EG01 - When One Door Closes

by Joan Jonker

  But Martha knew Harry did worry about them not having an air-raid shelter. Particularly with her being the way she was, and not able to get to a public one. She also knew how guilty he felt about not being in the forces and fighting for his country; and every night she prayed the war would be over before they started calling up men like Harry.

  Two days later, on December 7th, Harry was bristling with excitement when he came in off the morning shift. Without taking his coat off or giving Mary her usual kiss, he crossed to the wireless. ‘Have you had this on?’

  Martha shook her head. ‘No, why?’

  ‘Sssh! Listen!’

  The commentator’s voice filled the room as Harry turned the volume up, telling them that the Japanese fleet had, without warning, attacked Pearl Harbor. The unsuspecting Americans had been caught unawares, and all the ships in the port had been sunk, buildings blown up and hundreds of lives lost.

  ‘Oh, my God!’ Martha gasped. ‘The Japanese aren’t at war with America, are they?’

  ‘That’s what makes it so bad.’ Harry ground his teeth together. ‘They gave no warning at all!’

  ‘What did they do that for, if they’re not at war?’ Mary asked.

  ‘They will be at war!’ Harry unbuttoned his coat. ‘The Yanks are not going to take this lying down.’

  Harry was right. The next day, reeling from the attack, the Americans declared war on Japan. Three days later, they declared war on Germany and her allies. Britain and the Commonwealth were no longer on their own in the fight against Hitler and his strutting side-kick, Mussolini.

  The week before Christmas, Mary opened the door to find Eileen red in the face with exertion, and laden down with bags and parcels. ‘Let’s get in, kid, before me arms fall off.’ She let Mary walk ahead of her, then leaning against the wall for support and balancing on one leg, she kicked the door closed.

  ‘What have you got in there?’ Mary watched Eileen dump the parcels on the floor in Martha’s room. ‘You look as though you’ve bought Woolies out.’

  ‘Hello, Mrs B.’ Eileen flopped down on the chair. ‘Am I glad to get rid of those!’ She held out her plump hand to show the angry red weals made by the thin handles of the shopping bags. ‘I’d rather do a day’s work than go through that again. Me arms are six inches longer than they were this morning.’

  Mary nodded to the parcels. ‘What’s in them?’

  ‘I got me Tontine and Christmas club out, so I bought all the kids presents. I wondered if I could leave them here till Christmas eve, ’cos there’s nowhere safe in our house. Young Billy knows all me hiding specks.’

  Mary clapped her hands like a little girl. ‘I’ll let you leave them here if you let’s see what you’ve got.’

  Eileen tipped one of the bigger bags out on to the floor and passed a couple of boxed games over to Martha. ‘It’s hard to know what to get to fill their stockings ’cos there’s not much in the shops. And kids don’t understand when yer tell them there’s a war on.’

  ‘You seem to have enough there to fill coal sacks, never mind stockings.’ Martha held up a box of Tiddly Winks. ‘I remember getting a box of these when I was a kid.’

  ‘And that was only last year, wasn’t it?’ Eileen laughed as she returned the toys to the bag. ‘There’ll be another one to buy for next year, won’t there?’ She eyed Mary up and down. ‘You look blooming, kid.’

  Mary, in her seventh month of pregnancy, was enormous. But it suited her and she looked lovelier than ever. Patting her swollen tummy, she smiled. ‘The size of me, I think I must be having triplets.’

  ‘It’ll be lovely next year, won’t it?’ Martha said. ‘A baby in the house makes all the difference at Christmas.’

  ‘It’s better for me now than it is at Christmas,’ Eileen informed them. ‘I can frighten them into doing as they’re told, by telling them they won’t get anything off Father Christmas if they’re naughty. Once they’ve got their presents I’ve had it!’ The chair creaked ominously before her laughter ricocheted round the room. ‘Our Billy told the girls there was no such person as Father Christmas and he had them crying their eyes out. So I said to him, “Well, if yer don’t believe in Father Christmas, yer won’t be expecting any presents from him, will yer?” Yer should’ve seen his face! His eyes went all innocent like, and he said he was only pulling their legs. They must be daft, he said, because everybody knows there’s a Father Christmas.’

  ‘Poor Billy,’ Mary laughed. ‘He can’t win, can he?’

  ‘Don’t you worry about our Billy! There’s not many get the better of him, I can tell yer.’ Eileen settled back on the chair. ‘Mind you, he won’t have things all his own way when our Edna gets a bit older. Since she learned to cock her leg over the ball there’s no holding her back. The latest craze is singing, “One Two Three, me mother caught a flea, She put it in the tea pot to make a cup of tea, the flea jumped out, me mother gave a shout, and in came a bobby with his shirt hanging out.”’ Eileen sang in the high squeaky voice of her youngest daughter. ‘Yer should see our Billy move when she starts singin’ that, cos’ every time she comes to the part about the bobby’s shirt hanging out, she pulls our Billy’s shirt out of his kecks.’

  Martha was looking at Eileen with real affection. They had been blessed with having her for a friend. ‘It’s a wonder you can still laugh.’

  ‘That’s not laughter, Mrs B! It’s bloody hysterics!’ Eileen’s nose twitched. ‘There’s that smell again! I could smell it when I came in … it’s like carbolic.’

  ‘It is soap you can smell, but it’s not all carbolic.’ Mary looked pleased with herself. ‘Doris next door told me to save all the little bits of soap that get too small to use, and she showed me how to heat them all together in a pan till they melt. When it cools off, you can mould them into big blocks. It doesn’t half help, with soap being so scarce.’

  Eileen winked at Martha as she jerked her thumb at Mary. ‘Gettin’ to be a proper little housewife, isn’t she?’

  ‘Oh, that’s not all!’ Martha told her proudly. ‘Doris helped her unpick one of her old woollen jumpers, and the two of them are using the old wool to make matinee coats.’

  ‘Yer lucky having the Aldersons for neighbours.’

  Mary nodded. ‘They’re great! Doris calls in every morning to see if I want anything from the shops, and her and Jim come in every Sunday night for a game of cards.’

  ‘I’m glad yer’ve got someone to turn to if yer ever need any help.’ Eileen looked from one to the other. ‘Now for my bit of news, then I’ll have to be off. First, I’ve had another letter from Bill. At least it would be a letter if the bloody censors would leave it alone.’ She huffed. ‘Still, at least I know he’s alive and that’s better than nothing. Anyway, that’s my bit of news, so now on to our Rene. Yez know Alan was fitted with an artificial arm, don’t yez?’ She waited for their nods. ‘Well, they’re keeping him in the Army an’ he’s over the moon. They’re giving him a desk job at the Ministry of Defence, and he’ll be stationed in Liverpool.’ Appreciating the rapt expressions on the faces of her audience, Eileen asked. ‘D’yez want to know the best news I’ve had since the war started? Our Rene’s pregnant!’

  Simultaneously came the cries. ‘Isn’t that marvellous’ and ‘Oh, I’m so glad for them.’

  ‘So that’s two extra pressies to buy next year! I’ll have to ask your feller for some overtime.’ As she stood up, Eileen eyed the bags on the floor. ‘Are yer sure they’ll be all right here?’

  ‘Positive! Harry can take them up to the little room when he comes in. They won’t be in the way, ’cos there’s nothing in that room yet.’

  ‘Won’t be long now, kid! Wait till our Emma has yez awake all night, crying for a feed.’

  ‘When I put the order in for a girl, I asked for one that didn’t cry.’ Mary put her thumb to her nose and wriggled her fingers. ‘So there!’

  ‘Merry Christmas!’

  Mary’s eyelids flickered, then lay still, her long black lashes
fanning her cheeks. She looked so peaceful Harry felt reluctant to wake her. But Martha was waiting downstairs, eager to open her Christmas present. Leaning over the sleeping figure, Harry whispered, ‘Merry Christmas, lazy bones.’

  As Mary turned her head her eyes flew open and Harry found himself looking into the vivid blue pools. A familiar thrill ran down his spine and he felt the urge to gather her into his arms. But he knew the response wouldn’t match his own for warmth. ‘Aren’t you going to wish me a Merry Christmas?’

  Mary struggled to sit up, her knuckles rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She glanced at the clock which told her it was half past eight. ‘I must have been out like a light! What time did you get up?’

  ‘About seven.’

  ‘Is me mam awake?’

  ‘She’s like a child down there.’ Harry laughed. ‘Waiting to see what Santa Claus has brought her. I’ve made a pot of tea and a plate of toast, so hurry before it gets cold.’

  Mary slipped her legs over the side of the bed. ‘Just give me two minutes, then I’ll be down.’ As Harry reached the door, she called, ‘You haven’t said anything to her, have you?’

  ‘Now as though I’d say anything without you being there!’

  Mary was wide awake now. ‘I’m dying to see her face.’

  ‘Well, get a move on!’

  Harry was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. ‘Shall we take it in now,’ he whispered, ‘or d’you want to open the other presents first?’

  ‘I’ll go in, and when I shout, you bring it in.’ Mary sniffed. ‘What’s the smell?’

  ‘I put the turkey in the oven at half past seven, and I’ve peeled the veg and potatoes. So we’ve got a couple of hours to spare.’ Harry chuckled as he put an arm round her shoulder. ‘What are we whispering for?’ He raised his voice. ‘Me mam and dad aren’t coming till two o’clock, so we’ve plenty of time.’

  ‘You get ready for when I shout.’ Mary pushed open the door of her mother’s room. ‘Merry Christmas, Mam.’

  ‘Merry Christmas, lass!’ Martha pointed to the small tree where fairy lights were twinkling. ‘Doesn’t the tree look lovely?’

  ‘Yes, it looks all Christmassy in here.’ Mary’s tummy was rumbling with excitement. ‘Are you coming in, Harry, so we can open our presents?’

  When the door was pushed open, all they could see at first was Harry’s back. Then as he got in the room and turned round, Mary’s eyes went to her mother’s face. ‘Merry Christmas, Mam.’

  Martha was staring at the rocking chair Harry had placed on the floor. She opened her mouth, but no words would come out. ‘Don’t you like it, Mam?’

  Martha’s eyes were brimming with tears. ‘I don’t know what to say, lass!’

  ‘I can always take it back if you don’t like it, Mrs B,’ Harry joked. ‘Me and Mary didn’t know whether to buy you this or a box of hankies.’

  Martha was wiping her eyes as she stared at the chair. It was as big as the one in the other room but was made of lighter wood and the carving was different. ‘It’s beautiful! But you shouldn’t have spent so much money on me.’

  ‘Only the best is good enough for the best mother-in-law in the whole wide world. You deserve it.’

  ‘Let me try it.’ Martha reached for the crutches leaning against the wall, but Mary held her back. ‘Hang on a minute, Mam, till Harry moves your chair out of the way first.’

  With cushions at her back, and tears in her eyes, Martha rocked back and forth. ‘It’s the best Christmas present I’ve ever had.’

  ‘Can we open our presents now?’ Mary went to the tree and picked up the parcels lying beneath it. After picking out the ones for Harry’s parents and putting them back, she handed her mother and Harry theirs.

  Harry had his head bent as he tore at the wrapping on his present, but he was watching Mary out of the corner of his eye. Eileen had helped him choose her presents, and he hoped she liked them.

  ‘Oh, Mam, look!’ Mary held up the blue velvet dressing gown. ‘Isn’t it gorgeous?’ Her face aglow with pleasure, she shrugged off her old dressing gown and slipped into the new one. Stroking the smooth velvet, she moved closer to Martha’s chair. ‘Feel it, Mam! Isn’t it beautiful?’

  ‘It is, lass! Harry’s done us both proud.’

  With a shy smile, Mary turned round. ‘It’s lovely, Harry; thank you.’ She noticed the pair of slippers and matching scarf and gloves lying on his knee. ‘D’you like your presents?’

  ‘They’re just what I wanted.’ He smiled into the anxious face. ‘Now, while you two are comparing presents, I think I’ll go up and get washed and changed.’

  Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, shaving, Harry’s mind went back over the last few months. To outsiders they were a normal, happy family. Everybody thought he and Mary were like any other young married couple, but when they were in the privacy of their own room, Mary quickly dropped the cloak of pretence. She treated him like a brother she was fond of, but never like a husband. He tried every way he knew to win her love, but it didn’t look as though her feelings for him were ever going to change.

  As he ran the open razor across his chin, Harry remembered the night, about two months ago, when his hopes had soared and he’d felt certain it was the turning point in their relationship. It was on one of the nights when he couldn’t ignore the needs of his body, and Mary was lying passive as he caressed her body. He could read her mind as she lay braced for what was to come, and knew she was hoping it would be over quickly. Then his hand had touched her ripe, full breasts, and he heard a soft cry escape her lips as her body trembled. Hope had surged like a wave, as he prayed that at last Mary’s body was responding to his. Deliberately he had taken his time, a hand covering each breast as his thumbs circled the fully extended nipples. Mary’s body had squirmed in the bed and his heart had raced as he recognised the signs.

  Harry swished the razor in the water in the sink, then went back to his thoughts. He could remember that night, and the sensation, as though it was happening now. It had been dark in the room and he couldn’t see Mary’s face, but when he whispered, ‘All right, love?’ he’d felt her nod against his shoulder. He’d run his hand down the length of her body as it arched sensuously, then took her gently on a voyage that was to satisfy both of them.

  Harry had expected Mary’s feelings for him to change after that night, but he’d been wrong. When he kissed her she didn’t turn away but her lips were cold. When he put his arms around her, her own stayed stiffly by her side. And in bed at night there were times when she lay frigid as he satisfied his needs, then she would turn away from him, leaving his body eased but his mind craving. It was the nights when Mary’s body disobeyed her mind that Harry lived for. She was no longer a novice at love making, and in the darkness of their bedroom she had learned the art of pleasing. On these nights they were lovers, but the next day, feeling she’d been disloyal to Bob’s memory, Mary was too ashamed to look him in the eye.

  Harry pulled the plug from the sink and towelled his face. Talking to his reflection in the mirror, he said, ‘I’ve tried everything … all I can do now is hope!’

  George Sedgemoor undid the top button on his trousers and breathed out. ‘That was a grand dinner, Mary, but I’ve eaten far too much.’

  They were all seated round the fire in Martha’s room, and Mary smiled at the father-in-law she’d become very fond of. ‘You can thank your son for the dinner. All I did was light the gas.’

  ‘You did set the table.’ Harry laughed. ‘And you made the gravy.’

  ‘Don’t worry, Mary.’ Lizzie pulled her jumper down over her ample bust. ‘We all have to learn. I couldn’t cook when I first got married, either.’

  ‘Aye! And I’ve got ulcers to prove it.’ George fended off a blow from his wife. ‘It was years before I got a meal like me mam used to make.’

  ‘I wish I could knit like you, Mrs Sedgemoor.’ Mary was holding the knitted pram set that had been her Christmas present from her in-laws. There was a coat
, a pair of leggings, a bonnet, and tiny bootees and mittens. ‘Eileen gave me a matinee coat, and I’ve knitted about six meself, so I’ve got a nice little stock now.’

  ‘I’ve got all the bedding for your pram and cot.’ Lizzie beamed. ‘And, I wasn’t going to tell you, but in case you go out and buy one, I’m knitting a shawl. But you’re definitely not getting them till the baby’s born, ’cos it’s unlucky.’

  ‘I’m getting really excited about it.’ Martha’s smile was wistful. ‘Mary is embroidering some pillowcases, and considering she’s never done it before, she’s making a good job of them.’

  ‘They’re only made out of flour bags.’ Praise always embarrassed Mary. ‘Eileen got them for me and told me to bleach them white. They’ve come up really well, and I’m embroidering some flowers on them.’

  ‘Yeah! She’s getting quite domesticated, isn’t she, Mrs B?’ Harry winked broadly. ‘She makes lovely roast potatoes now.’

  ‘I’ll never live that down, will I?’ Mary aimed a tangerine at his head. ‘If you’re so clever you can finish the embroidery on the pillowslips.’

  Vera and Danny called in for half an hour, bringing Carol. The room was full but nobody seemed to care. There was noise and laughter, and Harry was watching the glow on Mary’s face as she took the small doll from the Christmas tree that had been put there for Carol.

  Vera had brought nappies for Mary and everyone laughed when Harry pulled a face and complained. ‘It’s not fair! The baby’s getting everything!’

  The four months in the Army had done Danny good. He looked healthier and fitter, and at least ten years younger. His laugh came easier too, as he and Vera took turns in kissing the doll Carol kept pushing in their faces. When they’d gone, George voiced the feelings of everyone in the room. ‘Being called up was the best thing that could have happened to Danny. It’s made a man of him.’

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  ‘What time d’you have to be at Oxford Street?’

  ‘The clinic starts at ten, but it takes me ages to walk to the bus stop now, so I don’t want to leave it too late.’ Mary faced Harry across the table. ‘I could be there all morning if it’s as crowded as last week.’