by Regan Ure
"I'm going to miss your cooking as well," she teased, and Matthew pulled away from her to give her a playful glare.
Her grin widened. "And who is going to buy me ice cream when I need it?" she asked.
"You'd better not need ice cream, otherwise Sin will be getting a visit from me." She hugged him tighter and he put an arm around her.
"I'm happy," she mumbled. "But I don't want you to leave."
"I'm not going away forever," he assured her as she looked up at him. "I'll visit."
And that seemed to appease the sadness in her eyes.
Life-and-death situations had a way of tightening bonds. It was the reason we were all so close even though we hadn't known each other for long. The close bond would survive irregular visits and time apart.
It felt like something was ending. Taylor was moving in with Sin, Matthew would be leaving for his new job, and that left me on my own, somehow leaving me behind.
"What time is Sin coming to collect your stuff?" I asked, needing to do something to stop the hollowness from spreading in my chest.
Taylor checked her watch before saying, "In about an hour."
"I'm going to get ready," I told them before leaving to go back to my room.
I was ready when Sin arrived to move Taylor's stuff in. She didn't have a lot of big items so there were only boxes. Matthew hadn't been able to help since he'd had a meeting about his next job scheduled for that day.
Watching Sin and Taylor smile secretly at each other was bittersweet. My friend was happy and I wanted to be happy for her but there was a part of me that was jealous of what she had with Sin. I shoved the thought away. She had tamed the bad boy, and against all odds they had survived so much to be together.
When we arrived at the new condo, my eyes scanned for Slater but there was no sign of him. Taylor had told me that Sin had rented a condo for Slater in the same building only a few doors down. My stomach tightened with nervousness.
"In the main bedroom at the end of the hallway," Sin instructed me as he gave me a small box to carry.
There were a few unpacked boxes in the living room. In the main bedroom, I set the box down. Taylor entered the room with another small box.
We began to unpack her stuff, when Sin entered with more stuff to unpack. I heard a set of additional footsteps. My heart picked up and I felt nervous.
"Sorry I'm late. My alarm didn't go off this morning," Slater said when he stepped into the room.
"Better late than never," Sin said as he wiped sweat from his brow.
Slater's eyes met mine and I felt a thrill shoot through me but my mind was already working overtime trying to figure out what he'd been doing the night before to have overslept. Had it included a girl? Was the mess of his hair caused by a girl running her hands through it in the heat of passion? Stop it, I told myself. We weren't anything, but the thought he might have replaced me already did hurt.
Stop it, I told myself again. You're acting like some jealous idiot.
Slater and I weren't feelings, it was only physical. We weren't even exclusive.
It took a few moments after Sin and Slater left to pull myself together.
"Everything okay?" Taylor asked beside me, taking me out of my thoughts of Slater.
I nodded, turning my attention to the boxes.
Needing to keep myself busy while I tried to figure out what my next move was going to be, I began to open the boxes. Under Taylor's guidance we began to unpack her stuff.
Slater entered with a large box. My eyes took in the way his arms tightened and flexed as he set it down on the floor. It was difficult to stop the memories from our night together from repeating through my mind, making me swallow hard.
He left without a look in my direction. Was he ignoring me to prove a point? Or had he decided I wasn't worth the hassle?
The next hour unfolded with an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach growing. Slater did not make a move to look or interact with me. He was making it clear he wanted nothing to do with me.
After Sin and Slater unloaded Taylor's stuff, they went to the living room to unpack Sin's stuff.
"You seem very preoccupied," Taylor said, and I faced her.
Maybe I needed to confide in her and get some perspective because I was driving myself crazy with my thoughts.
"I am," I admitted, slumping down on the unmade bed.
Taylor sat beside me.
"Spill." I looked at her.
"It's Slater. I wasn't sure how everyone would handle the news that Slater and I were going to be 'friends with benefits.' After we spent the night together on Friday, I asked him to leave before you or Matthew got home." Taylor listened quietly as I talked. "He was pretty ticked off. He told me to find him when I could be an adult about it."
"So why don't you talk to him?" she asked. "I can distract Sin." She gave me a mischievous smile.
"It's just that he's been so standoffish. He's barely looked at me since he arrived," I said. I twisted my hands nervously.
"Talk to him," she encouraged.
I held her eyes for a moment as I wrestled with the decision to approach him.
"Okay," I agreed. "You distract Sin so I can talk to him."
"Sure," she said, standing up and walking over to the doorway.
"Sin!" she yelled. A few moments later he appeared in the doorway.
"I need you to help me with something," Taylor said, and I took the opportunity to leave them alone and go in search of Slater.
In the kitchen, I heard some movement and I found him packing away some glasses. When he noticed me, he stopped.
"Hi," I said, feeling like a thirteen-year-old girl approaching her crush for the first time.
He remained quiet. His stare was dark and intense. I had no idea what he was thinking.
You can do this, I told myself. But the thought came with no confidence.
I stepped into the room, trying to hide the nervousness I was feeling. My eyes held his as I took another step closer.
Be an adult about it. Go after what you want. With those thoughts I walked up to him.
I reached out and cradled his face. He made no move as I rose up to kiss him. His lips moved beneath mine and his arms enclosed me. He broke away but didn't loosen his hold on me.
"What if someone walks in?" He wanted confirmation he wasn't a secret I was going to hide.
"They know already," I revealed.
He kissed me again, this time deepening the kiss.
* * *
Taylor and I unpacked the last of her stuff, then I put a hand to my aching back to rub the sore muscles. There hadn't been a lot of boxes to unpack but it had taken us a while to put her things away.
"Thank you so much for helping," Taylor said as she surveyed her new room with accomplishment.
"You owe me," I teased. "When I need to move, you're helping."
She laughed. "It wasn't that bad."
"Speak for yourself," I mumbled, giving her a playful glare.
"It's nice to see you happy," she said. I shrugged.
"It's just good sex," I reminded her, not wanting to make a big deal out of whatever was going on between Slater and me.
"Is it that good?" she asked.
"I don't usually kiss and tell but...yes." It was impossible to think back to it without feeling an awareness in my body at the thought of having him again.
It had been so good I couldn't wait to get him alone again. After our kiss in the kitchen, I hadn't had a chance to talk to him again.
Downstairs, Sin was finishing up. His eyes lit up when Taylor stepped into the room. There was no disputing his feelings for her, and I felt a pang of jealously before I shoved it away.
I was too realistic to believe in love and 'the one.' Instead, I believed in a chemical reaction and lust. That was what I had with Slater, nothing more.
"You done?" Sin asked as he walked over to us.
He took Taylor's hands in his. She nodded and looked up at him. I felt like a third wh
eel.
"Where's Slater?" I asked, looking around.
"He left but he'll be back soon."
I hid my disappointment.
"I'd better go," I said, not wanting to witness more affection between the two.
"I can drop you off," Sin offered, but I shook my head.
"No need," I replied, getting my handbag from the kitchen counter. "I'll get a taxi back."
"I really don't mind taking you back to the apartment," Sin insisted, but I shook my head.
"It's really not necessary. It's your first day in your new home together. Enjoy," I said, giving Taylor a hug.
"Thanks. I'll call you soon," she said, giving me a tighter squeeze.
I left before Sin could argue with me. While I walked, I looked into my bag to find my phone to call a taxi.
"You're leaving already?" The voice took me by surprise. I turned to face Slater.
"Yeah, I kinda felt like I was cramping their style," I replied, tightening my hold on my phone.
His eyes slid over me. The way he looked at me made my skin heat beneath his gaze.
"You want to come over?" he asked. His intent was clear in his eyes.
I swallowed, feeling a little nervous. "Yes."
It's just sex, I reminded myself as I followed him. A few doors down, he stopped and opened the front door.
I entered his condo, not knowing what to expect. The couple of times I'd been in his room I'd noticed he wasn't the tidiest of people.
He closed the door after I stepped inside, and I allowed my gaze to sweep over the living room. It was tidy except for an empty glass on the table.
It had a black leather sofa facing a flat screen TV.
"What do you think?" he asked, pulling my attention back to him.
"It's nice."
"Do you want something to drink?" he asked.
I was here for something else. I shook my head. His eyes darkened as they held mine.
"Come here," he instructed softly, holding out his hand to me.
I walked to him and put my hand into his. He tugged me closer. The feel of his strong fingers wrapped around me sent a shiver of anticipation through me. His eyes dropped to my lips before they connected with mine again.
We were so close. His hand rested on my hip, my hands flat against his chest.
"You have this ability to make me think of nothing else other than this," he growled in a whisper before he kissed me. His mouth slanted over mine, and I gripped his shirt.
His hand resting on my hip slid around my waist, pulling me closer. My lips moved against his as his free hand slid up and gripped me behind the neck. He deepened the kiss and his tongue swept against mine. My stomach flipped. I craved the sweet addictive taste of him.
Pulling away, he looked down at me. My breathing was rapid and uneven. He smiled at me, confident in how he could spin me out of control.
I gripped his shirt and pulled him down to press my lips against his. His hands skimmed down my sides before he gripped my butt. I felt his want for me and I slid my arms around his neck.
All rational thinking went out the window. All that remained was a physical need to be as close as humanly possible to him. He lifted me, and my legs wrapped around his waist. A few steps and I felt the kitchen counter beneath me.
His mouth moved over mine as our tongues tangled. He gripped the bottom of my shirt and broke away from me only to remove my shirt before his mouth trailed down the side of my neck.
The sensitive skin beneath his hot mouth tingled. I groaned and angled to give him better access.
"Tell me what you want," he commanded, gently cupping my lace-covered breast.
"You," I breathed. "I want you."
He smirked at me. The devilish look in his eyes made my heart stutter. He unhooked my bra. For a moment his eyes rested on my breasts before he closed his mouth over one nipple. The slight sucking motion made me gasp.
Want rocked through me. His hands slid beneath my skirt. They gripped my panties and slid them off.
Feeling vulnerable and exposed, I tried to push away the familiar darkening thoughts.
He stepped closer. His fingers trailed across the most sensitive part of me. I gasped, gripping the counter as I leaned back slightly, consumed with what he was doing to me. One finger slid inside me, and I gasped again.
"So ready," he whispered.
He unzipped his pants and donned protection he fished from the back pocket of his jeans.
Our mouths connected in a kiss as he stood between my open thighs. I wanted him so badly I felt like I was going to combust on the spot.
His tongue caressed mine. He moved me closer to the edge of the counter as I threaded my hands through his silky hair. He pushed into me and I gripped his hair tight, feeling his fullness fill me.
I pressed my eyes closed, trying to push back the memories from my childhood that made me want to slip away to protect myself. But there was no fighting them.
He slid into me, filling me completely as I felt my mind close off from him, my subconscious seeking my safe place as he continued to kiss me. His fingers pressed firmly into the skin of my hips as he held me in place.
In a protective bubble, the experience wasn't as real. His body thrust into mine. I felt the exact moment my body started to tremble as I peaked. Just as I began to tighten my arms around him, I felt his body tense into mine as he growled softly. I gasped, trying to catch my breath as I let go of the part of my mind that had been keeping me safe for more years than I wanted to admit.
Slater's head nestled against my neck. I hugged him, giving myself a few moments of affection with him before I would pull away, reasserting the lines of our agreement.
I let go of him and he lifted his head. Our eyes met as he disengaged himself. I got off the counter as he disappeared into the nearby bathroom to dispose of the protection. I grabbed my bra from the counter and put it on. Slater walked back out just as I picked up my panties from the floor before sliding them back into place.
I'd just had him not even a few minutes ago but the need to have him again struck me like a bolt of lightning. He picked my shirt up and handed it to me. I pulled it on and adjusted it, trying not to allow the awkwardness after the act to get to me.
"Thanks," I said. It didn't feel right but what else could I say?
He remained quiet while he studied me. I felt self-conscious as I grabbed my bag. He reached out and took my hand into his.
"Did I do something wrong?" he asked, and I frowned.
"No," I replied. Was he offended I was ready to leave?
"Twice you've done that to me," he said. I had no idea what he was talking about. "When we're together it's like you're not fully there."
Chapter Eleven
I clamped my mouth shut, reeling from his words. His observation had been unexpected. Not once since I'd been sleeping with the opposite sex had one of them ever noticed.
He continued to study me but I remained silent, unsure of what to say. I couldn't explain it without revealing my deepest, darkest secret. The one time I had been vulnerable and almost opened up to him, he had shut me out. The pain of that memory refused to allow me to tell him anything.
He rubbed the back of his neck and took a step closer.
"What are you talking about?" I said, trying to deflect his question.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about," he threw back, his gaze astute. I bit my bottom lip, trying to figure out what I could say next.
"I don't." I decided to pretend I didn't know what he was talking about. His eyes narrowed.
"Don't lie to me," he said, his tone low.
I swallowed. I hated the way he could see deeper than anyone else. I turned away from him, afraid of what he would be able to read in the depths of my soul reflected in my eyes. His hand touched my shoulder but I shrugged it off.
Come on, think! I told myself, feeling my rising panic. I turned to face him, refusing to allow him to put me on the back foot.
"It's your ima
gination." I refused to admit anything, despite my revealing body language.
He raked a hand through his hair in frustration.
"Are you thinking of someone else?" he asked.
I was stunned. It was ludicrous. He was all-consuming; there was no room for anyone else.
"No," I assured him.
"I won't be a substitute for someone else." His eyes blazed with possessive anger despite my answer.
"You aren't," I repeated, shaking my head. No one could make me feel the way he did. Only one look was enough to set me on fire.
"Then tell me why you do it?" he persisted. He wasn't going to let this go.
I refused to be pushed to say something I wasn't ready to.
"What does it matter?" I asked. As long as he was getting what he needed on a physical level, why was it an issue?
He had a determined look in his eyes. "It does."
I put my hand to my forehead briefly. I felt confused and hesitant. I pressed my lips together for a moment to give me time to pick the right words to use.
"This thing between us," I said, indicating the space that separated us, "it's just supposed to be physical, just sex."
He nodded.
"Telling you what you want to know would change that." His stare didn't lose its intensity. "Do you want the responsibility of knowing why?"
His forehead creased while he studied me for a few moments before he shook his head gently. Just like I thought. Even though I hadn't wanted or expected him to act differently, I felt a slight disappointment that he didn't care enough to want to know.
"I need to go," I said, moving to the front door to cover up my disappointment.
"Let me at least drop you off," he offered.
"Sure," I agreed, determined not to allow him to see how much his observation had affected me.
He got his keys and walked me to the door and then out to his car. I got into the passenger side while he got into the driver's side.
The quick drive to my apartment was quiet.
On the outside I was calm but on the inside I was still trying to find my footing. What he'd noticed had shaken me to my core and shifted the stable ground I usually stood on.
I felt his gaze on me a couple of times but I refused to look his way. I was relieved when we arrived at my apartment.