Marry Me

by Kristin Wallace

  “Steal him?” Julia echoed in disbelief. “When did we wind up in a soap opera?”

  “You’re not going to joke your way out of this one, Julia.”

  “Sorry, but I think you’re overreacting.”

  Issuing a sound of disgust, Sarah threw her hands up in the air. “Because you’re not reacting at all! I don’t get it.”

  Julia rocked the baby as she watched Sarah pace. “Amy can’t steal something that was never mine.”

  “What if he could be?” Sarah asked, planting her fists on her hips. “What if you let fear destroy the best thing that might ever happen to you?”

  Julia couldn’t do the “hands on hips” thing with the baby in her arms, but she thought it. “What if I did the right thing by ending it before things went too far, and one of us got hurt? What if Amy is the best thing to ever happen to Seth? I know you don’t like her that much. Shoot, at this point I’m still not sure I like her, but if she’s good for Seth and makes him happy, that’s all that matters.”

  The logical argument caused Sarah to shove her bottom lip out in a mighty pout and flop back on the bed in a huff. “When did you have to go and start making sense?”

  “It’s a byproduct of living with Grace.” She squeezed Sarah’s hand. “I’m sorry I’m ruining all your romantic fantasies.”

  Sarah sniffled, as tears filled her eyes. “It’s not your fault.”

  “Please don’t start crying.”

  “Oh, don’t pay attention to those,” Sarah said, scrubbing her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I’m hormonal.”

  “I thought that was a pregnancy thing.”

  A droll eye roll helped dry up the last of Sarah’s tears. “Apparently, there are postnatal hormones, too. Baby blues.”

  “Sounds pleasant.”

  “I don’t mean to keep harping at you. I just want you to be happy.”

  “Aw, sweetie, I am happy.”

  Yep. Happy.

  ****

  Deep, emotional conversations made for restless nights. Around two in the morning Julia gave up on sleep and went down to the kitchen for a snack. An inventory of the shelves turned up some leftover soup. As she was spooning some into a bowl to heat up in the microwave she heard a sound out in the hallway. A few seconds later, Grace shuffled into the kitchen.

  “Hi, can’t sleep either?” Julia asked.

  Grace offered up a tired smile. “Too excited.”

  “Can I get you anything?”

  “Oh, no, I heard you in here and wanted to check on you.”

  Julia couldn’t help a small chuckle. “You think I need help? I’m only using the microwave, so you shouldn’t worry I’ll burn the place down.”

  “I’m not concerned about your cooking. I’m worried about you.”

  Concentrating on food preparation meant Julia didn’t have to look her stepmother in the eye. She turned and put the bowl in the microwave and set the time. “Me? I’m fine.”

  “I saw your face at Sarah’s today when I was holding the baby. You looked devastated.”

  Grace always saw too much. “Are you kidding? This has been an amazing day, ” Julia said, trying to head off another confession session.

  “But you don’t feel like you’re a part of it.”

  Julia watched the bowl turn around and around, wondering how one was supposed to dodge sticky questions when dealing with a mind reader.

  “I wish you’d tell me why you’re so afraid to let us love you,” Grace said.

  “I’m not afraid,“ Julia tried once more.

  Grace shook her head, stopping Julia with a knowing look. “You always were. When you lived here as a child, I’d catch you looking at Sarah and me with such longing. You wanted so badly to reach out, but it was as if you were afraid we’d disappear if you did.”

  There seemed to be no point in continuing to deny something Grace had already figured out. “Everyone always did disappear,” Julia said.

  “Yes, they did. I understand why you were so frightened then, but Julia you’re not a child anymore. Isn’t it time you took a chance and reached out?”

  “I don’t know if I can.” The words were ripped from Julia’s throat before she could stop them.

  Then tears came. Julia wasn’t even aware of Grace moving, but strong arms brought her close. They stood in the dark kitchen, while Julia sobbed and Grace cooed nonsense words she’d probably used when Sarah was a baby.

  Finally, Julia pulled back, but she couldn’t meet Grace’s eyes. “If I tell you something, will you promise not to hate me?”

  “You could never say anything that would make me stop loving you, Julia.”

  “Sometimes I couldn’t stand Sarah,” Julia said, disgusted with her own selfishness.

  “Why?”

  Amazement flooded through her at the matter-of-fact question. Why wasn’t Grace shocked or angry? “Because she had you,” Julia said. “She had a real mother. I had the woman who gave birth to me, but she wasn’t my mother. She never tucked me in at night or read me a bedtime story. She never in her life baked cookies. She rarely hugged me, and she looked the other way when her creepy husband—”

  Julia broke off and bit her lip. No need to get into the issue of Charles’ underage preferences.

  Grace sighed. “You know, your parents weren’t quite the unfeeling monsters you imagine. Your mother did her best to protect you. Your father, too.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Your mother never wanted me to tell you, but maybe now you’re old enough to hear it and understand.”

  Confusion piled on confusion. “Understand what?”

  Grace reached over and removed the bowl from the microwave. “Why don’t we sit?”

  They sat, but now soup was the last thing on Julia’s mind. “What do you think I need to understand?”

  “The reason you were sent here to live in the first place.”

  “I always thought it was because my mother didn’t want me around.”

  “No, she sent you here to get you away from Charles.”

  Every cell in Julia’s body froze. “What do you know about Charles?”

  “I know he apparently liked to look at young girls,” Grace said. “That is all he did, right?”

  Grace suddenly looked fierce, and judging from her expression Julia thought it was a good thing Charles wasn’t in the room right now.

  “He never touched me, if that’s what you’re asking,” Julia said. “How did you know about him?”

  “Because your mother told me.”

  The admission felt like a slap in the face. “She knew what he was doing?”

  “Apparently Charles made a few comments about your appearance. At first she was proud he thought you were so pretty. Then he said something about the way you looked in a bathing suit.”

  Chills broke out all over Julia’s body. “I can’t remember wearing a bathing suit around him. I wouldn’t have dared.”

  “I don’t think you knew he was home.”

  The soup lodged in Julia’s throat like a lump of clay. She dropped the spoon and rubbed her arms, trying to get rid of the goose bumps.

  “Your mother became alarmed and called here,” Grace continued. “She asked for me specifically. She explained the situation and asked if you could come live with us.”

  “Why did she want to talk with you and not my father?”

  “I think she knew I would understand. From one mother to another, she said.”

  Tears stung Julia’s eyes. “I don’t get it. If she knew, why did she stay with him?” The betrayal cut to the quick even after all these years. “Why keep him and send me away?”

  “I never said your mother’s maternal instincts were fully developed,” Grace said, with a droll roll of her eyes. “She wasn’t strong enough to leave him, but she did her best to protect you.”

  “Did my father know about Charles?”

  Grace nodded. “He was ready to fly out there and tear the man limb from limb. So
was I, for that matter.”

  “You didn’t even know me.”

  “I knew you were a young, innocent girl, and the thought of that man going further than looking made me crazy. Your father demanded you be put on a plane and sent here immediately.”

  “I always wondered why it happened so suddenly,” Julia said. “I thought she didn’t want me around because having a teenage daughter made her look older.”

  “Oh, honey, no. And when your father and I divorced, your mother was still married to Charles, so he decided—”

  “To send me to boarding school. Shuffled off again. This time onto strangers. I guess it would have been too much to ask that he keep me with him.”

  Even Grace couldn’t find an excuse for that. So, yes Julia’s parents had done their best, but their concept of “best” was limited to say the least.

  Grace reached for Julia’s hand, an expression of deep sadness reflected in her eyes. “Now I’ve made you feel worse.”

  “Don’t feel guilty,” Julia said. “As you said, at least my mother cared enough to get me away from Charles. That’s something. And my father cared enough to get protective over it. It’s more than I expected.”

  “Do you keep in contact with them at all?”

  “I get a call on my birthday from my mother and a random gift certificate for some obscene amount at Christmas. My father will call out-of-the-blue a couple times a year. We never have anything to say. His current wife is younger than me. It’s always awkward and stiff.”

  Grace rubbed Julia’s arm, as if trying to banish the coldness in her veins. “Julia, I know it’s hard, but maybe it’s time you find a way to forgive them. They’re a couple of selfish, flawed people, but they do love you.”

  “Sarah said that, too.”

  “You should take her advice. This bitterness is only going to eat you up. It’s already left its mark. Here you are a beautiful, smart, successful woman, and you’re stuck in this pit of fear, afraid to let anyone close to you. That’s no way to live.”

  Julia didn’t see a way to move past her anger. “How am I supposed to forgive them?”

  “You pray about it. Ask for guidance. That the burden be lifted. God knows something about forgiveness. He forgave us when we certainly didn’t deserve it. If you want to be set free from the chains of your childhood you will find a way.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Because I know you,” Grace said, caressing Julia’s cheek. “I know how strong you are. How caring, even though you try to hide it. I also know how much God loves you. That’s all you need to do anything.”

  Julia couldn’t stop a grin. “Have you ever thought about getting your own talk show?”

  A startled bark of laughter escaped. “Good grief, no,” Grace said. “Who would care what I have to say?”

  “Plenty of people, I bet.”

  “I think I’ll leave the talking to the professionals.”

  “You should consider it.”

  Grace stood up, still chuckling. “I’m going to bed. Are you going to be all right?”

  “Me? I told you, I’m fine.”

  “I know.” She pressed her lips to the top of Julia’s head. “Goodnight.”

  Julia sighed and stared unseeing at the darkened kitchen. She was starting to think this whole issue of feelings was more trouble than it was worth.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Julia woke up with a headache. Not surprising as tossing and turning all night did not leave one feeling refreshed come morning. As the sun peeked over the horizon, she gave up on sleep. A glance out the window revealed a glorious sunrise. Streaks of pink, purple, and orange stretched across the sky like fiery fingers. Against the azure blue sky, the sight was almost enough to make her cry.

  Frustration gnawed at her gut. These crying jags had to stop… now… before she turned into one of those weepy women so often featured in Spanish telenovelas.

  Forcibly shrugging off her melancholy, Julia showered and dressed before heading to Hadden Acres, where the wedding-that-would-steal-her-sanity would take place in forty-eight hours. First on the agenda was meeting with the plantation staff. As it was a designated historical sight, there were reams of permits to sign. Permits to set up chairs. Permits to bring in food. Permits to take pictures. Permits to park cars on the grounds. Permits to walk on the grass. Permits to breathe. Permits to blink.

  Julia’s wrist would never be the same.

  When the paperwork was in order, she headed back outside to meet with the extra crew they’d hired to help pull off the monster wedding. Betsy would be the point woman for catering and entertainment. Amy had been charged with taking care of the wedding party. Julia wound up with grounds duty, and it became her task to make sure everything was set up for the ceremony and reception. After handing out task lists, the team dispersed, and the race began to see if they could pull it all off.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Seth and sleep had become two things that did not go together. Everything seemed to be crowding in on him. The situation with Meredith at church, the snowball barreling downhill feeling whenever he got close to Amy, and of course thoughts of Julia. The latter concern seemed to crowd into his thoughts with a regularity that disturbed him.

  He stumbled out of bed the morning after baby Mary’s welcome home party and made his first unpleasant discovery of the day.

  No coffee.

  Which meant going down to Grace’s kitchen. Which meant most likely running into Julia. He’d been avoiding the main house as much as possible. Call him a coward, but facing Julia before all his defenses were in place could only lead to disaster.

  However, a lack of coffee trumped any misgivings he had about stopping the urge to reach out and twirl a strand of Julia’s wild red hair around his finger. Seeing his dad at the table rather than Julia brought instant relief, along with a touch of disappointment he refused to acknowledge.

  “Morning… son,” John Graham said, the corner of his mouth kicking up as pleasure filled his eyes.

  “Hey, Dad.”

  Guilt followed on the heels of relief. Seth had been so wrapped up in his own personal turmoil he hadn’t visited with his dad as much. To be truthful, Seth had avoided his father because the old man knew him too well. Even a stroke wouldn’t keep John Graham from seeing the turmoil in his son’s eyes.

  It was too late to run now, so Seth forced a relaxed smile and headed for the coffee pot. A bit of caffeine would help get his brain functioning.

  “Where is everyone else?” Seth asked, wondering if he was going to get the double pleasure of looking at both his dad and Julia over the breakfast table.

  Talk about an unsettling morning.

  “Julia… left for work. Grace went… to see… Sarah and the… baby.”

  “Already?” Seth grinned at his dad over the coffee cup. “Looks like you’re not going to be seeing your wife very much anymore.”

  John let out a wheezing chuckle. “No… it is good… to see her… so happy though.”

  “It’s good to see you so happy.”

  Seth knew how hard things had been for his dad after his mother passed away. After losing Beth he understood his father’s devastation even more. Yet, his dad had somehow been able to move on and find love again with Grace. Seth didn’t know if that kind of peace was possible for him. Even now he woke up some mornings to find his pillow wet with tears.

  “You never stop… missing them,” his dad said. “Loving them.”

  Seth left off contemplating the depths of the black liquid he’d been nursing. “Who?”

  “The one you lost,” his dad said. “You don’t have to… stop missing them… but you can… let another person in. A heart… expands to accept… love.”

  Talk about hitting the nail on the head. “How do you do that?” Seth asked, in sheer awe. “Mom used to be the one to read my mind.”

  “I had… to learn… on the job,” said, with a wistful smile. “You are… so like… her.”
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  Seth had heard people say that before. Before his stroke, John Graham had been a powder keg of energy. Always the one cracking jokes and entertaining everyone within earshot at parties. Susan Graham had been quieter, more introspective. She’d understood Seth better than anyone in the world. She’d been so good at looking inside a person and seeing the things they kept hidden from the world.

  Like Julia did.

  Seth’s mind skittered over the thought like a stone skipping across the water. Julia was not like his mother. Sure, she could read people, but other than that the two couldn’t be more different.

  “You have a lot… on your… mind lately,” his dad said. “You always seem… somewhere else.”

  Somewhere? Try a million places. “I’ve got a big meeting tonight at church. About Meredith Vining.”

  “I heard.”

  Surprise flooded through him. “You know?”

  “The stroke… did not affect… my hearing,” his dad said, pointing to his ears. “What are you… going to do?”

  “Fight for Meredith. For what’s right.”

  “That’s good. She has… changed… settled down. Her music is… so full of worship. Others… see that, too.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Something else… is troubling you. Besides Meredith.”

  Seth scraped a hand across his cheek, wondering how much he should say. “How did you know Grace was the one? Did you worry you were just lonely or wanted companionship? Do you love her the way you loved Mom?”

  “Lots of questions,” his dad rumbled.

  “No kidding.”

  “Grace is… the woman who made me want… to live again.”

  Live again. Words Seth understood. He’d been experiencing the sensation of coming out of a deep sleep the last couple months.

  His dad’s expression turned earnest. “Son, love can be many things. Grace is not your mother. What I feel for her is different. Susan was my childhood sweetheart. We grew up together. Raised a son. But losing her changed me. I’m not the same man I was, and Grace is what I need now. Just like you are not the same man you were.”