EG01 - When One Door Closes

by Joan Jonker

  ‘Yer’ll end up with a whitlow doin’ that! Get it all off yer chest while yer’ve got the chance.’

  ‘I’ve been wondering whether to marry Harry, so the baby will have a name.’ Mary got the words out quick before she lost her nerve. ‘I would do, but I don’t think I could live with him, you know, like a real wife.’

  Eileen’s eyebrows nearly touched her hairline as they shot up in surprise. ‘Yer mean yer’d marry him if he stayed with his mam, and you live here?’

  ‘No, I don’t mean that!’ Mary was impatient that Eileen didn’t understand. ‘I just don’t think I could sleep with him.’

  ‘Well, I’ve heard everything now! What the hell d’yer think Harry is … a bloody monk! He might be crazy about yer, but that doesn’t mean he’s daft in the head! You’re not askin’ for much, are yer, kid?’

  Mary kept her eyes down and went back to scratching her nails. ‘It’s not just Harry! I couldn’t bear any man to touch me.’

  Eileen clamped her lips together before she said something she’d regret. Marrying Harry would solve all Mary’s problems, but what about Harry himself? Would he still want to marry her if he’d heard what she’d just said? Sleeping with him would be one of the reasons most girls would marry him … but then, Mary wasn’t like most girls. ‘The only advice I can give is to talk to Harry. Tell him what yer’ve told me and leave it up to him.’

  Mary gave a mirthless laugh. ‘I’ll stop him in the street and tell him I’ll marry him if he promises not to come near me! He’d think I was mental!’

  ‘Forget it then!’ Eileen shrugged. ‘Yer’ve shown him the door once, so he won’t be back for a second helping unless yer give him some encouragement.’

  ‘Shall I knock on his door and ask for a date?’

  ‘Sarcasm won’t get yer anywhere, kid! It’s you that’s in trouble, not me or Harry!’ Eileen tutted. She’d come to help, and here she was losing her temper. ‘Look, treat Harry like a human being and he’ll do the rest.’

  ‘You think I’m selfish, and I know I am! But it’s not meself I’m thinking about.’ Mary was so close to tears, Eileen didn’t have the heart to say what she really thought. So she held out her hand and asked, ‘Do I get that cup of tea, or not?’

  ‘Oh, lord, I’d forgotten! It’ll be stiff by now!’

  ‘If it’s wet and warm, it’ll do me.’ Eileen reached for the cup. ‘Treat Harry decent, kid, and leave it to him.’ She took a mouthful of tea. ‘Tell yer what! Yer could send Harry round to our house every night, and I’ll send him back with a permanent smile on his face.’

  ‘But what makes you think she won’t tell me to take a running jump if I ask her for a date?’ Harry’s face was creased in a frown. ‘If this is your idea of a joke, I don’t think it’s funny.’

  ‘Yer don’t see me laughin’, do yer? Anyway, please yer bloody self!’ Eileen moved down the machine leaving him looking bewildered. He stared at her back for a few seconds then moved towards her. ‘Just three words, Eileen! Were you serious?’

  ‘I’m too old to play games, Harry!’

  There was determination in his step as he rounded the machine, but when Mary looked sideways at him he nearly chickened out. ‘How’s things, Mary?’

  Mary didn’t turn her head away like she usually did. ‘Dull and boring.’

  Harry’s mouth felt like emery paper. ‘How d’you fancy going to the flicks one night, to break the monotony?’

  Can I go through with this? Mary asked herself. If I can’t, it’s not fair on him. Her mind was divided into two camps, her Mother and the baby in one, far outweighing her own feelings in the other. ‘It would make a change.’

  ‘How about tomorrow night? We could go for a drink before the pictures, and come straight on to work?’

  ‘What about me mam? It means she wouldn’t have a visitor unless Eileen would go in and see her. Wouldn’t it be better to wait till next week, when we’re on mornings?’

  ‘No!’ The word shot from Harry’s mouth. ‘Let’s make it tomorrow.’

  Mary sounded calm but there were hundreds of butterflies flying from her tummy up to her throat. ‘I’ll ask Eileen at break time.’

  ‘I’ll go and ask her now.’ Before Mary could stop him he was whizzing round the machine to where Eileen had been sneaking glances at them, trying to figure out from their expressions what was going on.

  ‘I owe you a lot of favours, Eileen,’ Harry started. ‘But would you do me one more big one? Would you go in and see Mrs B tomorrow night, while I take Mary to the pictures?’

  Eileen looked at his face, shining with happiness, and her own heart felt lighter. ‘What’s in it for me, big boy?’

  ‘A big kiss, when she’s not looking.’

  ‘I’ll keep yer to that!’ Eileen waved across to Mary. ‘OK, kid!’

  Mary waited patiently for the other women to leave the canteen. ‘Me mam’ll start building her hopes up, you know! Don’t let her think there’s anything in it, or she’ll have me married off!’

  ‘Leave it to me, kid. I’ll be the soul of discretion.’ Eileen looked at Mary and rolled her eyes. ‘Yer will try and smile temorrer night, won’t yer? The miserable gob on yer now is enough to curdle the milk!’

  Mary slammed the door behind her and fell into step beside Harry. The hairs on the back of her neck were tingling with embarrassment as she imagined eyes peering through the windows they passed. This should give the neighbours something to talk about. She could almost hear Elsie Smith’s voice, ‘It didn’t take her long! And young Bob only dead a matter of weeks!’

  Neither of them spoke until they reached the main road, then Harry asked, ‘Shall we go to the Prince Albert for a drink?’

  Mary was wishing she was miles away. ‘If you want.’

  Harry felt her flinch as he put a hand under her elbow, but he left it there till they reached the pub and sat at a corner table. ‘I’ll take you somewhere nice next week, when we don’t have to worry about getting back early for work.’ He studied her face as she sipped her drink, and thought how pretty she looked in the blue and white floral dress with a white cardi slung across her shoulders. Her lovely blonde hair had been brushed till it shone and bounced with every move of her head. It was on the tip of his tongue to say how nice she looked, when he remembered Eileen’s warning to ‘play it cool’.

  The silence between them was becoming embarrassing as each tried to think of something to say. In the end both started to talk at the same time, and Harry laughed. ‘You first.’

  Mary stared into her glass. ‘Do your mam and dad know you’re out with me?’

  ‘Of course they do! Why?’

  ‘I just wondered.’

  ‘Mary, I don’t have to ask me mam every time I go out! I don’t even have to ask her who I can marry!’

  Looking through her long black lashes, she asked, quietly, ‘You would really marry me, knowing I’m expecting Bob’s baby?’

  ‘If you’ll have me, yes!’

  Mary put her empty glass down. ‘Shall we go?’

  As he stood up, Harry groaned. At this rate we’ll never get a chance to talk properly. It’ll be next week before I can take her out again, and the way things are going the baby will be due before we get anywhere. The thought acted as a spur. ‘Mary, we’ve got to talk. Can I come up to yours in the morning?’

  Mary nodded. She was willing herself to feel something for this man who was offering her a way out of her troubles, but there was no spark and she doubted if there ever would be.

  They didn’t sit on the back row as she usually did with Bob, but halfway down the front stalls. Harry felt his arm brushing hers on the arm rest and had to steel himself not to take her hand in his. The picture had started but he never knew what it was about because his mind was on the girl sitting next to him, and his eyes kept sliding sideways to watch the changing expressions on her face.

  When the lights went up, Mary turned to him. ‘Did you enjoy it?’

  ‘Yeah, it was gr
eat,’ Harry lied as he looked at his watch. ‘It’s only ten to eight. D’you want to see what we’ve missed, or can we go back to yours?’

  Mary didn’t hesitate. ‘If you want to.’

  Their conversation was desultory as they walked home, and as soon as they were in the house Mary made for the kitchen. She needed time to sort her thoughts out. In the other room Harry paced the floor. There was no sound from the kitchen and he knew the tea making was just an excuse to buy Mary time. He was impatient, but he knew she couldn’t stay out there indefinitely so he waited. His hopes were riding high, but when she came through the door, her face full of doubt, his hopes began to flounder.

  The tension was almost tangible. They were more like strangers than two people with marriage on their mind. Suddenly Harry could stand it no longer. ‘We haven’t got much time, Mary. Have you thought about what you want to do?’

  ‘If I told you what I’d like, you’d think I needed certifying!’

  ‘Try me!’ Harry looked at the pale face and saw the trapped look in her eyes. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her she didn’t have to be frightened of him … he’d never hurt her. ‘Tell me what’s on your mind, and I’ll tell you whether you’re crazy or not.’

  ‘I’ve got to be honest, otherwise it wouldn’t be fair on you.’ Mary looked down at her clasped hands. ‘I do like you, Harry … but I don’t love you. It’s too soon after Bob, and my thoughts are still filled with memories of him. I can’t forget him, and I don’t think I ever will.’

  ‘I don’t expect you to forget Bob, but you’ve got your whole life in front of you!’

  ‘Bob’s always with me! He’s never out of me thoughts! It’s his baby I’m carrying, and it’s his baby I’m trying to protect. You say you want to marry me, but I think it’s only fair you should know I’d only marry you to give his baby a name.’ Mary’s beautiful face was full of sadness. ‘I’d be using you, Harry, and you don’t want that, do you?’

  ‘You can’t love a dead man for ever.’ Harry’s eyes didn’t waver. ‘As time passes you’ll learn to love again. I’m willing to take that chance if you are.’

  Mary turned her face away. He really was too good a man to be used like this. She searched her mind for the right words to warn him of the obstacles he’d have to face. ‘What about your parents? They’ll go mad when they know about the baby … and then there’s the difference in our religion! With you being a Protestant, they wouldn’t marry us in church and I couldn’t get married in a registry office.’ A long drawn out sigh escaped. ‘On top of all that you’d be the laughing stock of all the neighbours and your mates in work.’

  Harry waved his hands. ‘I’ve got a strong back! Anyway, to hell with them! It’s what you and I want, not the neighbours or me mates!’

  ‘There’s me mam, too!’ Mary was determined he would know exactly what he was taking on. ‘If she doesn’t get better I’ll have to take care of her, as well as the baby. You’d be taking the whole lot of us on, so you’d best give it a lot of thought.’

  ‘I don’t need to! I know what I want, and that’s you!’ Harry pleaded with his eyes. ‘Will you marry me, Mary?’

  Mary’s head shook from side to side. ‘I couldn’t face your mam and dad! How d’you think they’d feel, living a few doors from a grandchild that wasn’t really theirs?’

  ‘I’ll find us a house away from here, where people won’t know I’m not the baby’s father.’ Nothing would stand in Harry’s way now. ‘A six-roomed house where your mam could have her own room downstairs.’

  Mary bit back the retort that it wasn’t his baby, and she could never pretend it was. What a mess she’d made of her life! ‘What happens if it doesn’t work out? I do like you, but I don’t love you.’

  ‘It will work out! I’ll make it! Just give me the chance, Mary.’

  It was a mental picture of her mother’s face that made Mary consider her answer. ‘Think about it first, and have a good talk with your parents.’

  ‘I could spend till Doomsday thinking about it, and I still wouldn’t change me mind. Tell me you’ll marry me and I’ll sort everything out.’ He moved to sit next to her on the couch. ‘Tell me now, Mary!’

  ‘Don’t say any more till you’ve told your mam and dad,’ Mary insisted. ‘If they don’t talk you out of it, and you’re still prepared to take me, and me mam, and the baby on, then, yes, I’ll marry you.’ She glanced at the clock on the wall over the firegrate and stood up quickly. ‘We’d better start making tracks or we’ll be late.’

  ‘Shall we tell Eileen?’ Harry felt like running into the street and shouting it to the world.

  ‘Not till you’ve talked to your parents. After that, if you still want to go ahead with it, we’ll tell me mam and Eileen.’

  There was a nagging doubt in the back of Harry’s mind that said for someone who’d just accepted a proposal of marriage, Mary didn’t look very happy. But he brushed it aside. She’d gone through a lot in the last few months, but once she’d got used to the idea, and they’d told everyone, she’d be OK.

  Chapter Seventeen

  ‘Have you lost the run of your senses?’ Lizzie Sedgemoor faced her son across the table. ‘All the girls around, and you want to marry one who’s expecting another man’s baby! You must be out of your mind!’

  George Sedgemoor saw the anguish on his son’s face. He hadn’t spoken since Harry dropped the bombshell, but now he asked, ‘Are you sure you know what you’re doing, son?’

  ‘Yes, Dad! I love Mary, and always have done. If I can’t have her, I’ll never marry anyone else.’

  Lizzie was standing now, her knuckles white as she leaned her weight on the table. ‘And what about us? Don’t you care about us, and the laughing stock we’d be?’

  ‘I’ve got me own life to think of.’ Harry’s voice was weary. ‘I’m sorry if you and me dad are upset, but it won’t change me mind! If Mary Bradshaw will have me, then I’m going to marry her.’

  ‘Well, don’t bring her here because she won’t be welcome!’ Lizzie spat the words out. ‘And don’t expect us to come to your wedding, either!’

  ‘Now, Lizzie!’ George appealed to his wife. ‘Don’t say anything you’ll be sorry for later. We’ve always liked young Mary, haven’t we?’

  ‘Oh, I liked her all right! Thought butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth! But she’s not as innocent as she makes out, is she? She’s got herself pregnant, and now he … ’ Lizzie’s voice was choked as she nodded her head towards Harry, ‘is daft enough to want to marry her!’

  Harry jumped to his feet and mother and son faced each other. ‘She’s not a bad girl! She made a mistake, once, and now she’s a slut as far as you’re concerned.’

  ‘Huh! Told you that, did she? And you fell for it! Well, all I can say is that you’re a bigger fool than I thought you were!’

  Harry dropped his head in despair. He loved his parents deeply and didn’t want to hurt them. But why couldn’t they see that his happiness lay with Mary? They were always teasing him about being single at twenty-seven, and now he had the chance of marrying the only girl he’d ever loved, why couldn’t they be happy for him? ‘Please, Mam! I don’t want to fight with you, but I’m going to marry Mary no matter what you say. Can’t you see it’s what I want, and be happy for me?’

  George spoke before Lizzie could answer. ‘We knew you were sweet on Mary, son! And we’d have been over the moon with you marrying her if it wasn’t for the baby. It’s come as a shock to me and your mam, you must see that! Give us a chance to get used to the idea. We only want what’s best for you, you know that.’

  Lizzie glared at her husband. ‘And you think marrying Mary Bradshaw, and her being pregnant, is the best thing for him? She’s a scheming little bitch, that’s what she is! She’s using him, and you’re both too thick to see it!’

  ‘It’s me that wants to marry her, Mam; not her wanting to marry me!’ Harry was trying not to lose his temper because he knew he was hurting them deeply. But he
couldn’t stand by while his mam called Mary a scheming little bitch. ‘She knew you’d take it like this, and she told me she wouldn’t blame you one bit. She wouldn’t even tell her mam until you’d had a chance to talk me out of it. That’s the scheming little bitch you’re talking about!’ His voice was tired and he had a headache. He’d stayed up after he came in off night shift to tell his parents, and now he felt physically and mentally worn out. ‘I love her, Mam, and I had hoped that you and Dad would be happy for me. But if you won’t accept her, I’ll still marry her and consider meself a very lucky man.’ Without waiting for a reply, Harry turned on his heels and left the room, leaving his parents staring at the closed door.

  ‘Well, I never thought the day would come when I’d hear that coming from me own son.’ Lizzie covered her face with her hands and dropped back on the chair. When the tears started to flow, George stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. ‘Now, Lizzie, there’s no need to carry on so. It’s not the end of the world, you know.’ When his wife didn’t answer, he went on, ‘He’s our only son and if we’re not careful we could lose him.’

  Lizzie lifted her tear-stained face. ‘He’s not worried about losing us, is he? He doesn’t care what we think!’

  ‘Would you have taken any notice if your mam and dad had said you couldn’t marry me? And we both know, deep down, that Mary’s not a bad girl. She only ever had one boyfriend, and Bob West was as fine a boy as you’d get.’

  Lizzie sniffled, then blew her nose into a hankie. ‘But she doesn’t love our Harry! Bob’s only been dead a matter of weeks, and you don’t fall in and out of love that quick! She’s using our Harry for a convenience, and what sort of a marriage is that for him? It’s not only the baby, either … he’s talking about changing his religion.’