“I won’t keep anything from you anymore,” she promised.
For a second, he thought about asking her about her feelings for him. He wondered if she still had any. And since she’d just said she wouldn’t keep anything from him, maybe that would count too? But again, she didn’t need to be put on the spot and he didn’t need to face any rejection were she to no longer carry a torch for him. So he stopped the thought that wanted to leave his heart, and instead just nodded. “Good. Now, tell me. How did it go?”
They walked inside her house, where Gemma saw her family waiting for her. “You didn’t go to the library, did you?” her father asked immediately, his voice laced with sadness and a layer of frustration.
“No, daddy. I didn’t.”
“You can’t do things like that, Gemma. You have no idea how terrified it makes me, makes all of us when you say one thing, but do another,” Andrew said tiredly. “We don’t want anything to happen to you. Not again.”
“I know. I’m so sorry.”
Nodding, Andrew sighed. “Alright. We heard you saw a therapist. Tells us how it went.”
As she and Elliot sat down on the sofa, she began her tale of her day and why she kept it a secret. By the time she was finished, everyone had tempered their concern at her keeping the secret, and instead were glad she had decided to seek help. Her father still reprimanded her for going off on her own, but gave her a hug at the end of it. And Caroline told her she would drive her for her next appointment. She was still in trouble, but not serious trouble, especially since it wasn’t like there was anything they could punish her with. She didn’t socialize at the moment, and she cared little for gadgets or television.
After that, the five sat down to dinner of homemade pizzas and mozzarella sticks, chatting about their individual days, and deciding on how to spend the next day.
“So, we’ll be over around noon on Thursday. Your mom told my mom that dinner will be served at two and my mom wants to be here early to help.” Elliot was standing at his car door, leaning back again it. Just as with earlier in the day, the urge to kiss Gemma was overwhelming. He wanted nothing more than to pull her to him, wrap his arms around her, and brush his lips against hers, tasting her sweetness. The longing was so powerful that as he started thinking about how wonderful it would be, he felt a stirring in his groin, alerting him that he was letting his thoughts get too far. He didn’t want Gemma to notice him like that. As if it wasn’t embarrassing enough, that was the last thing Gemma needed to be confronted with. Clearing his throat, he stood and tugged his jacket down as much as he could get it. “I uh, I should probably get going. It’s getting colder. You should get inside.” He smiled at her to let her believe everything was normal for him. “But I’ll call you.”
She nodded with a smile. “Okay. I’ll be waiting.”
As he drove home, his thoughts were scattered. One part of him desperately wanted to turn his car around and rush back to Gemma, sweep her in his arms, and kiss her deeply. But another part of him understood that he couldn’t do anything even close to that. And the problem with his thoughts, even if Gemma hadn’t been attacked, he still couldn’t do what he wanted because of how he acted before. His feelings may no longer go anywhere toward Trisha Scott, but it didn’t change the fact that he had, very publicly, shown how much he wanted her-regardless of how foolish that want was. If he were to go to Gemma now, it wouldn’t seem like the truth because he knew Gemma. He knew how she thought. So he had to make it his mission to make her change those thoughts, as well as help her heal toward maybe one day finding her feelings for him again.
He walked into his house, one hand in his hair, another over his heart as he tried to formulate a plan. Everything was so muddled. He wondered if this was how Gemma felt for him for all that time. If it was, he was such an asshole and he hand so much to make up for, especially since he knew now, with the utmost certainty, that he never had a shot with Trisha and were he to have had one, it would have been a humongous mistake.
With a heavy sigh, Elliot shed his jacket, hanging it on the coat rack next to the front door. He’d hang it in the closet later. Right now, Elliot wanted nothing more than to go to his room, take a cold shower, and calm down. He moved to the stairs with purpose but didn’t get very far.
“Can I talk to you?
A voice startled him, and he almost jumped out of his skin. Wheeling around, he saw Christie, tiny and disheveled sitting on the sofa in the front room. He eyed her closely, noticing how pale she looked. Christie was always pale, but this didn’t look healthy. She looked like she was sick. He instantly wondered if she was, but then remembered his father’s words. His dad had told him, and he knew from personal experience, everything with Christie always seemed life threatening when it was nowhere even close.
She really had no idea the kind of bad things that existed outside of her made up ones.
“It depends,” he began, his voice low cautious. “Do you intend to say vicious things to me about something I already know? Or talk bad about people I care about behind their backs, just not in text form?”
Her eyes widened slightly. He never told his parents about the texts Christie had sent Leighanna. For as much as he’d wanted to, Gemma took precedent over his sister’s pettiness. “How did… never mind. It doesn’t matter how you know I did that.”
Taking a step into the room, but making no move to sit, Elliot crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you want, Christie?”
“I want to apologise.”
There was no preamble. “Apologise for what?”
“Everything.”
“I’m listening.
LtB
It was after midnight by the time Elliot had called Gemma. Once he sat down with Christie, he’d sent off a text to let her know it would be a bit before he could call. Something big had come up, but to not be worried, he was fine. Thankfully, Gemma was understanding, and didn’t mind being woken up when he rang, though their talk wasn’t a long one. He didn’t go into detail, but told Gemma when he saw her the next day, he would fill her in on a very interesting conversation he’d had.
It was just after ten when Elliot woke. He attempted to hurry to shower, since he never got that cold shower the night before, and then rushed to see Gemma. He did not see Christie as he left, but didn’t feel that was a bad thing or necessarily worrisome. As he parked in front of Gemma’s house, he spotted her in her big marshmallow style baby blue coat, sitting on the front porch. He smiled shyly, wondering if she was waiting for him. His heart thumped at the hope that thought brought, and he had to remind the rest of him not to get too excited in case it was true. And even more so in case it wasn’t, which promptly wiped away the potential excitement.
Regardless, all he knew, was he was glad he’d gone for the long flannel shirt today.
“You missed breakfast. But mom is making BLT’s for lunch,” Gemma commented as Elliot approached. “Although, that could be a breakfast-y food too.”
Elliot laughed. There was a couple weeks where his parents had asked if they’d ever see him for a dinner again. He told them they would, and in private, his mother whispered her wish that he wouldn’t be alone. He did not respond that he had the same wish, but he did smile at her knowingly.
“Sounds good.” He jogged up the steps, careful of some piles of freshly shoveled snow. “I have a story to share with you.” Gemma regarded him for a moment, taking in the ease of his face, and the light in his eyes that she hadn’t seen in some time.
“Let’s go up to my room then so you can fill me in.” With an ease she wasn’t aware she possessed until that moment, she took his hand and led him upstairs. It was something she’d done hundreds of times over the summer, but it had never meant so much before.
While Gemma was vibrating with the thrill of being able to act so casual about something that would otherwise terrify her, Elliot was vibrating at the idea that he really wanted one day for this to happen and lead to something other than talking. Baby steps.
Swallowing hard, the lump that had formed in his throat, Elliot stepped across the threshold to Gemma’s room, imagining it in a different, more romantic type of setting. He really needed help. Releasing her hand, he walked to her desk chair, sitting down on it heavily. He pointedly ignored the way Gemma looked at him confused, no doubt wondering why he chose not to sit next to her on her bed. The temptation was too great for him, her lips so soft looking, and he didn’t want the chance of an awkward…bulge to appear at any time.
“So, what is this story?” She was trying to ignore the fact that he was so far away from her. Up until now, Elliot had always sat beside her on her bed, had always held her hand while they were seated. She didn’t understand why he wouldn’t, but didn’t want to think too hard on it. One drama moment at a time.
“The reason I was so late calling last night is because when I got home, Christie was waiting to talk to me.”
“What? Really?” Everything that she had been thinking about flew from her mind the moment Elliot uttered those words.
“Yeah, it was an interesting conversation, to say the least.”
“The way I’ve been acting, I know it isn’t right,” Christie begins in a small voice. “And the reason behind it is no excuse.”
“What is the reason?” Elliot asks, his voice on the stern side. He doesn’t want to make this into an argument, especially given the hour and the fact that it’s been two months since anything other than hate has been said between the two of them, but he is very hurt by his sister and the way she’s been acting. As much as he wants to hear her reasoning, see if it’s good enough, in a way he also doesn’t want to hear anything. He wants to act childish for a change.
“Well, for one thing, I’m dyslexic.” Just as what his father had told him, Christie tells him now. “Now before you say anything, no, that is not a good reason to act out or misbehave in the slightest. I know that. I knew it when I was acting out. And no, it’s not the whole reason, but it plays a part.”
He shakes his head because he doesn’t understand. “Then tell me, what caused this? Tell me what caused you to act the way you did?” He’s flustered and trying to keep his voice down. “You started vicious rumors about people, your supposed best friend and me, your own twin being just two of them. You were cruel in the things you said. You were cruel because you know things, and you used those things to hurt people you claimed to care about.” He inhales, his hands running through his hair. He really needs to cut it before he runs himself bald. “You acted like Josh was just some nobody. Decided to be friends with the terror twins again, and vandalize property. For what? Please, explain to me what was so great that it could get you to be this horrible person?”
After a deep breath, Christie begins to speak. “I’m dyslexic. For the longest time I dealt with it. No one knew, not mom and dad, not even my teachers. I was able to hide it from everyone really well. At least until high school started.” She looks at the ground, her fingers playing with the hem of her nightshirt. “For a little while I was able to fake my way. You know that whole fake it till you make it type of thing. But then second semester began and I had a class, English II, with Cassie and Penny. We already knew each other because of cheerleading, but they always only hung out with each other so I didn’t know them really well. I liked them enough I guess. Thought they liked me. We sat by each other. And for the most part, everything was fine. It was fun hanging out, gossiping and whatnot.”
“You thought they liked you? They have never been nice people,” he whispers to himself with another shake of his head, but it’s not loud enough for Christie to hear.
“As the semester went on, the class got harder for me. We were reading things that I couldn’t comprehend because I wasn’t reading it right. I mean it’s not easy to read Shakespeare normally, right? Everything seemed so confusing all of a sudden, and I was failing my tests.” She looks at him, her eyes watery. “I got an ‘F’ on a pop quiz essay about Of Mice and Men because I couldn’t read the question right.” She inhales deeply before continuing. “Cassie saw it first. I had tried to hide the grade, deciding to look at it later, once class was over so I could find out what I’d done wrong, but she caught it before I could put it away. She told Penny and the next thing I know, they’re laughing at me and then they’re telling me I’m going to be kicked off the squad because you can’t fail anything and what I thought about them being nice went away because they wouldn’t stop talking about it.”
“So what?” He honestly couldn’t figure out why it mattered.
“They told me, if I started hanging out with them, and didn’t hang out with Josh, they’d keep the grade quiet. Trisha would never know, Coach would never find out.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. You hang out with them and then what? What are they supposed to get out of the deal?”
She looks at him with a guilty expression. “You’re my brother so I don’t see it, I mean that would be gross if I did. But I guess one of them liked you. They thought if we hung out, that maybe you’d hang out with me every now and then, and then they could get close to you.”
“What? That’s ridiculous.”
“Not really. I mean it made sense,” Christie shrugs. “Maybe if you spent some time with us, you’d start to like them, and maybe that like would turn into wanting to date one. You don’t know how upset they were when Trisha walked into your line of sight.”
He feels sick by that idea. Even if he hadn’t developed a stupid crush on Trisha, there was never a moment where he looked at Penny or Cassie and felt anything other than disgust for them. Even before they started hanging around Christie. She didn’t see it, but he had seen how they acted like they were better than everyone else from the get-go, even though they were the bottom of the high school food chain. “They never had a shot. I’ll tell you that right now. Even if I never knew who Trisha was, there was no way.”
“I know. I know that now. But it was a deal they were offering and I didn’t want to hear anything from them about my grade so I agreed. I didn’t want to lose my spot on the squad.”
“Christie, it was one grade. You would not be kicked out for one bad grade, and on a pop quiz no less. Those are not end-all grades. I mean, mom and dad would have been notified if you were failing. They weren’t. So you were not.”
“I know! But I was afraid. I was seeing that they enjoyed being mean to other people, and I didn’t want them to be mean to me too. So I let them hold my grade over my head. I let them talk me into being mean to Josh even though it broke my heart to. The next essay I did okay on. And we didn’t have any more pop quizzes after that so I wasn’t struggling as much. And then Gemma and Leighanna moved to town.” He sees her wipe tears from her face. But he doesn’t comfort her. He’s still upset about her reason. “My becoming friends with Leighanna was a dream for them. She was an upperclassman, and what freshman doesn’t want to be cool like that?
“But as I spent more time with Gemma, I wanted to spend less time with Penny and Cassie. She’s such a good person, a little quirky, but so good. And she never says anything bad about anyone. Not even you or Trisha during that who debacle. And she had every right to be upset!” A sniffle comes from Christie, and he again feels guilty that Gemma had to suffer through his crush. “I wasn’t even worried about the grade anymore because like you said, I hadn’t failed the class, only that quiz. And I would study sometimes with Gemma, so it got easier to understand my classes better.” She shakes her at the same time that he sighs. “Everything went back to normal. Summer was great, but then you started liking Trisha and I knew how Gemma felt about you. She never came out and said it, because that’s not who she is, but I could see it all over her face.” Christie is silent again, but Elliot knows she’s not finished. “After a while, I just kinda got tired of hearing you talk about Trisha and seeing Gemma mope about it constantly. Cause really, you were annoying and she just seemed really pathetic.”
“Jesus, you really don’t know how to apologise
, do you?”
“I’m sorry, but that’s how I felt,” Christie argues.
“While I admit to being a broken record, Gemma did not mope over me. She’s not like that. She isn’t pathetic now, nor has she ever been,” Elliot defends, holding back the desire to tell his twin the only pathetic one is her. It won’t help matters so he remains silent and stews over the fact he knows he’s right about Gemma. She didn’t mope. She never said a word to anyone. That was part of his problem, why he never saw it. Gemma suffered in silence.
“I know that, I do. I mean she hid her hurt really well. No one even really noticed the torch she carried for you unless you were close with her,” Christie answers back. “I didn’t mean it to sound mean. The truth is, I was tired of hearing you talk about someone I thought was unattainable and sad to see my friend suffer for it. So one day on a break at practice, I vented to Penny and Cassie a little. They were on the outside looking in, and they were the ones who put it in my head how pathetic you were, and how desperate Gemma seemed to be, crushing on you when she was firmly locked away in “friend-zone” for you.”
The sting from that, presses in on his heart. He hates the idea that Gemma liked him so much and had to watch him carry on over some other girl. He looks at his sister, her face is dry. “So you let them talk you into being mean?”
“Gah, this isn’t sounding right,” Christie laments. “I had started struggling again, right away this year. Penny was in one of the classes I was having a hard time in. She saw me talking to the teacher about tutoring. At first she thought I was going to tutor someone, and thought I was being stupid trying to help some loser out, but then she found out it was the opposite. So she told Cassie and then they started making fun of me for it again. Like, how can you not know how to read at sixteen? I can read, things just seem backwards.”
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