Vicissitude Yang Side
Page 49
“Then sleep in her room. They’re not moving her from Genji’s bed anytime soon,” Tamotsu says.
“She’s in Genji’s room?” I hadn’t been allowed upstairs since the doctors started treating her.
“Room was too cluttered to put her in it.” He gets up. “She didn’t have a lot of time to clean anything when she had to hide. Sorry, but you’ll have to clear the bed off yourself.”
“That’s fine. Cleaning up will probably get me tired anyway.”
“And tomorrow morning, you are eating something, Jun.” A huge boom of thunder punctuates his statement.
I don’t argue and get up. Tamotsu heads to the kitchen. “Just a heads up, the Shogun and Ken might be here tomorrow morning, so think hard about what you want to do. I’m sure he’ll ask. It will be one of his last appointments as the Shogun.”
I suppress a grimace. No pressure or anything. I head up the stairs. The door to Genji’s room closed, but a thin sliver of light glows under the door crack. Body limned in orange from the glow of the nightlight plugged in above the floor, Mimi leans against the banister.
Without warning she says, “I didn’t know she was there when you were born.”
“Huh?” At first I have no idea what she’s talking about, but then my gaze follows her to a picture frame on the wall.
Mimi gestures to it. “This is you right?”
I move closer to it. It’s a picture of a younger Mai holding a tan baby bundled in a pink blanket. My mom lays on the hospital bed much farther away, looking drowsy. Even though its a still image, I can feel Mai glowing with joy and pride, smiling her leonine smile as if she birthed me herself. My throat muscles wind up tight. “Yeah, that’s me.”
Mimi’s lips twitch into the faintest hint of a smile. “I hope I get to mentor a student with as much care as she’s given you. Most teachers try to keep their students at arm’s length.”
I don’t say anything, more out of fear of slipping into tears than anything. Is that what we Showguns are? So afraid of contact with each other that we don’t ever get close? Mai has always been criticized for being too brash and wearing her heart on her sleeve sometimes, but when did showing any feeling at all become so feared? After Ruthless? Or has that always been a Showguns secret requirement? “I hope you get that chance. It would be nice to walk down the halls for once without thinking of someone as competition.” Mimi nods slowly to my words.
My gaze slips to Mai’s room. You’d make a good leader of the Silent Seven. A much better one than I would probably ever be. Someone like Mimi would bring genuine change and see it through to the end. “Are you staying here?”
“No. But I don’t live that far away. It wouldn’t be too much of a hassle to come back in the morning.”
“Good. I want to see you when you come back.”
She quirks a brow at me. “Any particular reason?”
“Just a friendly chat,” I say.
That reason seems to satisfy her because she stands up straight. “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, Akiyama.”
“Jun.”
Mimi’s eyes meet mine. “Tiff.”
I blink. “Your first name is Tiff?” All this I'd been thinking her first name was Mimi.
“Tiffany.” She corrects. “I was born in the states. But I don’t mind being called Tiff if we’re going to be that familiar.” She winks at me and then makes her way down the stairs.
I stay there for a little bit, more shocked than I should be. But then again, I guess that’s just a testament to living in Tokaido: everything that’s a tiny bit foreign is a shell shock. I step into Mai’s room.
Tamotsu was right when he said it was cluttered. Boxes are everywhere, as are clothes. Piles and piles of clothes. Heavily dog-eared novels that are otherwise pristine. Picture frames all over the bed. And papers. Papers everywhere. Despite the mess, there’s a certain stillness to the room that fills me. Deja vu too. But not because I’ve seen Mai pack like this before. It reminds me of my old house in Taitai. How things were so quiet and still and…lifeless: the paradox of a room full of belongings being so empty without people inside.
I enter and set myself to work clearing off the bed. I shovel my hands under some loose papers near the pillows. Duke’s old stud papers, and his even older medical papers. Duke died not long after he studded for the Malamute that gave birth to King. There's a Best In Show ribbon too that makes me smile. It’s strange to think that a puppy as energetic and butt-scooter happy as King is descended from a champion. I put them away into the open bin already on the bed. Then I start on the pictures of Mai and Genji. There are lots of photos of Genji as a kid. There are photos of my Mom, though Mom has her hand covering her face in nearly all of them. Some even with Tammy: the prehistoric times when she wore something other than pencil skirts and blazers and—Fedoras Almighty, there’s one with her with her hair down and booty shorts.
Can’t unsee that.
Clearing the rest of the bed (unfortunately) goes by without much excitement. My calves ache from standing for so long and maneuvering around the bed. I curl sideways on the black comforter. Mai’s scent is still impressed into it. It’s not much of a comfort, but it’s enough to make my heart calm and get some of my earlier nausea to go away.
Lightning whitens the room. Heavy rain splats against the roof without mercy.
If I hadn’t talked to her, this never would’ve happened. I didn’t pull the trigger on her, but I feel like I might as well have. I tried to help and I only wound up making her fail and almost getting her killed. A total fuck up. There weren’t even any dragons on the damn second—
I sit up, a hand in my hair.
Was it a trap?
The more I think about it, the more the pieces start to coalesce. CRISIS-D tracked me first, then lost me when they couldn’t track me as a kid. They shot Mai, but she escaped. They tried to cut off all her communications and that forced her into hiding. They tried to hack the simulator and it didn’t work.
And when that dragon saw me, they knew who I was. No questions asked.
They baited her. They probably know Mai would do anything to avenge my mother’s death, even overlook the risk. And they probably knew I would come running right after her. We ran right into it. I put my face in my hands. Why didn’t I ask her where she got her info from? But at that point, would it matter? We were already there and already in their hands.
They’re smart. I’ll give them that. But what now? They know what I look like. A Pua Moana face isn’t that hard to find in Tokaido’s databases. Mai’s been taken out, but they could track me anywhere if they searched enough. The one thing my Mom died to prevent…that Mai spent her whole life trying to stop…
It’s all for nothing.
I stare at the window for a long while, not sure what to do.
Amaterasu, why did you pick me? Did she even pick me? Did the universe just throw me at her? Say, ‘Here. All yours now. I’m gonna go grab a beer, kick up my feet, watch sports, and not give a single fuck. Smell you later, Giant Lightbulb.’
None of this is helpful. It’s too damn late. What’s done is done. I turn away from the window and pull out my phone. Genji hasn't called back. I text Are you okay? Laying my phone down under my pillow, I close my eyes and try to get some sleep.
The door gasps open. Then comes a tired-sounding, “Yes, Hound. I’m perfectly fine.”
My heart leaps. I shift to look at the doorway. “Genji? What are you doing here?”
He closes the door behind him then comes to the bed. “Last I recall I’m the only one in the house right now that actually lives here. And my bed is occupied at the moment…” He kneels at the edge, reaching for my hand. “But I don’t mind, this view of the window is better.”
I lace my fingers through his. “The window, huh?”
“Yes.” He inches forward until I feel his warm breath on my lips. “And it’s a very—” Kiss. “Very—” Kiss. “Sexy window.” His fingers tangle in my hair, pulling us closer.
With a sigh, he stands up and pulls his shirt over his head. “With my lovely employers.” He spits his words out. “They didn’t warn me that my electrical devices could stop working. Nor was I allowed to leave.”
“Then you were at the Honne then?”
Genji unbuckles his belt with a snort. “No. We were across town. And needless to say, they are not my employers anymore after tonight.” His pants come down. “At this rate, I won’t have any of my mother left.”
“Don’t get me started on that subject again. I just started feeling like a normal human being when you walked in.”
“Ah. Speaking of being a normal human being…” Genji walks around and climbs into bed behind me. He whispers, “When were you planning to tell me that you aren’t?”
My mouth falls open. “How do you know that?”
“Because any fox with a functioning nose can smell you.” He cuddles against the curve of my body. “That and I felt your tail the other night after you fell asleep. Cute as it is, Genji Two doesn’t need a second awakening.”
A hot flush floods my face. I thought I had the ‘fox body part’ problem under control. “Sorry. I didn’t know I could do that.”
“It’s alright. It’s not like you meant to. I find it endearing.”
“My tail?”
Genji curls a hand around me. “And the rest of you.”
I stay quiet for a little bit, gaze on my engagement ring. The night Regi gave it to me seems so long ago. The fragment of a lost dream. A fantasy. And all the fighting about bills and growing up feels so trivial all of a sudden, compared to the weight of being a goddess.
With a resigned breath, I remove the ring and set it on the nightstand, as gentle as Regi had been when he put it on my finger.
I’m sorry, Regi. I just can’t change.
I put a firm hand over Genji’s. “It means a lot.”
“Liking all of you?”
“Yes.” I whisper. “I like all of you too.”
Rain hammers down so hard that I’m not sure if he heard my voice. He doesn’t say anything.
But his fingers lock with mine just as tight.
The next morning, I feel refreshed and heavy all at the same time: weighed down by the gravity of a duty you can’t avoid anymore. A soldier resolute for the war they’ll fight. An eagle bracing itself for flying into the heart of a storm.
Genji’s warmth is absent, but his scent is fresh. Rain still patters on the window, but it’s softer like a butler gently rapping on their master’s door. I get up.
The smell of eggs, cheese, coffee, and something burning seethes under the doorway. There’s Tiff’s laughter and Tamotsu’s voice sputtering something indistinct.
Pain stops up my throat. Sounds like the world is moving on. Is it so childish to not want the world to move on? To want the clock to hold still for just a second? To not take Mai for granted? Maybe it’s not so childish as it might be selfish. Or maybe it’s both just the same. I sigh to deflate the pain. Now isn’t the time to crumble. Mai would want me to step up and get my shit together.
I open the door to find Escorts in the hallway: all black suits, designer shades, folded arms, and faces in every degree of Bitchface that you could possibly imagine. As soon as I step toward the room, a bull-necked man bars my way.
“No one is allowed in, Ma’m.”
Heat bubbles under my skin. Now you all want to be protective? None of them were even at the blackout! But I’m not allowed to see my own damned mentor? What bullshit! I grit my teeth and veer down the stairs instead, fuming. Silently, of course. God or no god, I don’t want to start my day getting my teeth knocked out by an Escort. Shogun must be in there.
Downstairs, Tiff sits at a stool on the kitchen counter, smiling at Tamotsu’s bacon blunder at the stove. Genji hoists the full trash bag out of the can. He meets my gaze. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” I say. “Did you sleep well?”
Genji walks past me, throwing me a smirk over his shoulder. “No second awakenings thankfully.”
Pouring coffee in a white mug, Tamotsu glances at me. “You came just in time. We left you all the burnt bacon.”
“Well, fuck.” I pick a seat next to Tiff. “That’s cold.”
Tiff lays her mug on the counter and yards her hair back into a ponytail with the scrunchie on her wrist. “Don’t worry, you didn’t miss out on much. His eggs are much better.”
Tamotsu eyes her, pretending to look offended. “Insulting my bacon?”
Tiff sips from her own mug. She doesn’t seem to need her mouth to smile. Her eyes and her whole face make do without.
Tamotsu makes a bearish grumbling sound and turns away. “Hmph. Damn kids.”
“You wanted to talk about something, Jun?” Tiff asks.
“Let’s talk on the verandah.”
Tamotsu looks over his shoulder. “Fine, I see how it is.”
I grin. “Suck it up, Grandpa. You ate all the good bacon.”
He huffs. “Damn girls.”
Tiff follows me out. We stand under the protection of the verandah roof. Runoff water sloshes through the street; it’s almost even with the curb. At the soul of the suburbs, the deafening quiet seems so unreal, a thick blanket of calm. Who would believe that they live next door to an mafia assassin-goddess being hunted by dragons?
I look back once to make sure that no one is close to the window. “How do you feel about a promotion?”
Tiff sticks her hands in her jacket pockets, eyes narrowed and studying something across the street. “Is this about Mai’s position?”
“I see someone is well-informed.”
Tiff shrugs. “Tamotsu mentioned that you didn’t seem eager to take it.”
The cold air nibbles at my fingers. I ball them to keep warm. “I used to want it so badly. Now it kinda just makes me sick to think about it. And I’ve got other responsibilities that I promised to keep. But the Shogun might ask, and I really want someone dedicated to be in the position if I can’t be. So…What do you say?”
A slow smile edges onto Tiff’s lips. “I’m honored that you think so highly of me. I’d take it, but…” Her smile fades and she looks at me. “Are you leaving Showguns for good? You don’t even want your old position back?”
Do I? Showguns is practically where I grew up. The place I had a chance to be something other than a broke Pua Moana girl who’d be low-class all her life. I can’t forget that. But now, I’m not sure if I want to go back to being one with how…isolated it is.
Even still, I am a Showgun.
Just a Showgun of a different kind.
“One day I might,” I say. “When it’s a different place.”
“Maybe that day will come soon.” She holds out her hand. “My office will always be open.”
We shake on it.
Tiff opens the door and steps through the veil of blinds. I linger, staring idly at my Panda. I should get home. I’ve been away for long enough. At this rate, I’m becoming a foreigner to my own home; I haven’t even slept in my own bed. Tammy would kill me for not being at home this much.
And I really shouldn’t keep putting off that talk with Regi. But I need to get out to Taitai today. I want the face of the dragon who killed my mom and started all of this.
I enter back into the living room to find Ken helping his dad down the stairs. The Shogun gives me a kind smile.
“Ah. Jun Mei Akiyama…” The Shogun sets his cane down on the stair base. “Just the woman I wanted to see. Your mentor will be terribly missed.”
Terribly is right. Hardly anyone gave a shit. I give a polite bow. “It’s good to see you, sir. How is Mai?”
“You haven’t been to see her?” Ken asks.
“I haven’t been allowed in yet.”
�
��Oh. Right.” Ken rubs the back of his neck with a sheepish grin.
Suddenly, I feel Genji come up behind me. He puts an arm around my waist, and Ken’s gaze darkens immediately. “To what do we owe the pleasure of your presence?”
“Something very long overdue, Mr. Fujiwara,” the Shogun says. “I’m sure you’ve already been told, Jun. We need new blood to serve in Mai’s place, and you were her first choice.”
Next to me, Genji stiffens up. I don’t need to be a Geisha to feel his salt levels go up. But his face remains that polite mask as he keeps his arm around me. Ken, on the other hand, gives me a hopeful pleading look.
I suck in a breath. “I’m taking the position. And I’m giving it to Mimi.” I nod at Tiff on the kitchen stool who stands up at the acknowledgement. “She’s done more for the Hound community than I have. And she has a lot more experience than I do.”
“Ah…” His voice doesn’t even bother to hide the disappointment. But he looks to Tiff, who gets up and bows. He smiles a thin smile. “All excellent reasons. Come then, Mimi. There’s much I need to inform you about.” The Shogun puts a withered hand on Ken’s shoulder. “You too.”
Ken frowns and opens his mouth as if he’d like to disagree, but all that comes out of his mouth is, “Alright.” With a glance at me and a wary look at Genji, he follows his father and Tiff out.
When they’re gone, Genji puts his arm around my shoulder. “What made you not want it?”
“You.” I put an arm around his waist. “I thought about what you said. About what Showguns is…But your mom made me think a lot about the things I have to do. I think I liked the idea of her position more than actually having it.”
He smiles. “Well, look at you.” He leans down to kiss me.
I lean in too, but then Tamotsu runs through my mind. But a self-conscious peek at the kitchen quickly shows that he’s not there.
Genji follows my gaze. “What?”
“I don’t know. I thought Tamotsu was still standing there, but I guess not.”
“He went upstairs while you were talking to the Showgun.” He makes a scoffing sound. “Unlike us lowly mortals, he actually gets to see her.”