Cado

by Dyllin, D. T.

  My eyes slid shut as Lucian pressed up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. His lips moved hungrily over my neck, his hands exploring my flesh. “You know this time will be no different than the others,” I rasped even as I arched into him, yearning for what he was so blatantly offering.

  I shook my head ever so slightly, raising my hand to thread into his hair. I opened my eyes to meet his gaze in the mirror. He tipped his head forward and smiled against my skin. “That’s where you’re wrong. Everything about this life is different.”

  “No. Nothing’s changed.”

  He threw his head back and laughed, spinning me in his arms so I ended up with my back pressed against the cool glass. He caged me in with his large frame, his black wings wrapping around us. “With each life you become more and more human—more corrupted. I’ve been patient—so fucking patient. This will be the life that I finally make you mine…forever.”

  “No—”

  “You kill for what you think is justice. You’ve become judge and jury.” His lips tipped up into an all too familiar smirk. “Just. Like. Me.”

  I gasped, shrinking away from him as much as I could. He was right. This life was the first I’d ever taken it upon myself to be judge and jury—a murderer. In past lives I would help the police, turn people over to be dealt with by the law. Something had changed—I’d changed. Bile rose up into my throat, burning.

  Lucian stroked his knuckles from my temple down along my jaw. “Ah, my darling little Karma, I can see by your reaction that you know what I’m saying is true. You’ve let yourself be corrupted. You may have been given another chance, one that you gave your wings up for, but in the end—” He dipped his head to whisper in my ear. “—in the end, you will be mine after all, no matter what you do now. Your soul will go to Hell—where I will claim it and you.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, balling my fists. “I’ll throw myself on his mercy again. I’ll beg. I’ll—”

  “Be caste down like so many before you. You were given your chance, and you blew it, my love.” He chuckled. “It took you longer to get there, but you’ve finally come to see the things that I did eons ago. Humans need to be punished. There’s no other way.”

  “It’s not our place to serve as judge and jury. It’s His job. I—”

  “Fucked up. There’s no going back now.”

  “No. No, I’ll find a way.”

  Lucian stepped away from me, the lack of his body heat leaving me bereft. I opened my eyes once again to see him standing before me with a small blade in his palm. I immediately recognized it as the one I’d used to slit my wrists in my last lifetime. I’d taken my own life, time after time to escape so I could be reborn again. It’d always been my only way out. But now—now if I took my own life I wasn’t so sure if he was right or not. My soul, now that it was tainted with murder, might go directly to Hell. Killing myself in all the other lives wasn’t the same as when a true human did it, which is why I’d never been punished. It was as if I had been hitting the emergency eject button on my current body. Everything was different now. Lucian was right. I’d fucked up. I turned away, pressing my cheek against the glass.

  “What? Don’t you want this? Isn’t it what you usually do once I make you remember?” Lucian was mocking me. He knew he had the upper hand for the first time. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter and refused to respond. I had to think. There had to be a way out of the mess I’d created for myself.

  “There’s only one way for this to end, my Karma. One way.”

  So many lives, too many years, and I was back at the beginning, back to exactly where I’d been when I’d first fallen in love with Lucian, when I’d thought him to be just a man. How could I have been so blind? “Why Lucian? Why did you want me to begin with? Why do you still?” I’d asked that question every life and he’d never answered.

  “Haven’t you figured it out yet?”

  “No.”

  “You will.”

  17

  I awoke alone in the small room with the gigantic bed. I had no recollection of falling asleep or how I’d come to be there on the bed. The last thing I remembered was leaning against the mirrors with Lucian looming over me. Had I fainted? Or had he done something…again? Not that it mattered. I was at least to receive some kind of reprieve from his torment, being that he’d left me alone. Alone. Wasn’t I always alone though? My existence was isolating. It wasn’t just my current life where I’d built walls to protect my identity as a vigilante. Ever since I’d given up my wings, I’d been…separate. I was no longer an angel, but I wasn’t quite human either. I was an anomaly, at least as far as I was aware.

  I thought about praying, but then the shame of what I’d become prevented me. Lucian was right. I’d allowed myself to become tainted, just like him. Had it been inevitable from the beginning? Had I been destined to end up here since the first moment my lips touched his? I had no one to blame but myself. I’d lost something along the way, over the many lifetimes I’d been reborn. Was it my faith? Or was I just tired of running? I couldn’t really say. Lucian was always there. He always found me. A part of me, the part that had become a little too human, thrilled at his devotion, no matter how twisted it had become. Did Lucian actually love me or was I merely an obsession? Of course, all love has traces of obsession interweaved in it. Would Lucian still want me if he could actually have me?

  I pressed my fingers into my temples and groaned. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t let myself wonder such things. But where was Lucian now? His scent lingered on the navy silk sheets that I felt like I was swimming in. I tried not to push my face into the soft fabric to get more of it, but I was unable to resist. Even when he’d tricked me into believing himself to be just a mortal man, he’d always had the same scent. It was spicy, intoxicating…pure sex…at least to me.

  I thought back to when I’d first encountered him, the man who was to be my downfall. If only I’d been able to resist him then.

  I stared up at the beautiful stained glass window in the church. Sun streamed through it causing a kaleidoscope of colors to dance across the wooden pews. I was an angel, I’d seen Heaven itself, but sometimes it was the small things man created that truly awed me. They had no special powers, no divine gifts, they merely innovated and imagined ways to make things better, more beautiful. My father may have made us the superior race, but humans were truly a marvel. They intrigued me. Sometimes I just liked to study them. Not all of them were good, and sometimes I wondered what father’s plan was, but it wasn’t my place to ask such questions.

  “Are you an angel?”

  I jumped, not expecting anyone to address me, for I thought myself to be invisible to humans. I turned slowly around. In front of me stood a tall muscular man with golden hair. His gaze swept over me from head to toe. “You can see me?” I asked.

  His lips curled up. “Yes, of course.”

  I tilted my head, curious. “Who are you?”

  Perfect white teeth flashed at me. “I am Lucian. Have you come to answer my prayers?”

  “You’ve been praying?” I stepped closer to him. “For what?”

  “For answers.”

  “To what?”

  “Will you talk with me?”

  I nodded. Maybe I’d been drawn to this church for a reason. Maybe Lucian’s prayers had indeed been answered. “I will.”

  It had been such a simple request, the desire for conversation. How could I have known that Lucian had already begun his seduction? First he would have my mind, then my heart, and finally my body would follow. At the time I didn’t know how he’d managed to hide his true form from me. Now I know the truth of how extensive his powers are.

  What was it about this life that had tainted my soul, making me into the perverse creature I’d become? I guessed when I really thought about it the answer was simple: I’d been forced to see humanity in a different light.

  “Evie!” I struggled against the large body that was holding me back. “No, you don’t understand! I live
here! I have to know if my sister got out!”

  That’s when I saw my foster father over by the ambulance with an oxygen mask on. I broke free from the cop and rushed him. “Where’s Evie? Where is she?”

  My foster mother stepped into my path, her normally perfectly coiffed hair a complete mess, dark smudges on her face. “She didn’t get out.” She stifled a sob and glanced at her husband. “She didn’t get out.”

  My gaze narrowed in on my foster father who had a strange expression on his face when he glanced at me. And then I knew. I flew at him, my fists balled up tightly. “What did you do?” I screeched. “What the fuck did you do?”

  He yanked the mask down as my foster mother pulled me off of him. “She wasn’t even your real sister,” he hissed.

  That’s when it hit me, maybe he was lying, maybe she was still alive and in her room or something, terrified of the advancing flames. I spun and ran towards the house—

  I blinked back tears not wanting to think about Evie anymore. It’d been so long since my mind had poked at that dark memory deep within me. I used to have nightmares about it all the time where my murderous, molesting foster father had killed the only real family I’d ever had. Sure she hadn’t been blood, but Evie was the sister of my heart. And I hadn’t been able to save her. I was only fifteen and she was twelve when it had happened—The day I realized just how unfair life truly is.

  That day had been the turning point in my life. A few years later I returned to murder my foster father, telling myself it was not just for Evie, but to prevent him from hurting any other children in the future. With no real prospects and no money, I’d made a very special career choice. I became a dancer to support my vigilante justice habit.

  And then it hit me. After so many failed attempts at claiming me, had Lucian finally given me just enough rope to let me hang myself? “Did you place me there?” I called out, knowing that Lucian would hear me. “Did you take me from my human parents and put me into foster care?”

  “Yes,” his disembodied voice whispered as if he was right beside me. “I grew weary of waiting. But you did the rest all on your own.”

  “I hate you,” I growled.

  “You try. You always try.”

  He was right. We’d uttered those very words to each other more times than I could count. I wanted to hate him but I couldn’t. Love doesn’t give you a choice in such matters. If you can stop loving someone, then you never loved them to begin with. Real love grabs on and never lets go. Maybe I was more human than I’d ever been before but that part about me was still very much angel. An angel only loves once and forever. It’s just the way we are.

  I ground my teeth together and waited for Lucian to appear.

  And waited.

  And waited some more.

  He was obviously playing with me again. The thing was, the longer he left me alone, the longer I had to figure out a plan.

  18

  Lucian had planned well for this lifetime, placing me in a situation where I’d choose the wrong path. Or maybe not wrong, but definitely not one that any sort of angel should travel down. The thing was, with me remembering my past, I had all the knowledge of centuries worth of living. I was forced to exist in a human body, but I had an angels mind…most importantly…an angel’s knowledge. For the first time since entering into my heavenly witness protection program, I had the balls to use it. I recalled my past lives and who I’d been originally, but I was still very much Tiffany aka Karma. Lucian would rue the day he fucked with me in my current incarnation. If I was going to most likely end up in Hell anyways, I was going to enjoy the ride, and hopefully take Lucian down with me. He already resided in Hell, but ruling there, wasn’t exactly torture. I was going to make him suffer.

  Taking advantage of Lucian’s absence, I made my way over to where the blade he’d offered up to me earlier lay innocuously on the floor. I picked it up without hesitation and sliced into the fatty part of my palm. Shit that hurts. Blood welled up from the gash and I dipped my fingers into it, drawing a series of symbols on the mirror closest me. I knew they would keep Lucian from interfering with what I was about to do. The symbols glowed a dull yellow when I’d completed them, causing me to smile.

  I dropped to the ground and sliced into my palm again, needing more blood. I drew a tight circle around my feet with more symbols within it. I spoke a few words in Latin, and even though I was rusty, things began to glow a soft red before a flash of bright white light temporarily blinded me.

  “Well, well, well… This is quite the surprise.”

  I blinked away the dancing spots in front of my eyes and met the black gaze of Zepar, one of the fallen. “It is, even to me.”

  Unlike Lucian, most fallen no longer have wings. Zepar was no exception. Although like all fallen, since they were once angels, Zepar was absolutely stunning. His long dark hair hung to his shoulders, framing his chiseled jaw. He wore nothing but a pair of jeans, which showcased his sculpted to perfection body. Most women would fall at his feet to worship him, but fortunately for me, I wasn’t most women.

  “Is that really you in there?” He laughed. “Oh, how the mighty have…fallen. And yet you haven’t like the rest of us.” His face dropped into serious lines. “Why have you summoned me?” Zepar ground out as he circled me. I made sure to turn with him, not trusting him at my back.

  “I want to make a deal with you.”

  “Lucian will kill me.”

  “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt anyone.”

  Zepar smirked. Lucian may have created Hell as the first of the fallen, but I knew that the other fallen were always looking for more power. No one wanted to serve in Hell. They all wanted what Lucian had and only obeyed him for fear of losing their lives. “And how would you plan on doing that? He is obsessed with you. He watches every move you make. If not for your little tricks, I’d already be dead for even being here with you.”

  I chewed my bottom lip and nodded. “But I do have tricks. That’s kind of the point.”

  “Ones that he can circumvent once he knows you’re employing them. He was the first angel, after all. There is nothing you know that he doesn’t.”

  “Mmmm… But there are a few things he hasn’t counted on.”

  Zepar stopped moving, one dark eyebrow drawing up. “And what is that?”

  “That I’m just as unscrupulous in this life as he is.” I lurched at Zepar, pouncing on him, using my knees to topple him to his back. The only reason I was able to take him down was purely the element of surprise. After all, I was working with mere human strength. I ran the blade quickly across his throat. Blood bubbled up as he choked, his eyes wide. The symbols I’d drawn on the blade with my own blood glowed brightly. If I was going to transport myself out of Hell, I was going to need fallen blood. Zepar wouldn’t die, but he’d be out long enough for me to escape. Although Lucian would probably kill him when he found out he’d even spoken to me. I couldn’t say that I cared either way. In the past I might have felt slightly guilty, yes, even for Zepar, but those days were long gone.

  I called out the words I needed to set me free, picturing my destination in my mind. All the air was sucked from my lungs as everything went black.

  My eyes popped open and bright light more powerful than ten suns burned my retinas. Or at least that’s how it felt for a second. The feeling passed momentarily and once again I could see. And…yep…I was once again somewhere I didn’t expect to be, somewhere new. I lay in a long narrow hallway or corridor with smooth stone walls. Bright florescent lights lined the ceiling, flickering and crackling in annoying repetition. Several doors lined the walls before me. I swayed to my feet, idly noticing that I was fully clothed in my usual street attire—black jeans, black t-shirt, black boots, and black leather jacket. I wasn’t sure what was going on, I was supposed to be topside, but I had a sinking feeling I hadn’t escaped Hell at all. I figured my best bet was to do some exploring. I took it as a good sign that Lucian hadn’t showed up yet.

  I glanc
ed left then right, eyeing the door in front of me. Then I spun around and did the same to the door directly behind me. All the doors appeared to be identical down to the flaws in the wood. I stepped to the door closest to me and pressed my ear against it—silence. I couldn’t hear anything from the other side. I suspected the wood was too thick even if there was something to hear to begin with. I hesitantly reached for the handle, pushed down my nerves, and turned.

  The door swung open with more force than I possibly could have been responsible for. It moved inward revealing nothing but blackness. I intended to step back but I teetered on my feet and pitched forward. I screamed, landing on my hands and knees. Color exploded all around me—sound too. I was suddenly in the middle of…a party? A child’s party. Yes, there was a clown and laughing children. Streamers decorated the small fenced in backyard. There was something eerily familiar about the scene that was unfolding before me.

  A young girl’s hysterical scream snapped my head to the right as I zeroed in on the source. “Evie!” I gasped out. It all hit me like a ton of bricks. This was my sister’s birthday party. The first one we’d had together and the first with our bastard of a foster father. She’d been afraid of the clown. It was a preexisting phobia that none of us had been aware of when he’d been hired. My foster father had swept her up and taken her in the house to ‘comfort’ her. Only later did I have any inkling of what he’d really been doing. I watched in horror as he picked up my crying sister and began to carry her into the house. She clung to him in such a trusting manner. The kind of trust that should never be broken.