He released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Okay. That’s better than no.”
“I would really like to shower,” she said quietly more to Mary than Elliot.
Mary inhaled sharply. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
Tears formed in her eyes again. She felt so dirty, so tainted and she needed to wash to get away from that. “Please.”
“You know what Elliot was talking about, the evidence? If you shower now, it’ll wash away. So if you do decide to report, that’ll be lost,” Mary tried to explain without coming across cruel.
It was in that moment that Gemma felt pushed against the figurative wall. She had no escape. If she took time to think about it, to actually think through this, following Mary’s logic, she would never feel clean again. But if she decided against reporting, she could shower immediately and finally feel somewhat better. Yet Elliot’s words rang in her ears. And not just the ones about her father questioning her. What if they hurt someone else? She would feel responsible because she had done nothing to try to stop them.
“Can… I mean, can we go then?” she sobbed. There was no way around this. She was as trapped now as she was when they had her held down. “Can we just go to the hospital and get this over with so I can wash them off of me? Please?”
The air felt like it was knocked out of Elliot’s lungs. He did not expect that to come out of her mouth. He’d been bracing for more of a struggle, trying to formulate a way to make Gemma understand better, but she surprised him. He could see it in her eyes, she was absolutely terrified, but he could also see that she was now finally understanding everything he had been trying to say. With a nod, he helped Gemma from the bed, watching as his aunt took Gemma’s ripped clothes and placed them into a trash bag to take with them. She would drive separate, she told him.
LtB
North Suburban Hospital was quiet when they arrived. It was typically always busy during the day, as it was also in the middle of the night, but there was no one in the waiting room at Emergency. But that still didn’t help the situation. Gemma felt complete trepidation at being so close to home. What if someone came in and saw her? It was Homecoming night, the odds were high one of her classmates was out acting like a fool, getting into trouble and possibly hurt.
That thought only further ignited her terror.
She had some idea as to what to expect from this trip, as she’d seen things like this on television before, and the thought terrified her. They’d ask her questions, they’d examine her-if she let them-and then her name would be in their records as a victim. And not for something stupid like having too much fun at an after the dance party.
She began to hyperventilate just thinking about what was going to happen. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t do this at all. Her family would find out. Her friends would probably find out. It was mortifying enough that Elliot knew everything, but to have everyone know? She wanted to throw up suddenly.
“Gemmalyn Grady?” A pretty young nurse, who looked familiar, but couldn’t be placed, called her name just as she considered bolting for the door. She didn’t even remember registering, though she saw a clipboard in Elliot’s left hand. “My name is Heidi. Right this way.”
Her hand gripped Elliot’s, squeezing it painfully. She wasn’t going to let go. He would have to come with her though he didn’t think he was allowed. Still, he followed. The nurse, Heidi, just smiled at him, sympathetic, like she understood. Maybe she did, he didn’t know. His father never talked about cases like this, though he knew his father was a surgeon and probably didn’t work with… well, girls who had gone through what Gemma had. Unless it was absolutely necessary. He was suddenly so thankful it wasn’t.
As they reached a private room that connected to the examination suite, the nurse, Heidi gently touched his shoulder. “Why don’t we let her get changed and wait out here till she’s done?”
Gemma panicked, her grip tightening further on his hand. He couldn’t leave her alone. He couldn’t leave her to do this because if he did, she would run. At least that was what she wanted. But seeing the room, seeing the table through the door and knowing that she would need to be on it, she then understood. She didn’t want him to see her like that again, seeing her skin exposed as she removed Mary’s clothes. It was bad enough as it was with her feelings for him, and she didn’t want him to see her like this when he’d just see the disaster all over again.
The door closed behind her as she stepped through, and she fumbled with the t-shirt, pulling it over her head quickly. She glanced down at her generous chest, noticing the scratches, bruising, and slight markings of where teeth had been. A sob caught in her throat, her mind remembering.
“Looky what we got here, boys,” one of them had said in regards to her breasts. “Nice plump ones. The kind you just wanna bite.”
And then he did. She remembers screaming out until a hand covered her mouth. She was so thankful the bite hadn’t broken the skin, for she knew she would never be able to survive that permanent reminder. Placing the gown across her top, she pushed the sweat pants and her underwear down her legs while trying to ignore the red stains that marred them, shaking as her feet pulled free. Moving to sit on the examination table in the loose hospital gown, she pulled the blanket provided tightly around her body.
As they waited, Mary looked to the nurse. “I have her clothes for you, to put with the rest of the evidence.” She handed over the bag.
“Thank you. I’ll make sure she’s well taken care of,” Heidi promised them.
“Okay, I’m okay,” Gemma barely called out, and seconds later, the young nurse, with Elliot and Mary, walked in.
Elliot immediately walked to Gemma’s side, taking her hands in his. He stood beside her as Heidi walked over and began to speak to Gemma. She informed Gemma of what they were going to be doing so there would be no surprises. Gemma’s situation was a delicate one, and the last thing anyone wanted was to traumatize her more. She also explained that due to the nature of the incident, confidentiality was key.
All that Nurse Heidi had to say filtered into Elliot’s mind faster than it was being spoken and he felt the room start to spin.
“It shouldn’t take too long for the exam. But I’ll need you both to leave the room once Dr. Lindley arrives and all questions have been asked, so she can take care of Gemma.” Heidi smiled reassuringly at Gemma, and it was then that she figured out who the nurse was. This was Ricky Carmichael’s older sister. Another swell of panic rose up in Gemma and she felt sick. Ricky Carmichael was going to find out. He’d know. Everyone would know.
“Please don’t tell anyone,” she begged before she could stop herself.
“What was that, sweetie?” Mary asked.
“You’re Ricky’s sister. I couldn’t tell until just now. Please don’t tell him what happened. Please don’t tell anyone.” The tears were obvious in her voice, as Gemma continued to stare at the young blond nurse.
“Oh honey, I would never do anything like that. No matter what happens, I would never betray your trust. In this room, for as long as is necessary, I am Nurse Heidi. And I don’t know who Ricky is. That will just be another random name that means nothing to me or anyone else. Okay?” Heidi held Gemma’s attention, until the young girl nodded. “Now, let’s get your blood pressure. The doctor will be in shortly.”
It was only minutes later that that the young doctor knocked. Stepping into the room, she smiled a weary hello to everyone, but kept her attention firmly on Gemma. “Good evening, Mary. Hi, Gemma. My name is Dr. Lindley, but you can call me Becky.”
For the next half hour, Dr. Lindley spoke with Gemma, held the hand Elliot wasn’t holding, and instructed Gemma on what she was going to do and how. The young doctor asked questions, took notes, and did a quick examination of Gemma’s facial injuries. “You cleaned them well, Mary. Thank you,” Dr. Lindley said without turning away from Gemma. “Okay, now comes the hardest part. I will talk to you through the whole examination,
okay? I will instruct you of every move I make, everything I’m looking for. I’m going to need you to lie down on the table for me.”
“Elliot? Come on, honey. We can’t stay for this.” Despite the pain in Gemma’s eyes, the look that said he was abandoning her, Elliot nodded, released Gemma’s hand, and followed his aunt out of the room, and back into the private waiting area.
“I’m sorry,” he said to her before the door closed behind him.
He didn’t know how much time had passed. It could have been only minutes, maybe hours, but it felt like years were passing. He sat beside Mary, his knees bouncing, his heart racing. He knew so much just from looking at her, while he didn’t know the exact details, and didn’t think he’d ever be able to hear them without wanting to die or rip apart the bastards. But still, the possibilities were streaming through his mind, making him crazy. And the longer that door remained closed, the worse his mind was running.
After several long moments, Mary pushed down on his knee.
“Sorry. I just want this to be over with.” He shook his head. “I have no doubt Gemma is wishing the same thing.”
“It’s okay to be crazy over this,” Mary commented with a small smile. “She’s very special to you, isn’t she?”
A soft laugh left his mouth. “She’s my best friend.” He closed his eyes, pinching them tight as he thought about the past couple months. All that time he spent obsessing over Trisha when Gemma was right in front of him. All that time he spent not being a friend to her at all because he was so consumed with ridiculousness, it had him shaking his head, beaten down by guilt. “If only I’d asked her to the damn dance, because I had always planned to before I ever saw Trisha because I knew I would have fun with Gemma.” It didn’t matter what they did, just being with Gemma was fun. It still amazed him sometimes that he’d only known her less a year, they were that close. “If only I hadn’t ever thought about Trisha Scott to begin with and focused my attention on my best friend, who was there for me no matter what I talked about or obsessed over. If only… if only, then she wouldn’t be here. She wouldn’t be here talking to a doctor, getting a fucking horrifying examination, completely destroyed. And those guys never would have seen her; they never would have touched her. They never would have broken her.”
He began to sob, falling against his aunt. “Oh Elliot, this is not your fault. Yes, you made some mistakes, but you did not make Gemma go to Fairview tonight. You didn’t make her lie about plans just so-”
“She wouldn’t have lied if I’d have been a decent human being. She wouldn’t have lied in the first place if not for my stupidity,” he cut in. “There’d be no reason for Fairview to have even been a blip on her radar tonight if I had been a better friend. But I wasn’t, and she made up some tale and now look where we are. It kills me to think, but I don’t even know why she bothers with me.”
“She bothers with you because she cares about you,” Mary tried to reason.
“She could do so much better, and tonight just proves that.”
There would be no getting around this conversation. Elliot wouldn’t hear anything different. And for right now, he needed to simmer, stew in his self-imposed punishment because he knew without a doubt, Gemma deserved so much better than this, so much better than him.
After a while, Mary spoke again, a contemplative tone to her voice, “You know, I don’t think it’s just on Gemma’s side.”
“Don’t think what?” Elliot asked, wiping his eyes.
“I don’t think it’s just Gemma who likes you,” Mary replied with an easy smile. “I think it goes both ways.”
“What?” Elliot sat up, staring at his aunt. “What goes both ways?”
“Think about it. Anyone could have gone looking for her, best friends aside,” Mary counted off. “Anyone could be with her now. But instead, it was you who went, you who found her, and you who has held her hand and comforted her all night. It’s been you who has sat here crying over that girl. Yeah, friends do that, but the way you look at her, I think it’s more than just friendly. Because otherwise, why not just call someone to take care of her?”
He shook his head. He didn’t think he looked at Gemma any differently, but then again, he couldn’t see how he looked to the outside. And to call someone else almost seemed cruel, like he didn’t want to deal with this or face what his choices caused. More than that though, there was too much going on for him to even consider anything other than Gemma’s safety and well-being. If she liked him, like everyone said, okay, but he was too wound up to deal with any feelings other than hurt and absolute sadness right now.
Before he could respond to his aunt, the examination room door opened and the nurse came back out, accompanied by Dr. Lindley. Elliot immediately stood. “Is she okay?”
“She’s okay. Physically speaking, she is okay, all things considered since she does have some internal tearing, but nothing that can’t heal on its own. She has obvious injuries, bruising, scratches, and a bite mark. But other than that, she is going to be okay. Physically.” Elliot bristled at the description, especially the reference to a bite mark, but kept his composure. “I’ve recommended she speak with someone to help her get through this trauma. She has a list of therapists, with one I highly recommend.” Everyone nodded. “She’s asking for you,” Dr. Lindley looked at Elliot. “I’ve allowed her to redress. We’ve spoken with her, informed her the best we can as to what she can expect from here on out. She allowed the rape kit to be performed, which in many ways is the worst part because of how intimate the procedure is. So I need you to understand, for as sensitive as the situation was when you left that room, it is probably more than intensified.”
“Okay, okay,” Elliot breathed, preparing himself to walk through the door. “Did she say if she was going to file a report?” The doctor nodded in affirmation. “And her parents?”
“I’ve placed a call to them. There was no answer.”
“They’re out of town. Went on a business trip for the night or something.”
“Oh, okay. We’ll they should be notified, especially since Gemma is only fifteen.”
“I’ll make sure they do.”
“Thank you. I’m sure she’s ready for you to see her now,” Dr. Lindley commented, releasing him from her company.
That was all he needed. Squaring his shoulders and breathing deeply, Elliot made his way back to Gemma’s room.
She waited for what seemed like hours before a soft knock sounded and the door finally opened again, Elliot on the other side. She was still shaky from talking, relaying what happened to Dr. Lindley. And the exam, for all that it was easy; it was still more difficult than most things she’d ever done. A police report was going to be filed, she’d committed to that. Her family was going to find out. It didn’t matter that Dr. Lindley couldn’t get a hold of her dad tonight. They would find out.
Try as she might, being only fifteen years old made keeping this a secret, impossible. But the good doctor had instructed her that she needed support; to survive this and recover fully, she was going to need support.
As light brown hair popped into the room, followed by Elliot’s somber blue gaze, Gemma breathed a sigh of relief. It was ridiculous, after what happened to her, for her to feel that way, but he helped with her nerves. She needed him close.
“Hey, Gemma,” Elliot whispered, smiling sheepishly. She motioned for him to come closer, the sweats warm against her skin after being so cold in the gown. As soon as he reached her, he took her hand, warming her further. “How are you?”
“I’m okay,” she answered, her head suddenly feeling heavy. Tonight was the roughest of her young life. She didn’t know how she’d make it, but she hoped Elliot would be there for her. “I want to go home now. I’m sure Leighanna is wondering where I’ve been. I don’t want to make it worse by staying out longer than necessary,” Gemma murmured, feeling tired again. Her head was starting to hurt and her body just wanted to shut down.
“Okay, I’ll get you home.”
LtB
North Suburban wasn’t extremely from Gemma’s house so it only took a few minutes. As Elliot parked in front of the house, behind Leighanna’s red VW Beetle, he saw Gemma start to fidget. “I don’t know if I can go in there looking like this. I’m sure Leigh is up waiting for me.”
“Probably,” Elliot nodded remembering how Leighanna acted when he figured out the lie that was told. He even didn’t want Gemma to have to walk into that house after everything that has happened. There was so much wrong with this night, he longed for a do-over.
“I’m surprised she hasn’t tried calling anymore,” Gemma mumbled with a frown, looking down at her phone gripped tightly between her hands. She wondered if her sister had just assumed Elliott had found her and everything was fine. “How did you know where to look for me?” she asked after a moment. It was one thing she’d not thought of until just now.
“I uh, saw Ryan at the dance. He was with Janey,” he started, not wanting to have this conversation because of all that was wrong from the beginning. “Leighanna asked me if he stood you up to get back with Janey. She said you guys were supposed to hang out. She tried calling you but your phone kept ringing and then going to voicemail. I didn’t wait to see if you answered, I just left to find you.” A little ‘o’ formed on her lips, but no sound come out. “Why did you lie about your plans?”
Somewhere in Between Page 4