by Anya Nowlan
Her lips pursed, and she focused far too hard on her cup. His nostrils were still filled with her sweet, intoxicating scent.
“You know Jackson will just ask when we’re moving back then. He never liked that you left.”
“He wouldn’t be wrong. We’d effectively be joining the clans through marriage. Whether we wanted to keep them as separate entities would become a matter of principal, rather than necessity,” Ryder offered carefully. Jackie’s eyes met his, and her hesitation was obvious.
“And who’d run the clan then? You or him? Two Alphas would be as if asking for an argument. With three, maybe, but that’s not the case here.”
Ryder huffed, emptying his cup.
“Jackson and I always managed to sort out our issues. There’s been bad blood in the past, but that has never been us. I left because we had too many bears for one mountain range, not because I had a problem with Jackson. We’re essentially brothers. I’m just outnumbered because of the Alpha trifecta, but I doubt he’d hold it against me. Besides, this is where we came from, this is where our roots are. Can’t fault a man for returning to his heritage.”
Jackie’s brows were knit in a frown, and Ryder smiled. He leaned across the table and kissed her forehead, right in the center of her scowl, making it evaporate. “Besides, I have a secret weapon.”
“Oh yeah, what’s that?”
“The Arders’ little sister. You know you’re much scarier than any ancient magic,” he said, grinning toothily.
Jackie snorted, but she echoed his grin. Ryder knew when to make a break for it before she could outwit him again. “And with that, I’m going to go talk to my lieutenants. I’ll try to be back by dinner, but don’t wait up. The first spring meeting always takes forever.”
He stood up and dragged Jackie up on her feet as well. She giggled, a sound he never got tired of, and he stole a long kiss from her until he was veering dangerously close to the point of no return again. More than reluctantly, he let her go and stepped back.
“Be good,” she said, hugging her arms around herself.
“I try not to. I love you.”
***
His heartbeat pounded in his ears, threatening to deafen him. Ryder ran as fast as he could, the sun having set a while ago and the forest blanketed in darkness. Only the snow on the ground lit his path, but he knew exactly where he was going. He didn’t need to think about it. His heavy, powerful paws carried him through the snow with long strides, his thick coat marred with soot and blood. Each time he thrust off from the ground, bloody footprints were left behind and a trickle of crimson tracked between the steps. He was bleeding from several places, and the vision in his left eye kept blurring, but none of it mattered. Nothing at all mattered. He could drop dead on the spot, but not before he knew Jackie was okay.
Please, please be alright.
The plume of smoke that wafted over the forest came down from the mountains. It carried with it a scent of jasmine and pine, so faint and diluted that only he could pick it up. He knew what it likely meant, but he would not think about it, not before he was there. Just a little more… just a few more steps and he’d be home. The closer he got, the more smoke there was. It suffocated him, filling his nostrils with the scorched smell of burning logs and the few worldly possessions he held dear. They’d come so quickly, like a blizzard of destruction that descended down upon the bears with the force of a thousand demonic fangs. It was mere luck that Ryder had been with the lieutenants when the first call came in. If they’d been scattered, in their homes, it would have been worse.
Ten bears… at least ten. The thought hammered in his head, as painful and present as his worry about his mate. They’d barely had time to react when everything seemed to go up in flames around them. The snarls and victorious howls of the wolves scraped at his ears, echoing through his head like an endless rain. Bryce had been cut down from right next to him, three wolves ripping out his throat before Ryder could do anything. But he’d taken two of the wolves down along with him. Drake’s sister and his mate had perished in the fire at their home, trying to save their cub. Several others had died in the skirmishes between the wolves and the bears, and though they took at least twice as many wolves to the ground before they succumbed, it was not enough. It was like there was an endless wave of wolves, and there were only so many werebears.
Ryder bristled with rage and grief. After the first wave, the Kadin pack wolves had only given them enough time to get the families and run. The somber face of the pack’s young Alpha, Daren Kadin, struck him as a harsh juxtaposition next to the destruction that his pack had caused. He was a man with nothing to lose and everything to gain, Ryder had thought, and he had gained it all on the expense of Ryder and his clan. Ruthless, determined, ferocious.
Wolves. Scavenging mutts, he thought darkly. At least they had given Ryder a chance to tell his people in the mist of destruction to get out, but that didn’t make their losses any easier to handle. The wolves would be back at midnight, and the Bitteroots would have to get out by then, or face the consequences. By the littering of dead bodies on the ground, Daren Kadin had left little to the imagination as to what he meant by that.
But there was enough time to deal with his rage later. To grieve later. He just needed to know if his heart would be broken completely by that one fateful day or if he could still find the strength to scrape himself back together again. The tree line was clearing ahead of him, and he could see the bright, horrific tongues of flame lapping at his lodge. Two windows had blown out, and it was being consumed by the fire. His steps hastened. He broke through the forest and skidded to a halt in front of the building, a tortured roar rumbling out of his throat. Whiffing the air with his large snout, he raised to his hind legs. There was barely a house there. The roof had collapsed, and the carrying walls were standing by shear strength of will at that point.
The crackling was deafening, and he could feel the burn of the flames, standing so close. He couldn’t smell Jackie anywhere. Ryder ran around the house, shifting midway around the side. He grimaced as his legs touched the snow – the heavy gashes that covered his body and the undeniably fractured leg being much more than a mere nuisance in human form. He was a bloody, wounded mess, and had he been any less of a werebear, he would not have been walking, let alone running anymore.
“Jackie!” he screamed, his yells drowned out by the soulless roar of the fire. He could see right into where their bedroom had been, the back wall completely collapsed onto itself. One of the roof beams had fallen right in the middle of the bed, coming down with most of the ceiling and destroying the bed. There was no time to wallow on the implications. He sniffed the air again, his senses heightened by the abundant adrenaline that pumped through his veins.
Her car, he thought feverishly, limping around to the front of the house again. Where her big Dodge pickup usually stood, there were nothing but fresh tracks. Ryder stared at the tire tracks leading down the mountain path, and an indescribable weakness came over him. He sunk down on his knees, watching in mute astonishment as his home burned down – the last vestige of the life he had built for himself and his clan in the Bitterroot range. And his mate was nowhere to be found.
For a long while, he just stared into the fire, trying to wrap his head around everything that had happened. Even the deafening noise of the flames couldn’t drown out the screams, roars and howls that mingled in his head. Senseless violence, souls lost who carried bloodlines so ancient that their ancestors had been roaming the mountains far before any mere human had set foot into the wild, untamed wilderness. And for what? A speck of land that could have been shared, and where there was enough room for two predators. The flood of emotions that washed over him was hard to describe, but above it all, the jagged tip of his missing mate stabbed at him the hardest.
Where are you, Jackie? Ryder asked himself, looking down at his battered and bruised arms. Something glinted next to him in the shallow snow, catching his eye. He picked it up and his heart sank into
the bottom of his stomach. It was Jackie’s ring, the smooth opal reflecting the reds and yellows of the slowly dying fire.
CHAPTER THREE
“I’m NOT going to talk to him. Not like this,” Jackie hissed, getting up off her bed and pacing back and forth along the length of the bedroom. She could feel Callie’s eyes on her, but she wouldn’t look at her. Instead, Jackie kept her eyes down and her lips pushed in a thin line. If she’d stopped, she thought she risked falling to the floor and heaving out tears that had been pushed down since Bitterroot. Seeing him had brought it all back as if it was yesterday, and the pain was so excruciating that it threatened to steal her breath.
“I can come with you,” Callie offered meekly, sitting on the edge of the bed. Jackie snorted in response, shaking her head furiously.
“No, that’s not what I meant. I’m not going to talk to him about what he wants to talk about. I can’t. I won’t.”
“Why?”
Yeah, Jackie? Why won’t you talk to the only man you’ve ever loved? The only man who could possibly put up with your bullshit?
“Maybe because he just went down a warpath, trying to kill my brothers? Because he attacked Jackson and Tess? Because his people went after Julian and Jonah?” Jackie caught Callie nodding from the corner of her eye, and it helped soothe the tide of panic rising within her. She’d been so good at hiding it under pure, unadulterated rage all the way up from Nevada and during her screaming session with Ryder and Jackson a week ago. But the longer she stayed, the weaker she felt. Staying so close to him and not going to him was torture, just as splitting and immediate as it had been when she’d left Bitterroot that night, leaving him to deal with the aftermath all on his own. She’d just left, without a word, without an explanation. It was unforgivable, and she couldn’t talk to him about it. It would strike her dead on the spot, she was sure. Or she’d melt right back into his arms and then it’d be even harder to explain why she left.
Get your shit together, Jackie. He attacked your brothers, he attacked your clan. He put your friends in danger. The man’s obviously lost whatever sanity he once possessed. And that is… completely your fault.
Jackie stopped, sinking to the floor with a groan, her back to the wall. She hid her face in her hands, gulping down the sobs that had wanted to bubble up since she’d laid eyes on him. He was tortured, alone and pained. She’d just needed one look at him to know that. For more than a year, she’d been dodging his calls and every other possible and impossible way he’d tried to get in contact with her. But now, being in Cabinet with Ryder not far from her, she was drowning in his presence. His aura wrapped around her like a blanket, and she could feel her guilt and grief strangling her as much as his anger and disappointment was.
“All fair points,” Callie said carefully. Jackie got the distinct feeling that the younger werebear had been trying to maneuver around landmines the moment she’d decided to step into Jackson and Tess’s home, and Jackie’s current hideaway. It had taken a fair amount of guts to approach Jackie with the topic of meeting with Ryder, and Jackie had to give Callie some props for that. Still, it did little to change her mind. “But I think you should give him a chance. He just wants to know what happened, Jackie.”
Jackie looked up at Callie sharply, lowering her hands to her drawn up knees.
“What happened?”
“Yes. He… he told me about Bitterroot. Me and Jonah. I’m only here because Jonah thought you should talk to him as well. It couldn’t make things any worse than they are, Jackie.” Callie was shuddering like a leaf. Jackie had been as surprised that Callie had dared make the decision to contact her when no one else did, as she had been about what was going on in Cabinet. For all Jackie knew, Callie had singlehandedly saved Ryder’s life, and the lives of many other werebears in the clans. As much as Ryder was a fearsome warrior, Jackie had no doubt that the Arder brothers would have made quick work of him. He was a match against any one of them individually and probably would have broken Jonah and Julian like toothpicks, but the Arder Alpha trifecta together was not something even Ryder’s rage could plow through.
“Jonah thought you should come here?” Jackie asked incredulously. Callie nodded, looking like a deer in the headlights, and Jackie let her forehead fall against her knees. Her little brother had always been on her side. Whatever Ryder told him had to be some very convincing stuff to get the battle-hardened Arder to budge. All of her brothers were protective to a fault, and she couldn’t imagine him agreeing to anything that could possibly cause her harm. That being the main reason why they’d let things escalate for months before anyone had got the bright idea of telling her what was going on. “So you’re ganging up on me now?”
“No, no! I just want you two to talk it out. I’m sure he’d understand if you’d just tell him… Whatever reasons you had for leaving had to be pretty convincing. He just needs to know. Jackie, he’s the shadow of a man. He’s turned hard since you left, like his father when he was the Alpha. The old Ryder hasn’t been anywhere in sight until now. When I talked to him, I saw glimpses of the man I remember. Kind, fair, strong, but not cruel. I don’t want that Ryder to disappear again, and I don’t think there’s any other way to keep him here unless you two talk it out.” Callie was blushing, her cheeks bright red. Jackie’s hands had balled into fists. Her eyes burned with tears that wanted desperately to come out, but she’d been keeping them down for ages. She wouldn’t crack now.
“Let me think about it,” Jackie said after a long silence. “Just tell him to not burn anything down while I decide, okay?” she asked weakly, receiving a toothy grin from Callie in response. “I think there’s been enough wanton destruction around here to last us a while.”
“Giving Ryder a few days might be a good idea anyway. You could smell the whiskey on him from a mile away.”
Jackie rolled her eyes. Ryder had always loved his whiskey when he was trying to work through something. With werebear metabolism, he could go through that stuff like water. Had to be some kind of a bender if he still reeked from it.
“I’ll get in contact with him myself, okay?”
Callie nodded in agreement and sprang up from the bed, as if a heavy burden had been lifted from her shoulders. Jackie felt like she’d just taken on whatever load the Bitterroot bear had been carrying, and it had been stacked on top of the already impressive weight resting on her back. When Callie was reaching for the door handle, Jackie stopped her for a second.
“And Callie? Thank you for letting me know what was going on. I think this could have been a lot worse if I hadn’t come,” Jackie said softly. For a moment, she thought Callie was going to sink down to the floor right next to her and hug her, but Callie just made a small choking noise and skittered out of the room. Jackie smiled to herself.
She’s perfect for Jonah.
CHAPTER FOUR
The fresh air filled her lungs, her legs carrying her swiftly across the snow. Jackie loved the feeling of fresh snow under her paws and the cold, dewy crystals sticking to her coat. She hadn’t been in Cabinet in far too long, and the distinct crispness of mountain air was almost too distant of a memory. She had finally ventured out into the wild even though Jackson had urged everyone to be safe. Each breath was a slice of relief, and she’d long stopped trying to understand where her bear was taking her. Instead of trying to control it, she went with the beast – it had always known better than she had, anyway. Days had passed since she talked to Callie, and her head was so muddled with conflicting thoughts and emotions that she couldn’t stay indoors anymore. The only thing that ever seemed to help was a good run, so that’s what she went for.
Only when the distinct heavy curve of Yellowhead River snaked into view did Jackie slow her steps. She came to a halt at the very shore of the abundant river, ice licking at the small rocks in an early attempt to coat the water with ice. The massive brown head of the bear peered into the water for a scant moment, taking in the sight of herself before padding up along the river at a leisure
ly pace. It had been a while since she had been in bear form. There hadn’t been a lot of chances for a young werebear to stretch her legs in Mexico, not without raising some serious questions. As she got closer to the large clearing that marked the site of the conflict between the two clans, her steps slowed even further, until her roiling thoughts overpowered the animal spirit. The skin of the bear fell from her like a heavy coat, her powerful features shifting back into human form.
Jackie winced, a sharp stabbing pain going through her abdomen. Her hand went over her stomach instinctively, lingering there for a second. Instead of the soft, playful blues of her eyes that her brothers remembered, they looked positively jaded for a moment. She squared her jaw, tucking her hair back into a ponytail and walking right into the middle of the battlefield.
I wish this would stop happening. And why here? she wondered, sitting down on a rock and turning to look at the grey, wintery river. Snow had hidden any sign of what had happened a scant week ago. The blood and the hammered ground polished smooth by hundreds of paws. As far as she knew, she could have been sitting on the very rock that almost took Callie’s life. The thought made her stony expression harden even further, her chest constricting.
What if this was all your fault? You had the power to stop it, to never have it happen at all. So why did you let this get so far?
The sky was dark blue, wisps of gray floating across it slowly. Her bear had as if conspired against her, bringing her to the one place where she was sure to find no solace. Tess had kept reminding her that no one had died, but Jackie had to wonder if that was true. Wasn’t Ryder – the man she knew and loved more than herself – dead now?. She hadn’t seen even a glimpse of him when they’d come face to face. Only a slight shimmer behind his eyes hinted at there being something other than a ruthless killer in front of her.