How The Cookie Crumbles

by Ting, Melanie

  “But you lost weight before too!”

  “I lost weight before the draft because people were questioning my dedication. I figured that playing over 30 minutes a game was proof of my fitness, but it didn’t seem to be enough, so I went the extra mile. But I didn’t feel like it made me a better player, it only made me more like other players.” He shrugged, and I could see he was completely confident in his opinion. He looked at me carefully, like he might say something else, but then he merely smiled and asked, “Is there dessert?”

  “Yes,” I got up and started taking the plates into the kitchen, “Fudge brownie sundaes.”

  “Man, just like DQ!”

  Only if DQ used Belgian chocolate and toasted pecans.

  24. That Fake Girlfriend Thing

  Jake

  “So, you’re going up to the cottage?” Andrew asked me.

  “Yeah, I think I’ll stay up there for the rest of July. Are you not coming up?”

  “Sure, now that my course is over, I’ll come up during the week, but I’ll go back weekends – to see Chloë. What about Frankie?”

  “What about her?”

  The summer was half over and I wanted to kick back before training camp and all that shit. Normally I spent most of my summer at the cottage, but this year I had spent more time in Kingston since Andrew had classes and Tolly was working. And maybe because I liked hanging out with Frankie. While I was in Vegas and L.A., I got to see what normal chicks who were into me were like, and I decided that Frankie wasn’t into me and I wasn’t going to force it. But when I got back, she was so happy to see me, and she made the greatest dinner for me. All the stuff chicks do when they like you, but Frankie was still saying no to sex. She was one weird chick and I did not understand her.

  Andrew gave me a shove and started laughing. “I find it ironic that I wanted you to help me get with Chloë by scoring with Frankie, and now I have to help you instead.”

  “Fuck off, Alanis. I’m not looking for help with Frankie. It is what it is.”

  “Okay, someone’s a little touchy. Can’t be the first time you’ve struck out. Hey, don’t forget, David Little is having a big party in two weeks, that should be good, lots of people from high school and hockey.”

  “Yeah okay, I’ll come back for that.” Meantime, I was looking forward to some mindless relaxation.

  “So where’s Jake these days?” Chloë asked me while we were on our newest craft kick, crocheting. We had started with doilies, moved on to bikini tops that looked cute on skinny Chloë and pornographic on me. Now we were working on pretty crocheted tunics. It was the perfect craft for working and chatting at the same time.

  Chloë had ended up selling three pillows to a colleague at school, who saw them on Instagram and fell in love. Now there was more room on the couch for Rex, who still seemed to be gaining weight. I wasn’t feeding him extra, so perhaps he was catching and feasting on mice. Was he even going to fit into his carrying case for the flight home?

  “Jake’s gone to the cottage,” I said grumpily.

  “And why the face?”

  “We actually had a fight about that. I can’t believe I’m having fights with someone I’m not even going out with!”

  “Why did you have a fight?”

  “He wanted me to take a week off work and come up to the cottage. That’s ridiculous.”

  “Yeah, I know. It’s ridiculous that someone might want you to do something fun.”

  “Don’t you start. I have two summer jobs and you don’t get holidays from summer jobs.” Jake had also made it clear that he didn’t want to be just friends anymore, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. It didn’t seem fair to keep hanging out with him if I was just stringing him along. But I did miss him. Life was confusing.

  One Friday night, Chloë insisted that I was working way too hard, and I ended up going to some house party with her and Andrew. We were standing in the living room, drinking beer and checking people out.

  “Oh shit.” Andrew looked pissed and worried at the same time. He was like Chloë in that you could read every emotion on their faces.

  “What’s wrong?” Chloë asked.

  “See that girl Jake’s talking to,” he motioned subtly with his head. “That’s Tracey, his girlfriend from high school.” Jake was here? I hadn’t seen him in ages. I looked over and there he was, in jeans and a black t-shirt.

  “So?” I wondered. If I saw Adam at a party, I’d talk to him too.

  “So? So she’s a bitch and she screwed him over big time. I thought she had moved to Toronto, maybe she’s back visiting someone. And now that he’s a big deal, she’s probably ready to jerk him around some more.”

  “Jake’s a big boy, he can handle himself,” I said, shrugging. That was another thing that Andrew and Chloë had in common, meddling in the love lives of their friends.

  “No, look at him, it’s like she has some hypnotic power over him,” Andrew declared. We all looked over, but Jake often wore that slightly stunned look, so it was hard to tell. “I can’t stand by and let this happen. Chloë, can you go in there and do something?”

  “Me!” squeaked Chloë, “I’m not the kind of person to do something.” They both looked at me.

  “What?”

  “Well, you do have a history – well-intentioned, of course – of getting involved in other people’s business,” Chloë suggested.

  I shook my head. “No way, I’m not interfering in Jake’s love life.”

  “Frankie, if I swore on my grandmother’s grave that Tracey was truly evil, and Jake would thank me and you and everyone involved for rescuing him, then would you help?” Andrew pleaded.

  I looked over. Tracey was leaning in to talk to Jake and touching him on the thigh for emphasis, flirting for sure. Jake looked slightly wary, but not unhappy. Tracey was hot, she had auburn hair with blonde streaks and a killer bod.

  I sighed. “What would I have to do?”

  “Why don’t you do that fake girlfriend thing, like in the movies?” Chloë, as usual, was full of creativity when it came to things I had to do.

  “I don’t know….” I looked over again and caught Jake’s eye. He gave me a look that I couldn’t interpret. Was it a cry for help? Or indigestion?

  “Frankie, that’s what buddies do for each other,” Chloë prompted me.

  “Okay, okay.” I smoothed out my teal sundress, then finger-fluffed my hair and licked my lips. “How do I look?” I asked.

  “Hot,” Andrew replied and Chloë punched him in the arm.

  I strode over and sat on Jake’s lap and then kissed him quickly before he could say a word.

  “Darling, I didn’t know where you had gotten to.” I tapped a finger on his nose, “You’re such a bad boy, I have to keep an eye on you all the time.”

  “Sorry, Frankie,” he replied, with a slightly mystified smile. And then he wrapped both arms around my waist, resting one hand on my thigh and the other on my ass. Trust Jake to take advantage of any situation.

  “I don’t think we’ve met yet,” I told Tracey, who was looking surprised. “I’m Frankie.”

  “Hi, I’m Tracey. I was Jake’s first…” she paused dramatically, “…girlfriend.” She seemed less than daunted by me. “He never mentioned he had a girlfriend.”

  “Well, that’s just Jake isn’t it? A true gentleman, he’s never mentioned you either.”

  “I don’t know if I’d call Jake a gentleman exactly.” She was smiling sexily at Jake. Was she still flirting with him while I was on his lap? For crying out loud, I’d have to go to Defcon 4.

  “He’s definitely all man,” I declared in my sexiest voice. I zigzagged a finger down his chest and stopped on his belt buckle.

  Jake chuckled. “Ladies, there is enough of me to go around.”

  That was for sure.

  He didn’t really seem to be appreciating what I was doing for him here, and I cast a suspicious look back at Andrew. If Jake actually liked this chick, then I was going to look like a
n idiot. Andrew was grinning and gave me a thumbs-up, and Chloë was giggling away beside him. I tried to slide off Jake’s lap onto the seat beside him, but he held me firmly and ran his hand up my thigh for good measure.

  “So do you live in L.A. too?” Tracey asked me.

  “She does,” Jake responded smoothly. “She’s an actress.”

  “Really, because I thought most actresses were taller,” then she looked dismissively at my body, “and thinner.”

  What a bi-otch. If Jake went out with her he must have been a masochist. I figured I was built along the lines of Penelope Cruz, who was a very attractive actress. But Tracey was making me feel insecure all over again, and my body slumped a little. I couldn’t think of anything snappy to say back to her. Jake gave my ass a little pinch and I sat up straight.

  “Actually, a lot of Frankie’s work has been in the adult film industry.” Jake explained smoothly, “But she’s moving into more mainstream stuff these days.”

  Oh my God! Did he just say I was a porn star? I was going to kill him later. Finally an idea was coming to me. “Yes, like hosting a show about cooking.” That would be something I could fake.

  “The big difference is that Frankie does all the cooking in a bikini, that’s one of the draws of the show.” Jake was grinning like an idiot, as he got me deeper in the hole.

  “A bikini?” Tracey looked surprised, but possibly more at the concept than the idea of me in a bikini.

  “Yeah, she wanted to be naked, but there were safety concerns. Or the health code, or something.”

  I nodded, while wondering which would be more painful, killing Jake with a dull knife or smearing him with jam and tying him on one of those killer anthills?

  “Wow Jake, I’m surprised that you two are a couple. Frankie seems a little… experienced for you.” Tracey concluded.

  “She’s very free, that’s what I really like about her.” And he cupped my ass and squeezed it and I had to pretend to smile and enjoy it. “Plus she told me that out of the all the many guys she’s done, I was the best she had ever had, right babe?”

  “Oh, there is nobody like you, Jake-y…” I bared my teeth at him, “… on the whole planet.” And there wouldn’t be anyone like him on the whole planet once I was done with him.

  The news of how good Jake was in the sack seemed to bother Tracey, and she finally gave up on renewing her relationship with Jake and drifted away. Once we were alone, I started in on him.

  “I’m going to kill you,” I hissed at him. “Let go of me, and let me off your lap,”

  “No way.” Jake held me tighter. “You’re the one who came over, all jealous, and tried to get rid of Tracey.”

  “Jealous? I only came over here because Andrew pleaded with me to rescue you from your horrible ex.”

  “C’mon, Frankie, as if Andrew would do that.” I looked over, but Andrew and Chloë were both gone. “I know it takes alcohol for you to admit that you really like me, but it’s pretty much something I knew all along.”

  “Why of all the egotistical guys in the world, you really take the cake.” I was getting steamed, or should I say even more steamed.

  “And would that be a special gourmet chocolate cake baked by you, while wearing a bikini?”

  “Jake, you totally drive me crazy! Now let me off your lap and you can reunite with Tracey as much as you want.”

  “Shit, speaking of Tracey, she’s watching us. Quick, kiss me.” And then he pulled my head into his and kissed me long and hard. He pressed his lips firmly against mine, and tilted me back a bit. It was actually not bad, and I was just getting into it when he stopped.

  “Okay, she’s stopped watching. Thanks, Frankie.” He let me go abruptly and I slid into the seat beside him.

  “Now everyone is going to think that I’m a promiscuous porn star,” I complained bitterly. Were there any other kinds?

  “I wouldn’t worry about it. Tracey’s not going to tell anyone, since if I look like a stud it makes her look bad.” Jake sounded a little pissed, and a dark cloud crossed his normally sunny exterior.

  “How so?” I asked.

  “When we broke up, she told her friends a lot of bad stuff about me. Y’know, stuff that wasn’t true.” He looked like that memory still hurt a lot, and there was a lot more underneath.

  I felt so sorry for Jake, sometimes he was like a little boy. I could imagine him being that good-natured kid in the playground who was sometimes the brunt of practical jokes, because he was so innocent and trusting. It wouldn’t be that people didn’t like him, but that he was easy to pick on. And obviously a girlfriend he really cared about could hurt him deeply.

  I put an arm around his shoulder. “You’re a sweetie, and a girl would be lucky to go out with you.”

  He looked at me unsmilingly. “But not you, right Frankie?”

  I was going to open my mouth and say my regular excuse about just being friends, but he seemed so vulnerable.

  “Sure, I’ll go out with you.”

  We both seemed a bit surprised at this answer. But really, we had been hanging out all summer, would a date be that different? And I had missed him while he was at the cottage.

  “Are you just saying you’d go out with me because you’re feeling sorry for me?” he asked, still looking sad. “Tell me the truth.”

  I nodded. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay… you’re honest anyway.” He looked down at his lap and then looked up at me with a sad puppy expression. I was watching him with concern when a huge grin came across his face. “And now we’re going out on a date!”

  25. No Satisfaction

  “Excuse me? A date is not a weekend at your cottage!”

  Jake and I were sitting outside on the patio of the café after I had finished work. I was heading for a workout, but he had already done a session with Brad since he was amping up his training in preparation for the new season. Now Jake had come up with his latest brilliant idea.

  “Oh come on Frankie, we’ve already done all the regular stuff, like dinner or mini-golf or clubbing. So our actual date should be something bigger. Besides y’know, I think you’ll have fun at the cottage.”

  “Well, I guess I could get the time off… but what do we even do at the cottage?” If I got a weekend off, I wanted to go to Toronto and see the art galleries and go shopping, not go some place even smaller than Kingston.

  “Do? We relax, we go swimming, we go out in the boat, we eat, we drink. Have you never been to someone’s cottage?”

  I frowned, I’d been to people’s cabins at Whistler, but you skied there. And I had gone on family holidays to the Gulf Islands, but usually the ocean was too cold to swim in. “Not really,” I answered.

  Jake laughed loudly. “Sometimes it’s hard to believe you’re even from this planet.”

  I already knew he was from Planet Horny Guy. Which brought me to question number two. “So, how many people will be there?”

  He grinned. “Well, there’s you and me. And then, y’know, me and you.”

  “Forget it,” I said, firmly. Being alone in any enclosed space with Jake would only lead to a wrestling session. “Just because I agreed to go out with you, it doesn’t mean we’re sleeping together.”

  “Frankie, you’re soooo – I don’t even know – like a nun or something. Have you even had sex?”

  “Nope, never. I’m saving it for marriage. So unless you’re interested in putting a ring on it, Jake darlin’, I guess we can forget about the weekend at the cottage.” I knew this answer would stop him dead.

  He let out a huge sigh. “Okay, well then it’ll be Tolly, maybe his girlfriend, and Andrew and Chloë. And don’t worry, you’ll get your own bedroom. But if you have bad dreams, I’ll be right next door.” And he leered at me in a way that was hardly reassuring.

  “Any bad dreams will probably involve you. Okay, when would we be leaving?”

  “Friday, when everyone’s done work or whatever,” I had noticed that Jake was alarmingly casual around time
, whereas I liked to plan exactly.

  Getting the weekend off wasn’t too much trouble, since I’d been taking everyone else’s shifts all summer. I had to admit I felt slightly nervous about the whole excursion. Nothing in our relationship had progressed normally and so it was like all the rules were out the window. Can you have a normal first date with someone you already know really well? Jake was always upfront with what he wanted, but I wasn’t sure. I missed him when he wasn’t around, but then when I saw him again I wavered between enjoyment and irritation. One thing I knew for sure was that I hated feeling pressured and uncertain.

  “Do you think I should take a pillow for a hostess gift?” I asked Chloë, eyeing the dozen pillows still gracing our living room.

  Chloë scrunched up her face, “A hostess gift… for Jake?”

  “Yeah, you’re right. What am I thinking? He’d only use a pillow to chuck it at someone. You’re sure going to have a lot of pillows around here once I leave.”

  “Maybe I’ll try to sell some more of them, but you’ll have to help me get the cat hair off before you go. So, are you and Jake leaving for the cottage on Friday afternoon?”

  “Yes, after my shift at the café, I’ll come home and shower, and we’ll go.” I had no idea how primitive the cottage was, so I wanted to wash and style my hair before I left. If it was like camping, I was in trouble. I hated camping because I liked my creature comforts. If a holiday had no bathtub, I wasn’t interested. “Aren’t you and Andrew coming?”

  “Well, I was thinking, we might come up on Saturday, you know, around lunch time.”

  “Why would you do that? Why don’t you come with us on Friday?” Suddenly, I noticed how nervous Chloë looked. Light bulb going on! “Oh, you want the house all to yourself Friday night! My little girl’s becoming a woman.”

  “Frankie, stop it! It’s just, I was thinking, it might be nice to have some time alone with Andrew.”