When She Least Expected It

by Jeanette Lynn

  But he must have seen the reluctance in my expression. "Give me a chance, Bit. That's all I'm asking. You won't get anywhere with him.” His chin jerked to the yard next door and he gave a disdainful sniff. “He won't care about you the way he should."

  And ain’t that the truth, I thought miserably. Letting out a long breath, I squeezed his hand back.

  "Alright." I sighed, at a loss, conceding. “Sure. Yeah. Let’s do this.” Try as I might though, I couldn’t muster up a true smile or any real enthusiasm for the idea. I wanted the stupid idiot next door who wouldn’t treat me right, making us both effing morons. We should have it tattooed across our foreheads, I thought darkly, a hint of anger starting to prick.

  "One o’ clock for lunch, I'll pick you up," Elliot said happily, either ignoring my mood completely, or not sensing it.

  I nodded, and we turned to trek back up the walk. Elliot’s hand slid to the small of my back, a gesture that now seemed kind of more than it would have before, almost intimate in its placement, but I didn’t fight it, allowing him to walk me to my front door.

  Once I’d reached the top step he paused. Fearing he might try and nab himself a smooch I wasn’t ready to offer, nor receive, I practically scrambled for my front door.

  With the door opened, more than half of me already behind it, I turned and waved him off, a sweet, fake smile plastered to my face, waiting until he disappeared behind a neighboring hedge to pop inside and slam the door shut, locking it to turn and rest against the cool, heavy wood.

  Groaning inside and out, I wanted to slide down to the floor and wallow, but it wasn’t exactly my thing—not for extended periods, at any rate.

  Noises from outside caught my attention, and I couldn't help myself, dropping down to scoot across the floor like a kinked worm, my eyebrows shooting up as I watched, entranced. Not two seconds later I saw the blonde, Legs, emerge from Will’s house, stomping out. She sounded hysterical, red faced and cussing a blue streak, shrieking unintelligibly as she practically ran to her car, throwing the door open clumsily, and hopped inside. Engine revving, tires screeching, she hauled ass out of the drive, stomping hard on the gas. Ear bleeding girl power music suddenly blaring from the glitter mobile from Hell, Legs took off like a rocket down the street.

  ****

  "You can't be mad at me when she's the one that latched herself onto me, not the other way around," Will argued, trying to reason with me.

  Did he know nothing? There is no arguing with a woman burned. I ignored him and turned on my blinker, making the turn as we headed to Toby's house later that day.

  "I should be mad at you! You were the one who hugged Elliot. I- I saw," he grumbled, leaning against his door.

  Oh, good, we can both be unreasonable assholes now. Perfect. What a pair we make. Huffing out a short grunt of a breath, I turned on the radio, keeping my eyes on the road.

  "Are you going to be mad at me forever, Bit?" Fancy Pants asked hotly, reaching over and turning the volume down.

  Eyes flashing, I glared at him and slapped his hand off the dial. "What do you think?" I snapped, biting his head off.

  Will’s scowl deepened. "I didn't do anything wrong! She kissed me! Why am I the one being punished here?"

  Because murdering perfect strangers is frowned upon. Jaw clenching, I tightened my grip on the steering wheel and jerked it a little, satisfied when my truck passenger yelped, his head smacked the window lightly.

  "Ow! Watch where you're driving, you crazy female!"

  "Pot hole!" I called cheerfully, while he rubbed the side of his head.

  "You did that on purpose," he accused. The look on his face said he refused to be persuaded otherwise.

  That’s alright, I thought, I wasn’t in a persuasive mood at the moment. With a sniff, I pursed my lips, but didn't offer anything else.

  Eyeing me uncertainly suddenly, Will ran his hands through his hair, frustrated, making it stick up in a messy mass around his head when his fingers slipped free.

  "Are you going to be mad at me all day?" he griped not two minutes later, slumping in his seat to glare out the window.

  We pulled into Toby's driveway two turns later and I shut off my truck, unclipping and tossing my seatbelt to the side, not bothering to look at him, and hurried out.

  Toby was walking out then, as I rushed off like my ass was on fire, all ready to go.

  "Hurry up, Ass-hat, I don't got all day," Toby grumbled.

  "I'm coming, you abominable lumberjack!" Will barked at Toby, shutting my truck passenger side door with a jarring thud that rattled the whole damned thing, and started to make his way towards Toby’s work truck. "Don't get your plaid panties in a twist!" Stopping as I rounded my truck, intent to march straight up to the house, no hellos or goodbyes, damned everybody right this moment, when Will stopped and looked at me over his shoulder. "We'll discuss this later," Will promised darkly.

  I rolled my eyes at him, despite the way his words had my skin prickly and my stomach flip-flopping, and headed into the house. I needed to have a serious girl chat with Rita. This was long overdue, in my opinion.

  It’s All Copa-Septic... I Mean Copasetic

  "What the heck happened to him?!" Rita guffawed as Toby and Will pulled up late that night, got out of his truck, and she got a good look at the man in question.

  Will's hair was wet and he was only wearing his boxer briefs and one of Toby's spare shirts as he walked up to us.

  Jaw slowly dropping, I gaped at him, watching as he glared at Toby's back , making his way over to us, and sidled up next to me.

  "What happened to you?" I whispered, not bothering to hide my perusal of his person, admiring his legs. Lips slowly quirking up, I grinned at the sight he made, the shirt looking more like a dress on him, his long, hairy legs on display.

  "I tripped and fell," Will ground out between clenched teeth, sparing me a small glance, giving Toby a baleful death glare.

  Mouth slamming shut, I glanced at Toby, who was peeking at us through the corner of his eye, and raised an eyebrow in inquiry.

  "You heard him." Big brother’s head tilted and he glanced at us sideways, smiling at Will faintly. "He tripped and fell."

  Nose wrinkling, I plugged it once the smell finally registered. Pinching my nostrils, lest I gag, I tried to slide a little further away from Will, as unobtrusively as possible.

  Rita noticed it too and cupped her hand over her nose and mouth, in a desperate attempt to try and help filter the stench. There was no doing, though—that smell, just awful.

  "In what?" I exclaimed, trying not to outright gag. "A dumpster?"

  "No," Will gritted out, teeth flashing in a feral smile directed at brother dearest, "sewage."

  "Ewww!" I squawked, then ran and hid behind Toby, cringing inside and out, grimacing when Will’s hand shot out and he would have made to snatch me back to his side.

  Nope. No doing, no how, no way, not now. Sorry, buddy.

  "How the heck did that happen?!" I had to ask, stupefied.

  Toby chuckled, his lips twitching, though his hand shot up to cover it, and coughed to mask what sounded like a rather evil chuckle. "He told ya, Bit,” he said after a moment. “He tripped and fell, somehow, into sewage."

  Nose wrinkling like Will had caught me up and forced me to breathe in his ode de stench, I looked to Rita. "Why do I feel like we aren't getting the whole story?"

  "Because we aren't," she replied succinctly, her fingers shooting out to jab Toby in the rear. “Ain’t that right, baby?” she asked of her typically surly hubby.

  "Quit that and feed me, woman, I'm starved!" Toby grumped, ignoring her inquiry, swiping her hand away and turning to march into the house.

  "You'll get it when it's ready and not a minute before, Tobias Monroe!" Rita bellowed right back, instantly incensed, marching right after him, probably to wallop his nutty butt.

  Rita caught up, giving him what’s come to be known between them as an affectionate thump between beauty and her beast.

/>   Rubbing at the back of his head, Tobe’s hand quickly fell to slip around his wife’s ample waist. "Yes, ma’am." Toby chuckled, pausing and winking at his wife.

  Gah, sometimes those two made me sick, I thought, deliriously happy for them.

  "I'm ready to go," Will grumbled to my left, then turned and walked to my truck.

  Wrenching the door open, he hopped in to slam it shut behind him. Slumping down in the seat, as if in a sulk, he waited.

  "I'll see you guys later." I called back towards the house and started walking off, waving to Toby and Rita, who were standing on the front stoop to wave us off.

  Yep. Time to go, I guessed.

  "Good luck with your date tomorrow!" Toby yelled really loud.

  Which had me freezing on the spot. Head swiveling, I spun around and looked to Toby. My eyes narrowed shrewdly, my hands slapping to my hips. "How did you know about tomorrow?" I asked suspiciously.

  Toby’s shit-eating grin turned small and cold, calculating, though he feigned an air of innocence, or tried to. "Oh, I didn't tell you?” he said lightly, a hint of malice touching his words that I didn’t really understand. “I had a last minute job at Mrs. Schloop’s, and Will over there was a great help." Big Bro grinned suddenly, waving over at Will cheerfully.

  Will, spotting Tobe’s happy hand flapping, flipped him the bird, then shifted his entire body, faced the opposite window, ignoring Tobes completely.

  The pieces were starting to come together and make some sense now. "Toby..." I huffed warily.

  "Elliot thought his mom's septic tank was messed up and I offered to check it out for her. Turns out it was fine. Who knew?!" he cried happily and clapped his hands together, dodging me when I marched right over to him and would have punched him.

  "Oh my- Jes- I can't believe you would..."

  "He hurt you, and I did," Toby said flatly, without a hint of remorse. "And if he does it again, I'll do a lot worse." Tugging me towards him, he kissed my forehead, while I stood there and spluttered, and hugged me. "I love you, Bit. ‘Sides, nobody messes with my family and gets away with it. Nobody."

  Smiling into his shirt, I softened a little at that. "Aww, Tobe, that's really sweet. You know, in a psycho, ree-ree-ree," I felt the need to explain, making horror movie stabbing motions, "kind of way."

  “Hah. Love you too, squirt.” Toby laughed, releasing me, and nudged my shoulder. "You might want to get going, though.” He waved a hand towards my trunk. “Mr Potty over there wants to take a bath."

  “Mm.” I made a disgruntled noise. "A really loooonnnnggg one." Face inching, I cringed, walking slowly to my truck.

  A really, really long one.

  ****

  "You can't go out with him," Will muttered, once we'd gotten half way home.

  The windows were down and I was trying to breathe through my mouth, trying to plug my nose as much as I could.

  Carefully, I held my breath and answered him. "It's not really for you to say."

  "Like hell!" he bellowed, making me jerk slightly.

  "Can we talk about this later?" I snapped angrily. Hello, trying to drive here, and you smell like shi-

  "NO! I want to talk about this now!" he demanded.

  Jerking to the side of the road, I pulled over and slammed the truck into park. "Fine," I snapped, holding my nose, eyes watering, turning to him to glare at his angry mug. "You want to talk. Let's talk!” He’d asked for it, so I let it rip. “I am not beneath you! You can't just ditch me whenever someone from your rich life comes into the picture! You invited that... that woman," I spat, "into your home, and didn't give me a backwards glance."

  Will’s scowl was still going strong, though there was a hint of surprise on his face. "No, I..."

  "Same thing when your brother came!" I ranted in a nasally voice, fingers still firmly on my nostrils as I cut him off. "You can't have it both ways, Will. You're either all in with me! Or all out!"

  Well, that wasn’t what the man wanted to hear, his nostrils flaring as his expression darkened. "I won't be given ultimatums from you! Not even ten seconds after we spent a night in each other’s arms, and you go running off into Elliot's."

  "You did it first!" I bellowed back, releasing my nose to yell at him.

  "It's not the same! I didn't go willingly! You turned around before you could see me unglue her ass from me!" he bellowed right back.

  "You don't want anything real with me anyway!" I shouted.

  "I..."

  "You invited her into your house," I said over him quietly, grinding my teeth.

  "Did your precious Elliot tell you that, too? Or were you too busy goggling at each other to notice?" he sneered derisively.

  "Why do you care? I'm just a warm body to you anyway! Should we go have sex, Will?” It was my turn to sneer. “Would that make everything better for you? Should I let myself care about you and pretend it doesn't hurt when you take off one day without another thought for me? Should I give you everything and let you take it all, until there's nothing left!? Huh? Tell me, Will! What should I do?"

  He didn't answer me and I finally cracked.

  "Get out," I murmured quietly.

  "What?" he spluttered incredulously.

  "I said, get out."

  "You can't be serious, Bit. I..."

  "I said get out!" I screamed.

  Shock overtaking the scowl on his face, he got out and closed the door behind him, stepping back when I threw the truck in drive and took off, a trail of dust and a half naked man behind me.

  ****

  "You really care about him, don't you?" Elliot asked as we sat on a bench and ate ice cream.

  "Who?" I asked absently, realizing he'd been talking to me. From the strained look on his face, I'd say he'd been talking for a while. "Can I be honest with you, Elliot?"

  "Yeah."

  "Did you feel anything when we kissed?" My lips twisted ruefully and I glanced away.

  "Feel… like how?" Elliot squinted down at me, calling my attention back to him.

  "You know, a zing? A special... something?" My face pulled into a frown I was having trouble keeping at bay.

  "We didn't kiss long enough for me to really say, I guess.” Pushing his glasses back into place as they attempted to slide down his nose, he smiled softly. “I'd- I’d like to see, though," he said, and set his cone in the trash.

  Turning towards me, he cupped my face and his face dipped. Our mouths met, if only briefly, as his lips softly brushed mine.

  When I didn’t immediately resist his advance, he tried to deepen the kiss, but I stiffened and pulled away.

  Shoulders slumping, he sighed and put his hands in his lap. "You don't feel it with me, do you?"

  Unwilling to lie about something like this, I grimaced and shook my head. "I like you, Elliot. You're a really great guy, I just..."

  "Don't feel that way about me?" he guessed.

  "I don't," I apologized.

  "Mmmm," he murmured, glancing away, staring off into the woods for a minute. "Then I'm still not sorry I pushed the ass-hat into the sewage," Elliot admitted, shrugging.

  “You did that?" I blurted, shocked, surprised that mild mannered Elliot even had it in him.

  "Yeah.”

  I couldn’t have been more surprised is Will showed up in Legs outfit and started dancing around us. Elliot was responsible for that?

  “And just to throw it out there, no matter, uh, what happens, whether anything ever happens between us or not, you'll always be my friend, Bit," Elliot mumbled awkwardly, getting a little fidgety.

  "Thanks, Elliot," I told him, and tried to smother my smile.

  "You should have seen his face, though, Bit. He looked like he was going to choke me when I told Toby you were going on a date with me today," Elliot said after a moment, bringing up Will again.

  "I don't know- I don't think he-"

  "Oh, he cares," Elliot admitted, but didn't look happy about it, "but I think even he doesn't realize what he's feeling yet."


  "And what would that be?" I gave Elliot a funny look, quirking an eyebrow at him.

  "That he loves you," he said simply, looking down at his feet.

  "Pfft. He doesn't love me.” And now I was staring down at my own feet, so much smaller compared to Elliot’s clod hoppers. “He'll forget all about me the second he's gone."

  "I dunno, Bit, he looked really upset," my ‘date’ told me reluctantly.

  "Why are you telling me all this, Elliot? You don't even like him. Technically, you're helping the enemy."

  Suddenly, ice cream didn't sound so good.

  "I just want you to be happy,” Elliot shrugged, “even if it's with someone else."

  "Oh, um... that's sweet, Elliot, thanks."

  "Uh, don't thank me yet," he cut in sheepishly.

  Staring at him funny, I blinked. "Huh?"

  "You know the blonde lady that was all over him the other day?"

  "Uhm, yeah?" I said slowly, my gut suddenly churning.

  "I, uh, I feel kinda bad about jumping the gun and ratting him out to your brother. I mean, emotions were high, and I was already mad at him, and..."

  My face paled, guts clenching, heart suddenly pounding. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

  "Hey, you're turning awfully white all the sudden, Bit," Elliot remarked worriedly.

  Eyes wide in my suddenly ghostly pale mug, "Did you actually see him kiss her back, Elliot? Or were you guessing and did you see him take her into the house, or did it seem like she didn't really give him a choice? Because Will swears she was the one instigating everything. We got into a huge fight over it. He swears he had no part of it. And I, ugh."

  "I don't know if it was really reciprocated on his part..." he trailed off.

  "Elliot."

  "I really don't think it was, though," the pink cheeked redhead mumbled guiltily, flushing.

  "You made it sound differently the other day," I murmured darkly, letting my emotions through in my voice.

  "I know, and I'm sorry. I just... and you... I mean- You understand, don't you, Bit?"