How The Cookie Crumbles

by Ting, Melanie

  “So, what does this Frankie look like?”

  Nicola piped up, “You’ve met her, Mom. Remember, she was that waitress at The Keg?”

  “Oh, her! Well, she’s very pretty. And so nice, she brought us a lovely dinner and everything.”

  “Mom! That’s her job.” I groaned inside, I knew what was coming next.

  “That’s just the kind of girl you should go out with. Have you thought about that?”

  Yeah I had, but I wasn’t sharing any of my thoughts in this area with my mom. “Naw, she’s too busy, she works two jobs.”

  “How hard-working.” Frankie was zooming up my mom’s rating scale, and this could only mean trouble for me. “Maybe she’d like to come over for dinner?”

  “Leave the boy alone, Sandy,” my dad finally rescued me. “I’m sure he can find dates on his own.”

  My mom sighed and stopped talking. But I could see the gears turning in her head and I knew this wasn’t over yet.

  And now that both of them were going to be at the cottage at the same time, I could sense trouble for me. Frankie was showering, with the door locked, no doubt. She took a while to get ready, but as usual she was smoking. She went straight to the kitchen to start making a big lunch, so my plans to go out on the lake together went down the drain too.

  “You look great,” I told her. But I felt a little sad about that. I always figured that she dressed up to look good for me, but apparently not.

  “Thanks, I think. What’s wrong? You look unhappy that I look good.”

  “I don’t get you,” I told her, “I mean, you always dress so hot, but you don’t want me to hit on you.”

  “Hot? How do I dress hot?”

  I couldn’t believe she was asking me this. She was wearing a little top that was all tight around her tits, and a sheer skirt and high heels. Her hair was done up, she had make-up on, and her lips were all wet and shiny. If I looked at her long enough, I was going to get a hard-on. “Uh, well, I can see your, um….” What was the right word here? I looked down at her tits, and she rolled her eyes.

  “You know what Jake, it’s hot out and I have breasts. Get over it.”

  But I wasn’t willing to let this go. “But y’know, you’re always doing stuff for me, like cooking me meals or that time you sewed up the rip in my jacket. The stuff that people do when they like someone.”

  “So? Are people not nice to you?”

  “Sure, my old friends are. But these days when people are nice to me, they want something. I just don’t get what you want.”

  “I don’t want anything from you. In fact, what do you have that I want?”

  “Duh, like money, or hockey stuff.” But as soon as I said that, I knew she didn’t give a shit about hockey stuff, and she had never asked me to take her out someplace nice or buy her anything. Chloë had said stuff that made me think that Frankie’s family was pretty well off.

  “What is wrong with you? Can you not trust anyone?”

  “I don’t get you! Sometimes you act like you hate me, and sometimes you act like you’re totally into me. But if I touch your holy body you go all crazy. You drive me nuts!”

  She turned and looked at me, and her lips were parted like she was going to yell at me. But then she closed her mouth and looked away. She turned back to me and spoke calmly. “It’s about last night, right? Look Jake, I hated like the way you acted, but I was thinking about things and I’m sorry if I confused you in any way. To tell the truth, I don’t always know exactly what I want.” She shrugged, “But I do know what I don’t want.”

  “It’s not easy, y’know,” I told her honestly. “It’s not fun to be the guy and to get shot down all the time.”

  She looked closely at me. “Yes, you’re right. Maybe we need to communicate better.”

  Why were chicks always into communicating better? I think I was communicating fine, I just wasn’t getting the answer I wanted. “Why don’t you tell me when you’re ready, when you’re all in? That could save us both a lot of hassle.” Maybe that would be better, I’d leave her alone and she could come to me for a change. In fact, almost every time I left Frankie, I made up my mind not to bother with her anymore. Of course my resolve only lasted until I saw her again.

  Frankie nodded. “Yeah, okay. I don’t really know what’s going on. I haven’t had sex with you because it didn’t seem right. It’s just that sex is something important to me, and I don’t think it’s the same for you. For you, sex is just something physical.”

  “Of course, sex is physical!” Sex was physical and it also felt great. Did Frankie not get that? “I think it’s dumb, y’know, that you don’t do anything that might make you feel good. That you can’t relax and enjoy stuff.”

  “And don’t you think it’s kind of sad that you can’t accept that I might like you because you’re funny and nice, and not because you’re a stud defenceman? That if you let down your guard and stopped hitting on me, you might get judged on being a person and not a stereotype.”

  I groaned. Frankie was absolutely nuts and she was making me crazy! Could she not relax and stop analyzing everything to death? “I’m going out on the boat,” I told her. I needed to get out of here.

  Just then Andrew and Chloë showed up, all smiley and happy. “Hi guys,” Andrew said. “How’s everything going here?”

  “Fine,” said Frankie.

  “Shitty,” I said, at the same time.

  Jake’s mom and his two sisters, Angela and Nicola, came over around noon. They assured us they weren’t staying long, but I had already made a lunch for all of us.

  “This lunch looks just lovely, Frankie,” his mother, Sandy, said as we sat down at the long dining room table. It was kind of last minute, but I had pulled together an iced gazpacho, rye bread, and a simple salad with greens and berries.

  “Nice flowers,” Angela said, looking at the wildflowers I’d gathered and put in a jar. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen flowers in this place before.” I couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or not. She seemed to be very down-to-earth like Jake. Nicola seemed quieter and more sensitive.

  “We were just headed out to this farmer’s market,” Sandy explained. “And we thought we’d stop by and say hello.”

  “Because you don’t get to see Jake enough,” Angela said with one eyebrow raised.

  “What market is that, Mom?” Jake wondered, smirking at her, and drinking his beer.

  Sandy flushed, “Oh, you know the big flea market… near Tweed.” It seemed pretty clear that they had come specifically to check me out. Throughout lunch, Sandy kept referencing some future where I would be visiting Jake in L.A. and be invited to family events in Kingston. I thought Jake might correct her, but he didn’t say a word.

  I finally got my chance to set the record straight when I was alone in the kitchen with Nicola.

  “Uh, Nicola. Not to be presumptuous or anything, but you know that Jake and I are just friends, right?”

  She looked at me and sighed. “Really? Well, you guys seemed to hanging out so much, we hoped.” She shook her head.

  “I don’t get this, why are you all so keen to fix him up? I think he goes out with a lot of girls.”

  “Yeah, that’s the problem. Too many girls! Mom and I are worried that he’s going to get himself into trouble. Like knocking up some sk… I mean, getting involved with some girl who’ll take him for major bucks. Jake is way too trusting.”

  I started cutting the banana cake I had made for dessert. “Well, how do you know I’m not some gold-digger too?” I wondered.

  “Frankie, it’s Kingston. I had probably heard everything about you by the time you got off the airport express bus. You’re a university student from Vancouver with a broken heart. You work two jobs. You haven’t dated anyone but Jake all summer.”

  Well, that wasn’t quite right, but I guess that Liam, being from Toronto, was under her scary radar. And I hadn’t actually dated Jake, although I guess it might appear that I had. Angela brought some plates
into the kitchen as we were talking, and inserted herself into the conversation.

  “You forgot the part where Jake saved her from getting gang-banged at that big Queen’s party.”

  I winced. I guess Liam hadn’t escaped notice, even if the facts weren’t quite right. “Did Jake tell you all this?”

  “As if. Jake tells us nothing about anything,” Angela snorted. “We hear everything from the grapevine.”

  “You do know how creepy this all sounds, right?” I said, as Nicola helped put the cake onto plates.

  Nicola nodded her head. “Tell me about it. I love Kingston, but I’ve lived there my whole life and it’s a freaking fishbowl. Once Jake got famous, it only got worse.” She sighed. “Jake’s a great guy, Frankie, and I think he really likes you. Why don’t you go out with him?”

  Well, that was the question I seemed to have to answer all summer. In truth, I did find him more attractive these days. The more I got to know Jake, the more I liked him. In fact, if Jake hadn’t come on so strong last night… well, it’s not like I would have had sex with him, but I certainly would have been more receptive. But he had totally turned me off. I hated being pressured into anything, and right now it felt like I was getting pressured from all sides.

  “I know he’s a great guy,” I reassured her, “But….”

  Angela interrupted, “Nic, you need to leave Frankie alone. Jake’s not exactly boyfriend material, and I think she can see that.” She turned to me, “My mother and my sister are huge romantics, but I’m a realist. Jake’s a nice guy, but he’s immature as hell, and I wouldn’t want any friend of mine to date him right now.”

  “But what if all he needs is a nice girl to straighten him out?” Nicola wondered.

  “Because two older sisters and a mother aren’t enough? He needs to grow up first, and nobody can make that happen,” Angela concluded. The cake was all ready, so we took out the plates and thankfully ended the whole conversation.

  The subject of our conversation was sitting there, chatting with his mom and Andrew. Chloë just sat there smiling. Apparently all my fantasies had actually come true for her.

  “This cake is great, Frankie,” Andrew said. Jake was too busy eating to say anything.

  Sandy nodded. “So, how much longer are you going to be in Kingston?” she asked me.

  “Actually, I’m just looking into flights for next week. My mom called Thursday and she wants me to come home soon. My brother’s leaving for Waterloo soon, and she wants to have the whole family together before he goes.” I had pointed out that I was currently in the same province as Waterloo was in, and I could not only see Glen but also help him settle in, however she was adamant about the family being together.

  “Next week? I didn’t know you were going so soon,” Jake said.

  “Who can blame her for wanting to go back to Vancouver,” Angela said. “I’ve only been once, but I loved it there.”

  The rest of the weekend flew by. Andrew and Chloë acted like lovesick teenagers, which was cute at first and a little nauseating after constant exposure. They shared a room at the cottage, and when Tolly took off to meet his weekend fling again on Saturday night, Jake had remarked sadly that it was the first weekend he could remember that everyone was getting laid but him. I’m not sure if he thought that would result in a pity fuck, but I was less than sympathetic.

  “Maybe this will give you more empathy for those guys who don’t get chicks so easily,” I told him.

  “You’re a hard woman, Frankie,” he said. But he was smiling, and then we went out for a nice swim in the moonlight. Naturally Jake wanted to skinny dip, because he never gave up. But I could be stubborn too.

  On Sunday, I got a drive back to Kingston with Chlo and Andrew, since Jake was staying up at the cottage for the week. Jake gave me a goodbye hug, but I think he was a little relieved to see me go. I had a good time, but I was pretty sure the weekend hadn’t turned out the way he planned.

  I sat in the back seat, while the two lovebirds chatted and giggled. It gave me a chance to think about my whole summer in Kingston, now that it was coming to an end. When I looked back, I would say that things were pretty good overall. I’ll admit that I had been too chicken to go away for university, so I ended up staying in Vancouver. But now that I had taken the plunge and gone away, I realized how much I enjoyed having new experiences. The best thing about Liam had been all his travel stories, he kind of inspired to want to travel a little too and see some great art in person.

  This summer I had proven something to myself, that I could take some risks and succeed, that I didn’t have to play it safe all the time. I knew that compared to most people, my risks were nothing, but baby steps, right? I had made some decent money, had fun with Chloë, and dated a couple of different guys. Enough different experiences to make me forget old what’s-his-name anyway.

  28. Leaving Kingston

  Jake

  I was sitting out on the public beach with the guys, and we were watching four high school girls try to inflate a little raft. They were wearing bikinis and struggling big time, and it made for a nice view.

  “Have we turned into perverts yet?” Andrew wondered.

  “Yet?” Tolly responded.

  “I mean, when we’re in high school and they’re in high school, it’s okay to find them hot. But when we’re older and they’re younger, does that make us dirty old men?”

  “That’s a line from a movie, isn’t it? ‘That’s what I love about these high school girls, I get older, they stay the same age!’” Tolly was laughing, and his laugh was sort of pervy. One of the girls looked up at us and then scowled. That seemed to answer the question, we were pervs.

  Frankie had gone back to Kingston Sunday. We had a good time, lots of laughs but no sex. I let her come to me the rest of the weekend, and guess what? She hadn’t. Not a big surprise I guess.

  “Naomi and I split up,” Tolly volunteered, but he didn’t seem that upset.

  “How come?” Andrew wondered. He hadn’t seen Tolly and the blonde on the weekend.

  “I don’t know, she wanted to get more serious, more committed in some way.”

  I shook my head. “We’re too young for that commitment shit.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Andrew said.

  “Chloë?” Tolly wondered. “She’s really nice, but you haven’t dated that many other girls.”

  “You don’t have to date everyone in the universe to know when it’s right.” Andrew spoke with a quiet confidence that wasn’t like him.

  “I am not planning on settling down for years,” I responded. “It’s not worth the hassle.”

  Andrew just smiled. “It doesn’t have to be a hassle. It can be great.” Then he peered over his glasses at me, “And what about you and Frankie?”

  “What about us? Nothing’s happening there,” I grunted.

  “That’s so weird, she’s like the first chick in forever you’ve liked, and she’s not even interested in you. I wonder if that’s why you’re so into her?”

  I shook my head. Frankie had been a huge hassle and I wasn’t even getting any. I was looking for a summer thing, and all I got was this crazy chick. I did like Frankie, she was cute and really different. I liked talking to her and hanging out. But I never understood her, I thought she liked me but she didn’t give me anything to go on. It was probably a good thing that she was leaving soon and I wouldn’t have to see her any more. She was too confusing.

  “I’ve given up on that shit. I’m staying up at the cottage and relaxing. Soon, I’ll have to get back to L.A. and start training camp. I want to kick back while I can.”

  My last week in Kingston went all too quickly. Chloë was unhappy that I was leaving, but she was really happy with Andrew, so that balanced things out. Vince, my manager at The Keg, was surprisingly nice and told me I could come back anytime and work there again. Ironically, although nobody had wanted to hire me for just the summer, I had ended up outlasting many of the supposedly permanent staff. The
restaurant biz was full of turnover. I thanked him for the offer, however it was hard to imagine why I would ever be back in Kingston.

  Manny and Elaine were even nicer and had a special cake for me on my last day at the café. There was a goodbye card, and all the staff and even some of our regular customers had signed it.

  “So kid, how’s the Big Burrito?” Elaine growled at me, as we were cleaning up afterwards.

  “He’s fine,” I replied. I hadn’t seen Jake since I went to his cottage; but tonight I was going out to dinner with Andrew and Chloë, and Jake was supposed to show up.

  “I don’t mean how is he, I mean how is he? In the sack.”

  I grimaced, “In the sack? No clue.”

  Elaine shook her head. “Honey, you’re wasting your peak years here. Once everything starts slipping and sliding, you’re not gonna get as many offers.” Then she craned her head around to check out some construction workers who had walked in. “Ah, beefcake in the house. Come to mama.”

  Life was clearly a lot simpler for Elaine. I laughed and gave her a hug.

  For dinner, we went to a nice place downtown called Le Chien Noir. It was pretty upscale for Kingston. I was a little late, and Jake was even later, so Chloë and Andrew had been waiting and drinking. They were at that irritating stage of a relationship where they kept whispering and constantly touching, and the alcohol was lubricating that. Maybe they were making me feel lonely or perhaps I was a little melancholy over leaving the next morning, but I ended up snapping at Jake over some dumb comment.

  “Someone’s a little grumpy,” Jake remarked.

  “That’s because it’s going on five months now and she ain’t had nothing twixt her nethers weren’t run on batteries!” Chloë said, giggling. Then Andrew snorted with laughter as well. Time to cut them off.

  “Is that true?” Jake asked, clearly intrigued.

  “It’s not true, and it’s just a stupid Firefly quote,” I declared. Of course it wasn’t true, who would bring their vibrator on a trip? Wasn’t there a case where the whole plane was evacuated because someone thought a vibrator in a suitcase was a bomb? How embarrassing would that be? Of course, the fact I hadn’t had sex all summer was true.