In My Head

by Schiefer, S. L.

  So fucking worth it.

  I grab a bottle of wine, and pour two glasses. Setting them on the table, where I have the food dished out and ready to go. Kay and Kody have potatoes and carrots that are mashed up like baby food. I started doing that for Kay very early on, and tried to get her to eat them whole later but she refuses as does Kody. And they always make a huge mess, I’m praying today isn’t the same.

  I glance up at the clock, it shows that it’s a little past five. Ben should be home soon. Even though the shop is open late, Ben goes in early and works a normal nine to five schedule. That way he’s home every evening. If there is an emergency and they need him, he’ll go back in.

  Just after five thirty Ben walks in the front door. I actually cleaned up the living room some, in hopes that he wouldn’t stress about me being home all day.

  “Hey, babe. Something smells good. Did you make me pot roast?” He sits his bag on the counter designated for all of his crap and goes straight to Kody. Picking him up out of his high chair and blowing raspberries on his stomach making him laugh hysterically.

  “I sure did. The kids even had their baths already,” I tell him. Making him glance up at me, raising his eyebrows. And all I do is offer a small smile.

  “Okay, let’s get dinner over with then,” Ben says loudly.

  “But, Daddy! I don’t want to go to bed!” Kay says while pouting. If that lip sticks out any further it’ll end up stuck that way.

  “Princess, Mommy and Daddy are really tired today. We want to go to bed early tonight.”

  “All Mommy does is sleep! She doesn’t play with me anymore!” She’s borderline hysterical at this point. And so am I. I didn’t really want Ben to know about my sleeping. I’m sure he’ll run out and hire the first person he comes across to help me.

  I don’t want any help.

  He glances at me, letting me see the concern on his face. And I know we’ll be discussing this later. Damn it. I just want to get laid. I don’t want to discuss shit.

  “I’m sure Mommy is just tired because she still has to get up with Kody sometimes during the night. While you and I get to stay sleeping,” he says soothingly. I hope that’s enough to placate her. But she just crosses her arms across her chest and sits there like the toddler she is.

  After that we all eat, and I take Kody upstairs, and while Ben is tucking Kay away, I go back downstairs to clean up from dinner, putting all the leftover food away. That way we have lunch for the next couple days.

  I feel Ben before I see him. It’s always been like this between us, I sense when he’s near. I hear his footsteps as he walks up behind me, wraps his arms around me and puts his chin on my shoulder. I sit the Tupperware down that I was trying to close and place my hands on the counters to brace myself.

  “Are you really sleeping a lot?”

  I turn to look at him. “I slept in a couple days, I just don’t think I’m getting enough sleep. I have been tossing and turning during the night, so my sleep is just off. It’s like I can’t get comfortable.”

  His green eyes sparkle, telling me he believes me. Even though that isn’t true at all. I just don’t want him worrying about me. “Well, then. Are you ready to head upstairs, wife?”

  “I am, let me just put this in the fridge.”

  He leans in and gives me a lingering kiss on the side of my neck.

  “I’ll be waiting.” With that he turns and walks back upstairs. I turn and watch him go. Enjoying the view.

  WHEN I WALK INTO our bedroom, the lights are all off and he has lit a couple candles around the room. But I don’t see my husband. I walk to the end of the bed, standing there staring at the vacant sheets as Ben comes walking out of the bathroom wearing nothing.

  He walks to the bed and climbs on, situating himself in the center.

  “Strip for me.” I’m taken aback by his words. He’s never really wanted to roll play before, but at this point I just want to be close to my husband so I’ll do whatever he wants.

  Without answering him, I slowly take the edge of my shirt in my hands and pull it up. Exposing my stomach, then my breasts and then lifting it completely off over my head. I look him in the eye after the shirt clears my head. Reaching for the top of my yoga pants, I roll them down, stepping out of each leg. Standing back up straight, I stand there in my bra and panty set letting him have his fill before I take the rest off.

  “God, you’re so beautiful. Take the rest off, baby.” His voice is so low, his words almost come out as a growl.

  Reaching behind me, I unsnap my bra and let it slide down my arms. I turn around and slowly roll my panties down my legs. Bending over as I go, to give him a great view of my ass.

  Turning back around, I crawl onto the bed slowly, inching myself closer and right over him. My hands on either side of his head, bracing myself so I can hold myself up. He gazes up at me, and I love the look on his face right now.

  The look that says I haven’t lost my husband, I just forgot that we had this between us. Every time we have sex it’s like the first time all over again. I lean down and graze my lips over his, softly kissing him but pulling back when he tries to deepen it. The answering growl makes me cheer in response.

  Not able to hold myself back any longer, I lean down and kiss him. Showing him how much I’ve missed this. Showing him how much I need him. It doesn’t take long for him to wrap his arms around me and turn us so he’s on top. He leaves my mouth to kiss my neck, leaving a trail of kisses all over my breasts and down my stomach. Stopping when he moves down enough to have his head right between my legs.

  Looking up at me as he lowers his head is the most erotic site I’ve ever seen. His flattened tongue sweeps up the center of my pussy. He fucks me with his tongue and uses his fingers to rub my clit, making me moan and slip my fingers into his hair to hold on.

  He keeps his eyes on me as I inch closer to my release. I start grinding my hips onto his face, not being able to help myself. Without telling him, he knows when I’m close. And he switches his fingers with his tongue and starts pumping his fingers in and out of me, hitting that spot that he knows drives me crazy.

  A few minutes of him finger fucking me and my whole body shatters. Ben continues to suck at my clit and slows down his fingers, helping me ride out my orgasm.

  “God, babe, feeling your walls clamp down on my fingers just makes me want my dick in you more.”

  The orgasm hit me so hard I cannot form one coherent thought. I release my hold on his hair and go limp on the bed. He lets out a throaty, self-satisfied chuckle.

  “My sweet Lyla is rendered speechless, this is a first.”

  “Shut up and get up here.” It’s my turn to let out a growl.

  “And now she’s demanding things. Tell me what you want, baby.”

  “Will you just shut up and fuck me already?”

  A groan flies out of his mouth. “You can’t say these things to me, babe.”

  He gets up on his knees, fists his cock and starts stroking it. He dips a couple fingers back into my pussy and uses my juices to coat himself. “You want my dick, babe? You want me to fuck you hard?” His question throws me off. It makes my mind wonder to the mysterious Bronson.

  And it’s like he senses my change of mood. He leans down and holds himself over me.

  “Babe, stay with me. I want this just as much as you. No need to get shy on me.” His words bring me back to him, but I’m definitely not feeling it as much as I was. “Lyla, I love you. I’m sorry if you didn’t like what I said, I thought you liked it when I talk dirty.”

  “Okay, it’s okay. I’m fine.” Lying to my husband is not my number one favorite thing to do, but right now I want to wipe the worry from his face. “Please, Ben,” I plead, knowing he can’t resist me begging.

  I desperately need to feel close to my husband. I need that connection we have during sex.

  The connection that will keep me from thinking about anyone else during these moments. The moments meant only for my husband.

>   He reaches down between us and grabs his dick and lines it up with my opening, pushing against me enough that he stays pressed against me without penetrating me. He rests himself on his elbows so he can frame my face with his hands. Slowly bringing his lips to mine, he starts a slow seduction of my mouth.

  Ben licks the seam of my lips with the tip of his tongue, enticing me to open up to him. The kiss starts out very slow, but turns into a kiss burning with passion. I start to lose myself in the love I feel through his kiss. Lifting my hands up, I run my nails down his back causing him to break away from my lips.

  Bringing himself up to where he’s up on his knees, he starts to push into me. Using small strokes to work himself in, every time he starts to pull out I mewl in protest, which only causes him to grin at me.

  “Look down, babe. Watch me sliding in and out of you. Watch how my cock glistens with your juices.” I moan in response, doing exactly what he says. I pull up onto my elbows and look down.

  His cock is thrusting in and out at a tortuous pace, slowly withdrawing and pushing back into my body. Making me want to push my hand down to my clit to help me get closer.

  “Baby, I’m not wearing a condom,” Ben groans and stops moving inside of me. Well, fuck me. Literally. I’m not on birth control because I haven’t found a new OB/GYN since we moved.

  Making a split second decision, I tell him, “It’s fine, keep going. I just got off what I think was a period, so I’m not ovulating yet.”

  He instantly resumes his slow pace, all while I stare down to where our bodies join. He brings his hand up and pushes against my chest, making me lean all the way back. Grabbing my legs, he holds them straight up in the air and pushes them towards my chest.

  Then he starts to fuck me.

  He picks up his pace so that his balls are slapping against my ass. The angle at which he’s hitting inside me has me seeing stars, making me hold onto the sheets on the bed so I can hold myself still. I want to take everything he can give me.

  He leans forward to press his one arm against both legs to hold them up, and then I feel his hand traveling down to my ass. He pushes his finger in my pussy with his dick and I hiss out a breath.

  “Baby, I know the kinds of books you read. Does this dominating thing turn you on? Do you like the way I’m fucking you?” I can get past all the dirty talk coming from his mouth if he’s going to fuck me like this every night. Hell fucking yes I like this.

  “Ben, oh my god . . . what are you doing?” He pulls his finger out of me and slides to my anus. Rubbing the outer ring of muscle, letting me adjust to the fact that he’s even there. Then I feel him push in just a tiny bit and then bite of pain comes instantly.

  “Oh fuck, Ben!” He pushes in more and I feel his finger slip completely in me. I have to work to hold back the yell that wants to escape my lips.

  “Lyla, look at me. Do you feel how full you are? Do you like my finger in your ass?” Every word is punctuated by a thrust of his hips and his finger moving in and out of me in tandem.

  All I can manage is a string of moans and curses flowing out of my mouth. Before I know it, my release sneaks up on me and I scream. I’ve never felt an orgasm this intense before, the feeling of him in my ass and his cock in my pussy is too much for me to handle. I thrash against the sheets and continue to moan anything that comes out. Making me wonder who this person is lying in this bed?

  Ben pulls his finger from me, and sets a punishing pace. His cock pistons in and out of me making me shudder with the feelings of another orgasm building. I’m already sensitive from having two orgasms, I’m going to die if I have another one.

  “Babe, I need you to come again with me. I need you to do this with me. Put your hand down here and rub yourself.” He closes his eyes to concentrate on his thrusts, he’s trying to hold off until I can come again.

  Following his instructions, I push my hand down and find my clit, effectively working myself close to the edge. I grunt out an unintelligible “I’m ready” and he thrusts into me one more time releasing himself inside me. The feel of his cock swelling inside me has my walls clamping down on him with another release.

  Feeling that connection. Feeling every single good thing between us in this moment. Feeling the tenderness from him as he moves a strand of my hair out of my face. The lazy smile that’s on his face right now shows me how much he loves me.

  And for a split second, I see another guy on his knees on top of me, looking at me the same way.

  MY MOM HAS THE kids for me again today. I’m going to the mall with Michelle and one of her friends. For a girl that works like crazy, she sure seems to come to town to bug me a lot. This was another one of those “you can’t cancel on me” situations. I really don’t want to go to the mall, especially with a girl I’ve never met.

  But here I am, pulling into the Macy’s parking lot, where we agreed to meet. I promised myself I would try to get out of the house a little more. I think staying home with the kids is actually starting to get to me.

  I see Michelle’s little red sports car parked towards the back of the lot, so I steer my car in that direction. Once I park and get out of the car, I hit the lock button on my key fob. I proceed to stand there awkwardly until Michelle and her friend get out of the car.

  “Hey, Chica! This is Jordan. Jordan meet my best friend from college, Lyla,” Michelle says in an excited voice as she introduces us.

  I stick my hand out trying to shake her hand, but I’m shocked as shit when she reaches out and wraps me in a hug. And when she opens her mouth the most adorable southern accent comes out. “Well, hello darlin.’ I feel like I know you already, Michelle here talks a lot about you.”

  I smile, truly amused by this cute pixie of a girl. “Don’t believe a word she says. They’re lies, all of them.”

  “What the hell, bitch! I don’t tell lies!” Michelle says with mock hurt.

  I scoff, “Oh my god, I think your nose just grew.”

  “All right, slut. You done running your mouth?” She starts off in the direction of the doors to the store. All the while Jordan is standing there absolutely amused by our exchange.

  “Don’t worry, Jordan. If you hang out with us again, you’ll see that this just us,” I say, and then start walking towards the door trying to catch back up with Michelle.

  “What are we looking for today?” Maybe getting out today is the best thing for me. Just to meet Jordan and hear her talk is enough to make me smile.

  “I don’t know. I needed to get you out of that house, I haven’t seen you since our lunch. I’m not about to let you stay inside and never leave the kids. Not that you would leave them alone, but you know what I mean.”

  Shaking my head, I don’t even answer her. Not wanting to start another argument. I turn my attention to Jordan. “Where did you move from?”

  “I just got up here from Louisiana a couple months ago. Michelle took pity on me at work and befriended me, I was so lost until she showed me the ropes.”

  Nodding I tell her, “Yeah, she’s good at that. We were roommates in college, which I’m sure you know, and she forced me out of the apartment to do new things all the time. That girl is good at getting what she wants from whoever.”

  “She sure is,” Jordan says with a huge smile that reaches her eyes.

  After that neither of us get to talk too much, we follow Michelle around the mall like the dutiful friends we are. And after spending money I really shouldn’t have, eating lunch, and hugging my old friend and new friend goodbye, I’m finally on my way back home.

  Ben said he would pick the kids up from my parent’s for me, that way I could go home and clean the house up a little then relax. He also said he would pick up some dinner on the way home. Hopefully it’s pizza.

  After cleaning the house, let me rephrase that, I half assed cleaned just to make it look like I did something but I really didn’t do much but surface clean, I grabbed a glass of wine and sat down on the couch. My mom would be mortified. Thinking about the da
y, and how nice it was to get out, I should make an effort to make more girl dates. I go to take another sip of my wine and realize I’m out, so I stand from the couch to refill my glass.

  It isn’t long before Ben and the kids are home, so I drain the rest of my glass before he can come inside. Kay comes running in first, screaming for me.

  “What’s up, baby girl?” I ask her. I see she is carrying a new stuffed elephant my mom must have given her. The girl already has a million stuffed animals she doesn’t need anymore.

  “Look what I got today!” she screeches. Jesus, but this girl is loud.

  “I see. Did you name it yet?” Knowing the answer before she tells me.

  “Yes, her name is Elsa.” Yup, go figure. Fucking Frozen. I’m telling you, if I hear that stupid snowman song again I might stab myself.

  “Such a pretty name, why don’t you go wash your hands. As soon as Daddy comes in we’re going to eat whatever he brought home for dinner.”

  “Okay, Mommy.” And she runs off, Elsa in tow.

  Ben comes in moments later trying to balance Kody and a couple boxes of my favorite pizza. “Hey, let me help.” I stand up, and try to keep my balance. I should have eaten before I drank, it went straight to my head.

  “Oh, buddy, it looks like Mommy has been drinking without us. What do you think, should we punish her?”

  “Shut up, you ass.”

  “Daddy’s an ass!” comes from upstairs. Well shit.

  We both burst out laughing. We all knew it was coming sooner or later, especially with my mouth. Ben places Kody down on the floor and goes to take the pizza out to the kitchen. I reach down and pick my baby up and go over to the couch to sit down with him.

  He smiles at me, a huge gummy smile that makes my heart melt. I’m so happy I got a boy, hopefully I can make him a momma’s boy. Later in life I hope he turns out just like his daddy, a great man and father.

  “How was your day, bubba? Did you have fun?” He just babbles at me, not understanding a word of what I’m saying but enjoying the attention. I’m really going to miss not having another baby. But I always said I just wanted two. Two is quite enough for us.