Vicissitude Yang Side

by Destine Williams

  The sky is strange dark gray sheet, with golden seams of sun still shine through like a tear in a piece of tapestry. It’s hard to tell from here if the storm has just begun or if it’s ending. I remember hearing the thunder last night, but when Tokaido is in the heart of typhoon season, trying to call the ending of a storm is about as easy as trying to get Tammy to pay the proper amount of taxes for her income bracket. Genji watches the sky and keeps his umbrella close at hand while the other is around me.

  A vee of seagulls bank over a stone lantern-style streetlight and dive at a fallen yakitori skewer laying in a slice of sunlight. I wonder if I have any control over the sun? If I’m really a life of Amaterasu and she’s supposed to be a great mighty sun goddess, then I should have some power over the sun, right? Or maybe the rising and setting of the sun is automated somehow? After all, there were nine lives on that box. I can’t imagine all of us having absolute control over the sun. I glance briefly at Genji who’s been quiet so far. “Hey, Mr. Philosopher.”

  “Hm?”

  “I know that Arthur guy says that if gods exist, then they’re evil. But I’m curious about what you think,” I ask.

  Genji’s eyes squint in thought. Then he says, “A logical fallacy.”

  I tilt my head. “What do you mean?”

  “He claims that because he believes in everyone’s responsibility for their own character,” Genji says. “So by that reasoning, if gods allow evil, then they must be evil.”

  “Then you think they’re good?”

  To my surprise, he shakes his head. “If they’re out there, I think they’re struggling with their morality as much as we do. Sure, everyone should be responsible for what they do, but I don’t know anyone who was born evil. Or good for that matter.”

  I remain quiet, digesting those words. I imagine that girl that had run away in the lab. My chest clenches, but not as hard. It seems crazy to think that my best friend’s killer might not be evil. But Heaven did say that she left someone else in the ICU. And I don’t know any assassin that would bother to hold onto a dying victim. I don’t know if you’re good or bad, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt until I find out for sure.

  We head into the train station which has quite a crowd for only being 6:10. When it’s our turn to get in line, Genji speaks before I can. “One ticket to Aokai.”

  I blink. “One?”

  Genji doesn’t reply. Once he pays and he gets the ticket, he hands it to me. “Here.”

  I wait until we’re away from the line to ask, “You’re not coming with me?”

  He shakes his head. “I have to remain here for a little while. My employers wish to have a word with me. And I can only hope that it’s a good one.”

  My fist clenches. I force myself to open my hand. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t want you thinking about it on our walk,” Genji says.

  I stare at the ticket and then toward the train. “Then this is it?”

  “It for what?”

  “Us.”

  He slips a finger under my chin. “I believe that’s not up to me. I’m not the one with the fiancé. But if you’re willing…” He leans down to capture my lips with his and in that moment, the whole world seems to disappear, scatter, becoming a broken puzzle of nothingness where it’s just me and him. I grab his jacket in fistfuls, while he holds me tight.

  Needing air, we pull apart. Genji pushes his umbrella into my hands. “Here. It might rain again.”

  “Genji, I can’t take this… What are you going to do if it rains?” I hold the umbrella back out, but Genji sticks his hands into his pockets.

  “Not a chance. I’d be a terrible human if I let a lady get rained on. Besides, you’re immune to Devil’s Disease, not colds.”

  I squint at him. “You’re not immune to either.”

  Genji peers over my shoulder. “Oh look, your train is departing.”

  I roll my eyes at his distraction efforts. “Fine, get a cold if you want.”

  Genji smirks and ushers me to the train. I hug him goodbye and board, opting for a window seat, where I can still see him.

  Genji stands beside a pillar watching me, and he remains there even as the train starts whistling off.

  By the time I get home, the rain picks up again. I shield myself with Genji’s umbrella.

  On Sakura Boulevard, cars slosh through the layer of water that built up overnight. The cold air bites through my jacket. I’m relieved to finally get back through the driveway.

  Regi’s car is still there. I brace myself for the questions I’m bound to get and put my finger to the entrance panel.

  “Welcome home, Jun Mei Akiyama.”

  When I step inside, the heater is already on. I catch Regi and Jin sitting at the dining room table, eating what looks to be cereal and milk. Jin waves hello, but Regi holds my gaze for a long uncomfortable heartbeat.

  “You’re back.” His tone isn’t welcoming, but it isn’t angry either. It’s wary, testing the waters.

  I close Genji’s umbrella. “Not for long. I have to go somewhere with my boss.”

  Regi stands up. “On a Saturday, Jun?”

  I shrug. “Not my choice.” Before he can ask anything else, I rush upstairs to my room. I kneel down beside the bed to reach for the shrine regalia.

  Footsteps thump behind me. “Jun…”

  My hands coil against the carpet. “What? I have to be out of here by 8.”

  “You didn’t tell me you were going anywhere yesterday,” Regi says.

  I look back at him. “Because we were arguing, and I’d like to not start again.”

  “How come you didn’t pick up my calls last night?”

  “Baby can we not do this now? I’m in a hurry.” I reach under the bed again. “I was with a friend and I couldn’t pick up.

  Regi takes a big inhale. “Jun do you even love me anymore?”

  That question makes the whole world go still.

  I slowly tug the small rucksack filled with the shrine regalia, stand up and face him. His green eyes are dim like the weather outside. Just looking at him, makes my stomach feel tight. Just like in the first days at Red Dragon Academy when I wasn’t used to killing anything. Even now, despite how much we’ve fought, I don’t want to hurt his feelings, I still care, but I don’t know if staying is the answer either. “Regi, I don’t know what to think these days. I need some space to think.”

  “Space?” Regi puts a hand to his temple. “You just want me to leave Jin alone?”

  “No. You can still stay here today if you want.” I slip my arm through the rucksack straps. “But I mean I’d like a break from thinking about marriage to get my mind straight. I know you want to hurry and do a lot, but I’m just not built like that. I’ve got problems of my own. I need time.”

  Regi leans against the doorway, staring at his shoes. “How much time?”

  I head to the closet to pick out another pair of clothes. “I’ll see how I feel after my trip with my boss. But now isn’t the time.”

  “Alright, Jun…” He inhales as though he might say something else, but he doesn’t. His footsteps fade away.

  I take out a thick hoodie, a pair of sweatpants, and a change of underclothes—honestly, sweats seem like the only viable clothing to wear in this weather. I hope this gloom will change up soon. Locking my door, I change, then go to my phone to have a peek at the weather. A tiny break today, but for the next week or so it’s going to be storms, storms, and more storms. Good, at least it won’t be raining at the reservation.

  I only get through half a packet of oatmeal by the time Heaven calls to let me know that she’s outside. I dump my hot tea into a stainless steel Tokaido University tumbler and sip it on my way. King sees me off with leg-headbutting and yippy fanfare, as if I’m going on a cruise to Pua’alowhe and not doomed to sit in gloomy traffic for the next hour. But hey, at least someone in this house is happy.

  Jin holds King up to keep him from getting outside, and waves goodby
e to me. Regi only manages a stiff, “See you.”

  Outside, the seams of sunlight have opened up a little and Sakura Boulevard doesn’t look like the beginning of a horror film anymore. It could actually pass for the end of one.

  Light sprawls over the silver sun-roof of Heaven's car. A brawny dark body already occupies the front seat so I open up the back seat. A gray-eyed guy about my complexion sits behind Heaven, hands crinkling up his black shorts. I’m guessing he’s super confident that it won’t rain today. There’s some kind of workbook that he’s got in his lap. There’s some squiggly-noodle scribble next to Common Tongue letters, so it’s probably some kind of language learning thing. He gives me a sheepish wave. “H-hallo.” His thick accent almost masks the word.

  I buckle myself in. “Hi.”

  “Hey, Jun,” Heaven says. “This is my friend from Pua’alowhe. That's Cloud That Drifts The Skies next to you in the back. He doesn't speak much Common Tongue so bear with him."

  That's quite a name. I say with a glance at him. "Is everyone's name like that in Pua'alowhe?"

  "The Common Tongue translation is," Heaven says. "But names are kinda long translated or not so Chandra and I don’t really go by that.”

  You have my thanks. If I had to say something like Heaven-That-Leaps-Over-Bald-Eagles-And-Eats-Left-Booty-Cheek all the time at work, I think I’d fling my fedora.

  Then to Cloud she says, “Tsufar.”

  Cloud straightens up. “Whe?”

  “Tsussuse shalashe avaala Jun silessim.” The words flow from her tongue like melting ice gliding over glass. It’s pleasant, hypnotic even, a language like a spoken song. My dad didn’t speak a lot of it, so I never got to hear much pleasantness. But the meaning is clear enough to me. This is Jun.

  Cloud glances at me, his gaze brightening in understanding. “Ah. Jun. I see, moalu.”

  Heaven’s other companion unhooks his seatbelt and turns to grin at me. It’s Dr. Chandra aka Mr. Double Bass voice. “Hallu. How is magic feeling since last check?”

  “I haven’t done any since I saw you,” I say. “But I feel fine.”

  “Good. Hopefully you’ll make good wayfinder.” He puts a beefy hand on Heaven’s shoulder as he says this, earning a brief glance from that I can’t quite interpret.

  With all introductions aside, Heaven turns on some slow R&B for us. A Pua Moana woman's voice, breathy and light, croons along with the bass, the snap of fingers. “Ooooh, shalase lalemo nufeleshi asselessim, baby…”

  I sink back into the seat and watch the Sakura Boulevard disappear. I feel like I’ve stepped onto another planet. I’ve never been around so many Pua Moana who share my heritage. Unless I’m out in Yamamura, finding other Pua Moana is about as easy as finding a fleck of salt in a pile of onion powder. We just don’t seem to exist anywhere else. Or rather, we are just amazing at Hide and Go Seek: Never Find Me Edition. Every Pua Moana that I’ve met so far is open, friendly, and willing to help in their own ways. They really do embody ‘Shalave ohanassase laleve ohanassashi silesse’ that ‘my family is your family’ spirit.

  Cloud extends an open pack of spearmint gum to me. “I share to you, moalu.”

  Warmth kindles in my chest. I take one. "Thanks."

  Some of his hesitance seems to fade, but not all. I can tell he wants to talk by the way his lips purse and relax, and I think he would if it weren’t for the language barrier between us. I wish that I could too, but I settle for helping him with his workbook translations instead.

  5-2 'Ah'

  “Welcome everybody.” Bo pulls back the door for all of us with a smile. “Got a biggish party, I see.”

  Heaven takes a seat beside the maple-leaf print curtains. Cloud lingers beside her, but Chandra remains at the door with his thick arms folded as Heaven says, “We’re going to be out.”

  Bo retreats to the back. “Gotcha!” He returns with four funny looking red bibs. He hands me one. “These go on before you transform, so everyone knows you’re part of the club and not some lunatic on the loose.”

  A lunatic, huh. I take it. “I’ve been meaning to ask you. Did a short girl in a red cloak come by here?”

  “Short girl with a red cloak?” Bo scratches his head then his gaze slides to Heaven briefly. “Gee, she’s pretty popular. Yeah, she came by, but I don’t know where she went. Sorry, but I had to turn her down because she wasn’t a fox. This reservation is for kitsune only, but the land north of our boundaries is a little more flexible with who they let in.”

  My eyes widen. “There’s another reservation?”

  “They call themselves the Ainu,” Bo says. “And they’re as protective of their turf as we are of ours. That’s why you’ve gotta wear the bibs: it’s part of our treaty deal with them. At least then, they’ll stop and hear you out if you’re lost or something. Otherwise…” He makes a slicing motion across his neck. “Curtains. And not the drapes-matching kind.”

  Damn. That means even if she is here, I still can’t get to her. Maybe I can still go to their borders and ask. I hold up both corners of the bib. Do I really have to wear this? I mean this thing looks like a badminton birdie. “What an interesting fashion statement we’re making.”

  “Hey don’t look at it like that.” Bo rubs the back of his neck. “The inn gets them for free from generous donors, so can’t really complain.”

  I tie mine around my neck. Then I remember that Mai is supposed to be here. “Hey, is anyone else staying here at the reservation right now?”

  “A few people.” Bo says. “Why?”

  “I’m supposed to be meeting someone named Mai Fujiwara here. Just wanted to know if she’s here yet.”

  Bo nods. “Oh yes. She’s here, just not at the inn. You’ll probably find her out back.”

  Bib on and ready, Chandra holds the door for us. “So are we hunting first? Or are we swimming and fishing?”

  Heaven rises from her chair. “Really it depends on you, Jun.”

  I retreat a step, holding myself by the elbow. “I can’t swim. And I don’t have a bikini or anything…”

  “Well you have three experienced instructors standing here.” Heaven gives an amused grin. “And clothes are always optional.”

  My eyes widen. "You want me to swim naked?"

  Those words put a smile, even on Chandra’s serious face. “It’s Pua Moana way to swim naked. So we are closest to the water.”

  I retreat a step, towards the stairs. "Is that really true, or are you just fucking around with me?"

  Heaven shakes her head. "I'm serious. We don't swim with clothes."

  Cloud’s gaze bounces back and forth between all of us, clueless. “Moalu? Nani salasase echeluwhe?”

  Heaven utters something low to him.

  Cloud's face contorts into a furrowed-brow frown. “Oh. Never swim in cloth. Is not our way."

  “I’ll probably have to join you guys later. I have a tattoo that I don’t want to fuck up,” I say. “And a meeting I can’t miss.”

  Heaven puts her hands together. “Then the rest of us will go hunting while you go to your meeting. We can meet up at the lake afterwards.”

  Chandra nods, looking up at Cloud. “Mahalo.” He jerks his thumb at the door. “Tsuzumeshezoh. Memeshezzun.”

  Cloud hurries to the door and the pair disappear outside.

  Bo leans against the counter. “One of these days, you’re going to have to teach me how to speak Pua Moana.”

  “Pua Velu,” Heaven corrects. “And someday, Bo. When life and research isn’t a handful.”

  Heaven leads the way out to the back where the trees sway in quiet. She’s humming bits of the R&B song from the car. I’ve never noticed it before, but her voice does have that same sultry breathiness. And when you hear her, it’s like an ear tease or chasing a quick fish. You can only grasp a faint sense of it, but the crux always eludes. Drawing you closer.

  Long grass rises like thin cat tails. Clusters of fronds brush my legs, some so thick that moving through the grass feels like s
loughing through a grassy headwind.

  “Have you ever changed into a fox before?” Heaven asks.

  “Not all the way, but only because I couldn't really control it happening." I cup my elbow. "Is it the same kind of magic?”

  “Not quite. Fox magic is free of chi cost, but it isn't anywhere near as strong as elemental magic.” Golden light blurs Heaven’s form as she walks ahead of me. It expands, shrinks, engulfs her. When it dissipates, a nine-tailed fox stretches in front of me. Her kitsune form is lithe, short-furred like an abyssinian, but she has to at least be the size of a bear. Only her eyes are still the same as her human ones to me. “Start with what I taught you. Feel out your resonance, but take in a deep breath and relax.”

  My gaze trails over her frame. It suits her. She's as exotic-looking as a fox as she is as a human. I can only hope my fox form looks that cool. I deepen my breaths. The resonance warms me. Light covers my body light a glowing blanket and blocks my vision. Warmth pulses against me like hands molding clay. Making me new. When it wears off, the first thing I see is a white muzzle and a black nose in front of me. Lifting a white paw experimentally, I flex my new claws. It feels a lot like having stumps for fingers and toes. Dangerous ones. I check over my shoulder. Only one thick-furred tail. When I turn my attention back in front of me.

  Heaven circles around me. “How does it feel?”

  “Surprisingly more natural than being human,” I say.

  Heaven’s whiskers twitch as she chuckles. “It’s more normal than you think. Even though some are born into human bodies, being a fox is still our most natural form." Her gaze strays back out to the light at the end of the trees and then to me. “The lake is just straight ahead if you want to join us. If you’re lost, just howl or bark. The Reservation Patrol will help you.” Heaven waves her tails and pads off toward the lake.

  Now to find Mai. Instinctively, I sniff the air. Even though Heaven is gone, I can still smell her as if she was right here. Maybe I can track Mai’s scent this way. Hopefully Mai is still wearing her usual perfume. I sniff among the fronds, trying to keep my nose away from the wet dew (Note to self: wet drops in my new super sniffer feels horribly unpleasant.)