Tudor Rubato

by Jamie Salisbury

  I grinned at him. No words were needed. He took me in his arms and we hung on to each other tightly. I could feel tears as they welled up in my eyes. When we let go of each other he brushed my cheek with his hand.

  “Everything will be fine Zara. We’ll get through this together this time, okay?”

  I nodded my head at him. I knew he was right. It was simply the idea that we were once again blessed with a child. It was overwhelming.

  “I know, I know.”

  ******

  The following afternoon I waited behind the wheel of the Land Rover while Amadeus ducked in the airport international baggage terminal to meet his mother, Grace. True to her word she came alone to spend time with us. I was shooed away by a local cop and had to circle the terminal three times until I caught sight of Amadeus and Grace standing at the curb waiting for me. I parked the SUV at the curb and got out to hug my mother-in-law.

  “Grace I am so glad to see you.”

  “It’s good to see you as well Zara. It looks like the Scottish climate agrees with both of you,” she replied as she winked at me. I looked up at Amadeus who shrugged his shoulders while he stood behind his mother. We hadn’t told her about the baby. We wanted to wait and surprise her.

  Amadeus helped his mother into the back seat of the SUV and guided me around the back to the passenger side door. After I buckled up and Amadeus got us on the road, I turned to face her.

  “I imagine you’re exhausted after that long trip?”

  “Well, yes. But I slept quite well, thanks to a couple of friends.” She grinned. “And that was excellent advice Amadeus having me fly at night.”

  I flicked a grin her way. She did look well compared to when we had left her. The stress from William’s death and everything that went with it had left her looking exhausted.

  Amadeus and I gave her the sightseeing rundown as we drove out to the farm. The day had been perfect, the sun was out and there were large white willowy clouds in the sky.

  Grace sat up as we approached the house. Amadeus drove up to the front and parked.

  “This is perfect. It looks just like the photos you emailed me Zara.”

  “Wait until you see the inside,” I replied as I climbed out the door of the SUV. I walked to the house and unlocked the front door and waited on Amadeus and his mother.

  Amy, Sean’s wife had been delighted when I asked her if she would mind making some beef pasties for Grace’s first evening. Amadeus and I had tried some from a couple of the local shops, but agreed that Amy’s were far better. The meat pies were waiting in one of the ovens still quite warm. She had made a salad as well, leaving it in the refrigerator. I went about setting the table in the dining room while Amadeus gave his mother the grand tour of the house and showed her to her room.

  “I hope you’re hungry Grace. Everything is ready whenever you are.”

  “Thank you Zara. Let’s sit and relax for a few minutes. Everything can wait, can’t it?”

  “Yes of course it can. Amadeus, sweetie why don’t you get your mother a glass of wine?”

  In a couple of minutes he reappeared with a glass of wine and a glass of water for me, along with a beer for himself. As he handed his mother her wine glass, she looked over my way with a curious look on her face.

  “Zara, you’re not joining us?”

  Amadeus sat down across from the sofa where we were seated, a mischievous grin on his face.

  “No, I’d rather have some water right now.”

  She wasn’t buying it for a minute. The woman knew I liked a good glass of wine as much as she did. Amadeus and I weren’t going to be able to put her off much longer. She cast a look from me to Amadeus and back.

  “Something you two want to tell me?”

  “Um, Zara’s pregnant mother.”

  “Oh, thank god! You two don’t know how much I’ve prayed for this. When did you find out?”

  “We found out right after we got back from London a couple of days ago. I immediately started getting sick as a dog. At first we thought I had caught something on the flight back. But, um I figured it out after a couple of days.”

  “Are you planning on having the baby here or coming home? And when is the baby due?”

  “We’re going to have the baby here mother, and Zara’s about three months along.”

  “Yes,” I continued. “We love it here. Amadeus has been doing a lot of writing since we arrived and we just feel comfortable here.”

  “Then that is what the two of you should do. Start your family here and enjoy being together. The rest will fall into place.”

  “Yes, it will Grace. Why don’t you and Amadeus visit while I get dinner on the table.”

  “Is there anything I can do Zara?”

  “No, just keep your son company. It’ll just take me a minute.”

  After dinner the three of us sat in the living room and continued our conversation, which outside of our revealing my pregnancy and our new life in Scotland, very little was mentioned about the family. Amadeus picked up on the lack of information coming from his mother.

  “How is everyone mother?”

  “Everyone’s fine. Damien’s been a huge help, helping me with all the paperwork and stuff in regards to your father’s estate.”

  “That’s good. He’s come a long way. There was a time none of us thought he’d come back.”

  “Have you made any decisions, Grace?”

  “No, I’m just going to continue on.”

  “That’s probably a smart idea, mother.”

  “Yes, I have to agree with Amadeus, Grace. It’ll give you time to adjust to all the changes.”

  She hadn’t mentioned Angus. We hadn’t heard from him at all; neither he nor Ashleigh. Everyone else had at least responded with emails at least, but Angus and Ashleigh were mum. Amadeus also must have picked up on the lack of information on Angus.

  “How are Angus and Ashleigh doing? I know Angus was due to go back out on the road…”

  “Yes, he’s back on tour. Ashleigh took the kids and moved out right after the two of you left on the pretense of going to visit her parents in Boise.”

  “I take it she didn’t come back?” I inquired. I was more than curious to find out what the outcome was to that situation. How Ashleigh handled it.

  “Oh no, she came back. She waited until Angus left. She came back, told Angus she wanted a divorce over the phone and filed the papers. This little affair is going to cost Angus dearly.”

  “I still don’t understand,” Amadeus replied. “It was too weird.”

  “I think your brother is using drugs Amadeus. This entire situation with this Amber girl was wild even by Angus’ standards. I mean what else could it be.”

  “What happened to Amber?” I asked, flicking a glance at Amadeus.

  “From what I understand, through Ashleigh mind you, she is with Angus on the road. But none of the family has talked with him since he left. And that in itself is not a good sign.”

  “Yeah, he always keeps in touch. Do you want me to call him and see what’s up?”

  “No. No, Amadeus I do not. I want you to have no contact with him right now. After what he tried to do to the two of you? No he’ll bounce back, he always does. Just take care of Zara and your baby, son.”

  The room fell silent for a few minutes. I decided to change it before we all got in a funk.

  “Um Grace, do you know how you want to handle this trip to William’s birth place to scatter his ashes?”

  “Yes, but I thought we could talk about it tomorrow in more detail.”

  “That’s fine mother. We’re here to help you. By the way I know you’re planning on being here for about three weeks, but Zara and I have something we’d like you to think about.”

  Amadeus and I had discussed in great detail the idea of having Grace fly back over while I was in my third trimester, perhaps the month before I was to deliver. We thought it would help busy her and she would be great company and help to both of us. And we both kne
w she’d love the opportunity.

  “What?”

  “You don’t have to answer tonight, but how would you feel coming back over here—say about a month to six weeks before Zara is due to deliver?”

  “I would love to!”

  “Thank you Grace,” I exclaimed. “It would mean a lot to us both.”

  “Amadeus? This does not mean you’re planning on going on tour before the baby’s born does it?”

  “No mother. I have no plans of going on tour until after the baby is here and Zara is back to her old self. The most I am going to do until the baby is born is release some singles and perhaps an album. But if I have to go off, at least I’ll be at ease knowing you’re here with her.”

  ******

  If things got any better I don’t know if I’d be able to stand it. Zara’s pregnant, I’ve got some songs due to be released soon and mother’s here visiting. But best of all Zara’s pregnant. I can’t say that I’m not a little apprehensive about her pregnancy. I’d be lying if I didn’t. I know everything will work out-the entire thing is just scary.

  I would love to know what is going on with Angus and Amber. Angus made a mess of his own life and damn nearly tried to make a mess of mine. And I keep going back to what Zara had said that afternoon at Damien’s. When Angus was having his temper tantrum. She asked him what role he had played in my being overdosed as well as my falling out with my former band and management.

  Chapter Nine

  Amadeus, Grace and I decided to drive down to William’s birthplace to spread his remains. Grace was in no hurry and wanted to see the countryside, as did we. It was a good way for her to see William’s homeland without the usual tourist manifesto thrust in front of her. She surprised Amadeus and me by how well she had mapped out places she wanted to visit either on the way down or on the way back to Edinburgh. Grace, never one to shy away from things had included whiskey distilleries on the trip. William had a love of good Scottish single malt whiskey and she was determined to try some of the finer ones and see if she could tell a difference.

  Besides the whiskey distillery tours Grace had included some castles. She knew my deep seeded love of such historic sites and how I had done one on my own while Amadeus and I had been separated.

  We were driving down the motorway toward Chillingham Castle in Wooler, Northcumberland. It was off the path toward where we were headed, but as we weren’t in any hurry none of us cared. Grace was in the middle of reading literature she had pulled off the internet about the castle.

  “How would you two feel about staying at the castle overnight? I see they have apartments available. It’s too lovely looking to just do a quick run through.”

  I looked at Amadeus, who was grinning, trying not to let his mother see his expression. I could tell he was fine with it.

  “Of course we can Grace. I’m sure we should be able to get rooms without any problem once we get there.”

  “Amadeus, you can fish if you want to get a permit, should Zara’s and my castle touring bore you.”

  “You two aren’t going to get rid of me that easily. I saw on their web site they have a torture chamber. Now that ought to really be interesting.”

  “Good,” Grace replied. “Then we have a threesome for a late afternoon tour before dinner.”

  Amadeus found the castle without much problem. We were hitting it at toward the end of the season. Hard to miss with all the signs and then the monster structure we faced. I for one couldn’t wait to get there.

  The three of us checked in; getting an apartment in the tower which slept up to four. A little cozier than Amadeus perhaps would have liked, but we were having too much fun. As the apartments were self-sufficient it meant that we would have to go into town to pick up some groceries. There was a furnished kitchen along with one bedroom furnished with two twin beds and a pullout sofa bed in the living room, and a bath. One look at Amadeus and Grace and we decided we would stay an extra day.

  Grace and I decided to venture back into the village and pick up enough food for that first evening meal and breakfast the next day, deciding the two of us would have tea in the castle Tea Room when we returned.

  Amadeus decided he wanted to scout around the grounds while we were gone and we all made plans to meet up a couple of hours later, in the Tea Room. Grace and I figured if he didn’t want tea, he could go on and meet us at the apartment.

  The time flew and before we knew it we were back on the road, cruising our way along the motorway to our final destination of Cambridge, where William had been born while his father attended the university.

  Grace grew quieter the closer we got to Cambridge. I had booked us into a hotel not too far from the campus, thinking she might want to take a walk before we did what we came to do. She had chosen to have us taken up in a small plane the following morning to have William’s ashes disbursed over Cambridge. Amadeus and I both realized what a monumental, life changing event this would be for her; at least at first.

  It was lunchtime when we arrived at the hotel. We checked in. This time our room was next door to Grace’s although not adjoining. Starving, we all agreed that we’d meet at Grace’s room in a half hour. Long enough to freshen up from our road trip.

  Amadeus and I collapsed onto the bed. He stretched his long frame out over the bed, not giving much room at all.

  “You think you can hog the bed just a little more,” I teased.

  “Oh I’m sorry, did you want to lie down too Zara?” He had a smug look on his face, which quickly turned serious. “Mother’s having a difficult time today, isn’t she?”

  “Yes, but that’s to be expected. I think she’s a little disappointed that none of your brothers or sister joined us for this. I know she didn’t expect Damien to travel the distance and Angus – well he’ll use the tour as his excuse. We’re here and that’s all that matters.”

  “You’re right. You know, I have some plans for us later on tonight when we retire for the night.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yep.”

  “Can you give me a hint?” I asked him, leaning over him, kissing him lightly on the face and lips.

  “Nope. That’d spoil the surprise. Besides we need to get ready to meet Mother. And you know if I did we’d be late.”

  “Hmmm, you’re probably right. Let’s get ready so we can meet up with your mother.”

  The following day the weather was overcast and gray, typical for early fall. We met up with Grace who was being quite stoic. She insisted we stay another night in Cambridge in order that we could better take in some of the sights of William’s birthplace.

  Amadeus had a surprise for her the next day. He had called Peter up, who was still in London. Peter had invited us to bring Grace to his place for a day or two. We had decided not to tell her a thing about it until we got to Peter’s house. We’d only tell her that we were going to take her into London as a treat for a day or so. She adored Peter as he did her so we both were confident it would lift her spirits seeing him.

  The three of us went up in the small plane which circled over the university and the town of Cambridge. Grace had been looking out the window the entire time, holding on to a pewter urn. She looked around at the two of us and handed the urn to Amadeus.

  “Amadeus, would you please do your Father and I the honor? I know he’d want you to.”

  Amadeus was taken aback, totally unprepared for this turn of events. But he graciously accepted the urn.

  “Of course Mother. I’d be honored to do this for you. Is there anything you would like to say before I do?”

  ******

  This trip with Mother has been both fun and very emotional. While I loved the road trip and the fun things we had found to do, visiting castles and sightseeing, I never expected that she would lean on me as much as she did. It really shouldn’t have surprised me. I’m the only one of her children participating with her in this final journey of our father. Mother chose to scatter our father’s final remains over the place of his birth
in Cambridge. I can understand why Damien and even Angus can’t be here, but sissy, now she could have made time. Anyway, I don’t need to get wrapped up in their lives. Zara and I have enough to keep us going.

  I noticed that Mother was getting quieter and quieter once we arrived in Cambridge and decided to phone Peter and see if he was still in London. I thought if Zara and I took her into London and surprised her with a visit to Peter’s she’d start to loosen up again.

  Peter was delighted to help out, so that’s where we’re headed today, to Peter’s St. John Wood’s home, which is an exclusive suburb of London. I try and carefully navigate the streets of London.

  “Amadeus,” my mother begins. “Where exactly are we staying? You’re headed into a residential area. I don’t recall any hotels out this way.”

  My parents had been to London lots of times in all my years being that my father had been English and his family lived in and around the London area.

  “You’ll find out in a minute, Grace.” Zara chimed in. “Amadeus found somewhere, um rather charming for us to stay at for a couple of days.”

  “Oh, like a bed and breakfast sort of thing?”

  “Yeah Mother, something like that, only better. Relax, you’ll love it. We’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  I looked back in the rear view mirror and saw her sit back, looking out her window at the passing scenery. Recognizing the front of Peter’s house, I pulled up in front of the gate. We’re given access immediately and I drive up the driveway toward the house.

  A middle aged, non-descript gentleman met us and showed us in the house. We are shown to Peter’s living room, where both Zara and I sit while Mother walked around looking at the furnishings.

  I smiled over at Zara and took her hand, squeezing it just as Peter walked through the doorway, taking Mother completely off guard.

  “Grace!” He beamed, walking over towards her. He takes her hands and leans over to kiss her on the cheek, which turns into a hug. The two exchange words, which Zara and I are unable to understand. He’s always been taken with Mother-as he was with my father. I guess the fact that Father was English made the bond between them deeper.