Sentence of Marriage

by Shayne Parkinson

  ‘Couldn’t you stay with me a bit longer? Jack, tell him to stay.’

  ‘You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, lad,’ said Jack. ‘You’ve been earning your keep. But if your pa wants you back I suppose you’ve got to go. You can always come again next summer if you want.’

  ‘Thank you, Jack, you’ve been more than hospitable. I really do have to go home now, though.’

  ‘What am I going to do?’ Susannah demanded. ‘Having you here this last summer has been the only thing that’s kept me going. James, I don’t think I can bear being left here alone again.’

  ‘Hey, Susannah, don’t talk like that,’ Jack protested. ‘How can you say you’re alone with all of us?’

  ‘I might as well be alone—I wish I was!’ Susannah flashed at him. ‘They all hate me.’ She took in Amy and her older brothers with a wave of her arm. ‘And as for you,’ she turned on Jack, ‘all you want is—’

  ‘Susannah,’ Jimmy broke in. ‘Don’t say anything silly. You’ll only regret it later if you do.’

  ‘Oh, James, please don’t leave me alone down here,’ Susannah begged. ‘I can’t stand it, I know I can’t. I think I’ll go mad if I have to live through another winter here.’

  ‘Susannah,’ Jack said, reaching out towards her arm.

  ‘Don’t touch me,’ she screamed, slapping his hand away before it reached her. ‘Leave me alone.’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ Harry said in disgust. ‘Why don’t you take her back to Auckland with you?’

  ‘You keep out of it, boy,’ Jack growled.

  Susannah turned on Harry. ‘Do you think I wouldn’t go like a shot if I could? Do you think I enjoy living here?’

  ‘I know none of us have had any chance to enjoy it since you arrived,’ Harry said, ignoring the warning hand John placed on his arm.

  ‘Will you take me?’ Susannah said, turning a wild-eyed face to Jimmy. ‘Will you take me and the little ones?’

  ‘Susannah, you mustn’t talk like that,’ Jimmy said, looking helplessly at his sister. ‘You don’t mean any of those things, and you’re going to wish you hadn’t said them when you calm down. You don’t really want to leave, you know you don’t.’

  ‘I do, I do! I hate it here!’

  ‘Stop it, Susannah,’ Jack said. ‘You’re carrying on like a child. Stop making a fool of me in front of my own children.’ He reached out and put his hand on her wrist.

  ‘Don’t touch me.’ Susannah tried to shake his hand off, but Jack held it firmly. Amy could see his knuckles whitening from the force of his grip.

  ‘I will touch you, and you will do what I say,’ Jack said coldly. ‘And I say you’re staying here with me, and you’re not taking my little ones away, either. And right now you’re coming to bed so we can talk about all this nonsense in private, instead of you screaming like a fishwife. Come on.’

  He pulled on her wrist, and Susannah fought him, tugging at his arm with her free hand. But Jack was much stronger. He put both hands on her wrist and jerked her out of her chair, only saving her from flying into the wall by the firmness of his grip.

  ‘You’re hurting me!’

  ‘Stop struggling, then. Do you want me to pick you up and carry you over my shoulder?’

  Susannah subsided at that threat. She let him drag her from the room and across the passage, weeping as she went.

  Amy stared wide-eyed after them, then turned to Jimmy, who looked equally stunned.

  ‘Pa’s never done anything like that before,’ she said. ‘He must be really angry.’

  ‘It’s high time he did,’ said Jimmy. ‘That’s half the trouble with my sister, your father’s too soft on her.’

  ‘I don’t suppose you could take her?’ Harry asked.

  ‘I’m afraid not, Harry,’ Jimmy said with a smile. ‘Even if I wanted to, your father seems to want to keep her.’

  ‘More fool him,’ Harry muttered.

  *

  Amy and Jimmy made the most of their time over the next few days, though it was confined to breakfasting together and evening walks accompanied by the little boys, with the consequently limited conversations.

  On Wednesday afternoon Amy went to a grove of fruit trees around the side of the hill from the house. She was picking peaches for jam when Jimmy arrived.

  ‘There you are,’ he said. ‘I’ve been looking all over for you, and trying to avoid Susannah at the same time.’

  ‘I thought you’d be busy this afternoon.’

  ‘I told your father I was going to pack, but I haven’t got much, so I’ll get it done tonight. This is the last chance we’ll have to be alone for a while, and I didn’t want to waste it. Come on, we’re going for a walk.’ He took her hand and pulled.

  ‘But I’m picking these peaches,’ Amy protested.

  ‘I’ll give you a hand later, then you’ll get all the peaches you need. Don’t you want to be alone with me?’

  ‘Of course I do.’

  She abandoned her baskets and walked with him to their favourite glade, where their bodies were soon entwined. The knowledge that this would be the last time they would lie together till Jimmy’s return made Amy respond to him with a passion that surprised them both, and left them panting and sweaty.

  ‘How am I going to do without you?’ Jimmy whispered in her ear as she lay in his arms afterwards.

  ‘You’ll have to hurry back to me.’

  ‘Oh, I will. As fast as I can.’ He got to his knees to do up his trousers, while Amy lay with her head propped on one arm.

  When he made to stand, Amy rose to her knees and put her hands either side of his face. ‘Wait,’ she said quietly. ‘I want to stay here a little bit longer.’

  ‘I can’t manage again that quickly, Amy, much as I’d like to.’

  ‘I don’t mean that. I want to print your face in my memory, so I’ll be able to see it every day we’re apart. Let me look.’ She stared intently, tracing the line of his mouth and the neatly-trimmed moustache with her fingers and studying the way his dark hair framed his face, then let her hands drop. ‘There, I’ve done it.’

  ‘It won’t be as long as all that, sweetheart,’ Jimmy said. He sounded shaken by the solemnity of her tone.

  ‘I know. It’s going to seem a long time to me, though, even if it’s only a few days.’

  Jimmy was quiet for some time as they walked back to the orchard. When he spoke he sounded pensive.

  ‘Amy, I’m going to come back as soon as I can, but it might have to be a little while. I mean, I can’t just walk into the house and say “Hello, Father, how have you been the last few months, by the way I’ve got Susannah’s stepdaughter with child, can I go back tomorrow and marry her?” I’ll have to get him in a good mood first, hear all his boring news and all that. Especially since I’m going to want him to give me some money.’

  ‘Oh. Yes, I see that. How long do you think it’ll be?’

  ‘I don’t know, maybe a week or two���it shouldn’t be any longer than that. But listen, Amy, I don’t want you to tell your father you’re having a baby. That’s my responsibility, I’ll do it when I get back.’

  ‘I don’t want to tell him. But I’m going to be with you when you do.’

  ‘That’s not a very good idea, Amy.’

  ‘I don’t care. It’s not fair if you get in trouble with Pa when it’s something we did together. He can go crook at us both. I’m not going to let him hit you, either.’

  He smiled at her. ‘Don’t worry about me, I can look after myself. But I’m a little bit worried about you, sweetheart.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Well, like I said, I don’t want you to tell your father. But if I’m away a couple of weeks, I suppose it’s just possible he’ll find out. I don’t know, Susannah might notice something, she must know a lot about having babies by now. Amy, if he does find out while I’m not here to protect you, what do you think will happen? Will he beat you?’

  ‘Oh, no, Pa never beats me. One time I was rude
to Susannah and she made him give me a hiding, but even then he didn’t do it properly like she wanted—you know, so I wouldn’t be able to sit down. He just strapped my hand—oh, that’s a secret, Jimmy, you must never tell Susannah. But he’s never really beaten me.’ She smiled ruefully. ‘Of course, I’ve never done anything like this before.’ She thought hard, her brow creased in concentration. ‘No, I’m almost sure he won’t beat me. It wouldn’t do any good, would it? Don’t worry about me.’

  ‘That’s my brave girl.’ He gave her a squeeze. ‘That’s a weight off my mind. I think you’re right—your father’s terribly fond of you, anyone can see that.’

  The two of them working together quickly filled Amy’s baskets with peaches, then Jimmy carried them back to the house for her.

  ‘I’m not going to come and see you off tomorrow, Jimmy,’ Amy said. ‘I’d only get upset and give our secret away.’

  ‘That’s probably sensible, I might make a fool of myself if you did. Can I have something to remember you by?’

  ‘Haven’t I just given you that?’ Amy asked, smiling at him.

  ‘Oh, I’ll remember that, all right. I meant something to look at. I know, what about a lock of your hair?’

  ‘That’s a lovely idea.’

  That evening when Amy was getting ready for bed, she cut off a long tress from low on her head where it would not show. She tied it with a piece of narrow silk ribbon.

  Next morning when Jimmy joined her for breakfast she slipped it into his hand. He kissed the hair softly and tucked it into the pocket of his jacket. He took Amy in his arms and they shared a long, lingering kiss. ‘There, that’ll have to last you for a while,’ he said, smiling tenderly down at her.

  ‘I love you, Jimmy.’ She clung to him.

  ‘And I love you.’

  Amy’s father and brothers came in then, ending the conversation abruptly.

  Susannah came out for breakfast a few minutes later, dressed ready for town. ‘When are we leaving?’ she asked.

  ‘As soon as I’ve had breakfast and got changed. One of you boys can catch the horses and get them harnessed. Now, Susannah,’ Jack spoke firmly, ‘you remember what we talked about last night? You can only come and see Jimmy off if you’re not going to get upset about it.’

  ‘You won’t stop me saying goodbye to my own brother, will you?’ Susannah said, her lower lip quivering.

  ‘I don’t want to stop you. But I don’t want you making a fool of yourself in front of the whole town, either, screaming abuse at me on the wharf. Can you control yourself or not?’

  ‘You’re being horrible to me.’ Tears were forming in Susannah’s eyes.

  ‘Are you getting upset, Susannah? You can stay home if you are.’

  Susannah’s eyes dried as if by magic, and she folded her hands neatly in her lap.

  ‘Of course I’m not upset. I’m quite calm. I just want to see James off, and you didn’t seem to want me to.’

  ‘That’s all right then. Amy, would you like to come for the ride?’

  ‘No, thank you, Pa. I’ve got a lot to do here.’

  ‘Why would she want to come?’ Susannah said. ‘What’s it to do with her?’ Amy glanced at Jimmy and they shared a secret smile.

  Jack and Susannah drove off with Jimmy, Susannah holding George on her lap. Amy stood on the verandah, lifting Thomas so he could wave until they were out of sight. Then she let the tears fall unchecked down her cheeks.

  ‘Amy crying,’ Thomas said, touching her tears in wonder.

  ‘Amy’s being silly.’ She wiped her hand across her cheeks. ‘Uncle Jimmy’s coming back soon. Come on, Tommy, you can help me do some baking.’

  *

  Jimmy’s departure left a huge gap in Amy’s life, and she tried to fill it by keeping herself busy. She made jam and bottled fruit until the shelves in the kitchen and the larder were packed full, and she tended the vegetable and flower gardens in her spare moments. But she found it lonely preparing breakfast in the empty kitchen, and her early-morning sessions in the dairy dragged interminably now Jimmy was no longer there to share her thoughts with.

  Susannah received a letter from her mother a week after Jimmy’s departure. Amy hovered around her as she read, trying not to seem overly inquisitive.

  ‘Did Jimmy get home safely?’ Amy asked.

  ‘Yes. Mother says he’s been closeted with Father ever since he arrived, but they won’t tell her what they’re talking about. At least they’re getting on well now.’

  ‘Oh, good!’ Amy said with deep satisfaction.

  ‘Why are you suddenly so interested in my family?’

  ‘Well, it’s just nice when families get on, isn’t it?’

  ‘I suppose it is. I used to get on well with mine.’ Susannah sighed deeply, and Amy took herself off before her stepmother could decide to get upset.

  Every day Amy waited eagerly for news of Jimmy’s return. She marked the days off on her calendar, counting each morning how long he had been away and trying to work out how soon she could expect him back. Every time she heard of the steamer arriving she wondered if Jimmy would be on it.

  Lizzie came over one morning when Jimmy had been gone for almost two weeks. When she found Amy weeding the garden she joined her in the task.

  ‘You seem all right,’ Lizzie said. ‘You’re not pining for Jimmy now he’s gone?’

  ‘He’ll be back, I’ve told you that.’

  ‘Next summer, you mean? That’s a long time to wait if you’re as keen on him as you seemed to be.’

  ‘Maybe sooner than you think. Don’t pry, Lizzie, you’ll find out in good time.’

  ‘How can he come back so soon? I thought he could only come down for the summer.’

  ‘I told you not to pry, Lizzie.’

  ‘Doesn’t he ever have to do any work in Auckland?’ Lizzie persisted. ‘It seems a funny arrangement he’s got with his father.’

  ‘I warned you, Lizzie.’ Amy threw a large, freshly uprooted dandelion, making her cousin duck.

  ‘There’s no need to be violent! You’ve got awfully secretive since you met him. Ah, well.’ Lizzie gave an exaggerated sigh, ‘I can’t do anything about it, I suppose.’

  ‘No, you can’t,’ Amy agreed. ‘You’ll just have to be patient. I thought you’d be busy enough organising Frank without poking your nose into my affairs.’

  ‘Oh, Frank’s coming along nicely. Last Sunday when he thanked Ma for having him for lunch he asked her if he could come again this week! Just like that. I didn’t even have to prime him to do it.’

  ‘That’s good. I suppose Aunt Edie said yes?’

  ‘She said she wanted him to come every Sunday from now on. I didn’t know Ma had that much sense.’ Lizzie shook her head over the mysteriousness of parents. ‘I wish we could get more time to talk, though. Everyone’s there at lunch, there’s no privacy.’

  ‘Why don’t you go for a walk in the bush?’ Amy asked, then mentally kicked herself for her carelessness.

  ‘That doesn’t seem quite right,’ Lizzie said, frowning. ‘That’s a bit too private. I want to be out of sight, but not too far away from—Amy, have you been doing that?’ she asked. ‘Have you been wandering off into the bush with Jimmy?’

  ‘Never you mind. I don’t want to talk about it.’

  ‘You have! I wish I’d known that.’ Lizzie stared at her as if trying to read her thoughts, and Amy made herself stare back boldly. ‘I hope you know what you’re doing,’ Lizzie said at last. ‘Ah, well, he’s gone now, so there’s no need to worry, I suppose.’

  ‘No,’ Amy said with a confident smile. ‘There’s no need to worry about anything.’ He’s coming back.

  On the morning that marked three weeks since Jimmy had left, Amy stood in front of her mirror, pressing her dress across her abdomen and anxiously studying her reflection to see if there was any bulge. But her profile was as flat as ever. She tried to remember how long before the babies had arrived Susannah had started to swell. Jimmy was sure to
be back before she needed to worry about that, anyway. He would probably be back any day now. A week or two, he had said. Surely he had had time to arrange things with his father by now?

  ‘Do you want to come into town with me?’ Harry asked Amy when he was about to go in to collect the supplies. ‘The Staffa’s in this morning,’ he added. ‘There might be some news.’

  There’ll be the mail from Auckland. ‘All right, I’d like to,’ Amy said.

  ‘I thought you might like a break from Her Ladyship,’ Harry said as they drove along the beach. ‘She’s been scratchier than ever since Jimmy went.’

  ‘She’s been a bit better with Pa lately—not with me, though. You’re right, it’s good to have a rest from her. I’ll be in a rush catching up later, but it’s worth it. Susannah likes to have a lie-down in the afternoon, anyway, so I’ll have some peace.’

  There were a few strangers in town, passengers off the Staffa. Amy peered along the street, looking for a tall, dark-haired figure, but there was no one who even vaguely reminded her of Jimmy.

  She rushed over to the Post and Telegraph Office to collect the mail while Harry loaded up the buggy. ‘There’s a letter from Auckland for Susannah!’ she called to Harry when she saw him crossing the road to join her.

  ‘So what?’

  ‘Oh… nothing.’ Amy was glad Harry did not have an inquisitive nature.

  The trip home seemed very long, and Amy almost regretted having gone into town. She sat with the letter on her lap, wondering what would be in it. Would Jimmy have written a note himself to go with it? Or would he just have told his mother to write? Would it say he was going to marry her, or just that he was coming down again? She hugged herself in anticipation.

  ‘Good, you’re back,’ Susannah said when they got home. ‘I was beginning to think I’d have to make lunch by myself.’

  ‘I’ll make it,’ Amy said, nearly out of breath from running to the house. ‘You sit down and read your letter.’