Lucy in the Sky

by AnonYMous

  There’s a long porch on the back of our house that looks over the bottom of the canyon out to the water. We ate dessert out there. Dad lit the candles in the big lanterns on the table outside. Cam sat next to Nate and they talked soccer. The flicker made their skin glow like they were on the beach at sunset. Nate looked all sun-kissed and happy. I felt a foot nudge mine just for a second under the table and my heart started racing. I was glad that it was just the candles outside in the dark ’cause I started to blush like crazy. I thought maybe Nate had touched my foot, and I kept sliding mine a little bit closer toward him under the table, but his foot never touched mine again.

  It was almost 10 when he pulled out his phone and checked it, then said, Whoa. I gotta go.

  I felt really bummed all of a sudden, and then silly. What was I hoping? That he’d stay and walk me down to the beach? He stood up and shook my dad’s hand, then gave Cam one of those weird hugs that guys give each other where they grab hands like they’re gonna shake and then lean in and hug with their arms caught in between them. He kissed my mom on the cheek and told her what a good cook she was.

  Then he looked right at me and said, Will you walk me to my truck?

  I got so many butterflies in my stomach, I thought they might start flying out of my ears. I said SURE, and realized that nobody had really heard him ask that because Mom was pouring more wine and Dad was pouring more coffee and Cam was texting somebody. So I slipped into the house and out the front door.

  He’d parked on the street, and when he got to the door of his pickup, he leaned against it and looked up at the sky and said, Huh.

  I said, What?

  He told me that in Nebraska at this time of night you could see lots of stars. I followed his gaze up to the sky, but I knew there wouldn’t be any stars. Out here, the sky just glows this weird purply color even on the darkest night here. It’s the light pollution bouncing off of the marine layer, I said. It’s what happens at night when 8 million people get jammed up against the ocean. I turned around and stood next to him with my back up against the truck.

  He said it was funny how you always hear about all the stars in Los Angeles, but at night in Nebraska, it’s like the sky is covered with diamonds. Then he looked over at me, and I don’t know what happened, but I just knew that I had to feel his lips on mine. So I leaned in and kissed him.

  Nate jumped like I’d shot him with a taser. He said, WHOA, what are you doing? OMG! I was SO EMBARRASSED I couldn’t even LOOK at him. It was like we were having this PERFECT night, and then BLAM-O: I broke the spell. I was blushing and stammering and then I felt the tears come to my eyes, and I didn’t wait. I just sprinted back across the street toward the house. I was not going to let him see me cry.

  As my foot hit the curb on the other side of the street, he said WAIT!

  There was something in the way he said it that made me turn around. And then he shook his head and smacked his forehead, and he walked over to me, and just looked at me. He pushed my hair over my shoulder and said, No. I’m sorry.

  He told me that I had come along two years too late. And that I was beautiful. And that he has a girlfriend.

  I shoulda thought about that. I shoulda never invited him to dinner tonight.

  I shoulda known.

  July 10

  Thank GOD I don’t have a session with Nate this week ’cause of the midterm. I would never date a guy who drives a stupid pickup truck.

  ALSO? He’s a total liar. I am plenty of things, but I am not beautiful.

  July 13

  Took the geometry midterm in summer school today. I think I did okay. We don’t have class again until Monday. Only 4 more weeks to go, then I finally get a stupid month off.

  [Sad trombone … ]

  July 14

  Cam and I got to go to the 1 p.m. yoga class today because I didn’t have geometry. Usually I am in class until noon, and it’s too rushed to go to Marty’s 1 p.m. class, so we go to the 3 p.m. class. Of course, Cam always gets up early to run so that he stays in shape for soccer. Practices start way before school does and he always says that the only thing that sucks worse than two-a-days in July is two-a-days in July when you didn’t run in June.

  There’s a whole different crowd at Marty’s 1 p.m. class. I was not expecting that. It totally changes the feeling in the room. This class had more guys in it and a crazy lady who musta been like 45 years old who was wearing only her bra and some bicycle shorts—and not like a sports bra. She was wearing just a regular old ivory-colored bra. Lace on the cups. Underwire. In yoga. Like it was no big deal. I wanted to pull her aside and be like, um, okay. I know you probably don’t understand that there’s a difference between a regular bra and a sports bra because they cover about the same amount of skin and all that BUT. THERE. IS.

  Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

  July 15

  I almost didn’t go back to the 1 p.m. class with Cam today.

  I’m really glad I did, though. And I know how this is going to sound before I even write it down, but fine: YES. It’s because of a boy. There. I said it. I’m becoming one of those starry-eyed, dewey-cheeked bimbos. I can’t help it.

  I was staring at Crazy Bra Lady (today’s bra was black) while we were doing side planks and I noticed this guy watching me watch her in the mirror. He was about my age and had longish brown hair that was kinda shaggy, but cool shaggy not gross shaggy, and he was really tan. When I saw him looking at me, he got this little smile, like he knew a secret about me.

  After class, Cam went into the bathroom to change shorts and I was waiting outside on the sidewalk, watching Crazy Bra Lady unlock her bike. She’d put on a big T-shirt that had the neck cut out of it so it hung off one shoulder. As I watched her pedal away, I heard this voice behind me say, She is totally wackadoodle.

  When I turned around, it was shaggy brown hair guy who flipped his bangs out of his eyes and said, Hey, I’m Ross.

  I told him my name, and he got that little smile again. I said, What? Do you know something I don’t know? And he was like, Maybe.

  I said, You gonna keep it a secret?

  He grinned at me and said he was just hoping I’d be back. He said, I saw you yesterday but you and your boyfriend left before I could say hi.

  I frowned at him and said, My boyfriend? right as Cam walked out the front door with his yoga mat slung over his shoulder and said, You have a boyfriend?

  Ross frowned and said, Oh. Then … who are you?

  Cam frowned and said, Who are YOU?

  Finally I pointed at Cam and said BROTHER, then pointed at Ross and said ROSS.

  Boys are so weird.

  Cam and Ross shook hands and then we went to get smoothies and Cam gave Ross the third degree during which we learned:

  1. Cam should play a detective on CSI.

  2. Ross is 16 years old like me.

  3. Ross just moved here from Florida.

  4. Ross’s mom got a job as an associate events manager at this big resort hotel on the beach.

  5. Ross can go hang out at the pool at the hotel when his mom is working.

  6. Ross has A-MA-ZING blue eyes.

  Cam probably learned more, but when I noticed the eyes, I sorta stopped listening. As we walked back to our cars, Ross invited us to come to the hotel for a swim later, but Cam was headed to the beach, and I promised Mom that I’d vacuum and dust today ’cause I didn’t do it on Saturday because it was my birthday (observed), and then I was sorta glum on Sunday. I think she knew it was something about Nate even though I didn’t tell her about it.

  Ross stopped in front of a pickup truck and I thought Holy. Hell. What is it with guys and pickup trucks??? But I just said, You drive a pickup? And he said, How else am I gonna haul my surfboard around? and all of a sudden, Ross was 27-times cuter than I already thought he was.

  Then he said, I’m gonna paddle out tomorrow morning sorta early. Wanna come? We can hang out on the beach after I catch a couple waves.

  I glanced at
Cam, who punched Ross in the shoulder and said, Dude. You can’t ask my sister out with me standing right here.

  And I was like OMG CAM! SHUT UP.

  And Ross got his little secret smile again, and Cam cracked up while Ross tapped my number into his phone.

  He’s coming by to pick me up at 7 a.m. tomorrow.

  I have to go dust and vacuum now.

  I AM SO EXCITED. HE’S SO CUTE.

  Later …

  I told Mom and Dad about Ross over dinner. They were all, We’ve never met this young man. We don’t want you running around with kids we haven’t met.

  ARRRRRRRRGH. They’re soooooooooooo uptight sometimes.

  But Cam came to the rescue and vouched for Ross, and they finally agreed to let me go on the condition that they get to meet him first.

  I texted Ross after dinner: My parents want to meet you in the AM b4 we go.

  He wrote back right away: KEWL. C U AT 7 =)

  Now if I can just keep the chitchat to a minimum tomorrow morning we’ll be set.

  Later …

  Maybe I was wrong about guys with pickup trucks. Guess it depends on the guy.

  July 16

  I am writing this on the beach. I packed my journal and a pen in the bag with my towel and a couple of magazines, a bottle of water, and some sunscreen. I set my alarm for 6 a.m. so that I would be up early enough to take a shower and put on some waterproof mascara. I didn’t want to look like I’d just crawled out from under a rock when Ross got here.

  He rolled up right at 7 a.m. on the dot, amazingly punctual for a surfer. He was wearing a hoodie and a cap, and I could see the surfboard sticking out of his pickup truck in the driveway. I don’t know if it was the fact that it was so early in the morning or what, but Mom and Dad were both really well-behaved. Mom smiled and was friendly; Dad didn’t make any jokes that only he thinks are funny.

  As we climbed into the truck, I was nervous that my brain wouldn’t really work right as far as coming up with things to say. Ross was sort of quiet at first, and I felt that nervous feeling in my stomach like somebody was tap dancing in my rib cage. As we drove up the highway along the coast, Ross kept eyeing the water, like he had forgotten I was there. I felt my face get flushed, and I felt out of place, and then I felt embarrassed, and then I felt … ANGRY.

  I did NOT shave my legs and put on waterproof mascara before dawn to be IGNORED.

  Almost, as if he could read my thoughts, Ross flipped his bangs out of his eyes and said, This part always makes me nervous.

  I laughed, and said, ME TOO! I said it a little too loudly and with a little too much enthusiasm, but he smiled over at me and said, Yeah! I know, right? It’s always like will there be good waves or not??? And I realized that we were talking about two completely different things. He wasn’t talking about being alone in the truck with me for the first time and figuring out what to say. He was checking the coastline for waves.

  I thought briefly about just opening the door and throwing myself out of the truck, but just as I was trying to gauge how soft the tall grass along the shoulder might be and whether I would clear the concrete and gravel part, Ross must’ve found what he was looking for and pulled off the road. I recognized this part of the coast. It’s the place where the beach line dips in toward the highway and creates a little bay with a natural surf break. Ross eased his truck off the road and parallel parked between two other cars on the side of the highway.

  He was all business, and I could tell he wanted to be in the water ASAP. He jumped out of the truck, pointed at the water, and whooped something that sounded like “hella goody nugs.” Then he raced around to the back of his truck and pulled off his cap and hoodie and T-shirt all in one swift movement.

  And I forgot that I was mad.

  And I forgot that he hadn’t looked at me twice.

  And I forgot that he hadn’t probably given a second thought to how smooth my legs were.

  All I could see were his p-e-r-f-e-c-t chest and his ABS. OMG.

  Ross.

  Has.

  Some.

  ABS.

  He wrapped a towel around his waist and traded his board shorts for a wet suit that was in the bed of his truck under his board. I’d always seen surfers with their wet suits peeled down on the one hundred zillion other times I’ve driven by this surf break. (Hey! Look! I sound like I know what I’m talking about!) I always just thought that they unzipped the back and pulled down the top part because they were hot. I didn’t know that they were in the process of GETTING NAKED IN BROAD DAYLIGHT under a TOWEL!

  I’m not even sure how he did it so fast, but about 30 seconds after we parked, we were picking our way down the path toward the beach. Well, Ross was like scampering down, balancing a board and pulling up his wet suit and using words I didn’t really completely understand to describe the waves.

  He’s surfing right now. I can sometimes make out which one is him. There are about 10 people out there trying to catch a wave. One of them is a girl with blond braids. Sometimes I think it would be fun to surf, but the water is so cold that it makes me shiver just to think about it. The sun is already trying to break through the marine layer, and I hope that it will so I can take off my hoodie and T-shirt and get some sun. I have a really cute swimsuit on underneath my shorts.

  I wonder if Ross will think I look sexy?

  I’ve never really done anything with a boy except kiss.

  OMG! Ross just caught a huge wave and rode it all the way in!

  July 16, 2 p.m.

  I just got back from the beach with Ross, and I can’t believe what happened. He offered me drugs. I’m not even sure I should write those words down. I mean, what if my MOM FINDS THIS??? It’s so weird. I had such a good time sitting on the beach watching Ross surf, and after a couple of hours he came and sat with me. He unzipped his wet suit and pulled it down halfway. He has those little V lines that plunged into his wet suit from his abs, and I had to concentrate so that I didn’t just stare at them the whole time.

  We talked for a while. Or, well, I talked. A lot. More than I usually do. Ross just kept asking me about my family, and growing up here and what it was like. He kept telling me that I have a really pretty smile. Like a movie star, he said. He laughed and called me Hollywood. It’s funny. Now that I think about it, I didn’t really ask him any questions at all. I felt so excited the whole time that he seemed to want to know all about me, and he just kept asking me questions.

  THEN!

  We headed back up to his truck, and after he slid his surfboard into the back, he shimmied out of his wetsuit using that little towel trick again. Some girls drove by in a silver BMW while he was pulling his suit out from under the towel and honked and screamed out the window. At first it made me blush, but then I thought how cool it was that I was the girl with the guy that other girls were honking at.

  When we got into his truck, Ross popped open the console on the armrest between us and pulled out a little glass pipe and a lighter. He brought the pipe to his lips, sparked the lighter over the bowl, then sucked air in, causing the flame to dip into the bowl. A little cloud of white smoke floated up from the glowing embers in the pipe, and Ross held the smoke in his lungs for a second before rolling down his window a couple inches and exhaling out the crack at the top.

  This weird, sweet, stinky smell filled the cab of the truck, and I knew that it was weed, but I have never smelled it that strong before. I was afraid my hair would smell like it.

  I’ve seen people smoke pot in movies and on TV, but I’ve NEVER seen anybody do it in real life. I mean, I think Cam smokes pot. I’ve heard him and his friends joke around about it, but he’s not like a stoner or anything. I felt my heart sort of speed up while I watched Ross smoke, then he turned to me and held the pipe toward me.

  He asked me if I wanted a hit.

  NO!

  I said it fast like I was scared someone might be listening. I was just A. MAZED. that he even thought I looked like a girl who smoked pot. Then I was
really worried that he would be mad at me that I didn’t want any. I felt like I had answered too fast. I didn’t want him to think that I didn’t like him just because he smoked pot. What if he didn’t like me now?

  I shouldn’t have worried. He just laughed and said he figured I was a straight edge but that you couldn’t blame a boy for trying.

  My cheeks are red again now just writing this down. I have to make sure Mom doesn’t find this journal and think it’s my schoolwork. Not that she’d actually read my journal on purpose; at least I don’t think she would. Anyway, I’m going to hide it under some other stuff on my desk, just in case.

  I like Ross. I don’t want Mom not to let me hang out with him just ’cause he smokes pot.

  Ross invited me to come over to the hotel where his mom works tomorrow after yoga and lie out at the pool with him.

  Oh yeah, and when we were lying on the beach talking, he told me my suit was “cute.” I think he really likes me.

  July 17

  CAM IS TAKING ME TO MY FIRST BIG PARTY!!!!!!!!!!

  IT’S ON SATURDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  THAT’S TOMORROOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!

  I CAN’T WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  I can’t believe he said yes. I heard him talking to his friend Jason about it, and he was like, If Elizabeth Archer’s sister is going to be there, I’m THERE.

  Elizabeth Archer is this blond cheerleader in my class at school, and she’s really pretty, and really nice, but is dumb as a stump. Her older sister is a freshman in college this year, and is just as pretty, only she has red hair and was valedictorian last year. She speaks French and Spanish fluently and is on track to finish her undergrad degree in 3 years. Cam has followed her around like a drooling puppy since he was in 9th grade and she was a sophomore.