody’s a mess,” he said, shrugging. “Just in different ways. Maybe you’re just my kind of mess.” He threaded his fingers through her hair and tugged, arching her head back. Staring into her eyes, he whispered again, “I love you.”

  “Hmmm…” she sighed against his lips as he kissed her, but when she swayed closer, he eased back.

  “Jake?”

  When she would have reached for him, he slid his hand down, pressed his hand to her belly. “You need a little more time.” He dipped his head and nuzzled her neck. “Why don’t we go take a shower…then go to bed. I think we could both use some sleep.”

  Two weeks later

  Dana scowled as she climbed out of her car, glaring over her shoulder at Jake’s house. His car wasn’t there—and it wasn’t parked in her driveway, either.

  Where in the hell was he?

  She’d requested a little more time off two weeks ago and she was due to go back in another week. Today she had gone to the office, but not to work. Her check-up.

  Jake had been there with her, held her hand as Joe did the exam, felt around on her belly and offered all the standard advice and various sentiments that Dana had voiced over to other parents who had gone through the same thing.

  She was young.

  She was healthy.

  There was no reason she wouldn’t be able to conceive again and carry full term with no trouble.

  But Joe did it was a gentleness, a compassion that Dana doubted she’d had in the past. Yeah, she was a nurse, compassion was supposed to be her thing, but going and experiencing the loss herself, she suspected it was going to make a serious impact on how she approached things in the future.

  Jake had left to go back to work and she’d headed out to kill time at the mall and hit the gym.

  I’ll be home by six, he’d said.

  Well, it was nearly six-thirty, she was hungry and if he didn’t show up soon, she just might go get the pizza she’d been craving and keep it all to herself.

  She opened the door, but instead of going inside, she stood there, her mouth open.

  There was music.

  There were candles.

  Rose petals…her heart flipped over in her chest as she edged a few inches inside the door, tracking the line of velvety red petals from the door to where it disappeared from her sight down the hall. Swallowing, she shut the door and dumped her gym bag and purse on the floor. Tucking her hands into her pockets, she edged closer, eying the petals and breathing in the scent of melting wax and the sweet perfume of the roses.

  There weren’t just a few petals on the floor, either.

  Lifting her head, she stared at the crystal vase on the island in the kitchen, the matching vase on the coffee table. Angling her head, she stared down the hall and saw another vase, a little smaller, on the narrow table there. The only light coming from that direction was from her room, a soft, wavering glow—more candles?

  Cocking her head, she started down the hall, pausing by the floor to stroke one velvety petal.

  Roses. Exactly what was Jake up to? Even as much as she wanted to ooh and ahh over the flowers a little more, she was too curious to just keep standing there. With one last glance, she left the flowers and headed into her room and there she came up short.

  Candles and rose petals, the soulful wail of a sax rising all around her. The comforter was pulled back, revealing ivory sheets covered with more of the fragrant blooms, but still no sign of Jake. The door squeaked behind her. She jumped, turning around just in time to see Jake emerge from behind it as he closed the door and came towards her.

  He was bare-chested, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. In his hand, he held one perfect red rose.

  Forcing herself to smile, she said, “Never would have pegged you for this much of a romantic, Jake. Man, you’ve been hiding some serious secrets.”

  The corner of his mouth curled in a faint grin. “Maybe keeping just one or two.” He stroked the rose down her cheek, along her neck.

  She caught her breath as the velvety petals trailed lower, tracing the line of her collarbone and then the scooped neckline of her T-shirt. Her lids drifted closed as the rose trailed lower, along the curve of her breast, her abdomen. He came closer—she felt the heat of his body, reaching out to hers across the few scant inches that separated them. As he reached for the hem of her shirt and eased it upward, she opened her eyes and smiled at him. “You know, it’s been a long few weeks…all the seduction really isn’t necessary. I’m easy.”

  He stripped her shirt away, her bra, let them fall to the floor. “Maybe I want to.” He went to his knees in front of her and in another minute, her jeans and panties joined the rest of her clothes on the floor and he was once more teasing her skin with the rose. “Maybe I need to.”

  She dipped her hands into his hair as he leaned in and pressed his mouth to the mound of her sex. “Well, put like that…”

  He nuzzled her and then stood up, carrying her over to the bed. The scent of roses grew stronger as he lay her down on them and bent over her. “Do you love me?” he asked softly.

  Reaching up, she covered his cheek with her hand. “Yes. With all my heart…it feels like I’ve been waiting for this, waiting to have you with me like this forever.”

  “I have been waiting forever,” he muttered, turning his face into her palm and kissing her hand. “Day after day, year after year, I kept waiting, wondering when you’d come back.”

  “Why did you wait? Why didn’t you just come and get me?”

  He caught her wrist and eased it to the bed beside her as he stretched out next to her. “Because you would just wander away again… I know you, Dana. I had to wait until you were ready—” His mouth tightened in a snarl for a brief moment and then, as quick as that, he was smiling again, that slow, sexy tease of a smile.

  “What is it?”

  Jake shook his head. “No. It doesn’t matter.”

  “If it didn’t, you wouldn’t be thinking about whatever it was… What is it?”

  He blew out a breath. “This is supposed to be a seduction, not a chat.”

  “I’m already seduced…believe me.” Dana grinned at him. She lifted up and pressed a kiss to his chin. “So what were you thinking about?”

  “Not what. Who. I kept waiting. Waiting. Then you start going out with Mason, and I wasn’t so sure that waiting had been the right way to handle it—fuck, Dana, it almost killed me when I walked in the backyard and saw you with him that day. I wanted to kill him and then you go and blindside me, teasing me…” Something hot, something raw crossed his face and he rolled atop her, grabbing her hands and pinning them to the bed by her head. “I couldn’t tell if I was in heaven or hell.”

  He wedged her thighs apart, the rough material of his jeans abrading her thighs. Through them, she could feel the hard, heavy length of his cock and she shuddered, whimpering with need. Rocking up against him, she said, “This is supposed to be a seduction, not a chat.”

  Jake chuckled. “Maybe I want some payback for the hell you put me through… Play with me…” He dipped his head and rasped it against her ears. “All I’m doing is playing…just like you asked, remember?”

  Jerking against his restraining hands, she scowled at him. “Maybe I don’t want to play right now. I don’t like games as much as I used to.”

  “So no more fun and games?” he murmured, levering his weight over the side and shifting both of her wrists to one hand. With his free hand, he stroked his way down her torso, circled her navel, the soft, sensitive skin of her inner thighs.

  But not close enough.

  Not where she needed him to touch her.

  “I don’t want fun and games with you. I want everything.” She stared up at him, into those dark blue eyes, so familiar, his face, a face she’d gotten so accustomed to seeing—how was it possible that she had just so recently realized he was so much more.

  He wasn’t a friend. He was everything.

  Her heart. Her soul. And over the p
ast few weeks, he’d been her strength. He’d been there when the tears crept up on her in the night, when they snuck up on her at odd hours through the day. “Everything, Jake.”

  “Everything.” He dipped his head and kissed her shoulder. Then, letting go of her wrists, he levered up, settling on his knees beside her. He held her gaze as he reached back behind him, grabbing something from the bedside table without even bothering to look. “How much is everything…the rest of our lives?”

  “That sounds pretty good to me.” She levered up on her elbows, craning her head to look at what he held, but he wouldn’t let her see it.

  He lay his hand, warm and strong, on her belly. “What about kids? Do you want that? Do you want to try again?”

  Her mouth went dry. Tears threatened, but she blinked them back. “I don’t know… I’m not ready to think about that. I mean, I want a baby, but I don’t know how I’d handle it…if anything happened. I just can’t think about it yet. I’m not ready. Are you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Do you want kids? Is that what you want? To try again?”

  He brushed her hair back, winding a curl around his finger. “I want kids—but I need you.”

  The tears were getting harder to fight. Blinking rapidly, she stared at him and swallowed the knot in her throat.

  “I need you,” he repeated and then he reached for her hand.

  Her heart stopped as she finally saw what he held in his other hand.

  A small, black velvet box. The kind of box that held a ring.

  As he flipped it open, her heart started back up, but this time it was in a crazy rhythm that stole her breath away. Or maybe it was the look in his eyes, that look of raw, naked need and adoration—that look that made her feel beautiful, wanted, needed…and strong. The way she felt when she was with him, it… Well, it made her complete. It filled some empty place inside of her she hadn’t realized existed.

  The ring caught the faint golden glow of candle light as he drew it out. “I bought this before.”

  He didn’t elaborate, but then again, he didn’t need to. Mouth dry, she stared at the ring, not quite able to believe what she was seeing. He took the ring from the box and then caught her hand, lifting it in his. “I love you,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her wrist. “I’ve always loved you. I’ve been waiting for you for most of my life—waiting for us. Will you marry me, Dana?”

  Half-laughing, half-crying, she shoved upward to her knees and wrapped her arms around him. She pressed her lips to his and whispered, “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  He reached up and caught her left hand, brought it down. They both watched as he pushed the ring onto her finger and then, their gazes locked. Her heart beat wildly inside her chest and her lungs screamed for air, but she couldn’t seem to catch her breath. “Is this real?” she whispered.

  A smile curled his lips as he dipped his head and brushed his lips against hers. “Yes…yes, it’s real. You’re not going to change your mind, are you?”

  She sighed and hummed as he trailed his lips down her neck. “No. I already told you, Some things, you play for keeps—and you’re one of them.”

  His mouth came back to hers, crushed against hers with a force and heat that threatened to rob her of any breath she might have had left. He kissed her as though he were starving for her, as though it had been years since he’d touched her. It was a greed she understood all too well. Running her hands down his naked back, she tugged at the waistband of his jeans. “Off,” she demanded against his lips.

  He didn’t let go, barely eased up enough to reach between them and unbutton his jeans. They fumbled and tugged, reluctant to let go of one another. She finally managed to push the denim down just past his hips and then she reached down, closed her fingers around his cock. She spread her thighs, arching upward. “Hurry, damn it…please, hurry.”

  “Supposed to be seducing you,” he muttered.

  “Seduce me later—please, Jake.”

  He pressed the head of his cock against her, but then swore, tearing away from her clinging arms and fumbling behind him on the table. Foil tore and he rolled the rubber down over his length.

  Dana stroked a finger down his cock, following the heavy vein that ran along the underside. “I don’t like you wearing it.”

  “Right now, we need it.” He caught her hand and kissed it and then levered his weight back over.

  “I need you—” Her words ended on a wail as he pushed inside her, deep, relentless, pushing through her tight tissues.

  Pain flared through her and she gasped, her nails digging into his shoulders.

  “Shit…damn it, Dana, I’m sorry.” Jake tensed and stilled above her, scowling.

  He went to pull out but she brought her legs up, locking them around his hips. “Don’t you dare.”

  “I’m hurting you.”

  She shook her head. “Not enough for you to stop. Jake, I need you.”

  How could he resist that? Swearing, he dipped his head and kissed her, sinking down against her and letting her soft, sleek curves take his weight. He didn’t pull away, but he didn’t move either. Not at first. He held still, let her body relax. The soft, clinging tissues of her pussy gradually eased. Sliding a hand down her hip, he brought her thigh up, holding it against him as he rocked against her.

  A soft moan escaped her lips. Her lashes fluttered down. Dipping his head, he pressed his brow to hers. “Look at me, Dana. I need to see you.”

  The gold-tipped fringe of her lashes lifted and she stared at him through them, her golden eyes dark and hot. “I love you,” he whispered.

  A smile curled her lips and she arched up to meet his thrust. She flexed around him, the muscles in her pussy clenched and gripped him like a wet, velvet glove. “I love you.”

  “For keeps.”

  “For keeps,” she echoed and then she curled a hand over the back of his neck, bringing his mouth to hers.

  Lost in her, he kissed her. Lost in her, he pumped his hips against hers and shuddered, groaned as she clenched down around him again. Convulsively—getting hotter and hotter, tighter and tighter. Her body arched under his, her entire body going tight as her climax moved in. Jake’s wasn’t far off and he knew he couldn’t hold it back Even through the thin latex of the condom, he could feel her heat. He could smell it, above the scents of candle wax and roses, he could smell her. Above the blood pounding in his head, he could hear her—soft broken moans and sobs, desperate pleas and mewling cries.

  The need to come burned through him, tightening his balls, drawing his skin tight. His cock jerked in her snug sheath, but he battled back the climax. Not yet—not until she came with him.

  Blindly, he caught her hand, her left hand, twined their fingers, palm to palm. Tearing his mouth from hers, he rasped, “Mine…for keeps.” He twisted his hips and moved higher on her body, each deep, driving stroke rasping against the sensitive notch deep inside her pussy.

  Dana wailed, climaxing under him, her body arching up to meet his. Too damn desperate, he stopped fighting it and let go.

  Against his lips, Dana whispered, “For keeps…”

  Chapter Eight

  Nervous, Dana stared at the box. Her hands shook as she opened it, fumbled with the wrapper with clumsy fingers. It finally tore and she ended up dropping the damn thing. Swearing, she bent down and grabbed it.

  “You okay?”

  Shooting a look over her shoulder, she glared at the closed door. She knew, without even looking, that her husband was on the other side of it, probably grumbling under his breath that she hadn’t let him come in with her.

  “I think I can handle peeing by myself,” she said.

  Eying the directions, she read them through and tried to ignore the pitching in her stomach. What happened last year wasn’t likely to happen again. She was young. She was healthy.

  She was scared to death.

  Nausea churned in her stomach and suddenly, she wondered why in the hell she’d told Jake he
couldn’t come in the bathroom with her. Oh. Yeah. She was nervous enough and if he was standing in there with her while she peed, it would take forever.

  “You’re peeing on a damn stick. There’s nothing that complicated about it,” she muttered.

  “What?” Jake asked, his voice muffled.

  “Nothing,” she called. “Gimme a minute, will you?”

  Something thunked against the door. His head, most likely. She grinned, despite the nervousness in her belly.

  “You’re doing this on purpose,” he said.

  “Am not.”

  The banter eased the nervousness in her belly a little. Enough that she was able to take care of the first part.

  Now came the hard part—waiting. For that, she opened the door as soon as she’d washed her hands.

  Jake came in behind her as she turned back to stare at the test. He slid his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. She covered his hands with hers, tugged his left wrist up so she could press a kiss to the simple gold band on his ring finger.

  “Who in the hell knew two damn minutes could take so long?” Jake groaned as they watched the little window.

  Nothing at first, then slowly, it started to change. Colors appeared. Lines appeared.

  As in two lines.

  Her heart leaped into her throat as she turned in his arms. Grinning, she pushed up onto her toes and pressed her lips to his. Softly, she whispered, “We’re pregnant.”

  Author’s note:

  In February 2005, I gave my husband a Valentine’s Day card filled with “baby” confetti—pacifiers, bottles, storks, and of course, baby shapes. I was pregnant with our third child.

  Then in March, I came in contact with a child who’d had Fifth’s disease. It was in the stage where all she really showed was the red cheeks, a slight fever and a runny nose. Minor symptoms. It wasn’t until a few days later when we found out the girl had Fifth’s disease.

  I’d worked as a pediatric nurse in private practice for years—I thought for sure I’d been exposed at some point. Then a few days later, I developed the rash. I already knew the risks at that point—I’d researched them. What can you do at the point, but wait? That was all my husband and I could do—wait.