An Amish Courtship

by Jan Drexler

  She shook her head. “Seth was the best thing that ever happened to me. I still can’t imagine living my life without him. But then I think about Ruth, in the Good Book. Her husband died, but she was faithful and honored her mother-in-law, and look what happened to her.” Her smile became peaceful. “She married a good, honest man who loved her. Don’t you think God could have something like that in our future?”

  “For you, for sure.” Mary smiled at her sweet sister. God would have another young man who would be perfect for Ida Mae.

  “And for you, too.”

  Mary shook her head. “Not for me. No man wants a woman like me for a wife. I’m content with what He has given me. Sadie and I will be happy together.”

  Ida Mae squeezed her hand again. “Samuel may have something to say about that.”

  Chapter Nine

  It was Thursday morning, and Samuel had propped the chicken coop doors open while he cleaned out the litter and mess from the winter. He had let the chickens run into the yard to scratch and feed on whatever they found, and they clucked with every bug they ate. He leaned on his shovel in the doorway and watched them.

  While he still had the hogs, the hens had stayed in their yard. The hog wallow with its flies and leftover slops was too tempting for the hens, but it was a dangerous place for them. More than one chicken had ended up being a meal for the hungry sows.

  He went back to shoveling soiled bedding into the wheelbarrow, but his conversation with Mary on Sunday evening kept intruding, just as it had all week. Did Bram want to be more than friends? Could they be real brothers? Could they leave the past behind them? The idea was tempting. Starting over. Clearing out the old and starting fresh.

  After the chicken house was cleaned out, Judith and Esther brought out a bucket of sudsy water and some old brushes, and the three of them scrubbed the roosts, nesting boxes and floor.

  Judith coughed. “Do you think the hens will appreciate all of our hard work?”

  “We will when we come out to gather the eggs in the morning.” Esther gave the roost another swipe, then swished her brush in the bucket.

  When they finished, Samuel gave the floor a final rinse with a pail of clean water and they retreated to the fresh air of the barnyard. The girls went to change their clothes while Samuel got the bucket of cracked corn to scatter for the hens, grinning at their eager clucking.

  Just as he finished, Sadie’s buggy came up the lane and stopped outside the house. Setting the empty pail inside the henhouse, he met Mary just as she stepped down. He frowned to banish the smile. She didn’t need to know how happy he was to see her. Since she and Ida Mae had taken over his chores at Sadie’s, he missed seeing her every day.

  “What brings you by?”

  She waved a paper. “I got a letter from Ellie.”

  Ellie? “Bram’s wife?”

  “She said on Sunday that she had a hen sitting on some eggs, and she would give me some of the chicks when they hatched.”

  Samuel couldn’t stop his grin. She looked like a young girl, she was so excited. “She wrote to tell you they have hatched.”

  “She said I could come and get them, but I don’t know where they live.”

  “So you want me to take you?”

  “Would you be able to? I have a dinner packed, since it’s so late in the morning. We can eat it on the way.”

  Samuel crossed his arms. “What if I’m busy?”

  “Then Esther or Judith could go with me. But I thought you would like to see your brother.” She leaned closer to him and lowered her voice. “I thought you’d like to show him that you aren’t always as grumpy as you were on Sunday afternoon.”

  Scratching his jaw, Samuel eyed Mary. Her cheeks were dimpled, as if she was laughing at him.

  “Was I that bad when they were here?”

  “Not that bad, but not as friendly as you could have been. Sadie says you’ve become a new man over the last few weeks.”

  “Humph.” He tried to scowl, but Mary’s smile broke through. “All right. Let me change out of my work clothes, and then I’ll take you. Come on in and visit with the girls while you wait.”

  Mary went into the kitchen with Judith and Esther while Samuel washed up on the back porch. As he changed into clean clothes in his room off the kitchen, he could hear their voices, but couldn’t make out the words. Were they talking about him? About how Sadie said he had changed?

  He looked down at the soiled work clothes he had piled on the floor and tucked his shirttail into his clean trousers. If only getting rid of his unpredictable temper was as easy as changing his clothes. He had fought that temper all Sunday afternoon, but it hadn’t shown itself since. Would seeing Bram again start it all over?

  Not if he could help it.

  Samuel paused before he opened the door leading to the kitchen. That was the problem. He couldn’t help it. He fingered the doorknob. Mamm would tell him to pray about his temper, and for help as he talked to Bram this afternoon. Could he do that? Would the Good Lord even listen? He raised his eyes toward the ceiling.

  “God, if You’re there,” he whispered, “help me keep my temper today. Don’t let Mary see me at my worst.”

  No answer.

  When he opened the door, a trio of faces met him.

  “We’re going to go over to Sadie’s while you and Mary visit Bram and Ellie.” Esther’s smile was brighter than he had ever seen it. “Mary said they’re sewing a new quilt top today, so we’re going to help.”

  Samuel looked from one to the other. Before Mary and her sister had moved here, Esther and Judith had never visited their neighbor. They rarely left the farm, except to go to church or a quilting.

  Esther’s face fell. “Unless you don’t want us to.”

  That’s when he realized he was frowning. “Ach, I want you to. I’m glad you’re going.”

  “We’ll be home before supper,” Judith said.

  “If you want to eat supper there, that will be fine. I’ll fix something for myself when Mary and I get home.”

  The girls stared at him.

  “What’s wrong? Have I sprouted wings or something?”

  Judith chewed on her lower lip. “Do you know how to fix your supper?”

  “For sure, I do.” Samuel looked around the kitchen. How hard could it be? “There’s a loaf of bread, and we have butter in the cellar, right? I’ll fix myself a sandwich.”

  Esther grinned. “If you’re certain you don’t mind...”

  He flapped his hands at them. “Go to Sadie’s. Have fun. Don’t worry about me.”

  Judith squealed and ran up the stairs to her room and Esther gave him a quick hug before heading to the front room, where she kept her sewing basket.

  Samuel grabbed his hat from the hook by the door and looked at Mary. She was smiling as she followed him out the door.

  “That was very nice of you,” she said, as she climbed into the buggy seat. She sat on the passenger side and handed him the reins as he climbed in.

  He shrugged his shoulders. She didn’t need to make it sound so noble.

  “It wasn’t anything. I just thought they would have fun.” He turned Chester onto the road and they headed west.

  “Think about it,” Mary said. “When is the last time the girls ate supper someplace besides home?”

  Samuel searched his memory. “I have no idea. They always stay at home.”

  She nodded. “They stay at home because they need to take care of you. You just gave them an entire afternoon of not having to worry about you.”

  He felt a frown lowering his brow. “I’m not such a bother.”

  “Maybe not, but you’re there. You need to be fed, your clothes need to be washed, your house needs to be cleaned...”

  Samuel raised a hand to halt her words
. “I understand.” He grinned at her as he turned Chester south at the next intersection. “So I did a good thing?”

  She smiled and leaned back in the seat. “Ja. A wonderful-gut thing.”

  * * *

  Mary relaxed in the seat and watched the scenery go by. Chester trotted along, his hooves tapping out a comfortable rhythm on the road. Buggy wheel tracks stretched along the dusty ribbon as far as she could see. She still hadn’t gotten used to the straight-as-arrow roads and flat land of her new northern Indiana home.

  “So, Sadie has been talking about me?”

  Samuel’s voice startled her out of her thoughts.

  “Not in a bad way.” Mary brushed some dust off her skirt. “She likes you very much, you know.”

  He sat a little straighter. “That’s good, because I like her, too.” He used the whip to brush a fly off Chester’s back. “She has always been good to me, even when...”

  His voice trailed off, as if he thought he had said too much.

  “Even when what?”

  “When Daed was at his worst.” Samuel glanced at her. “Has Sadie told you about him?”

  “Only that he could be difficult, and that he had some problems.”

  Chester trotted on.

  “Daed was a drunk.”

  Samuel had said it quietly and with no emotion. It took a minute for Mary to realize what he meant.

  “You mean he drank alcohol? How often?”

  “All of the time. But sometimes he got angry when he drank. Those were the bad times.” He looked at her. “Sadie always knew, somehow, and would come up with some chore for Bram and me to do at her place, to give us an excuse to be away from home.”

  “What about the girls?”

  “Mamm took care of the girls. She protected them.”

  Mary bit her lip and stared at the side of the road. She couldn’t imagine a family like that. A sudden thought made her stomach clench.

  “Sadie has said that you had learned some bad habits from your daed...”

  “You want to ask me if I drink?”

  She nodded.

  “Ne. Never. That’s one thing Bram and I agreed on when we were young. We promised each other that we would never touch alcohol.”

  “Has it been hard to keep that promise?”

  He shook his head. “Not for me. I have a bad enough temper that I never want to add drink to it. I saw what it did to Daed, and to Mamm.”

  They rode in silence until they passed the next intersection. Mary tried to imagine what a young Samuel had been like. She didn’t have to imagine the warm refuge Sadie had given him. She had felt that welcoming safety herself.

  “Enough about me. Tell me about your family.”

  Mary smiled. “Mamm and Daed have always been good parents. Daed is a minister in our church. There are eight of us children. I’m the oldest, and then Ida Mae. We have another sister and five brothers.”

  “Do you all get along?”

  “Sometimes the boys squabble, but Daed puts a stop to that. Whenever they start arguing, he gives them a chore to do.”

  He chuckled. “That sounds like a good idea.” He nudged her with his elbow. “What about you? What brought you to Indiana?”

  Her insides went cold and she rubbed her fingers together. “You know. We came to take care of Aunt Sadie.”

  “Sadie has a lot of relatives who could have taken care of her. Why did you and Ida Mae come?”

  Mary’s finger began to hurt, so she rubbed a different one. “Ida Mae’s beau died in an accident. She wanted to move here, where the memories wouldn’t be so fresh.”

  Chester’s hooves clip-clopped on the gravel while she waited for Samuel’s next question. Ida Mae had said she should tell him her secret, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t face the shame of telling him.

  “Why did you come? You must have had a beau, too, didn’t you?”

  He watched her, waiting for her answer. Then he smiled when she shook her head.

  “I...I don’t have a beau. I thought Ida Mae would need me to be with her.”

  “Was it hard to leave home?”

  “Ne...ja...”

  Her throat filled as she panicked. He must think she was lying. She turned slightly away from him as she watched a herd of cows in a field. He had been open with her, telling her about the hurts from his past. But this secret...it was too fresh. And Samuel was still a man. She couldn’t tell him, and she couldn’t lie.

  He laughed. “Which was it? Hard or easy?”

  She could feel the wall between them, tall and thick as if she had built it out of bricks. She had nearly lost the close relationship she had with Ida Mae because of keeping her secret. Would she ever be able to be close to anyone, any friend, as long as she hid her past?

  “Something happened, back in Ohio. Something that made me want to leave home.” She took a deep breath as he took her hand in his. “Please don’t ask me to tell you.”

  “I know someone hurt you. I can see it in your eyes sometimes.”

  Mary nodded. “Someone did hurt me, but it is over. I will never see him again.”

  “Him?”

  His face was growing red as he stared at her.

  “Please don’t ask me any more about it. It’s in the past, and I want to leave it there.”

  Chester trotted past Annie and Matthew’s house. Matthew’s work horses grazed in the pasture next to the barn.

  Samuel sighed and sat back in the buggy seat. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s all right. But if you ever need someone to listen to your story...” He smiled at her. “Sadie is a good listener. And if you don’t want to tell her, then I hope I can be as good a friend as she is.”

  Mary smiled her thanks as Chester crossed the next intersection.

  Samuel pointed across the fields with his buggy whip. “There’s Bram’s place.”

  “By the creek? It’s pretty, isn’t it?”

  “Ja.” He sighed again. “Very nice.”

  * * *

  As Samuel drove up Bram’s lane, he felt that envy creeping back in. The house and barnyard were neat and orderly, and early summer flowers turned the yard into a lovely riot of color. Bram’s wife, Ellie, stepped out onto the porch to greet them, and the two older children came running from the barn. What had Bram done to deserve this kind of life?

  But he tamped down the irritation as he pulled Chester to a halt at the hitching rail by the house. He wanted this day to be a good one for Mary, and if he didn’t control the direction of his thoughts, he would spoil it for her.

  Mary jumped down from the buggy as soon as it stopped and went to greet Ellie. As Samuel tied Chester, the oldest boy approached him.

  “Hello, Uncle Samuel.”

  “Hey there, Johnny.”

  Behind the boy, the little girl, Susan, peeked at him. He smiled at her, and she grinned back. Maybe Bram had never told them about his brother and how grumpy he could be.

  “What have you two been up to today?”

  Johnny thumbed over his shoulder. “We’re helping Daed in the barn. Bessie is having a calf soon, so we’re building a special pen for her.”

  “You’re helping Bram?”

  “Ja, for sure. I always help him.”

  The boy’s chest swelled as he said this, and Samuel looked past him as Bram emerged from the barn. Their daed had always said that boys got in the way, and they would learn as they got older. But Johnny had been helping the last time he was here, and this time, too. That was something Bram had never learned growing up, and another reminder of just how far his brother had slipped out from under their father’s shadow.

  Bram joined Johnny and Susan, putting a hand on each of their shoulders.

  “Samuel. I didn’t expect t
o see you today.”

  Samuel tilted his head in Mary’s direction. “Mary didn’t know how to get here, so she asked me to drive. She said Ellie had written to her about some chickens.”

  “Ach, ja. The chickens.” Bram tousled Johnny’s hair. “And we’re building a calf pen in the barn. Do you want to join us?”

  “Can we play with the baby chicks?” Susan asked, looking up at Bram.

  “For sure.” Bram turned to Samuel as they ran to their mother. “I guess I’ve lost my helpers.”

  “Are they any good? I mean, you know how Daed said we were never a help to him.”

  Bram started back toward the barn and motioned for Samuel to follow him. “I’ve come to realize that Daed’s way wasn’t the best way. What did we learn from the way he raised us?”

  Samuel rubbed the back of his neck as he walked. “I suppose we didn’t learn much.”

  Bram gave a short laugh. “I learned a lot of things I wish I hadn’t. Like how to fear him, and how to be a bully. I learned how to get out of work by finding the easiest way to do things rather than the best.” He picked a stalk of grass growing next to the barn door and snapped it in two. “I don’t want Ellie’s children—my children—to learn the same from me.”

  “But...” Samuel stopped and picked his own grass stalk. “How did you do it?”

  “What?”

  Samuel gestured around them at the barn, the yard, the sounds of the children calling to each other. “How did you know that there was any other way than what Daed taught us?”

  Bram leaned against the doorway of the barn and crossed his arms. “I suppose the first time I thought I could live differently was when I bought a horse from Ellie’s father, John Stoltzfus. You haven’t met him yet, have you?”

  Samuel shook his head.

  “Some homes are like ours was. You just feel like you have to leave. To get away. The Stoltzfus farm is what a home should be. It reminds me of that time we visited Mamm’s parents when Annie was born. Do you remember that? The two of us spent a week with them.”

  Samuel smiled as the memory came back again. “It was a good week, wasn’t it?”

  “I want my home to have that same feeling of welcome. Of peace. So, I have spent a lot of time with Ellie’s parents and their family, and I try to love and discipline my own family the way John does his.”