Epistle of the Damned

by M. Lee Mendelson

  “Who were you talking to?”

  “Cynthia.”

  “Cynthia? Really? At this hour?”

  “Yes Michael, Cynthia! I couldn’t sleep. You know I always call her when I can’t sleep. Why are you acting this way? I’m going back to bed.” Mike just glared at her as she walked past him.

  Meredith recalled that over the next several months, Mike’s behavior had become more unpredictable. He would regularly accuse her of talking to another man. Meredith would always try to reassure him that there was no one else.

  One night when they were arguing, Mike accused her again of cheating on him.

  “Who is it? Who are you seeing?”

  “What are you talking about, Mike?”

  “I know you’re seeing someone else. Don’t deny it.”

  Yvonne felt that they were finally getting to the heart of the matter, and she interrupted. “Meredith, I want you to take me to the night Mike died. Remember, you are relaxed and calm. Nothing can harm you. You’re safe here.”

  Meredith skipped ahead in time, recounting that disastrous evening. A couple of weeks had passed since the last fight they’d had, and Mike seemed to be more relaxed and coping with the stress of everything better. They were getting along again, and had not had an argument in quite some time.

  Meredith cooked a nice dinner for them, and they watched a movie before going to bed. They had been working a big burglary case together where the evidence was strong against their client. They talked about the case in bed, and kissed before going to sleep. Mike was tossing and turning, and then he woke up, startled.

  He turned over, got on top of and straddled Meredith, pushing down on her shoulders with both of his hands. He then started yelling, “WHY DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME!!? WHAT DID I DO? I LOVE YOU!! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!!?”

  Meredith woke up, terrified. “What are you talking about, Mike? I love you! I’d never leave you!”

  Mike had a distant look on his face; he seemed almost possessed. He began pushing down on her shoulders harder. “DON’T LIE TO ME!!!

  I HEARD YOU! I HEARD YOU TALKING TO ANOTHER MAN!!!”

  “MIKE, GET OFF! LET GO! YOU’RE HURTING ME!” Meredith pushed him off her, jumped out of bed and fled down the stairs. Mike pursued her and they continued fighting on the landing.

  “I KNOW YOU’RE SEEING SOMEONE ELSE, BITCH! DON’T YOU FUCKING LIE TO ME!!! I’VE HEARD YOU LATE AT NIGHT TALKING TO HIM!!! I’M NOT STUPID!!!” Meredith grabbed her keys and ran outside.

  “WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING, TO YOUR MAN!!?”

  “I’M GOING TO MY PARENTS’ HOUSE UNTIL YOU COME TO YOUR SENSES!”

  “YOU’RE NOT GONG ANYWHERE, YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!”

  Mike grabbed her, picked her up, carried her upstairs and threw her onto the bed.

  The argument continued for several minutes, until they suddenly heard the doorbell ring downstairs.

  Mike angrily whispered, “It’s the fucking cops. You better not say a word. Keep your fucking mouth shut or I’ll kill you!”

  Meredith was terrified, and trembled in silence with his hand over her mouth.

  After lying there for what seemed like an eternity in absolute silence, Mike got up and looked out the window. “They’re leaving.”

  Mike looked at Meredith and could see that she was terrified. Then his countenance changed. “Oh my God, Merry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

  Mike approached Meredith, and she recoiled in fear.

  Mike started crying. “I’m so sorry, honey. I’m such an asshole. You deserve better!” He then left the room.

  He closed the bedroom door as he left. Meredith heard the hallway linen closet door open and close, then heard nothing more. She assumed that he had grabbed a blanket to sleep on the sofa, the way he had done on other occasions lately. After spending the next several minutes reviewing Mike’s terrifying and bizarre behavior, Meredith remembered his final words as he left the room, “You deserve better.” Then she had a foreboding thought as she recalled the other item in the closet, his shotgun. Fearing the worst, Meredith quickly got up to look for Mike.

  As she descended the stairs, she could hear Mike sobbing and saying, “I know, you’re right. I don’t deserve her. She’ll be better off without me.” Meredith was now running toward the living room, only to discover her worst fears unfolding before her eyes. She saw Mike on the couch silhouetted by the bright moonlight filtering through the large plate glass window, with the muzzle end of the short-barreled shotgun in his mouth and his finger on the trigger.

  As she was running toward him to stop him, she simultaneously cried out, “I LOVE YOU! NO, DON’T! OH MY GOD! PLEASE, NO!!!!” as Mike pulled the trigger.

  With a bright flash and a deafening explosion, suddenly her husband’s headless torso was all that remained on the couch.

  In shock, Meredith fell to the floor. Horrified, she got up and ran from the house wearing only her sheer nightie and screaming in terror, “OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD, HE’S DEAD! HE’S DEAD! HELP ME, HELP ME!!!”

  From across the street, she heard, “Ma’am, come over to me! Quickly!”

  Meredith could see it was a deputy. She instinctively ran toward him. When she got to where he was standing, he grabbed her and pulled her behind the cover of the tree.

  Yvonne, quick to get control, snapped her fingers and said, “THREE!”

  Meredith opened her eyes and looked at Yvonne. No longer in a trance state, she said, “He actually sat there with the muzzle end of a short-barreled shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.” Meredith’s voice was flat now, tears streaming as she repeated the story, now fully aware. “It’s funny, but my body was running toward him and it was as though I watched myself running to him. I was yelling, ‘I love you! Please, please don’t. . .’ but it had already happened. I was too late.”

  Meredith paused a moment, steeling herself as she mentally processed the finale.

  “I’ll never forget that explosion, or the bright flash in the darkness. When I got closer, I could see he had no head. No head, Yvonne.”

  Confident that she had heard enough, Yvonne stopped her and said, “Okay, Meredith. Your courage has astounded me. Do you feel amazed at your courage?”

  Miserably, she answered, “I don’t know, Doctor, but maybe someday I will.”

  “Meredith, do you understand that none of this was your fault? I believe that Mike had a psychotic break. His actions had nothing to do with you. The events of his life were more than he could handle. From the tragic loss of his father, the nightmarish murder scenes he witnessed, the loss of his best friend Frank, then the loss of the baby, I believe that it all contributed to his break. His delusions, paranoia and manic behavior were evident, as well as severe PTSD. I certainly wish I could have met him and helped him.”

  Meredith wept. She spoke more about that night and the deputy who was the first responder.

  “It all seemed like a dream until now. I can’t believe he’s gone. Doctor, I would never have left him. I loved him so much.”

  “I have no doubt that he loved you, but he saw a lot, and unfortunately never properly dealt with it. I’m so sorry for your loss. The good news is I believe that you can begin the grieving process now. You were in denial prior to today. Remember to keep your friends and family close by and we’ll continue our sessions for a little while longer, if you’re okay with that.”

  “I am. Thank you so much for everything, Doctor Stark.”

  “The pleasure is all mine, Meredith. Call me anytime. I’ll see you next week on Friday then?”

  “Next week will be great.”

  Rebecca was in the waiting room waiting for Meredith. Rebecca could see that Meredith’s countenance had changed and she seemed more aware of reality.

  “You look better, honey.”

  “She’s getting there,” Yvonne said proudly. “Meredith, would you mind if I fill your mom in on our breakthrough?”

  “No, that would be fine
.”

  Yvonne proceeded to tell Rebecca that the grieving process could begin for Meredith now, and that it would actually be therapeutic if she could talk about it with family and friends, but warned that they shouldn’t push her too hard.

  Rebecca said, “Thank you, Doctor. My husband was right. Your reputation is well-deserved.”

  “Well, she’s a strong young lady. She’s seen a lot and has a long way to go for a full recovery, but she’s well on her way.” Meredith and Rebecca talked all the way home.

  Later that afternoon around 5:30, Meredith asked Rebecca,

  “Mom, would you mind driving me to the Sheriff’s Office?”

  “Of course not, honey. What do you need?”

  “I want to find that deputy who helped me that night and thank him.”

  “That’s a nice thing to do.”

  At the Sheriff’s Office, Meredith asked, “Would you mind if I went in alone?”

  “Not at all, sweetie. I’ll be right here. Take your time.”

  Inside, Meredith went to the front desk and spoke to the clerk.

  “Can I help you, ma’am?”

  “Yes, I was hoping to speak to Deputy Mike Flaherty.”

  “I believe he just got here. He starts his shift in a few minutes.

  Can I ask who wants to speak to him?”

  “Can you please tell him it’s Meredith Carson?”

  “Of course, Mrs. Carson. You can have a seat. I’ll page him.”

  A few minutes later, the secure lobby door opened, and there stood Mike Flaherty. “Mrs. Carson, how are you? Please come on back. We can talk somewhere private if you wish.”

  Meredith went back with Mike, and they spoke in the conference room.

  “Please have a seat. Can I get you some terrible coffee or some water, perhaps?”

  “No thank you, Deputy.”

  “Mike, just Mike.”

  “Thank you, Mike.”

  “So, Mrs. Carson, what brings you by? How can I help you?”

  “I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for your kindness that night. My husband used to be a deputy, and I know you don’t get to hear ‘thank you’ very often.”

  Mike laughed, “Well, that’s true, but it was no problem, Mrs. Carson. I actually knew your husband. He was my primary FTO when I first got started. I truly admired him and I actually sort of modeled my career after him. He pushed me to get into better shape. I actually took his place on the SWAT team after he left the Sheriff’s Office. He was a great man.”

  “He was. Thank you for saying so. He loved being a deputy.”

  “I understand he was quite a lawyer too.”

  Meredith smiled and said, “That he was.”

  “I’m sorry for your loss, Mrs. Carson. I was shocked when I found out it was him.”

  “Thank you, Mike. Please call me Meredith.”

  He smiled, “Okay, Meredith.”

  The two talked for over a half hour, reminiscing about Mike. Deputy Flaherty told her stories of things he watched Mike do, and she laughed, saying, “That was him.”

  “Well, I better let you get to work, Mike. Thank you again for everything and for taking the time to see me.”

  “No, thank you for taking the time to see me. I’m truly sorry for your loss. The entire office feels the loss. He will be sorely missed by

  many. Anytime you want to talk, please come by.”

  Meredith returned to the car and said, “I’m sorry I kept you waiting so long, Mom.”

  “No problem, my darling. How did it go?”

  “Better than I could have hoped. He was as nice as I remembered.”

  Three months passed. Cynthia had a proposal for Meredith. “Hey girlfriend, I was wondering if you were ready to move out of your parents’ house yet.”

  Meredith said, “Why, what did you have in mind?”

  “Well, I would love for my best friend to move in with me. Frank bought us that big house, and it’s too much for me . . . plenty of room for one more. In fact, you could have the entire second floor to yourself. I have no use for it. It could be like old times, roomies again.”

  “Hmmm, that’s an interesting proposal. It might be fun. I haven’t been back to the neighborhood since all this went down.”

  “Oh Merry, I’m sorry. I wasn’t even thinking about that.”

  “No, it’s fine. I need to move on anyway. I think that would be great. Are you sure I won’t be imposing on you?”

  “Are you kidding me? This will be so much fun.”

  That evening, Meredith spoke with her parents about moving in with Cynthia. They both agreed it would be a great idea, but reminded her that her room at home was always there if she needed it.

  That Saturday, Meredith was gathering up her belongings and getting ready to move to Cynthia’s when Henry called her from downstairs.

  “Meredith, you’ve got a certified letter here.”

  Meredith came downstairs. “Who’s it from?”

  “It’s from a Mammon Abaddonus, Attorney at Law. Who’s that?”

  “Really? He’s the attorney who handled the sale of the house.”

  Meredith opened the letter and silently read, “Dear Mrs. Carson, Per the contract that you signed prior to the sale of the home, should you abandon the property for any reason, the foundation, which I represent, has the first right of refusal to reacquire the property at the previous sale price. I have been notified by the bank that, in fact, they have not received any mortgage payments in four months and that they have begun the foreclosure process. This letter will serve notice of the Foundation’s intention to reacquire the property. Please call

  me if you have any questions. Mammon Abaddonus.”

  “As if I care!” Meredith crumpled up the paper and threw it to the ground.

  Henry asked, “Is everything okay, sweetheart?”

  “Yes, Daddy. The bank is foreclosing on the property.”

  “I’m sorry, dear. We can help get it back if you want.”

  “No, Daddy, I could never go back there again.”

  “I understand, but what about your credit?”

  “I’ll call Mr. Abaddonus tomorrow to discuss it with him.”

  “Well, I can borrow your uncle’s pickup and we can go by the house to retrieve anything you need. One last trip and you’ll never have to go there again. Your mom and I will go with you.”

  “Thank you, Daddy. That would be nice. There isn’t much I want from there anyway.”

  When Meredith and her parents pulled up in front of the house, Henry said, “I’ll go in first.”

  He came out a few minutes later. “It looks good. C’mon, let’s get this over with.”

  A cleaning crew had been to the house months before and removed all evidence of the bloody massacre in the living room. The sofa was gone and the carpet had been replaced. The ceiling had been painted and it looked as if nothing had ever happened in there.

  As Meredith entered, she said, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “Come on dear,” Rebecca said, “we’ll take one quick sweep. You just point out anything you want and your father and I will get it for you.”

  As Rebecca and Meredith went upstairs to the master bedroom, they passed by the nursery. From inside the nursery she could hear the sound of a baby crying and a woman’s voice shrieking “GET OUT, BITCH! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!”

  She cried, “No, No! I can’t do this!” and ran downstairs.

  Rebecca followed her. “Honey, what is it?”

  “I heard the baby crying, and that woman telling me to get out!”

  “I didn’t hear anything, honey. We don’t have to go back in. Was there anything you wanted from inside?”

  “Just my wedding photo albums. Oh, and my wedding dress. I don’t want anything else. The house can burn as far as I’m concerned!”

  Henry asked, “Where are the albums honey? I’ll get them for you.”

  “Thank you, Daddy. They’re in the master bedroom, in the closet
on the top shelf. My dress is hanging in there as well.”

  “Okay. Becca, you stay here with her and I’ll go get that stuff.” Henry went upstairs and found the photo albums in the closet. He looked inside. Every picture of Meredith and Mike had Meredith’s

  face scratched out. “What the hell? I can’t bring this to her.”

  Then Henry looked for her wedding dress. He found it still hanging in the plastic preservation bag, but the dress was torn to shreds.

  “She’s gonna be devastated. I can’t tell her about this.”

  Henry went downstairs, “Honey, I’m sorry. I can’t find anything.”

  Rebecca piped in and said, “As far as the pictures, I have all the wedding photos at the house. We’ll put together a new album for you. How does that sound?”

  “That sounds good, Mom. Thank you.”

  “I’m sorry about the dress, honey.”

  “It’s okay. Maybe one of the cleaning crew took it. I suppose it doesn’t really matter.”

  The next day, Meredith moved in with Cynthia. For the two, it felt like their old college days. Meredith was happier than she had been in months.

  On Monday, she called Mr. Abaddonus. “Mr. Abaddonus, Meredith Carson.”

  “Oh yes, Mrs. Carson, I see you received my letter. I was wondering if we could set up a time to have you sign some documents for me.”

  “What for? What difference does it make?”

  “Mrs. Carson, as I explained to you some time ago, I deal with the affairs of the dead for a living. This is nothing new for me. I assure you I only have your best interest at heart. By signing over the house at this point, you can save your credit from ruination and we can avoid all this foreclosure nonsense. You’ll walk away free and clear.”

  “Free and clear? Mr. Abaddonus, this house has cost me everything! But yes, I’ll sign your documents if it means my ties to it are forever removed.”

  “Would this afternoon be too early for you?”

  “This afternoon would be just fine.”

  Meredith met with Mr. Abaddonus in his office.

  “And lastly Mrs. Carson, by signing this final document, the house will be transferred back into the Foundation’s name and will remain part of the previous benefactor’s estate.”