by AnonYMous
I texted her, but I haven’t heard back. I hope she’s okay. I know that the thing with Andrew and Ryan really upset her.
Later …
Dinner was delicious. Ross wore a bow tie, which was funny because he’s got that shaggy surfer hair. He looked so cute! Mom really likes Astrid. I can tell. Astrid looked beautiful, and she always seems to know the right thing to say. She was able to talk to Karen and Dale like she had known them for years and years.
After dinner Cam and Ross took Nelson outside and kicked the soccer ball around for a while. I texted Lauren twice, but I didn’t hear back from her. Weird. I’m sure she’s just at dinner with her dad and some big-time rock star. Sometimes he invites her to dinner and she ends up sitting across the table from some world-famous singer.
October 3
Lauren isn’t at school today. Ross and Astrid haven’t heard from her either. Now I’m getting worried. I am going to walk down to her place with Ross at lunch. Mark will just have to wait.
Later …
The good news: Lauren is alive.
The bad news: She is not well.
When Ross and I got to her place, we signed in with the security guard at the front desk, then took the elevator up to the penthouse level. Ross banged on the door while I texted her that we were in her hallway.
Finally she came to the door. It looked like she’d been crying. Her eyes were really puffy and she was all sniffly. She said that she had gone to dinner with her dad on Saturday night and then had an allergy attack when she got home and couldn’t sleep for two nights. I hugged her and told her that she should at least text me back so I don’t send the Coast Guard out looking for her body.
When we were walking back to school, Ross was really quiet. I asked him if he was okay. He nodded and said he was fine, but he thought that Lauren wasn’t.
I asked him what he meant, and he said it didn’t look like an allergy attack to him. He said he thought it looked like Lauren had been partying. And by partying he meant cocaine.
I told him that was ridiculous. We’d all just made that pact last week.
Ross just shook his head and smiled at me, this weird smile like he thought what I said was sweet but that I just didn’t get it. I told him he was crazy. He told me I hadn’t been around cocaine very much. I asked him when he’d become such an expert, but right at that moment Mark walked up with Cam and Astrid. I told them that Lauren was fine; she’d just had an allergy attack. Ross snorted and rolled his eyes. Cam saw him and frowned, then asked what was up. Ross just shook his head and said, Nothing. A little Benadryl will fix her right up. Then he walked off to class.
GOD. Ross can be such a DICK sometimes.
October 7
School SUCKED this week. God. I am so happy I don’t have to go back tomorrow, but I have so much homework, I won’t be able to leave the house this weekend.
Lauren was back in class on Tuesday looking stunning as usual. Ross was sorta standoffish and quiet all week. He kept watching Lauren when she talked, like he was looking for clues. Astrid and Cam are spending a lot of time together, which is nice. I really like her. She’s coming over later to watch a movie with Cam, which is code for lie on the couch under a blanket and do God knows what. I have to write two papers this weekend—one for history and one for English. I don’t have any idea how I’m going to get them done.
When I told Mom about it, she was very sweet and said she’d take me out to sushi on Sunday night to celebrate finishing.
I told her the thing that might be finished by then is ME.
I always feel so good when I make my mom laugh.
October 9
It’s 4 p.m. and I feel like my fingers are going to fall off from typing school papers. And that my brain is going to leak out of my ears. It actually feels good to hold this pen and write on paper that isn’t virtual. I have to finish the bibliography for the English paper and then I am DONE.
Later …
Just got back from sushi with Mom. In the middle of dinner she started asking more questions about homecoming. She said I had seemed sort of quiet after that night and wanted to know how my date with Ryan went. When she said his name, my heart started racing like I had been running a marathon and I felt all sick to my stomach. She asked me if I was feeling okay, and I said I was fine, but I wasn’t. Just the thought of him pushing me down in that hot tub gives me a panic attack.
I told her that Ryan just wasn’t my type. We’re not a match. Now I’m freaking out. I’m not sure how I’m going to get to sleep thinking about that all night. Jesus. I’d just started to forget it. I wish my parents didn’t want to do such a Good Job parenting sometimes. I mean, I know you’re supposed to ask your kids questions and stay engaged in their lives, but some things I just don’t want to talk about.
I wish Ross were here right now with his pipe so we could smoke a bowl. I know I promised Cam that I wouldn’t smoke out anymore, but UGH. This SUCKS.
Later …
It’s 1 a.m. and I’m still not asleep. I’m going to be a zombie at school tomorrow.
Later …
1:30 a.m.
I just texted Lauren to see if she’s still awake. No response.
Then I texted Blake ’cause he used to send me texts in the middle of the night all the time. I guess he’s always up late playing music with his band and stuff?
He texted right back. I haven’t really heard from him since the Homecoming Hot Tub Fiasco. He asked what I was doing up. I said I couldn’t sleep. He wrote back:
SLEEPING IS OVERRATED … ;)
October 10
Elizabeth Archer just poked me in the back with her finger because I was asleep in class. Ross is sitting in front of me and I had laid my head down on my desk. How do teachers expect you to stay awake when they turn off the lights and close the blinds so that they can use a projector? Thank God I have this journal to write in so I can stay awake.
Mark walked me to class this morning. He was hanging out by our lockers when Lauren and I walked in today. Lauren saw him standing there and elbowed me. She said, Don’t look now, but All-American Mark is lying in wait. Then she giggled. She’s taken to calling him All-American Mark, and he does look like something out of an Abercrombie ad. At least he doesn’t use their cologne. I can always smell that crap a mile down the hallway. The boys in my school are obsessed with it—that and Axe body spray. Ross has a theory that they wear it because they think it will make them look like the guys in the commercials for it. The guys in the ads all have chiseled muscles and look like they haven’t ever eaten a french fry in their lives. Cam looks like that, mainly because he runs nonstop and plays soccer. Thankfully he doesn’t wear too much of anything that smells too strong.
Anyway, when Lauren and I walked up, I invited Mark to come to lunch. He frowned and said, Isn’t the guy supposed to ask the girl out?
Lauren snort-laughed when he said this. I just looked at him until he said, What?
Lauren said, Oh nothing. Maybe after lunch you can slay a dragon for us and kill the evil witch. What century are you living in?
Which was funny, but it made Mark blush, and for some reason I feel badly about that. I’m not sure why. I mean, he’s SOOOO old-fashioned in some ways, but there’s something about it that seems … I dunno. Sweet? Yeah, it seems sweet, like he wants to be Proper with a capital P.
I’m just not sure what he sees in a girl like me. It makes me wonder why he’s so interested.
October 16
I can’t believe I haven’t written in almost a week.
Actually, yes I can. Midterms start tomorrow.
I’m doomed.
October 19
YAAAAAAAAAY!
MIDTERMS ARE OVER!
Ross and Lauren and I are going to the movies tonight. Astrid and Cam might join us. I am SO RELIEVED. I don’t think I did very well on chemistry. We had a marathon study session at our place last night. Astrid, Lauren, and I all sat at the dining room table until Lauren actually fell a
sleep with her head on a book and I couldn’t see the flash cards Astrid was holding to drill us. (Astrid is crazy when it comes to studying. Who makes flash cards?)
We blew up the air mattress in my room for Astrid, and Lauren slept in my bed with me. I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and no one was on the air mattress. This morning in the kitchen, Mom was making us a big “Last Day of Midterms” breakfast (BEST. MOM. EVER.) and I pulled Cam aside and said, So … funny thing. Astrid wasn’t on the air mattress when I got up to go to the bathroom last night. He didn’t even LOOK at me, just poured some coffee and said, I have no idea what you’re talking about, little sister.
But his ears were bright red.
LOL. Gotcha.
Later …
Ian showed up at the movie last night. Ross doesn’t talk a lot about what’s going on with the two of them, and he hadn’t really mentioned Ian since homecoming. It was a little tense because Cam showed up too, and he’s still a little touchy about Ian and the whole cocaine thing. But we went to the movie, and then out to get milk shakes and french fries at Swingers. Mom let us stay out until midnight, even though it was a school night. By the time we were all piled into the booth at the restaurant, Cam and Ian were joking around again and things seemed back to normal.
Then Ian dropped the bomb: Blake is throwing a giant Halloween party.
Lauren threw both hands up in the air and squealed like an 8-year-old.
Cam got really quiet. Lauren saw this and said, Oh, don’t worry, Cam. We all took the pact, remember? No scary party drugs. Besides! You and Astrid will be there.
Cam shook his head and looked uneasy.
Astrid put her arm around him and buried her nose in his neck.
Whatever she whispered to him were the magic words, ’cause his ears went red again and he got this sort of wicked-looking smirk on his face.
I smiled at him across the table and said, I promise we’ll be good, Cam. I PROMISE.
He grinned at me, but there was caution in his eyes. He said he wasn’t worried about me being good. It was the rest of these yahoos he had to keep an eye on.
OMG! I’M SO EXCITED. This Halloween party is going to ROCK.
Let the costume planning commence!
October 22
I think my feet might fall off. We walked up and down to every costume store on Hollywood Blvd. today to get the stuff for our costumes, but it was SO WORTH IT.
We’re going to Halloween as a HAUNTED CIRCUS.
Lauren: Ring Mistress Dominatrix
Ross: Lion
Me: Sexy Clown
Astrid and Cam are going as Antony and Cleopatra. Jason and Elizabeth Archer are coming too, but I’m not sure what their costumes are going to be yet.
Cam is really excited about the party now. I think he just needed some reassurance from me that we’re all staying on the straight edge. Well … mainly.
I wasn’t even sure if I should write this down, but after we got our costumes, Lauren and Ross and I were in his truck on the way back. (Cam and Astrid went in Cam’s car.) Anyway, Ross had his pipe and smoked us out.
I don’t think Cam would really care, but I’d rather not give him any reason to be upset, so that’ll just be our little secret.
God! I forgot how great it is to get stoned and laugh my ass off with Lauren and Ross.
Cannot. Wait. For. Next. Weekend!
November 1
I feel so fucked up right now, like I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. Thank God Cam left early last night. I’m still in deep shit with him as it is, but at least he doesn’t know about the Ecstasy yet, and if I can help it he WON’T.
Lauren did a really good job talking Cam down over the last week. He was still a little leery of going to Blake’s for the Halloween party because of the whole homecoming thing, but most every day at lunch last week Lauren and Astrid talked about their costumes, and how great the music was going to be, and blah blah blah. Cam was finally getting really excited.
Everybody came over here to get ready last night before we went to Blake’s. Mom and Dad could not take enough pictures. Lauren looked AMAZING in her black shiny vinyl high-heeled boots that went up to her thighs, and her fishnets. She wore a black leotard with a bow tie and a tuxedo jacket that had long tails. Her top hat was bright red, and she had this long gold whip that was wound up and hung from her belt. She piled her long blond hair up on top of her head in a tight French twist with little ringlets down the side of her face and crazy dramatic eye makeup. She was a KNOCKOUT.
I could tell Mom thought Lauren’s costume was a little trampy because when we were planning what I would wear, she made sure that mine covered a little bit more skin, which was fine with me. My body’s nowhere near as amazing as Lauren’s is, but my costume was so FUN! I had a tiny purple skirt that poofed out with crinolines underneath. I wore bright red fishnets and heels that Lauren loaned me. The shoes were this vintage pair of old-fashioned character heels that made my legs look great! I had a silver corset and looooooong fake eyelashes. Astrid and Lauren spent like an hour curling my hair into these tiny ringlets that they pinned up in the back so they could perch a tiny clown hat with a GIANT plume sticking out of the top. I had white face paint and tiny red heart lips, sort of like a clown from Paris. At least that was the idea according to Ross who found this picture online. I also had a tiny parasol. When we were all done, I looked in the mirror and hardly recognized myself. I looked amazing.
I realized while I was getting ready that my tummy was all jumpy, and every time I looked in the mirror, I realized I was thinking about what Blake would think when he looked at me. I kept remembering our kiss by the hot tub on homecoming night. He had pulled me in so tight, and kissed me so hard, like he was drowning and I was the only way he could get oxygen. He texted me yesterday and said, CAN’T WAIT 2 C U.
I was texting him back when Ross came out of the bathroom where Astrid and Lauren were doing his makeup. Ross had a fake fur mane and was covered in gold glittery powder dusted on his face and bare chest. He had skin-tight black jeans that had a tail sewn onto the back that Lauren linked to his wrist with a little bit of clear fishing line that Astrid got out of her dad’s tackle box. (Astrid and Lauren are like crafting GENIUSES.)
Astrid had this AWESOME black Cleopatra wig that had straight bangs. Her long linen robe had a jeweled collar. She looked like some sort of Egyptian goddess. Lauren had found these gold snakes with wires in them that we wrapped around her arms and wrists.
When Cam came out in his Mark Antony Roman war-hero getup, Lauren and Astrid and Mom and I hooted and whistled. He was wearing sandals that had long leather straps that wrapped all the way up to his knees and a short tunic with armor that covered his chest. The breastplate was shiny plastic, but it looked like metal and he had a shield and a helmet with red plumage at the top.
Mom and Dad took pictures like somebody was getting married; then they made everyone promise to drive the speed limit.
Cam and Astrid drove to Blake’s together, and Lauren drove me and Ross. When we got to Blake’s and parked, I still couldn’t believe the view. My stomach was all jumpy because I hadn’t seen Blake in a long time, but BOOM: There he was. He was dressed as a mummy … or I guess I should say UNdressed as a mummy because very little of him was actually covered. He had these strategically placed strips of cloth wrapped around his head, arms, and legs, but his chest was mainly bare. I just stared. I guess I had been pretty drunk and high the last time I was here and we were in his bathroom together. I hadn’t really noticed what an AMAZING body he has.
Then, my stomach REALLY got jumpy because Cam walked right up to him and I realized I was holding my breath until they smiled at each other and shook hands. Then Blake winked at me and threw his arm around Cam’s shoulders and showed him around. The tour was equally impressive the second time around, only this time there were WILD Halloween decorations everywhere. There were black lights making stuff glow purple and the pool l
ights had red gels in them so the water looked like blood as it flowed off the false edge of the concrete deck. But even cooler than the pool was something that Blake had kept a surprise:
There was a giant bouncy castle inflated next to the pool. There were already 3 or 4 people in it jumping up and down and screaming like maniacs. Lauren and Astrid and I were like NO WAY. Cam just shook his head and gave Blake a high five. Ross didn’t even wait. He’d seen that Ian was one of the guys in the castle and took off running in a cloud of gold body glitter.
Astrid and Cam were talking to Blake, and Lauren and I wandered down to the clear glass wall at the end of the pool. The moon was a tiny waning crescent (SEE? I DID learn something last year in physical science), and there was an eerie blanket of fog rolling in off the ocean. It was PERFECT for a Halloween party.
I leaned close to her, and our arms touched. I said, Remember? This is where we met. She threw her head back and laughed, and hugged me. She said, I can’t even remember not knowing you. What did I do for fun before you?
Couldn’t focus on the fog for very long because right about that moment, the DJ started spinning. YES. There was a DJ. One of Blake’s friends (who also has a deal with Lauren’s dad’s record label) was spinning. Lauren and I stood there looking around as people in the CRAZIEST costumes poured out onto the dance floor that was set up near the house. Lauren grabbed my hand and yelled cosmos!, then we took off running for the kitchen.
Cam and Astrid were already there with Blake. The guys had beers and looked like best friends. Astrid was drinking sparkling water, and when Lauren offered her a cosmo, she just shook her head and winked, then whispered, I’m going to try to get Mark Antony out of here a little early to have some ALONE time. Lauren said that she’d drink to that, and we clinked glasses, then pushed everybody out onto the dance floor and danced our asses off.