Asunder

by Robert Lopez

  HERCULANEUM

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  BLIND BETTY SAYS SHE'S STARVING HUNGRY and if she doesn’t get to eat soon she doesn’t know what. Blind Betty says this all the time so you don’t know if you can believe her sometimes. Also Blind Betty is blind and blindsters lie more than regular people do I think. I’m not saying that all blindsters are born liars the way they were born blindsters but it’s something close to that. Maybe only some of them are born liars and the rest learned how from the born ones. Maybe that’s what they teach in these schools for blindsters. Blind Betty is one of the blindsters who wasn’t born blind. Time was she could see things like apples and dandelions. Blind Betty says she can remember what apples and dandelions look like but not much else. Could be Blind Betty remembers what everything looks like but you can’t tell with her sometimes because she’s a liar. The blindsters are good liars because they don’t have to look anyone in the eye when they do it. My job here is to walk Blind Betty to the cafeteria whenever she’s starving hungry so I have to listen to her when she says it even though she might be lying half the time. The one time I wasn’t there to listen was when she went by herself and tripped and cracked her head open on Pity Jimmy’s roller skate. I don’t know where it is I was when Blind Betty cracked her head open. I may’ve been out in the shed getting wood to burn. Sometimes they send me out to the shed for wood because they can’t send any of the blindsters to go do it. I don’t like getting wood because the wood has things in it like maggots or faggots or whatever it is Blind Betty calls them. Sometimes Blind Betty calls the worms faggots and calls me and Pity Jimmy maggots and sometimes it’s the other way around so you don’t know what. They never said why they let Pity Jimmy have roller skates because he’s as blind as the day he was born. Instead they gave me what-for when Blind Betty cracked her head open. This is not what we pay you for they said. I think I shook my head yes but they haven’t paid me once yet. Sometimes I think they won’t ever pay me. Sometimes I think what I do here I do for free. None of the blindsters care if I get paid so I don’t even tell them. If I did say something I would probably say it to Pity Jimmy because he won’t say nothing back. All he ever says about people be they blindsters or regular is how and when they were born and he’s an idiot anyway. This is why they didn’t give Pity Jimmy what-for even though it was his roller skate Blind Betty tripped on. Pity Jimmy is the blindest one of all these blindsters so he can do no wrong in their eyes. People around here say pity Jimmy was born the way he was and now I say it too. They say this because all he ever does is rock back and forth like he is in a rocking chair standing up and snaps his fingers without making any snapping sounds. Also he jerks his head around like there’s a gnat flying in his face. So here it is I have to walk Blind Betty to the cafeteria so she won’t trip over something and crack her head open again. Next time she trips and cracks her head open it might kill her they told me. I don’t know if regular people get killed this way but maybe blindsters do. So I walk Blind Betty to the cafeteria and she says she gets low blood sugar but she doesn’t say what that means. She’s fingered all the Braille books on anatomy and nutrition so she knows about these things she says. Blind Betty is always fingering some book when she isn’t talking about what she’s fingered. I ask her what low blood sugar has to do with the price of fish because that’s what she said to me one time. I forgot what it was I said to her that made her say what does that have to do with the price of fish back. Blind Betty doesn’t like it when you interrupt her which is probably why she said what she said about the fish. I don’t know what Blind Betty means most of the time when she talks. On the walk over she talks about how Herculaneum was just as destroyed by Vesuvius but all anyone ever remembers is Pompeii. She says it’s a conspiracy and says that the people of Herculaneum have been victimized twice. She doesn’t say who Herculaneum is or what Vesuvius did to destroy him and I don’t ask questions either. She doesn’t mention anything about the price of fish or why they let Pity Jimmy have roller skates or why she is always fingering her Braille books. I sit Blind Betty down and set her a place. There is a paper place mat and on the right side you put the napkin with the fork knife and spoon from left to right in that order. I go to the counter so I can fill a tray of food and get a carton of milk for her. This is what they pay me for when they do finally pay me. I fetch a carton of milk from the refrigerator. On the tray I put beans where the beans are supposed to go and the chicken and potatoes where they are supposed to go. This is how they said I should do it. You have to put the chicken and beans and potatoes in the same spot every time otherwise I don’t know what.

  SEPTEMBER WHEN THE CICADAS DIE

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  BLIND BETTY SAYS WE'RE UNDERWATER NOW. After two hours riding aboveground we go underground to cross some river is why Blind Betty says what she says. We are on this train to go visit some museum somewhere but they don’t say what for. Last time it was a bus they put us on and Blind Betty said the toxins were toxic and that if we breathed in our lungs would bleed out our earballs. They did up the floors so you could see yourself in them was the problem. I never see myself in the floors but they said I could if I looked. They say the floors shine like pool water like a mirror ball and that you can skate on them floors if you’re not careful. They put us on that bus so they could do this to the floors. Me I don’t know what good shiny floors are to blindsters or why they make me walk these blindsters around so they don’t trip over things and crack their heads open instead of someone else. They all of them gave me what-for when Blind Betty cracked her head open that one time. This is not what we pay you for they said. I think I shook my head yes but I don’t remember ever getting paid by them even once. I think what it is I do here I do for free. I said this to Blind Betty once and what she said back to me was curse words. Blind Betty tries to teach Pity Jimmy curse words but it never works. Pity Jimmy didn’t come with us on the train because Blind Betty says Pity Jimmy is sick and might die soon. Part of my job now is to give Pity Jimmy his pills after he eats in the cafeteria breakfast lunch and dinner. Blind Betty is the one who taught me which pills to give Pity Jimmy and in what order. She said it was her job before it became my job to do this. Blind Betty says if you give Pity Jimmy the wrong pills in the wrong order he will fall down and have convulsions and swallow his tongue and die. I don’t know if this is true but it’s what Blind Betty tells me. Blind Betty has fingered all the books on health and anatomy so she knows about these things she says. Thing about Blind Betty is you don’t know if you can believe her sometimes. Blind Betty is blind and blindsters lie more than regular people do I think. I’m not saying that all blindsters are born liars the way they were born blindsters but it’s something close to that. It’s because they don’t have to look anyone in the eye that makes it easy. So when I give Pity Jimmy his pills I don’t know if I’m doing it right or if I am killing him. I don’t know if Blind Betty wants Pity Jimmy dead. She hasn’t said so out loud but you can tell she thinks about it sometimes. This is why Pity Jimmy says she was born an agent orange of evil. Pity Jimmy was rocking back and forth and snapping and jerking when he called her an agent orange of evil and then Blind Betty told us about her baby brother who died. This brother was a retard that would spill milk when he ate his cereal for dinner and other retarded things like that. The way Blind Betty talks about her baby brother you wonder how he died when he died. She never tells us about that part only that one day he was dead and that it wasn’t unexpected. Blind Betty used to would make up this game for her brother about the underground world. That it was the opposite of the aboveground world and so if you were blind in one you’d be deaf in the other and so forth. Sometimes Blind Betty don’t make no sense when she talks but I like listening to her stories so I don’t say nothing about her not making no sense. This happens too when I ask her if she is looking forward to the museum. I think maybe this museum is a special one they have for blindsters. The kind of museum where you can touch things instead of just look at them. What she says back is all
she looks forward to is September when the cicadas die. I don’t say anything to her when she says this to me. I don’t know who the cicadas are or why they die in September. This is when Blind Betty says we’re underwater now. Blind Betty doesn’t mention the underground world when she says what she says about us underwater. I think maybe it’s because she doesn’t want to think about her dead baby brother and that maybe her baby brother died in September and his name was Cicada. When she says what she says about us underwater it almost feels like we are flying down a roller coaster but not really. None of them blindsters put their arms up in the air and scream when we go underwater and neither do I. All I feel is my ears plugging up and then unplugging and I look over to Blind Betty who is fingering one of her Braille books like it’s nothing. I move my jaw like I’m chewing gum and watch Blind Betty finger two whole pages without stopping her finger even once. I can’t tell if her ears are plugging and unplugging like mine and I wonder if this can’t happen to blindsters because they’re blind.

  WHAT DOESN'T MATTER HERE

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  THEY HAVE ME SLEEP IN A ROOM RIGHT NEXT TO WHERE PITY JIMMY SLEEPS. Pity Jimmy is the one I have to keep an eye out special for because out of all these blindsters he’s the blindest one of all. All Pity Jimmy does is snap his fingers without making any snapping sounds and shakes his head like there’s a gnat flying in his face. This is why they say pity Jimmy was born the way he was and why I say it now too. This room next to Pity Jimmy’s has no closet to hang clothes in and no windows to look out of. Pity Jimmy has both a closet and windows but I guess they think I don’t need those things. I have to keep my extra clothes in a valise I keep under the bed. I have two extra shirts in the valise and an extra pair of pants but I almost never have to wear them because they give me clothes to wear for free every two or three days. The pants and shirt are always gray and are always too baggy for me to wear right. I have to fold the pants over and down onto my hips because I forgot to bring a belt with me and they never seem to have a belt for me to wear neither. The shirt I button up to the top button because there’s no reason not to. Most times I never button the top button of my shirt because it feels like I’ll choke to death but with these gray shirts here it doesn’t matter. These clothes would fit someone twice the size of me is the problem. Every two or three days I’ll come back to my room at night to find the baggy shirt and pants on my bed waiting for me. Sometimes I think this is what they mean when they say this is not what we pay you for. What I mean is I think they think that by giving me clothes to wear it is the same as paying me actual money. I don’t know this to be true but there’s no one to ask neither. If I asked Blind Betty what she’d probably say back is curse words. Along with no closet or windows there’s no mirror in my room neither. This is probably good because I don’t have to see how stupid these clothes look on me. Sometimes I feel like an idiot in these clothes but then I realize it doesn’t matter here. Blindsters don’t care about what you look like because they’re blind. This might be the only good thing about being here if there is a good thing about being here which I’m not sure there is. The only two things I do in my room is sleep and either put on or take off my clothes and none of that is ever good. Walking the blindsters around obstacles and land mines isn’t good and neither is taking them back and forth to the cafeteria. Going out to the shed for wood to burn isn’t good and the maggots and faggots in the wood aren’t also. What’s good is in my old room back home I had a TV that squealed like a wounded bird. I’d watch the TV and do whatever else I used to do in my room at home while watching the TV and what I think I remember is that it was always good.

  THE PRICE OF FISH

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  BLIND BETTY SAYS ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU HAD FOR BREAKFAST. Pity Jimmy is rocking in his chair like he agrees with her but I don’t think he does. Why I think Pity Jimmy doesn’t agree with her is because Pity Jimmy doesn’t like Blind Betty one bit. Nobody here likes Blind Betty but it’s Pity Jimmy that don’t like her the best. He doesn’t even listen to her when she talks which is most all of the time. Blind Betty is one of the blindsters that wasn’t born blind. Not all these blindsters were born blind. Some like Blind Betty can remember what certain things look like. She says she can remember what an apple looks like and what a dandelion looks like. One thing she can’t remember is what her baby brother looked like. Blind Betty had a baby brother who was a retard and who died back when Blind Betty wasn’t blind. I hear about her retard brother almost every day which is part of what they promise to pay me for. It’s my job to walk these blindsters around obstacles and land mines and listen to their stories about retard brothers. The good thing about Pity Jimmy is all he says about people is how and when they were born. Pity Jimmy never says what any of it means and no one tries asking him. I asked him once and all he did was snap his fingers and jerk his head at me. Out of all these blindsters Pity Jimmy is probably the blindest one of all. This is why they tell me to keep an eye out special for Pity Jimmy. The land mines can be anywhere so you have to watch out when you walk. Blind Betty stepped on a roller skate one time and cracked her head open on the shiny new floor. They did up the floors so you could see yourself in them. I never see myself in the floor but they said I could if I looked. They say the floors shine like pool water like a mirror ball and that you can skate on them floors if you’re not careful. They put us all on a bus so they could do this to the floors. Blind Betty said they bussed us away so that our lungs wouldn’t bleed out our earballs. Blind Betty knows about these things because she’s fingered all the Braille books on anatomy. They all of them gave me what-for when Blind Betty cracked her head open. This is not what we pay you for they said. I think I shook my head yes but I don’t remember ever getting paid by them even once. I think what it is I do here I do for free. I said this to Blind Betty and she told me what does that have to do with the price of fish. Blind Betty doesn’t like it when you interrupt her which is probably why nobody here likes her much. This is also why she said on the bathroom floor it doesn’t matter what you had for breakfast. She was telling us how after she’d cracked her head open she’d get dizzy in the bathroom and fall down. She said she was on the floor sometimes two hours before someone thought to come check on her. One time it was me they sent to check on her and I found her there on the bathroom floor like she was taking a nap. I splashed water on her face and slapped her cheek like I seen done in the movies. Then I walked her to bed and went to find Pity Jimmy who was probably doing something wrong somewhere and getting me in trouble for it. What I said to Blind Betty was that at least she got flapjacks for breakfast after she cracked her head open. I said at least that’s something. Pity Jimmy was next to me when I said this and was rocking in his chair back and forth and snapping his fingers when Blind Betty said what she said back. I want to think Pity Jimmy agreed with me instead of Blind Betty because I’m the one who walks him around and keeps him from cracking his head open but you can’t tell with him sometimes because he’s blind.

  BLIND BETTY TO HER BABY BROTHER

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  BLIND BETTY IS TO BLINDSTERS WHAT HER BABY BROTHER WAS TO RETARDS. I thought this up the other day but I don’t know if I know what it means. Years ago there was Blind Betty who back then was regular Betty because she hadn’t caught the disease in her eyes and went blind yet. Also there was her baby brother who was a retard and who lived in the underground world. This underground world was the exact opposite so if you were tall in the aboveground world you’d be short in the underground and vice versa. What I think I meant was when I think of blindsters I think Blind Betty and when I think of retards I think of her baby brother. I never knew a blindster before Blind Betty and I never knew a retard neither. I seen both blindsters and retards on the TV but that was it. The TV I had squealed like a wounded bird but even still it played shows about blindsters and retards whenever that sort of show was on. I told Blind Betty all about my TV around the same time she told me about her baby brother a
nd the underground world. The thing about Blind Betty is she’s blind now and blindsters lie more than regular people do so you don’t know if what she says about the underground world is true. The problem is there’s no telling if Blind Betty was as big and fat a liar back when she was regular Betty as she is now as a blindster. From what she tells me I think the answer is yes.

  GREEN GO FAST AND BLUEBONNET HOME

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  PITY JIMMY SURPRISED ME WHEN HE SAID MY PROBLEM IS I GOT TOO MUCH PROTEIN. Up till then all Pity Jimmy did was rock back and forth like he was in a rocking chair standing up and snap his fingers without making any snapping sounds. He also would jerk his head around like there was a gnat flying in his face. The good thing about Pity Jimmy is all he would say about people is how and when they were born. That’s all Pity Jimmy had to say up until he said what he said about protein. Blind Betty wasn’t there when Pity Jimmy said he got too much protein. I was walking Pity Jimmy back to his room so I could give him his medication. I’m the one to give him his pills after he eats in the cafeteria breakfast lunch and dinner. We keep the pills in his room because the one time we brought them to the cafeteria I lost both bottles. There were two bottles and I didn’t have enough pockets was the problem. Blind Betty is the one who taught me which pills to give Pity Jimmy and in what order. If you give Pity Jimmy the wrong pills in the wrong order he will fall down and have convulsions and swallow his tongue and die. I don’t know this to be true but it’s what Blind Betty tells me. Blind Betty has fingered all the books on health and anatomy so she knows about these things she says. So when I give Pity Jimmy his pills I don’t know if I’m doing it the way I’m supposed to do it. Blind Betty told me to give him the green pills first and the blue pills second. She said the way I can remember it is green go fast and bluebonnet home. She doesn’t say why I should remember it this way only that it is a mnemonic device and it is the only way he won’t fall on the floor and convulse and swallow his tongue and die. This is why he has to take pills in the first place Blind Betty says. What she doesn’t say is what a mnemonic device is but I assume it has something to do with Pity Jimmy’s medicine so I don’t bother asking. Every time I give Pity Jimmy his pills I wait for him to fall on the floor and do what Blind Betty says he’ll do. I never tell this part to anyone though. I also don’t bother telling anyone what Pity Jimmy said about protein. Even if his problem is too much protein you probably can’t believe it because he’s blind.