Cado

by Dyllin, D. T.

  Bert glanced between the two of us. “Ah, I see.” He stood and extended his hand. “The offer still stands if you ever change your mind. There are going to be a lot of disappointed regulars when I announce that you won’t be returning.”

  “Sorry, Bert. I hate to leave you hanging but a girl has to know when to move on from something.”

  “I understand.”

  “Is it okay if I say bye to some of the girls while I’m here?” The club didn’t open for another hour so I was fairly confident that he’d be fine with my request.

  “Go ahead,” Bert said.

  Moretti gave me a reassuring smile. “I’ll be waiting for you at the side door.”

  I pulled myself to my feet and made my way into the bar where I knew some of the girls would be doing a little bit of pre-shift drinking. I didn’t have any of what I would consider real friends at Club Elite, but I still didn’t want to just disappear without a word. It was what I would usually do and I was turning over a new leaf with a lot of things. Or at least attempting to. Baby steps and all of that.

  As I walked through the club, a visceral memory slammed into me. It was so real it was like I was living it again.

  All the air was sucked from my lungs. Sitting in the corner seat with the presence of some kind of deity, was the most beautiful man I’d ever laid eyes on. His chin length silky locks were a dark golden that glinted in the dim lighting. His chiseled jaw line was dusted with matching scruff. But what really caught my attention was the piercing set of bright blue eyes that were peering at me with curiosity, like they could see into my very soul. When his full succulent lips tipped up at the corners my pulse quickened to a staccato beat. As I stepped up onto the stage, my gaze still riveted, I noticed he was wearing a tailored suit that fit him to perfection. He exuded wealth, taste and sex appeal by the bucket load. Who the hell are you?

  I dropped to all fours and crawled to him. I’d never actually had sexual thoughts about a customer before, but him…damn. A deluge of hot images of us twisted together, naked, sped through my mind in quick secession. Me on top riding his thick cock, him behind me slamming into my slick heat, missionary with my arms tied above my head… Sweat trickled down my spine and I was instantly wet. Oh God, what’s happening to me? It was as if everyone else in the room had disappeared and I was giving a very private, very intimate show to the most virile man on the planet. I wanted, no—I needed him to want me just as badly as I did him.

  When I blinked—he was gone. I dazedly stared at the suddenly empty seat in front of me. What the fuck just happened?

  I swayed and reached for the closest thing to steady myself, which was the edge of the main stage. What the hell? Wait. That memory was from before the kid had kicked the shit out of me. It was from before I’d been in a coma and imagined Lucian. And yet—yet I remembered seeing him before any of that happened. Nausea rolled through my system and I doubled over to dry heave. I cried out in pain and clutched at my side. Just breathing hurt with broken ribs, the pain of retching was nothing short of agony.

  As I got myself under control and the pain ebbed, I tried to rationalize what I’d just seen. There’s an explanation. There has to be one. I was remembering it wrong. Clearly my memories from right before shit had gone down were a bit fuzzy. I was just confused. Time would help to sort through all the fog. I just have to give things time. There was no other plausible explanation for any of it.

  I swung my gaze over to the VIP lounge and then the private rooms. My feet moved me towards the velvet-curtained rooms on their own volition. I slipped behind one of the curtains and—

  The velvet curtain was ripped back abruptly. I whirled around indignantly. “Hey, you—” My voice stuck in my throat when I saw the intruder. “Lucian,” I grated.

  “Excuse me, this room is already occupied. You going to be a problem?” Moretti snapped as he drew up to his full height. He narrowed his eyes.

  I shook my head and dug my nails into my scalp trying to dislodge the false memory but it just wouldn’t let go of me.

  His lips hovered over mine, our breath intermingling. “I do know you. I know you better than yourself. Right now, you’re thinking that you need to put as much distance between you and me as possible. You think I’m unstable—crazy.”

  My eyes popped open to meet his. “So you can read my mind?”

  “No, I just know how to read you that well.” I squirmed within his grasp, but that only served to cause friction between myself and his leg. I shivered as goose bumps rose in quick succession. “You can run, my Karma, but I always find you. Always.”

  I inhaled sharply. “That—that doesn’t sound like anything any girl wants to hear. Very stalkerish.” I tried to make my words sound light and airy, but I couldn’t quite manage. He’d somehow crept into terrifying territory for me again.

  “Maybe a girl wouldn’t want to hear it but a woman would know what my words really mean.”

  “And what is that exactly?” I searched his face for clues, curiosity intermingling with my fear.

  “Devotion. My words mean devotion.”

  I dropped my face into my hands and swore. It was like there was a boa constrictor around my heart. I’d somehow cultivated a little love triangle with Moretti and Lucian. The problem was that one man was real and the other, not so much. I had to stop thinking about Lucian. I need to think about Moretti. You want him. You can make a better life with him. He’s who you want, not Lucian. Why did those words feel like they weren’t coming from me? A flash of Michael standing over me, his voice saying those words, slammed into me. No. Michael wasn’t real either. I have to let all of that go.

  I gingerly sat down on one of the couches and started to bite my nails. I didn’t want to face the girls at the bar anymore. Besides not one of them had acknowledged me when I’d been doubled over in pain or when I walked past them to the private rooms. Fuck that. And fuck them.

  The curtain slid open and I gasped, causing pain to shoot across my side. Moretti peered in and locked gazes with me. “Hey, what are you doing in here?”

  I shrugged. “I decided I don’t want to talk to those bitches. I guess I’m hiding out for a minute.”

  Moretti nodded with understanding. “Want company?”

  “Maybe.” I nibbled my bottom lip as he pulled the curtain closed behind him. I wished I could give him a lap dance—a lap dance that led to him fucking my brains out. I could definitely use a little sex therapy right about now.

  Moretti sat down beside me, his head swiveling around to study the small space. “You know, I’ve never been in one of these. Too bad—” He stopped short and brought his hand up to cover the back of his neck as he flicked his gaze away.

  “Too bad what? Go ahead and say it.”

  “I don’t know. I was just thinking about you dancing for me and…” His voice trailed off as he shifted towards me. “I know we’ve just been spending time together and we haven’t done much more than kiss but—well fuck—I am a guy. Not making a move because of your injuries is making me feel awkward. I don’t know how far to push things, what to say. I’m way out of my comfort zone here.”

  “You were thinking about fucking me after I danced for you?”

  He licked his lips and met my gaze again. “Yeah.”

  “I can’t show you my dance moves right now because of my ribs but—” I leaned back so I was lying flat on the couch. I spread my legs and delivered Moretti a come hither smile. “The rest of it sounds good to me.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” Moretti grated. “And our first time together shouldn’t be here.” Between the sudden bulge in his pants and the bead of sweat rolling down his temple, yeah, it was taking everything in himself to act gentlemanly.

  I didn’t want gentlemanly. I wanted him to fuck me raw. “Take off my pants and fuck me now, Moretti,” I demanded. “I want you to hurt me, just in all the right ways. And it’s not like I’m a virgin, I don’t need our first time to be somewhere special. I just need you insid
e of me. Now.”

  Emotions warred behind his chocolate eyes before he dropped to his knees in front of me and made quick work of removing my pants. I was so turned on that the pain in my ribs was barely noticeable anymore. My sex endorphins had kicked in with full force. Thank God. I closed my eyes and fisted his hair when he sucked roughly on my clit. The contact was as if someone had connected an electrical current from his mouth straight into my body. With only a few flicks of his tongue I was already coming apart at the seams.

  I yanked on his hair. “Fuck me. I need you to fuck me.”

  Complying, Moretti slid up my body, unbuckled his pants and slammed into me. Looks like once he gets going he isn’t so gentlemanly anymore. I approved. He was careful not to put any of his body weight on my ribs as he grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his waist. His fingers slid under my ass as he lifted me. “Tell me if I hurt you,” he said gruffly.

  Moretti rocked into me and we both groaned. I trailed my fingers around his shoulders, reaching, searching. A sudden image of black wings unfurling behind him caused me to scream. I hit at his chest to push him off of me. “Stop, stop. You need to stop.”

  Moretti immediately pulled out with alarm furrowing his brow. “Did I hurt you? What’s wrong?” He reached for me but I scooted away. “Talk to me, Tiffany.”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m not ready. I’m just not ready.” I hastily pulled up my pants and choked back a sob. I’m insane. The blow to my head caused brain damage.

  “Fuck,” Moretti hissed as he stuffed his still hard cock back in his pants. “I knew it was too soon. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. I thought I was ready. I’m obviously not.”

  He offered me his hand. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

  I took his hand and let him lead me out of the club. I wished it would be that easy for him to lead me out of my insanity.

  27

  A few months later…

  Midnight wings wrapped around me, caressing, loving, stealing my very soul. Azure eyes—eyes that had gazed upon me night after night, stared at me with accusation. He was who I belonged with, he was—

  I sat up in a pool of my own sweat, sticking to the leather couch. I must have dozed off. I glanced around trying to get my bearings. After glancing at the clock, I realized Jacob was at work. I was alone. That’s right.

  I need to get the hell out of here. Go for a drive or something. Jacob would be at work for another few hours and I could be back before he even knew I was gone. I needed to clear my head. I managed to push Lucian out of my mind, when I was awake anyways. He haunted every moment of unconsciousness. The moment I closed my eyes…he was there…waiting, filling up every dream with his presence.

  I drove blindly, seeing roads, lights, stop signs, but not really paying attention to where I was going. Somehow I ended up parked in front of an ancient looking church. Very gothic looking. I decided to go inside. I was intrigued by the design, the way the light streamed through the stained glass. Maybe I could think clearly when surrounded by such beauty. It was probably quiet too. I ignored the fact that it reminded me a bit of the church I’d dreamt that I’d met Lucian in when I’d been an angel. If I admitted that little tidbit to myself then I’d also have to admit that I was seeking out reminders of Lucian when I was claiming to want to forget him. Because he’s not real. You imagined him. What the hell is wrong with you? You need to stop acting like a crazy bitch! Forget Lucian and think of Moretti. Only Moretti. You’re a complete idiot if you throw away Moretti for a figment of your imagination. I gritted my teeth against my internal flagellations, choosing to ignore them as well.

  The church was bigger on the inside than it appeared from the outside. Like the TARDIS but not quite. I sniggered to myself. Jacob was a secret Sci-fi nerd and he’d gotten me engrossed in quite a few of his favorite shows. See, that’s the kind of normal things you should be doing with a man. Just enjoying time together, not punishing people. I shook my head. Dark mahogany wood polished to perfection and decadent moldings gleamed from the sun streaming through the windows. The church was glorious.

  I found a pew and sat. There didn’t appear to be anyone else around so I was all set to enjoy the silence. Just as I began to slip into a relaxed state, loud coughing disrupted me. An elderly priest, or preacher, I wasn’t really sure which, since I didn’t even know the denomination of the church, hobbled in from a side door. His eyes immediately sought me out and he ambled towards me.

  “Can I be of some service, Miss?”

  I stood as he approached. “Oh, um, I’m sorry. Am I not supposed to be in here? The front door was open.”

  “No, no, no.” He waved me off with a smile. “I merely wanted to know if I could be of service to you? But if you want to be alone—”

  “Oh! No! I mean, yes. I just came in here to think.” I offered my hand to him in greeting, not knowing what the proper etiquette was. He took my offering and shook my hand gently.

  The image slammed into me.

  This ‘man of God’ wasn’t at all what he seemed. He’d done horrible ghastly things over the long span of his life. The worst of which was murder. He’d murdered his own adopted son years ago. He’d convinced himself that his son was a true sinner, or some shit. The worst part was that he felt sanctioned in his actions by God. As if his position gave him the ability to do whatever he wanted with no repercussions.

  I ground my teeth together even as I smiled. The old Tiffany—Karma, stirred within me. It’d been so long since I’d punished someone like him. In fact, it had been a long time since I’d even heard a whisper, seen a ghost of an image. I’d been trying so hard to tune them all out. I guess I hadn’t been expecting such filth to show itself in the form of a priest. It’d be so easy to kill him. He’s so old, brittle. No one would know. Just one more time. One more time and then I really will give it up for good. This church deserves someone who is actually good to lead them.

  “Umm…so… Is anyone else here?” I now saw the church with new eyes. I was trying to decide the best way to end my new friend to make it look like an accident, and to make sure no one would walk in before I was done.

  “It’s just me today. Would you like to take confession?”

  Mmmm…perfect. “Why, yes, yes I would.” So I was in a Catholic church. Good to know. As far as I was concerned all religions had shady constituents. The Catholics just had a worse rap than most. I was going to do their religion a service by weeding out one of the bad ones. It was my duty, really.

  I followed the aging priest over to the confessional boxes, if that’s what they’re actually called. He went into the one on the right and closed the door and I slipped into its counterpart. I’d seen enough movies to get the gist of what I should be doing.

  I waited a moment and heard the little divider between boxes slide open. “Tell me child, when was the last time you gave confession?” Child? I thought that kind of shit was only said in the movies.

  “It’s been quite some time. So should I just begin?” I needed to keep him where he was while I came up with a plan.

  “Yes, go ahead.”

  “Well…um…” I started to blather on about Jacob and how I felt I wasn’t being a very good girlfriend. Meanwhile I was plotting. Simple was usually best with these kinds of things. I could just slip into the other box once it was his turn to talk, do the dirty deed, and leave without anyone being the wiser. It was actually quite brilliant.

  When I was finished confessing my overdramatized tale, the priest began to speak just as I planned. I opened the door, stepped softly out onto—

  “Tiffany! Hey!” Jacob’s voice caused me to jump about a foot. I whirled around to see him striding confidently towards me. “I saw your car out front and wondered what you were doing in here.”

  I rapped on the door of the confessional. “I gotta go, father.” I hurried towards Jacob and linked my arm with his, turning him back the way he’d just come. “I went for a drive, saw th
e church, it was so beautiful I couldn’t help but to stop in to see what it was like.”

  Jacob gazed around us as he walked. “Hmmm… yeah… I guess it’s nice.” He narrowed his eyes at the stained glass depicting a smiling God looking down from Heaven before jerking his gaze away. We were silent the rest of the way to our cars.

  As I followed Jacob home, him in his car and me in mine, I had an epiphany. I couldn’t go on with Jacob the way that I had been. He didn’t love me because he didn’t know the real me. Karma hadn’t just been a dancer’s name for me… It’d been a way of life. It’s who I am. I’ve lost sight of who I truly am.

  That night a packed a small bag, left Jacob a note trying to explain myself without leaving any kind of incriminating evidence, and I finally headed towards a warmer climate. It had been a long time coming.

  Leaving Jacob behind, cutting all ties…I didn’t know if I was happy, but I was certainly relieved.

  28

  You got the peaches, I got the cream. Sweet to taste, Saccharine…

  Internally I was cringing. Not that I had a problem with Def Leppard. It was just that the song I was currently being forced to dance to was played out as a stripper song. I’m sure in the 80’s or whenever it had first come out all the dancers loved using it as a part of their sets. Now…well now it was ridiculous.

  I dropped to my knees when the chorus came around again and whipped my hair in yet another cliché move. This is demeaning. But when I’d made my way down to Miami after running out on Jacob, I’d gone into hideout mode, just in case. Jacob and I hadn’t been together all that long, but with his police connections it wouldn’t be that hard to track me down. I didn’t want to be found. So there I was dancing in a dive bar, a place so grungy that I was afraid of what kind of diseases I was picking up from dancing naked—probably some flesh eating bacteria. Or maybe leprosy? Which was technically a flesh eating disease, right? Who knew? Who cared?