Epistle of the Damned

by M. Lee Mendelson

  Reluctantly, the six women were corralled down the stairs. When they entered the living room, they saw a menacing figure with his back turned toward them.

  They then heard a thundering voice proclaim, “Well I have tried and tried, but I just don’t think it’s gonna fit me. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride!”

  Frank pirouetted around with the seemingly tiny dress pressed up against his enormous chest.

  Meredith screamed with excitement. “Oh, my God! Frank! Aaaaaaah, my dress, my DRESS! Oh, Frank, I love you sooo much! You’re the best!” She ran and jumped up to hang from Frank’s hearty neck, bawling and kissing him on the cheek. Frank had to hold the dress out to one side to keep her from crushing the delicate prize.

  The girls, including her aunts, were crying and hugging on Frank as he blushed with embarrassment.

  Nancy looked up at Frank and said, “You’re a good boy. I love you, Frankie.”

  Frank blushed, “Aw, thanks Nance.”

  Henry and Rebecca were hugging each other, and Henry was brimming with joy. “What do you think about ‘The Moose’ now, darling?”

  Rebecca sighed, “I think our little girl’s in good hands with these two.”

  Henry smiled, “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

  As Meredith bolted up the stairs with her mother and aunts, Cynthia whispered into Frank’s ear, “Sir, you are my hero. I would like a moment alone with you outside.”

  The two disappeared unnoticed for the next half hour in the back yard. Frank returned to Mike’s a much happier man than when he left. He had received all the reward he could ever want from the girl he had blissfully fallen in love with.

  When Frank walked in, Mike asked, “Where have you been?

  You disappeared at lunch and I haven’t seen you till now.”

  “Well, you know, I’ve been busy saving the day, that’s all.” Mike looked puzzled and Frank said, “Never mind, I need a beer!” Mike brought him a beer as the two sat in the living room talking.

  Frank started, “Well, pal, this is it. No turning back after tomorrow. Getting cold feet yet?”

  Mike countered, “No way, I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. She’s the one, I know it.”

  “That’s good, Mikey. She’s a good girl. You’re a lucky man.”

  “What about you, Frank? When are you gonna settle down?”

  Frank scoffed, “Me? Settle down? You must be kidding!”

  Mike smiled, “What about Cynthia? Don’t think I haven’t noticed you two sneaking around all the time, a-whisperin’ an’ agigglin’ like little kids.”

  Frank sat quietly while grinning, gulped down his beer, then burst out, “Shut up, douche, and get me another beer!”

  “Haha, I knew it!”

  As Mike went to get his buddy another beer, he walked away singing, “Frank and Cynthia sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G . . . ”

  Frank smiled and yelled out, “Shut up, dickhead!”

  The next morning Mike woke up and shouted, “SHIT! TEN O’CLOCK? MOOSE! MOOSE, WAKE UP! WE’RE GONNA BE LATE!”

  He had forgotten to set his alarm, and the two of them had stayed up late gabbing like old ladies. Mike had to throw a pillow at Frank to wake him up as he lay blissfully asleep in the guest room. “Get up, Moose. We gotta go!”

  The wedding was scheduled to start at noon at St. Mary’s Cathedral, twenty minutes away. They had to shower, shave, don their tuxedos and be waiting at the altar exactly at noon. The two managed to get out of the condo by 11:15, and Frank sped the whole way, saying, “You better get me out of any tickets, ‘Captain!’”

  Mike chortled, “I got you covered, pal. Just get me there on time and in one piece!”

  11:40 a.m. Traffic was heavier than they had anticipated for a Saturday. Frank pulled up in front of the church. Mike exclaimed, “You did it. Thanks, brother. Go park and get inside. The limo’s pulling up.” Mike ran inside so as not to accidentally see the bride in her dress.

  When Mike got inside, the guests were all already seated. Henry was waiting by the front door, and as he looked at his watch he said, “Cutting it little close, boy. Thought you might have gotten cold feet.”

  “Pop,” Mike said, using the term of endearment he had given Henry since they had become so close and he had become a father figure to Mike, “I wouldn’t miss this for anything. You’re not getting rid of me that easy!”

  Henry smiled and said, “Good answer, son. I was wiping down the shotgun, just in case.”

  Mike and Frank escorted Nancy and Rebecca to their seats in the front row, and then they took their positions up at the altar. They took notice of the sound of distant thunder. Mike whispered, “The

  weather report said it would be clear and sunny.”

  Frank smirked, “Well, what did you expect?”

  Then suddenly the organ erupted in Wagner’s Bridal Chorus. The music filled the church with a beautiful tapestry of sweet sounding notes. After a life filled with horrific images and tragic events, Mike looked up to see the most beautiful image he had ever seen. Meredith was walking down the aisle, her right arm firmly locked with Henry’s left. Her long train flowed behind her as the beautiful sequins on her white gown glistened in the light. Mike could not hold back the tears as he watched his beautiful bride advance. He heard Frank exclaim, “Wow!”

  Reverend Mory was presiding over the service. Mike looked up at him and The Reverend smiled with approval.

  Henry, with a tear of joy, placed Meredith’s hand in Mike’s, whispering, “Take good care of my little girl. Love you, son!”

  “I will, Pop.”

  The service began, and the storm seemed to grow stronger and draw closer. The lightning struck and the thunder boomed relentlessly, yet Reverend Mory never missed a beat. The thunder was so loud that many of the guests often jumped in their seats. Reverend Mory pressed on, not allowing himself to get rattled.

  The time to exchange vows was at hand. Mike was oblivious to the storm outside, mesmerized by his beautiful bride. As Mike was speaking his vows, “ . . . to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse . . . ,” immediately the wind amped up and howled furiously outside, creating a sound reminiscent to that of a woman’s scream of anguish. Suddenly the front doors blew open, causing many attendees to shriek from the surprising incident. Several men rushed up and secured the doors.

  Reverend Mory, never missing an opportunity for an interesting anecdote, changed course for a moment and declared, “Well, before we have Meredith deliver her vows, let me say to the two of you that in every marriage there will be storms, but if you continue to look toward each other with the same love in your eyes as you have on this day, you will surely endure those storms just like we will endure this one.”

  The crowd breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at the Reverend’s reassuring manner.

  Meredith recited her vows without incident.

  When it was time to exchange the rings, Mike recited his well studied lines. “With this ring, I seal my oath, to be a faithful and loving husband, before God and these witnesses.”

  As he slipped the shiny, diamond-encrusted gold band onto Meredith’s delicate finger, there was a sudden eruption of thunder that rattled the building, and all the lights went out except for the candles.

  Reverend Mory, in his typical calm manner declared, “It would seem we will continue with a more intimate candlelight service.”

  The crowd chuckled at his lighthearted response to the peculiar events.

  By the end of the service, the storm subsided and they now exited the building, running through a new storm—only rice instead of rain. The thunder had been replaced with the cheers from loved ones, and not angry skies.

  The remainder of the day was beautiful and special. The reception was successful, except when Mike and Meredith danced their first dance. The DJ apologized when the song curiously stopped playing on two occasions. But after the third attempt, he was able to correct
the problem. By now, nothing could faze the two as they continued to dance through the starts and stops. They never took their eyes off each other. Oblivious to the world around them, nothing could ruin their day. With their resolute determination readily apparent, it seemed as though whatever malevolent force causing the disruptions just gave up and the rest of the day went smoothly.

  Now it was time for Frank, the best man, to offer a toast. He stood and walked over to the podium.

  An uncharacteristically serious Frank began, “I met Mike back in high school. He was the first guy who ever stood up to me, and after that we quickly became friends. He has been my best friend for twenty years now. He is my brother in every sense. Our families are one family. And when he introduced me to Meredith, I knew he had found his soul mate. Merry, I have never seen him happier, and I thank you for being such an incredible woman. Now our family has grown with the addition of Meredith and her family. To my new sister Meredith and her fortunate husband, and our now larger family, I raise a glass. I thank you for being part of my life. I love you all.” Everyone raised a glass and cheered the toast.

  They danced and celebrated late into the evening. Mike and Meredith spent their first night as man and wife at the nicest hotel in town, overlooking the harbor. Frank had booked them a surprise honeymoon cruise out of Miami that left the next Thursday on the newest and most luxurious cruise ship.

  The next day, Sunday, the newlyweds were on their way to South Beach in Miami where they would spend the next few days relaxing until they left on the cruise. Mike and Meredith checked in to the hotel—the honeymoon suite, a penthouse that overlooked a beautiful beach with glowing sand and waves gently pushing into the shoreline.

  TWO EQUALS ONE

  T he next morning Mike surprised Meredith by ordering room service and pampering her with breakfast in bed. He had also arranged a facial and a massage in the hotel spa for later.

  Mike told her, “Go ahead and enjoy the morning at the spa. I’m going to the gym to work out. I’ll meet you back at the room when you’re finished.”

  “Oh, thank you, baby. You’re so good to me. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” Mike said. “Afterwards, we’ll go down to the beach to relax and have a few drinks.”

  “Mmm, that sounds wonderful.”

  At noon, they headed downstairs and ate lunch at the Tiki Hut Grill. Then they secured two loungers on the beach and ordered some drinks.

  Mike said, “I think I’m gonna take a little dip, sweetie. Join me?”

  Meredith said, “Sure, why not?”

  Three days prior, Tropical Storm Arlene had stirred things up in the Gulf of Mexico. Even though it was so far off the coast, Mike was convinced that Arlene was the cause of the bizarre weather during the wedding service. It was actually several hundred miles off the west coast and had made landfall in the panhandle of Florida the day of the wedding. The storm was still causing quite a mess along the east coast, with strong currents and high tides.

  On the beach, Mike and Meredith could see red flag warnings posted, which indicated dangerous surf conditions related to the storm. They saw hundreds of other people, including children, swimming in the water and the lifeguards standing dutifully at their posts.

  Mike said, “It can’t be too bad or they wouldn’t let people in the water. The waves don’t look too rough.”

  The two entered the water and were frolicking the way newlyweds should. The surf felt strong, but the waves seemed moderate. Meredith wanted to play a little Marco Polo with Mike. “Winner gets their choice of extra special attention tonight!”

  Mike felt silly, but obliged, saying, “I have a feeling that even if I lose, I’ll win.”

  Meredith smiled and winked. “We’ll both win, I promise you that!”

  Eagerly, he closed his eyes and called out, “Marco!”

  Of course, Meredith was swimming around and responded, “Polo!”

  This continued on for several minutes. Meredith would move stealthily to reposition herself before responding, “Polo.”

  Mike was never a cheater, and kept his eyes closed, until he heard Meredith’s voice cry out for help.

  “HELP! MIKE, HELP ME!”

  Mike opened his eyes, and to his horror, Meredith was now twenty yards farther out to sea than she had been just moments before. Her voice was growing fainter, and he could see that she appeared to be getting pulled away from the shore at a rapid speed.

  Mike screamed, “HANG ON, HONEY!” He swam toward her as fast as he could. Meredith was screaming and waving her arms frantically. To the lifeguards on the shore, she appeared to be caught in a rip current. The harder she fought to swim against the current, the more fatigued she grew.

  In the growing distance, Mike could hear the lifeguards’ whistles blowing as he continued to swim faster towards her. As he drew near, he himself was becoming exhausted, and Meredith was in full panic mode. Suddenly, he saw Meredith disappear below the water. Mike dove down in an effort to find her. He saw her approximately five feet below the surface and was able to grab her. She was still flailing around when he surfaced with her.

  Meredith was out of her mind with panic. As he struggled to maintain control, she screamed and clawed at him, trying to climb on top of him, pushing his head under the water. On several of these occurrences, Mike inhaled small amounts of salt water into his lungs as he tried to control her, coughing when he would surface.

  Out of nowhere, four lifeguards made it to their location. They were on two jet skis. Two of the guards jumped into the water and secured Mike and Meredith with safety harnesses. Once the two calmed down, the lifeguards pulled them back to shore.

  Lifeguard Supervisor, Manuel Rodriguez then asked, “Are you two okay?”

  Coughing and sputtering, Mike answered, “I’m fine! Honey, are you okay?”

  Meredith responded, “I—I think so. Oh my God, I was so scared.”

  Manuel advised that they may have been caught in a rip current.

  The lifeguards evaluated their vital signs but Mike and Meredith refused any further treatment.

  Meredith said, “It felt like someone grabbed me by my ankles and was pulling me out to sea.”

  Manuel described that a rip current can sometimes feel like you are being pulled from under the water when in reality, you are simply floating in one spot, unable to swim forward despite all efforts He expounded that the current is horizontal and tends to pull you out along the surface of the water.

  Meredith said, “No, you don’t understand. It felt like someone’s hands grabbed my ankles and pulled me under.”

  Manuel stated, “During panic situations, the mind can play tricks on you.”

  Meredith became incensed and said, “Then why did I go under so quickly?”

  He explained it was most likely due to her becoming exhausted from fighting against the current. While Manuel patiently enlightened Meredith with his extensive knowledge and experience with rip currents, Mike started coughing more frequently and more forcefully.

  Manuel asked, “Are you sure you’re okay, sir?” Coughing, Mike nodded that he was okay.

  “I really think you should get checked out. You may have aspirated some water into your lungs. This can be very dangerous.” Mike insisted that he just wanted to go back to the room and rest.

  Manuel said, “Okay sir, but if you find it difficult to breathe, please call 911 immediately.”

  Meredith answered, “Our room is right over there. I’ll keep an eye on him.”

  The two got up and started to walk to their room. About half way to the room, Meredith could hear that Mike was struggling for breath.

  “Honey, are you sure you’re okay?”

  Coughing harder, Mike said, “I’m fine. I just need to lie down.”

  By the time they got back to the room, Meredith was helping him stand and his breathing was extremely labored. When she helped him lie down in bed, she could see that his face was turning blue.

  “Oh my God! I’m
calling 911! You need a doctor!”

  By the time the paramedics arrived, Mike was sitting upright, leaning forward and struggling to breathe. With each breath, Meredith could hear wheezing and gurgling. It sounded like he was drowning.

  Mike was rushed to the hospital, where the doctor explained that he suffered what’s known as a near drowning, and that his lungs were struggling to move oxygen because of the fluid building up in his alveoli. Mike once again was placed into intensive care and on a ventilator to force the oxygen in.

  Meredith, now alone on her honeymoon in a strange city, watched as her husband was placed into a dark room in the intensive care unit of St. Matthew’s Hospital.

  She called her parents and explained what had happened. Henry took the time to explain to her in more detail what to expect in the next few days, and reassured her that Mike would be in good hands. “St. Matthew’s is a fine hospital, honey. They deal with this kind of thing all the time.”

  “Oh Daddy, I was so scared.”

  “I know, sweetheart. Just sit tight. We’ll be there in a few hours. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Daddy. Thank you. You and mom drive carefully, please.”

  Remembering her promise to keep him informed, she called Frank next.

  “Frankie?”

  “Hey there, Merry. I knew you couldn’t resist me! But on your honeymoon!?” Frank then heard Meredith crying and asked, “Merry, what’s wrong!?”

  Sobbing, she explained what had happened.

  Frank and Cynthia had not left town yet and Frank said, “I’ll be right there!”

  “Frank, you don’t have to. I know you have to get home.”

  “MERRY, I’LL BE RIGHT THERE!”

  Several hours later, Frank and Cynthia arrived.

  Running in, Frank asked, “How is he?”

  Meredith answered, “He’s on life support.”

  “Does Nancy know yet?”

  “Oh my God, no! I’ve been so preoccupied that I just forgot to call her. How did you get here so fast?”

  Cynthia answered, “You don’t want to know.”

  Meredith looked at the two and asked Cynthia, “Wait, how did you find out? I thought you left already. That’s why I didn’t call you.”