Westward Hearts

by Melody Carlson

  “Amen,” Elizabeth echoed. Then she leaned over and kissed Ruth on the forehead. “You are a sweet and fine girl, Ruth Anne Martin.”

  The next morning was just as wet and rainy as the previous day. After a slightly soggy breakfast, they loaded up the hitched wagons, and the dreary slogging through the mucky rutted trail continued. Just like the day before, there were numerous breakdowns due to the slick mud and, as a result, many delays along the way. After the midday meal break, Elizabeth asked Brady if he would like to drive her wagon for her. “And perhaps JT can help,” she told him. “He needs the practice.”

  “You gonna walk in this rain, ma’am?” Brady said with concern.

  “No. I plan to ride Molly.”

  “You’re going to ride in the rain?” Ruth asked.

  Elizabeth nodded. “I’m weary of watching the team trudging along in this mud,” she told her. “I’m in need of a break. Even if it’s a wet one.”

  “Can I ride too?” Ruth asked.

  Elizabeth frowned. “I’d prefer you stay in the wagon…warm and dry.”

  Clearly disappointed, Ruth’s lower lip jutted out.

  “But I have an idea you might like.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Maybe you can invite Tillie Flanders to ride with you.”

  Ruth’s eyes lit up. “Oh, can I, Mama?”

  “Sure. Just make sure you girls clean the mud off your shoes before you get on the bed.”

  Elizabeth went into the wagon, changing into her split riding skirt, layering on a wool sweater, and topping it with James’ old barn jacket. Its well-worn oiled surface would repel the elements. She exchanged her prairie bonnet for one of James’ old felt hats. She might not look very feminine, but the wide brim would help to shed some rain. Besides, who would even notice her appearance on a gloomy day such as this?

  She had just gotten Molly saddled up when the wagons started to roll again. Tillie Flanders had been thrilled with Ruth’s invitation to visit. And it appeared that Flo was relieved to have one less damp body in their wagon. “Gets mighty close in there,” Flo said when Elizabeth stopped her horse by their wagon to say hello. “We sure appreciate the offer.”

  Mahala, the oldest girl, stuck her head out of the wagon and grinned at Elizabeth. “And you tell that brother of yours that if he needs any company, I’d be more than happy to oblige—”

  “Mahala!” her mother scolded. “Mind yourself.”

  Elizabeth looked at Ezra as he checked the harnesses on the mules. He was sixteen and a fairly responsible young man. “But perhaps Ezra would like to ride with Matthew,” she suggested. “I’m sure Matthew wouldn’t object to some company since Brady’s driving for me.”

  “I’d be much obliged to ride with your brother.” Ezra looked hopeful.

  “I’ll ride over and ask him,” Elizabeth said.

  Matthew was happy to have someone ride with him. “I even asked Jess,” he told her. “But he said he wants to ride. Try as I might to befriend that boy, he sure keeps to himself.”

  “Well, at least he borrowed some books from Father. Maybe you can get him to talk to you about what he’s reading sometime.”

  Elizabeth pulled her hat lower on her brow and rode back to the Flanders to tell Ezra that Matthew was glad for some companionship. Ezra hopped from the moving wagon and ran back toward Matthew’s wagon. Elizabeth nudged Molly, moving her well away from the wagon train. Despite the foul weather it felt good to be out of the wagon seat and in a saddle again. And Molly seemed relieved to be away from trailing behind the wagons. Perhaps they both were in need of some freedom.

  “I know this isn’t an easy trip for you animals.” Elizabeth patted Molly’s damp neck. “But it’ll be worth it when we get there.” Now she noticed the lone figure of Jess riding up ahead. With his head bent down and his coat soaked with rain, he looked even more forlorn than usual. Her heart went out to the young man, and she wondered if any of Gertie’s vicious rumors had made it to Jess’ ears. She hoped not.

  She gently heeled Molly’s middle and clicked her tongue, hurrying to catch up with Jess. “Hello,” she called out as she came alongside him.

  Startled, he jerked his head around so fast that his soggy wide-brimmed hat slid off the back of his head and was held around his neck by the rawhide strings. Jess looked stunned, but it was Elizabeth who nearly fell off her horse.

  “Jess?” She stared at the long brown hair that was secured into a tight bun, taking a good long look at what she had previously assumed was a young man but upon closer inspection was clearly a young woman.

  Jess fumbled to get the hat back in place and then, tightening the strings around her chin, looked defiantly back at Elizabeth. “Yes. So now you know.”

  “You’re a woman.” Elizabeth still could hardly believe her eyes.

  “Please, don’t tell,” Jess pleaded.

  “But why—”

  “It’s just easier this way,” Jess told her.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “No…you wouldn’t.” Jess let out a long sigh. “You have a nice normal life with a nice normal family. You wouldn’t understand!”

  Elizabeth didn’t know what to say.

  “I’m sorry.” Jess looked at her from beneath the big hat. “You and your family seem like truly good people. And I appreciate how you’ve been so helpful to us. I truly do. But even so…you wouldn’t understand.” Jess glanced over to where the wagon train was rumbling along, slogging down the muddy trail.

  Suddenly, as if a light had come on, Elizabeth thought maybe she did understand. And yet she couldn’t quite believe it. “Gertie Muller has been saying some things,” she began carefully. “About Ruby and Doris and Evangeline. Some not very kind things.” Elizabeth looked into Jess’ face, which was actually very pretty. Much more becoming to a woman than a man. “Is there any truth in what Gertie has been saying?”

  Jess pressed her lips tightly together, looking down at the reins in her hands.

  “You can trust me, Jess.”

  Now Jess just nodded. “I suspect there is some truth to it.”

  Elizabeth felt slightly sickened by this. Still, she wanted to get to the bottom of it. “I know you want to be a farmer,” she said slowly. “But why is your aunt—is she really your aunt?”

  Jess nodded again.

  “Why does your aunt want to go out West?”

  “She and the others plan to start up a dance hall,” Jess said plainly. “There’s big money in that sort of thing in the mining towns.”

  “Oh…” Elizabeth glanced back toward the wagon being driven by Ruby.

  “It’s what Ruby did in Saint Louis,” Jess explained. “How she supported me.”

  Elizabeth frowned at Jess’ wet clothes. “Is it why you pass yourself off as a boy?”

  “I reckon it’s just easier this way.” Now she looked up at Elizabeth with hopeful brown eyes. “But it’ll be different in Oregon. I can be myself out there. A fresh start and land of my very own to farm.”

  “What about your aunt?”

  “Doris and Evangeline are trying to talk her into stopping before Oregon. They heard there’s big money in silver mining in Colorado, and they’re already tired of traveling like this.”

  “You really think Ruby will let you go on to Oregon by yourself?” Elizabeth wasn’t sure about too much regarding these strange women anymore, but she was fairly certain that Ruby loved Jess.

  Jess shrugged.

  Elizabeth chuckled.

  “What’s so funny?” Jess looked hurt.

  “I was so shocked just now—finding out you’re a woman.” She laughed even harder. “And here I’ve been pushing my brother to befriend you.”

  Jess looked embarrassed. “Matthew has tried to be kind to me. He seems like a good man.”

  “He felt sorry for you. You seemed so lonely.” Elizabeth shook her head. “You were even lonelier than we realized, trying to pass yourself off as a man.”

  “Makes it re
al hard to have a conversation.” Jess lowered her voice to the gruff tone she usually used to answer people. “Having to talk like this.” Now she giggled. “It’s not easy.”

  “But I still don’t completely understand. What would it hurt for the people on this wagon train to know you’re a girl? And wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier for you if they did?”

  Jess got a thoughtful look. “I reckon. Except that I’ve gotten so used to being like this, I’m not sure I even know how to act like a girl anymore. I started dressing like this about the same time I started to look womanly. I figured if I could pass myself off as a boy, I’d get by with less trouble.” She shook her head. “Because I know about the troubles women have. I’ve seen it all in my aunt’s dance hall over the years.”

  Elizabeth shuddered to think of it.

  “And Ruby seemed happy for me to dress like a boy. I think it made it easier on her. She doesn’t see anything wrong with running her establishment like she does. She doesn’t mind all the gambling and drinking and whatnot—but she’s always made it clear that it wasn’t what she wanted for me. And she’s been helpful to see that I got an education.”

  “And she was willing to go on this overland journey with you too.” Elizabeth sighed. “That was something…considering.”

  “Ruby still can’t believe I want to be a farmer. But I’ve always liked growing things. I had a nice big garden in Saint Louis. My happiest times have been when I’ve had my hands in the dirt.” She smiled. “Guess that made it even easier to dress like a boy.”

  Elizabeth slowly shook her head. “Well, you had me convinced you were a boy, Jess. Is that short for Jessica?”

  She nodded.

  “But looking at you now, I wonder that I didn’t see it sooner. You are actually a very pretty girl. I can only imagine what you’d look like cleaned up and wearing a dress.”

  Jess pulled her hat down lower. “But you won’t tell?”

  Elizabeth felt torn.

  “It’s just that I wouldn’t know how to act,” Jess said. “I’m so used to being quiet and out here on my own. I wouldn’t even know how to talk to a woman.”

  “I’m a woman, and you’re talking to me.”

  Jess smiled. “That’s different. You’re nice.”

  “Thank you.” Elizabeth tightened the strap around her riding glove tighter. “But now that I know your little secret, I will probably encourage you to give it up. I do understand why you did it to start with, but it seems that you should be able to trust the good folks of this wagon train.”

  “You mean good folks like Gertie Muller?”

  “Oh, surely you know there are people like Gertie no matter where you go.” Elizabeth frowned. “Speaking of Gertie, do you have any idea how she figured out your aunt’s line of work?”

  Jess rolled her eyes. “Her quiet little husband, Henry, was paying visits to our camp before we set out on the trail. Seems he likes to drink and gamble.”

  “Oh, my.”

  “And he took a fancy to Doris.”

  Elizabeth’s hand went to her mouth.

  “Don’t worry. Doris hasn’t taken a fancy to him.” She wrapped the ends of the reins around her hand. “And Ruby made both Doris and Evangeline promise not to do anything that would put our wagon at risk of being removed from the train along the way. Aside from some drinking and card playing before we set out, I think they’ve made good on it too.” She chuckled. “The truth is they’re so worn out at the end of each day, they really don’t want to be bothered with any of that.”

  “Maybe this trip will change their lives.”

  Jess made a sad little smile. “I wish that were possible, Elizabeth, but I seriously doubt it will happen. Some folks can get pretty set in their ways.”

  They rode and talked on into the afternoon. And by the end of the day, Elizabeth realized she was quite fond of the girl. She just wished that Jess would give up this silly pretense of being a boy. Still, Elizabeth would keep her promise not to tell. She just hoped that, in time, she’d be able to convince Jess to become Jessica again.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  It rained off and on for the rest of the week. The upside was that the prairie grass would be thick and lush for livestock grazing. The downside was that everyone was sick and tired of mud and the never ending dampness. At the end of each day, they hung damp garments beneath the tarp and around the fire, but nothing ever felt completely dry.

  “One benefit from all this rain is that it’s put a real damper on Gertie Muller’s crusade to bring down Ruby’s wagon,” Clara said as they fixed supper in their soggy camp. “And the Lord does work in mysterious ways, so maybe this rain really is a good thing.”

  “And we don’t have to carry water,” Ruth said as she watched Matthew and JT setting up the tarp over their camp.

  “According to Asa, it’s going to clear up soon,” Clara said in a weary tone. “I sure hope he’s right.”

  “There does seem to be a thinning of the clouds in the west,” Elizabeth told her. “I noticed it when I was riding this afternoon. If you get far enough away from the train, you can actually see the horizon.”

  “Saw you talking to Jess again,” Matthew said. “How you get that boy to talk like that is beyond me.”

  Elizabeth just shrugged.

  “Is it true that Grandpa isn’t doing the church service tomorrow?” JT asked his grandmother.

  “It’s true,” she told him.

  “That’s news to me.” Elizabeth measured a cup of cornmeal and poured it into the bowl. “Why is that?”

  “He invited Horace Taylor to lead the service,” Clara said.

  “I like it when Grandpa does it,” Ruth said.

  “So do I.” Clara paused from chopping an onion. “But Grandpa thought it was only fair to let folks take turns with it.”

  “What if we don’t like Mr. Taylor’s preaching?” JT asked as he tied off one end of the tarp.

  Clara chuckled. “Well then…I suppose we could have our own family service. No rule against that. But for tomorrow, let’s all try to be cooperative with the Taylors. I heard that Mrs. Taylor has a small piano in their wagon.”

  “They brought a piano?” Elizabeth stopped from measuring the salt.

  “She plans to play it for us at their church service tomorrow,” Clara told her.

  “If the womenfolk don’t need any more help around here, JT and I would like to do some fishing,” Matthew announced. “According to Eli there are some good-sized trout in these parts.”

  “Are you done tending the team already?” Elizabeth asked JT.

  “Brady and Grandpa are just finishing up,” he assured her.

  “All right.” She nodded. “Some trout would be welcome around here.”

  Next Ruth asked to go visiting at the Bostonians’ campsite. “I told Belinda I’d help her make biscuits,” she explained. “She says hers keep coming out flat as pancakes.”

  “Yes, by all means, go help them,” Elizabeth told her. “Just be back here in time to set our table for supper.”

  “And you can spy for us,” Clara said playfully. “Find out how Lavinia’s faring in the kitchen.”

  After Ruth was gone, Elizabeth and Clara worked quietly beneath the tarp with the sound of livestock nearby and the constant dripping of the rain. “You’ve got me real curious about something,” Clara said as she dropped chopped onions into some bacon fat.

  “What’s that?” Elizabeth paused from stirring the cornbread batter.

  “You and Jess getting along so well.”

  “Oh…that?” Elizabeth started to stir again.

  “Yes, that. Today, I was watching the two of you out there riding and talking together, and I’ll admit you were a fair ways off, but I could swear that I was looking at two women out there just a chattering away.”

  Elizabeth nearly dropped the bowl. But instead, she took in a deep breath and simply continued stirring.

  “You don’t seem the least bit surprised by what I just
said.” Clara came over to peer closely at Elizabeth now.

  “I’ll admit that’s a very interesting observation, Mother.”

  “You’re not telling me that I’m wrong.”

  Elizabeth pressed her lips together and simply shrugged.

  “Jess is a girl,” Clara said with conviction. “I just knew it.”

  Elizabeth blinked. “How did you know it?”

  “Well, I’ll admit I didn’t know it at first. But seeing you together, out there on your horses and talking like that…it just made me stop and wonder. Then I got to thinking about what Gertie’s been saying about Ruby and the others. And it just made sense to me that Jess might want to appear to be a fella and keep her distance.” Clara chuckled. “Besides that, I’ve watched her walk. She moves a little too gracefully for a shy young man.”

  “But you can’t tell anyone, Mother. I promised to keep her secret.”

  “And you didn’t tell me, did you?”

  Elizabeth just shook her head as she poured the batter into a cast-iron pan.

  “The problem is that if I guessed her secret, what will stop others from doing the same, Elizabeth?”

  Elizabeth looked up. “That’s a good point.”

  “Why don’t you talk her into giving up her little charade?” Clara urged. “Tell Jess that God made her a woman and there’s nothing on earth better than being who God made you to be.”

  Elizabeth set the empty bowl aside. “Now that you’ve guessed her secret, it might be easier to convince her that others will too.”

  Clara wiped her hands on her apron. “Well, it looks like we’ve got supper off to a good start. Why don’t you go over to Ruby’s wagon and have a little chat with Jess.”

  “Right now?”

  “No time like the present.”

  As she removed her apron, Elizabeth wasn’t so sure. On one hand, Jess trusted her. On the other hand, it seemed unwise to allow Jess to continue this pretense. What would she do when it was her turn to perform guard duty at night? Certainly Asa would put his foot down if he knew Jess was really a woman.

  Elizabeth pulled on her riding jacket and hat and headed over to where Ruby’s wagon was parked just a ways behind her own. She entered their camp to find two of the women, like so many of the other campers, struggling to get their damp firewood to ignite. Ruby was bent over blowing so hard she was red in the face, and Doris was fanning it with her skirt. “Greetings,” Elizabeth said in a friendly tone.