“A little over a year ago, I was the target of a mob hit.” When she jerked her head up to him, he soothed her. “It’s okay. Obviously they weren’t very successful, at least not at killing me.” This was harder than he thought.
“Oh God, no. Someone else was killed? Who was it, an innocent bystander?” Chelsea asked.
Her voice was full of remorse for someone she didn’t even know, which only proved to him how amazing she was. He knew he had to continue, but he was torn by the idea of talking about Ally while another woman lay in his arms. He hesitated, but only briefly, before continuing.
“No, she wasn’t an innocent bystander. Well, I mean, she was innocent. She definitely didn’t deserve to die. But she wasn’t a bystander. She was my girlfriend. No, that’s not true. Oh shit. This is so fucking hard.”
“Adam, you don’t have to tell me any—” She tried to stop him, but he quickly cut her off.
“No…Chelsea, I said it was hard, but I also asked you to hear me out. Just give me a second, okay?”
He waited while she lay back down and cuddled into his shoulder. As focused as he was on trying to get this out, he couldn’t ignore the ache in his chest as it hugged him a little tighter at the feel of her snuggling so close.
“Okay, she was my girlfriend, but she was also my fiancée.” He tried not to lose his patience when she started to get up again. “Chelsea, please, let me finish.”
“Okay. I’m sorry, I just—”
“Chelsea, please, baby, let me finish this.” With his curt tone, he kissed her hand. He didn’t want to yell at her, but every time she interrupted him, he was afraid the next time he spoke he wouldn’t be able to get it all out.
“We met about two years ago. It was casual, but I liked her, and I’ll be honest with you, it was a big boost to my morale. She worshiped me. I swear she acted like I was some sort of a god. Soon though, the novelty of it wore off, and I felt smothered. She started getting really serious, talking about marriage and kids and the whole ball of wax. I didn’t want that. I had just decided to leave the SEALs. My body wasn’t what it used to be.”
He stopped when she giggled. “What?”
Laughing, she said, “If your body wasn’t what it used to be…my God, you must have looked amazing beyond words.”
“Really? You like my body that much?”
Trailing a finger along his thigh, she nodded.
He moved her hand before it wreaked havoc on his control. “No. If you do that, I won’t be able to get this out. And it’s important, baby.”
“I know, I’m sorry. Go on, I want to hear this, Adam.”
“So, I just got out and was planning on looking for work as a contractor. It was what I specialized in before I became a SEAL. I was in no rush though. I had plenty of money saved up, and for the first time in years, I was living for me. I didn’t have to answer to anyone, and I got to come and go as I pleased. It wasn’t so much her. She was sweet and so good to me. But…oh hell, Chelsea. This is the hardest part. I didn’t love her. I cared for her, deeply, but I just wasn’t in love with her.”
He was surprised when she remained quiet. Needing a few minutes to collect his thoughts, he just held her, looking up at the ceiling. He couldn’t believe he’d actually said it. It had been nagging in the back of his mind for over a year, but he would never admit it, not even to himself. Something about lying here, opening up to Chelsea, made him see things differently, more clearly.
“I need to tell you more, sugar. I need to know first if you can handle it though.”
He waited while she whispered her acknowledgement. He heard the twinge of fear in her voice and almost didn’t go on, but something in him told him that it was important that he ignore his guilt and finish telling her everything that was bursting to come out.
“Well, after she started getting really serious, I tried to end things. She swore she’d back off on the commitment thing if we could still see each other. I mean, I liked her, I cared about her. I just didn’t want to marry her. So, I figured if she was willing to slow down, there was no reason not to keep seeing her. She forgot to tell me she decided to stop taking the pill. Needless to say, it didn’t take long and she was sitting me down to tell me she was pregnant.”
He laughed at the bitter memory of that night. “I still remember being shocked at her blatant disregard for the decision she took away from me. She flat out admitted to me that she did it on purpose. That she wanted to get pregnant. Damn, I felt so trapped. I couldn’t believe she would do that to me. I have to be honest with you, babe. The other day when I sort of lost it about the no condom thing, it was because of my past with Ally. I’m sorry for that.”
“Adam, it’s okay. Will you tell me more? You don’t have to, but I’d like to hear it.”
Kissing the top of her head, he went on. “We spent a few weeks arguing and fighting. I never wanted her to get an abortion. I want you to know that. After about a month and a half, I met her at a doctor’s appointment and I got to hear my baby’s heart beating. It was…amazing.”
Stopping to think, he wondered, did he say too much already? Or was it not nearly enough? Deciding he’d gone this far, he might as well go all the way, he continued with the rest.
“I saw her in a different way then. I might have even loved her. I know it wasn’t the traditional kind of love that most marriages were built on, but I asked her to marry me. Shortly thereafter, our lives changed forever.”
She was tracing the veins on his hand with her fingertips, and it struck him just how calm he still was at reliving the memory of the hardest thing he’d ever been through in his life. How did she manage to relax him so easily?
“I was downtown working out at one of those old-time gyms with the boxing rings in them. I just got done sparring, and the exit door to the locker room seemed like a shorter route to my car, so I took it. I wasn’t out in the alley for more than two seconds when I witnessed Danny Bianchi, yes, that Danny Bianchi, raise a gun and shoot a man down on his knees between the eyes.”
The room was silent again. He allowed her time to absorb what he had just told her as he himself wondered why the memory seemed easier now.
“I managed to duck back inside before they got a shot off, but they saw my face. There were too many people around, so they didn’t make a move. Meanwhile I waited at the gym for the police to arrive. They took me downtown, and for hours they talked to me about doing the right thing, about doing my civic duty. Like they really had to remind me of my duty. I served in the U.S. Navy for over ten years. I went home that night to tell Ally that we needed to pack some things and stay away for a bit. She flipped out on me, demanding that I don’t testify. We fought horribly about it. I eventually won the argument. We made plans to get away and had police staking out our place. We went to her doctor’s office to make sure that she was okay to fly, you know, because of the baby…”
He took a moment. It had been easy up until that moment. Then he started to remember the pain. “On our way out of the office as we walked back to our car, we were ambushed. It probably only lasted seconds, but I remember all of it so clearly. I swore to her…I promised her when she begged me not to testify that I would keep all three of us safe. Instead of me keeping that promise, both she and our baby were killed, and I got away with nothing more than a bullet to the shoulder. I let her down, Chelsea. In the worst way.”
He blinked several times, attempting to stop the tears that tried to well up in his eyes. “Our baby died because I was so self-absorbed I wouldn’t listen to what she had to say. I loved him, or her. It didn’t matter to me whether it was a boy or a girl, I just loved it.”
“Oh God, Adam, I’m so sorry.” She turned her head and kissed his chest, his arm, his shoulder.
“And now, baby…oh God, I know I don’t deserve to be happy after what I caused, but you make me so damn happy.”
When she looked up at him startled, he refused to stop.
“I can’t help it. I know how soon it is,
but no matter how much I may try to tell you it’s just sexual, I know that I’m lying to you as well as myself. I want you, Chelsea. And I don’t want it just to be about the sex. I want all of you. Baggage and all. The rest…it will work itself out.”
Her sweet smile almost alleviated the pain he felt from remembering the child he and Ally had lost.
“Adam…oh…really? I mean, I told you before I don’t want you to feel…”
“Trapped? It’s okay, baby. You don’t make me feel that way, and I shouldn’t have made you think that you did. Yes. I meant everything I said. I want to be with you, and I wish I could give you more than that, but until this thing with Bianchi is settled, I don’t want to—”
“What thing with Bianchi?” Chelsea asked in confusion.
“What do you mean? I guess I didn’t finish. He got off. Well, not exactly. They didn’t try him for any crime. No, it seems our government thanked me for all of my years of dedicated service by offering the same man who murdered my future wife and child a plea agreement. All Bianchi has to do is go to court and testify against every low life he was ever associated with.”
“Okay…first of all, that’s horrible. But what did you mean by, when this thing with Bianchi gets settled?”
He wondered why she was looking at him in such an odd way. He could honestly say that it was one expression of hers he hadn’t observed before.
“Vengeance. You don’t think I’m gonna let the little bastard live, do you? After what he did?” Was she honestly surprised that he would want the man who had two innocent people murdered, plus countless others, to pay for his crimes?
“Adam, no!” She all but shouted at him as she got up from the bed.
He was startled by her aggression. “Chelsea? What the hell has gotten into you? What do you mean no?”
Standing naked before him, she reached for his T-shirt, which was lying on the floor. She pulled it over her head before continuing, “Adam, the Bianchis are a very dangerous crime family. I’ve read about them in the newspapers, heard about them on the news. How could you even begin to think that you stand a chance against them?”
“You would expect me to not do anything just because I might get hurt?” Maybe he didn’t know her like he thought he did. How dare she tell him no.
“Yes! Adam, please…” She came to the bed and sat next to him. “…They could kill you. Please…God, Adam, please. I won’t ask you for anything else, but please don’t do this. If anything happened to you…” Her nervous hesitation spoke volumes of her fear.
He was surprised. She seemed actually scared for him. “Chelsea…baby, listen to me.”
He sat up to be closer to her and took her hands in his. “I can’t promise you that nothing will happen to me. I can promise you, though, that you matter to me. I didn’t think anyone would ever again, but you do. So, I know that I’ll be careful. I know that I’ll do everything in my power to be okay. I need you to trust me though.”
Chelsea tore her hands away from his. “No! Adam, no! Don’t do this!”
He tried to bite back his anger, but damn, she was making it hard. She was demanding that he not do something that he’d waited over a year to accomplish.
“Chelsea…I have to do this. You matter to me, I meant that, but I will not stop what I’ve started. Not even for you.”
The tension rose in the air. Both of them waiting for the other to say something, but neither of them willing to be the one to speak first.
Finally, Chelsea gave in to the gut-wrenching fear that was consuming her. “I mean it, Adam. You can’t do this.”
He gave her a mocking laugh. “I can’t do this? And who’s gonna stop me?”
“I’ll go to the police! I’ll tell them everything.”
What? Was she insane? “You’d do what?”
He got up from the bed and started digging through their pile of clothes for his jeans. Not willing to look at her, he pulled on the cool denim and got half of the buttons clasped before he turned to face her.
“I can’t believe…” he shook his head, “I really thought…forget it. I’m asking you not to call the police, Chelsea. If not for me then for the child I lost.”
She stared at him. Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled down the sides of her cheeks. “Adam…I don’t want to lose you.”
Jesus…she was trembling. He knew she wouldn’t make that phone call. She was just using everything she could to try and stop him. As angry as he was, he needed to comfort her, if not even for her, for himself.
“Shh…sugar, listen to me, okay? I’ll be okay. I promise you.”
Her eyes flashed up to him. He saw her anger. “You can’t promise me that. You yourself just told me mere minutes ago.”
His impatience was getting the better of him. “Shit, Chelsea! I can do this. I have to do this. I don’t owe you any fucking explanations.”
With the final thread of his temper broken, he headed for the door, his shoes in his hands and shirtless.
“Adam, please don’t do this…”
He stopped just in her bedroom doorway. He could hear her crying. Refusing to turn and see those tears, he answered her, “I have to.” He kept on and headed down the stairs.
“Adam, please…I love you.”
Fuck. Of all the things she could have said, why did it have to be that? His chest, his heart ached in unbelievable intensity. He could feel a lump form in his throat that he immediately swallowed before it had a chance to break free and allow him to say the words back to her.
She loved him. Ally loved him too, and it had gotten her killed. God, he was so stupid! He should have known better than to get involved with her. Not willing to say the words back to her didn’t mean they weren’t true. Having her hurt because of his vengeance wasn’t an option.
He didn’t turn to face her when he spoke. “Goodbye, Chelsea.” He hoped his voice didn’t reveal his emotions.
Opening her front door, he left and slammed it shut before he heard her trembling voice once more. Knowing that if he heard that sadness, he would turn around, walk up those stairs and do whatever she asked. Anything, just so long as it stopped her tears.
Chapter 26
Chelsea stood at the top of the stairs. Tears were streaming down her face. She tried to comprehend what had just happened but found she was coming up empty. How had their wonderful night together turned into a declaration of her love for him and him leaving her on his way to commit what was bound to be a suicide mission?
She sat on the top step and wondered what to do next. He had asked her, told her, not to tell the authorities. She knew that if she did he would never forgive her, but he would be alive and safe, and at the moment that seemed more important than having a future with him. If going to the police meant saving his life, but at the same time meaning he would never speak to her again, it would be well worth it.
For some reason, she thought of her new friends, Tamara and Shelby. Their husbands, Rex and Jack, were in the Navy with Adam. She could call them. Couldn’t she? Oh, she wished she knew what the right thing to do was. She wanted so desperately to grab Adam and hold him to her, keeping him from leaving her and her house when he had stood by the door. A silly part of her had hoped that by admitting to him she loved him he would have stayed, but it obviously hadn’t mattered. When she told him she loved him, he told her goodbye.
Still crying, she let out a painful scream. She didn’t care that he didn’t feel the same way. She would sit back and watch as he sought out revenge and got himself killed. Something had to be done, regardless of how much he would end up despising her for it. His life was more important to her than her own happiness.
Resolved in her decision, she got up from the top of the steps to go and call Shelby. She fumbled through her purse, tearing out several slips of paper before she finally found her phone number. Dialing, she tried but failed at calming her trembling hands.
“Damn it!” she cursed when she got Shelby’s voice mail asking her to leave a messag
e. “Shelby, it’s me. Listen, I don’t have a lot of time to explain, but Adam’s in trouble. I know you don’t really know me, and I don’t really know you. Crap. I don’t even know how to say this. I think maybe I need to talk to your husband and Jack, too. I…oh hell, listen, I’m gonna jump in the shower. As soon as you get this message, please call me.”
She knocked her purse off the counter as she ran for the stairs. Almost stopping to pick up the contents that had spilled out, she ignored them and headed up toward her bathroom.
She showered in record speed. A few times she had shut off the water and listened, thinking she had heard a noise, hoping it was her cell phone ringing. Each time, though, she waited and only heard silence.
Maybe only five minutes had passed since she had stepped in the shower when she got out and ignored her fluffy, Egyptian cotton robe. Toweling off on her way to the bedroom, she slipped on a pair of panties and a bra. Opening her closet door, she grabbed the first pair of athletic pants and T-shirt she could find.
Haphazardly, she threw on her clothes and reached for her brush on the bathroom vanity. She was running it through her hair when she heard a noise again. It almost sounded like it was coming from the hallway outside her bedroom. Adam. He came back.
Running through her bedroom, she opened the door and with a smile of elation on her face she called out his name. “Adam…oh thank God you came back. I’m so—” Her smile disappeared instantly.
“No sweetheart, my name’s not Adam.”
Chelsea stood in the hallway, frozen in fear as she stared at the knife pointing in her direction. “Who are you?” she asked the question, although she had a pretty good idea who he worked for.
The man laughed at her. “I hardly think it matters, sweetie. You and I, we’re gonna take a little ride. Okay?”
Knowing she had to take a chance, she made a quick attempt at the stairs, but a fraction of a second passed before he had grabbed her from behind and muffled her screams with the hand that was not holding the knife.
Morgan, Nicole - Sweet Vengeance [Sweet Awakenings 3] (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 15