by Susie Tate
Chapter 15
‘Anger begins with madness and ends with regret’
When Lou had thankfully finished the reading she gave Dylan, who was shaking with laughter, a warning glance, before stepping down and walking back to Sarah at the front. Their dresses were long, dark blue and high necked but almost completely backless (much to Sarah’s annoyance, who Lou thought looked amazing, but claimed that she had an elaborate suspension system underneath: ‘Breastfeeding,’ she said ominously. ‘Just you wait; you can kiss goodbye to those perky bad boys.’).
The rest of the ceremony was amazing, even if Tom did embarrass Frankie by giving her a full-on snog at the altar. The vicar’s face was red with poorly concealed rage by the end, although Lou didn’t know what else he had expected. After he’d told Tom at one of the pre-wedding counselling sessions that he didn’t approve of kissing in the church, Tom had informed him that his fiancée was already knocked up, so it was safe to say the congregation would know that ship had sailed a while ago.
The whole thing was so beautiful that Lou experienced nearly an entire hour of forgetting about everything that had happened over the last month. But once she stood to walk back down the aisle, her arm was tucked firmly into Dylan’s, and she was reminded yet again why last week’s decision was the right one. She could feel his strength and warmth through his morning coat and the temptation to lean further into him was almost unbearable. She actually breathed a sigh of relief when they made it outside the church and she could finally break away. That was until she collided with Miles during her getaway.
‘Omph!’ Although Miles was nowhere near as stocky as Dylan he was still pretty solid, and Lou felt winded for a moment as his hands came up to steady her. ‘Sands, you don’t have to fling yourself at me to get my attention you know.’ Lou shot him a filthy look, still trying to suck air into her lungs.
‘What on earth are you doing here?’ she wheezed, and then her eyes widened when she saw Rosie approaching his other side and take his hand.
‘He’s um…’ Rosie looked at Lou uncertainly for a moment then squared her shoulders, ‘…he’s my plus one.’
Granted Lou had been away for a while, but not that long. How on earth did Miles pull this off? Rosie was one of her friends, or at least Lou thought she was.
‘How nice,’ she said to Rosie and watched as her face drained of all colour. Lou pasted on a fake smile and started to move away, but her arm was caught and held by a persistent Miles.
‘Where’ve you been for the last month Sands?’ he asked. Lou searched his face for any sign that he knew something, but it was a carefully controlled mask.
‘I had a lot of annual leave stored up,’ she replied nonchalantly, shrugging as if that explained an absence of over four weeks.
‘Well you need to…’ Miles broke off, and Lou watched his jaw clench before glancing at Rosie then continuing in a softer tone. ‘We…we kind of need you. There have been a few incidents and we seem to be…’ he glanced away, and when he looked back at her Lou was surprised to see that his expression was sincere. ‘I don’t think anyone, least of all the management, knew what kind of workload you were carrying Lou. There’ve been a few locums, but to be honest they would have to employ at least three full timers to cover everything you were doing.’
Lou’s mouth dropped open. She wasn’t surprised that the department was struggling without her (although, after all that had happened it did give her a sick sense of satisfaction), but she was shocked that Miles had the balls to admit as much, especially after what he’d done. She started to feel the slow burn of fury prickling under her skin and, ignoring Rosie completely, she stepped further into Miles’ personal space.
‘You should have thought of that before then shouldn’t you,’ she hissed. ‘This just proves that “your brain's so minute that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit”.’
‘Series four,’ a familiar male voice said from behind her, and Lou felt a big, warm hand fall on the small of her back.
‘Episode?’ she said automatically, the game so ingrained that it would have taken an earthquake to stop her asking.
‘Captain Cook,’ was Dylan’s smug reply.
Miles was looking between them in confusion and then shook his head. ‘What are you two on about? You’re both so weird around each other, like you’ve got some sort of secret language or something.’ He turned to Lou. ‘And what are you on about? What should I have thought about before?’
Lou stared at his bemused face. Her hands curled into fists at her sides and she took a calming breath to stop herself slapping him silly.
‘Don’t you dare pretend you want me in the department,’ she said, her voice tight with barely controlled anger, vaguely registering that she still hadn’t lost the heat of Dylan’s hand on her back. ‘You did everything you could to get me out.’
‘What are you on about?’ Miles semi-shouted, and looking into his furious face Lou felt her control snap for the first time in weeks. So what if he knows? So what if they all find out? Who cares?
‘Well, don’t worry, you got your way.’
‘What way?’
‘I failed my RITA you bastard. Even better result than you hoped for I bet.’ Both Miles’ and Rosie’s mouths dropped open and Lou heard Dylan suck in a shocked breath behind her.
‘I…what…why?’ Miles stuttered and Lou rolled her eyes in disgust.
‘Well the first thing they brought up was my three-sixty degree appraisal. Apparently there was a very compelling argument from a “colleague” who didn’t think I was up to standard. Hmm…’ Lou tapped her chin in mock contemplation. ‘I wonder who that could have been?’
‘Lou…I didn’t –‘
‘But lucky for you there was also a well-timed complaint from a seriously pissed off relative, who I’m reliably informed has recently gone to the press. I think the headline’s going to read “unfeeling doctor has elderly lady’s house taken from her”.’
Dylan swore from behind her and Lou stiffened. She was tired of this bullshit pretence and his fake concern. It was time for it all to come out. She turned to face him, dislodging his hand from her back.
‘But do you know what really clinched the deal?’ she asked. Dylan shook his head slowly. ‘It was a trainee report that was submitted about me.’ Lou paused for a second, and watched with satisfaction as all the colour slowly leached from Dylan’s face. ‘Now let’s see, “poor teaching methods”, “uptight and prickly to work with”, “unapproachable” or my own personal favourite: “The worst registrar I have ever had the misfortune to work for.”’
‘Christ,’ Dylan said, tearing both hands through his hair. ‘Look Lou I was angry…it was just after you’d landed me repeating the stint in elderly care. I thought that I’d have to miss out on my research project and I – ‘
‘What are you talking about now, loser?’ Miles interrupted and they both turned to face him. He was frowning at Dylan, his face flushed red. ‘You do know that she saved your sorry arse don’t you?’ Dylan just stared at Miles in confusion. Lou made to step around him, but he moved with her blocking her way.
‘Hold on a minute babes,’ he said to her catching her arm at her elbow then turning to Miles. ‘What do you know about it?’
‘Well…’ Miles drew out the word, his facial expression resetting to his standard smug now that he felt he had the upper hand. ‘I don’t know what you think happened, but I was actually in the meeting between your bosses and mine. The was a big push to have you chucked off the rotation all together, something about you setting the record for being the laziest, most disinterested trainee they had ever had. Good old Kenty was trying to stick up for you, but you know how difficult he finds forming a cohesive sentence, leave alone outline a decent argument, so it was left to the only friend you had in the room.
‘Lou suggested you could stay if you did a few months of geris sessions, and when nobody wanted you on their team she volunteered for
that too. Without her you would be out on your ear, mate.’
Lou wrenched at her elbow, but Dylan’s hand had tightened around it almost painfully and she couldn’t get free. He turned to her.
‘Lou I – ‘
She watched in fascination as a vaguely green complexion suffused his pale face, and he continued to struggle for words. Dylan was never at a loss for words.
‘Is…is that true?’ he asked, trying to move them away from Miles and Rosie down the church path, then cutting Miles a frustrated look when he moved with them
Lou rolled her eyes. ‘What do you think Dildo?’
To her that was the real question. She had never let him down in the past, never given him any reason to doubt her loyalty as a friend. He released her elbow and ran both his hands through his hair.
‘I’m such an idiot.’
Lou could see that he felt bad and her instinct was to comfort him, tell him that everything would be okay. But she would not allow herself to be weak. Louise Sands was never weak. And she had taken enough crap from both of them.
‘Well then,’ she said breezily, waving her hands between them. ‘Now that we’ve established that you’ve both ruined my career over petty bullshit that didn’t even happen, I think I’ll be getting back to Frankie.’
Surprisingly it wasn’t Dylan but Miles who sprang forward to block her way this time.
‘I don’t know what report you think I gave Lou, but I’ve never thought of you as a bad colleague, and I wouldn’t lie about something like that on an appraisal report.’
Lou’s eyebrows shot up, practically into her hairline. Miles hated working with her. Didn’t he?
‘I know you don’t believe me but I actually liked working with you. I really got a kick out of pissing you off.’ Lou regarded him for a minute.
‘He’s telling the truth Lou,’ Rosie said from his side, taking his hand in hers. ‘He just enjoys being this arsehole guy. It’s all for show really, love him.’ Lou looked between them and for a moment her conviction that Miles had written that report slipped, but she noticed that when Miles saw she was wavering that the smugness started creeping into his earnest expression. Maybe he’d convinced Rosie he wasn’t a complete prick, but the fact that he wanted to get in her pants on a regular basis would probably have proved a fairly big incentive. No way was Lou falling for the old ‘there’s a heart of gold underneath that annoying, manipulative exterior’.
‘Look, maybe he’s decent to you Rosie, but I’m not falling for it.’
She glanced at Dylan who was still frozen in place on the path with his hands in his hair, and noticed Katie approaching him with a concerned expression on her face. Then, ignoring whatever other crap Miles had started spouting at her, she turned and strode off in search of the wedding party.
‘You okay?’ Rich fell into step with her as she was striding across the lawn to where the photographer was set up. She slowed her pace, offering him a small smile.
‘Fine, absolutely fine,’ she said with conviction and Rich smiled back at her.
‘I’ve talked to a few of the board members and I think they might be able to work around the whole RITA thing so your training’s not too delayed,’ he said, his eyes lighting with enthusiasm. At least somebody cared about her flailing career. ‘Of course you won’t be getting your CCT on the planned date but I – ‘
‘Hey, that’s so kind of you Rich,’ Lou cut in. ‘But…look, I haven’t told anyone yet so I’d appreciate if you didn’t spread it around, but I’ve quit.’
Richard stopped abruptly, turning towards her with his brows drawn together. ‘Quit? What do you mean you quit?’
Frankie started frantically waving Lou over and she realized that the other bridesmaids and all the ushers were already assembled, even Dylan who was being manhandled into place by Ash.
‘Oh balls,’ Lou muttered. ‘Sorry Rich, have to catch you later.’ She threw over her shoulder as she scurried away, and was confused by the absolute fury she saw written across Rich’s face before he carefully masked it.
*****
It took a few minutes for Dylan to come back to himself and realize that he couldn’t simply stare at his feet forever. He had to concentrate on forcing his hands that were gripping his hair to relax and carefully paste some semblance of a neutral expression on his face. When he glanced at Katie who still had her small hand resting on his bicep in concern he knew that he hadn’t quite achieved neutral.
‘Hey D, you okay?’ she asked, her kind, open face awash with concern.
‘Um…’ Dylan looked up and stared over at where the bridesmaids were being gathering for the photos with Frankie. Sarah was bouncing up and down in a state of extreme excitement (this seeming to be her default setting throughout the entire service). Frankie was literally shining with happiness, and, at first glance so was Lou. In fact Dylan was probably the only person there who could see the small lines of tension around her eyes, or notice the way her smile was ever so slightly forced.
He’d seen so little of her the past six weeks that being in the same room as her that morning had actually felt like some kind of physical relief. But in the last hour all the relief he’d felt had become overshadowed by guilt, and something which felt strangely close to panic. He couldn’t actually remember everything he wrote in the feedback form, but what he did know was that by some tragic coincidence the three sixty degree assessment request had come into his inbox literally minutes after he’d read the email from Mr Kent confirming that he would have to give up on his research. It was like a red mist came down over his vision, clouding all reason, and he’d dashed off the assessment before storming off to seek Lou out in the mess, further screwing everything up.
What had he done? The thought of losing Lou’s friendship for good this time made him so ill that he could feel the bile rise up in his throat.
‘Did…um…did something happen?’ Katie asked. ‘You guys all looked pretty intense over here.’
Dylan’s shoulders drooped and he let out a long breath. ‘I’m a twp bugger,’ he muttered, managing a small smile for Katie’s benefit
‘”Anger begins with madness and ends with regret”.’
Dylan sighed and fought back the urge to smack Ash in the mouth; it wasn’t his fault that his proverb compulsion was intensely annoying.
‘Thanks mate,’ he said through gritted teeth. ‘Seems that the grapevine didn’t spare the horses.’
‘Rosie,’ Ash explained with a shrug.
Great, half the wedding would know what a prick he was by now; Rosie was not renowned for her discretion.
‘I hate to interrupt your self pity session but we’re needed over there,’ Ash said, pointing at the wedding party.
‘Oh sorry Ash,’ Dylan said sarcastically. ‘Just coming to terms with the fact I’ve lost my best friend for good this time.’
‘”The key to all things is determination”,’ Ash replied, slapping him on the back and even cracking a smile, the crazy bastard.
But before he could actually succumb to the urge to punch Ash in the nose, Katie linked arms with him on his other side, and they both propelled him forward towards the photographer.
‘Listen to “The Guru”,’ she said, patting Dylan’s arm and causing Ash to roll his eyes. Katie had nicknamed the poor guy within minutes of hearing his first proverb.
‘You’ll make it right. You could charm the hind legs off a donkey.’
‘Right well Lou’s not a donkey, more a vicious Rottweiler that you don’t want to piss off but if you do…’
They drew to a stop and Katie leaned up into Dylan’s personal space and whispered, ‘Listen to Ash. Man up. Be determined.
Chapter 16
You never have
Lou’s forced smile, as she posed for yet another bridesmaids’ photo, slipped a little as she watched Katie lean into Dylan to whisper in his ear. How watching him be casually intimate with another woman had the power to hurt her now that she truly hated him was beyond her, and
a little depressing. Turning her head away sharply, she pretended to notice a wrinkle in Frankie’s dress and reached down to smooth it out but Frankie caught her hand.
‘Everything ok?’ she asked and Lou faked a smile so wide she feared her face would crack under the strain.
‘Of course.’ At Frankie’s disbelieving look she realized that she would need to be a little more convincing; the last thing she wanted was to overshadow Frankie’s day with her own issues.
Framing Frankie’s face with her hands, she pulled her forward until their foreheads were touching.
‘I love you, you loser,’ she whispered. ‘And, annoying as Weasel can be, I love this day for you. I love him for you. My best friend in the world finally has what she always deserved and I couldn’t be happier.’ Frankie’s eyes welled, but she blinked the moisture away as she pulled Lou in for a crushing hug.
‘Love you too,’ Frankie said fiercely.
‘Can everyone stop hugging.’
Frankie and Lou started when they heard the whiny voice. Benji was standing in front of them, his sturdy legs planted wide with both his hands resting on his hips in a hilarious recreation of his Daddy’s exasperated stance, oft directed at Sarah’s frequent antics. ‘Girls,’ he muttered in a disgusted voice, rolling his eyes.
‘Sorry honey,’ Lou said, reaching to tussle his hair. When he shrugged her off she leaned forward and gave him a quick hug, pressing her lips to his cheek in a big sloppy kiss.
‘Ugh! No soppy stuff Louey.’ He was wiping his cheek but there was no hiding that his lips had curved up in a reluctant smile. When Jack drew up next to them, she wasted no time in giving him the same treatment, and was met by the same furious response.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, straightening and holding her hands up in front of her in mock surrender. The smile on her face was the first that felt totally natural that day. ‘I couldn’t resist. You guys make the cutest pageboys.’
Lou and Frankie watched as both boys’ faces flushed red.
‘We are not pageboys,’ Jack told her, practically yelling.