“He’s not pressuring me, if that’s what you’re implying,” Gemma had said as the scenery passed her by, including the large glass ‘satellite’ dish near the interstate by Huron. “If anything, he’s being very… controlled. No, that’s not the right word.” She didn’t know how to describe how amazing her boyfriend was being without sounding like an idiot. “He told me we would wait until we were both ready and sure and that he didn’t want to rush anything. This isn’t something either of us want to rush into.”
That seemed to be what Caroline wanted to hear, because as soon as they arrived home, she called her doctor to make Gemma an appointment, thankfully right after her next therapy session so they didn’t need to make more than one trip during the week.
They both decided Andrew did not need to know about this though. There are just some things a father doesn’t need to know about his daughter, especially when it comes to girly issues and sex.
Gemma didn’t tell Elliot about the appointment either. She didn’t want to inadvertently put pressure on him, or lead him to think she was ready right that second. She just wanted to be prepared. She did tell her sister though.
“I can’t believe you’re growing up,” Leighanna sniffed into the receiver. “I remember moving into your house when you were still a child. And now this?”
Gemma laughed at her sister’s dramatics. “I had to grow up sometime, Leigh.”
“I know,” Leighanna murmured. “I’m glad you’re being responsible about things, too. I’m sure mom is as well. But you will always be a little girl in Andrew’s eyes.”
Those thoughts were battling to stay in the forefront of her mind as the date kept fighting to be front and center. It was an interesting dichotomy. On one hand, she was trying her best to avoid thinking about the main reason sex was still an anxious topic for her. Not a frightening one, but an anxious one. And then there was the thought where the more her lips touched Elliot’s, the more she let herself explore to his neck, feeling him explore her, the more she wanted to do more and have them become more. If not for Leigh or Dr. Archuleta, it would have been an entirely internal battle. Except neither would let her stew. It helped and embarrassed her at the same time.
It was in these moments when Gemma truly missed her friendship with Christie.
The unfortunate side was that after their talk, Christie had steadfastly avoided Gemma as much as possible. Anytime she would visit at the Wade house, she would learn Christie had left or was locked in her room refusing to leave it. And then once school started up again, even though they had two classes together, Christie sat in the front of the room, right in front of the teacher’s desk and wouldn’t even look at Gemma.
She had slowly started to accept that a friendship reconciliation with Christie really was no longer in the cards.
Finishing up her shower and rushing to get dressed, Gemma headed down stairs to find her mother and father sitting and chatting with Elliot. Everyone had a plate made up and there was even one waiting for her. As she sat down, her eyes welled with tears for the first time that morning but she refused to let them fall. She didn’t want to see pity or sorrow.
“This looks good, mom,” she commented, hoping to keep her voice from sounding too watery. With the smile directed at her, she slowly released the breath she’d been holding. The last thing she needed or wanted was to fall apart. Satisfied her emotions were under control, Gemma smiled before grabbing the homemade syrup and pouring it over her pancakes. That seemed to break the spell and everyone else began to dig in to the food.
For the most part, breakfast was a quiet affair. Andrew asked Elliot how school was going. Elliot asked Andrew if he planned to attend any hockey games this season. Then Caroline asked Elliot if he thought about joining any sports teams at school. While Elliot was good at sports, he didn’t play them other than to mess around. It was awkward until Gemma finally decided she couldn’t take it anymore.
“Please stop,” she whispered as the strained conversation came to a halt. All eyes were looking at her. “I know what today is, okay? I know what it is and I can’t handle everyone making it a bigger deal than it is.” She could tell they wanted to argue her words, but she couldn’t let them. “I know it’s a big deal. I know exactly what it is and what it means. But please, I can’t handle seeing you all look like this and act like this when every other day you don’t. So please, please just let this be any other day.”
There was a moment where all three sets of eyes focused on her, waiting to see whether this was the right course of action, or if Gemma really did need help. When Gemma’s face remained pleading and open, nods were offered. From that moment on, conversation flowed easier. As though the day really was just another day.
“Have you started to look into schools, Elliot?” Caroline asked trying to get the conversation flowing again. And this time, it wasn’t a question to cover awkward silence.
A blush took to Elliot’s face. “Um, yeah, kind of.” He looked at Gemma who simply smiled at him. It was a conversation they had the moment Leighanna leaving for school became reality. In the end, they found they both had similar interests in where they wanted to end up. “My dad went to Stanford, and he wants me to go there. Mom went to Cornell and is rooting for that one,” he laughed. “I applied to both to appease them. But I was thinking more along the lines of going to UCLA.”
There was a moment of silence before Caroline spoke, a smile in her voice, “That’s where Gemma wants to go.”
Looking down, and feeling his cheeks heat further, Elliot nodded. “Um, yeah. They have a really good criminology program in case I want to do something there, but they also have a really good medicine program and I’ve um, I’ve been thinking a lot about following in my dad’s footsteps by becoming a doctor.” He’d never tell anyone he was thinking about criminology because he wanted to help stop people from hurting others as they’d hurt Gemma. Or that he thought of becoming a doctor so that he could save people in a different way. Not even Gemma knew his reasoning. But she didn’t need them, she supported him all the same.
“Those are pretty impressive goals,” Gemma’s dad commented with a smile, perhaps understanding his thought process by the wink he seemed to give.
“Yes, sir. I’ve started to apply for scholarships and am looking into financial aid.” While his parents were not poor by any stretch with his father being a doctor after all, they also worked very hard for the money they made, meaning that just because his parents had the funds, didn’t mean he could assume everything was his. And Elliot didn’t want to be held back because he didn’t have the foresight to plan for his future.
After breakfast ended, Elliot led Gemma to the front room, his backpack slung over his shoulder. “I wasn’t sure what you’d want to do today,” he said as they sat on the sofa. “So I brought movies over. But if you wanna get out of the house today, we can do that too.”
He was nervous, Gemma didn’t have to look at him to know that. And it occurred to her in that moment, while this day was horrifically difficult for her to get through, it was just as bad for Elliot. While he hadn’t been the one to be physically hurt that night, he bore witness to her pain. Add in the fact that he said he loved her, that she was his everything, and Gemma had no doubts that this day was threatening to suffocate him just as much as her.
“I love you, Elliot,” she murmured, placing her hand over his as it trembled slightly. “I love you so very much.”
With a heavy breath, he looked her way. “I love you too, Gemma.” He laced his fingers with hers and tried to calm his worried mind. He would never tell her how the last week leading up to this day had been nothing but nightmares. He would never tell her how he had called Andrew asking for the FBI agent’s number to find out if anything had been found out. He wouldn’t tell her because Gemma already had enough to deal with.
“What kind of movies did you bring?” she asked after a moment. The room was too full of anguish and she wanted to rid them of it.
For
the next few hours, the two teenagers lost themselves in the magical world of Harry Potter, deciding they were going to watch the entire set now that they’d started the first. Since Elliot had only brought the first with him, once that movie ended they decided to get out of the house and watch the next ones later. The weather was turning cool, but the sun was out, making the day pleasant.
After walking to a nearby wooded park, Elliot held fiercely to Gemma’s hand as they meandered around the playground. “How are you doing? Really.”
Without looking at him, Gemma answered, “I’m okay.” She looked up at the tree tops, seeing flickers of light break through. “I’m trying not to dwell on anything. I’m so tired of hurting over this.”
Elliot nodded, feeling the same. But for him it was different. Where Gemma had felt the physical ramifications, and had something to dwell on in that regard, his was purely emotional and mental. He felt like he should be moving on from what had happened a year earlier. But instead, he found himself trapped in the alley, seeing her broke and bleeding, and not getting to her in time. Or worse, getting to her, only to lose her anyhow. That was how his dreams had played out the past week, this day taunting him as though it somehow knew it had won.
But he could see Gemma trying to put on a happy front, trying so diligently to not let this day control her. Trying to not let the emotional, mental, and physical ghosts haunt her. So he vowed to do the same.
They continued to stroll around the tall grass, watching small animals scurrying about, seeing leaves nearly all lost from their branches. They didn’t speak much, merely commenting here and there to point out something, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. They were merely enjoying one another’s company. So it was a surprise when out of nowhere, Elliot’s mouth betrayed the serenity of the afternoon.
“Why did you start liking me?” his mouth asked without permission. But he realized, he was so at ease just being beside Gemma that everything inside turned to goo. Including his brain.
Gemma blushed from the question, but knew there was no reason to feel embarrassed. They were together now, and it wasn’t like her crush on him was scandalous. Shrugging, she continued looking forward. “I don’t know. I think it’s because we spent so much time together. At least at first.” They stopped walking, and a shaky breath escape from Gemma. “Christie spent so much time with Josh at the end of school, and beginning of summer, that we were always together. I guess once we were thrown together, and I got to know you outside of class, you know, what you liked, and how a lot of it I liked too; it just kinda happened.”
He watched her shrug again, trying to play it off but to him, it was like heaven. “That first time we went to the fairgrounds, when we all got together to play volleyball, I remember standing there watching you, the way the sun lit up your hair, and that smile you had on your face. That was the moment my heart knew it couldn’t live without you. I remember thinking you looked so breathtakingly beautiful.” He ran his fingers along her cheek before lowering his head a little to better look her in the eye. “I’m sorry it took my brain so long to catch up to what my heart knew so absolutely completely.”
Gemma laughed, breathless herself. “Don’t be. We’re here now, that’s all that matters.” With that, Gemma closed the gap between them, letting her lips and mouth show Elliot how grateful she was for him and how much she loved him.
As the day ended, neither allowed it to drown them, choosing instead to focus solely on one another.
LtB
Halloween came and with it, a change. After surviving the anniversary of Gemma’s attack with only minimal anxiety, Elliot and Gemma returned to school, closer than ever. And with that, brought about new feelings. It was in the air around them, in the way they would feel the other no matter where they were or who was around. It was in the way that every time they looked at one another, a new sort of thrill would should through them, setting every nerve-ending on fire.
And so it changed on October 31st, when Grace and Dalton, and Andrew and Caroline left their homes to attend a Halloween Party at the Doubletree. Not wanting to be alone on the holiday, and not wanting to leave her alone, Elliot and Gemma once more found themselves in the living room of Gemma’s house, watching a Nightmare on Elm Street marathon.
Just as Johnny Depp was sucked into his water bed, Gemma turned her head into Elliot’s shoulder, not wanting to watch the prettiness that was Mr. Depp’s character, die. Elliot chuckled at his girlfriend’s response knowing full well it wasn’t the act but the person dying on screen that bothered her.
“It’s over,” he smirked, until she pulled her head up, her lips brushing against his neck. That’s when his body stiffened. Everywhere. His breath hitched at the contact, his mind instantly drifting back to all the moments over the summer and recently that Gemma’s lips on his skin meant they were doing more than just kissing. As he tried to push aside the thoughts burning through his veins, igniting his lust, he nearly failed to notice Gemma hadn’t moved away from him like he thought she would.
Angling his body slightly, he looked down at her, seeing her eyes hooded, her lips parted enticingly, and her breathing slightly labored. He’d seen this look on her before, but it usually came at the end of a long drawn out kissing session that involved light touches and caresses and never after such minimal contact, at least on her.
As his scent invaded her senses, Gemma couldn’t help but want to inhale Elliot completely. She felt her nipples tighten, her heart rate speed up, and her stomach clench. It was in that moment, the moment their eyes connected, that she knew. And she wasn’t terrified like she thought she’d be. Instead, she was awakened and at peace.
“Elliot?” she breathed, his name barely a whisper.
“Yeah?” he asked, voice rough and thick.
“I think… I think I’m ready,” she murmured, her face still close to his, her breath washing over him.
“Ready,” he repeated, because his brain had started to lose its blood supply, and he wanted to make sure he heard her right.
Moving closer, Gemma took Elliot’s hand and placed it on her thigh, maneuvering it slightly between her legs. She heard him swallow hard, his eyes following her movements. Feeling embolden and completely sure of herself for the first time in so very long, Gemma let her hand travel to Elliot’s leg, slowly running up until she was near the bulge at the zipper of his jeans.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice sounding like gravel crunched under a tire.
“I want you to kiss me, Elliot,” Gemma stated, letting her fingers trace the seam of his jeans. “I want you to kiss me, and then I want us to go upstairs to my room, because I’m ready.”
He swallowed hard again, his breathing still quick but he nodded. He was nervous and uncertain. He found he wasn’t nervous because of what Gemma was asking of him, because he knew he was more than ready to be with her completely, but instead because he didn’t want to start this and then have her panic. He couldn’t bear the thought of causing her pain of any kind.
“I-I’m ready too. But,” he inhaled sharply, nearly choking. “But are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” she smiled at his worried expression. “I’m sure and I won’t freak out. I promise.”
“How do you know?” His hand, the one caught between her thighs was slowly moving, of its own will, toward the warmth he could feel radiating there. He wasn’t stupid, Elliot had seen a few pornos in his time, flipped through a couple Playboys and Penthouses. And his family had
Wi-Fi so it wasn’t like sex was completely unknown. He was a teenaged boy after all. He knew what a woman looked like naked-not in person, of course but still-and once he started… enjoying… Gemma’s company even more, his hand had become very acquainted with the very thing Gemma’s delicate fingers were tracing the outline of.
Her smile grew as she continued her ministrations while feeling his. “Because for the first time in so long, I’m not afraid of the thoughts I’m having. For the first time in so long, I feel complet
ely free.”
He searched her face for any sign of hesitation, but it was clear and beautiful. So were her eyes. Pulling his hand from between her thighs, he stood up, pulling her with him. He towered over her small frame, having hit another growth spurt, so he had to crouch down slightly, to give her the kiss she had requested.
It was sweet and filled with fire all at the same time that left Gemma moaning and him panting.
Leaving the movie to play, Elliot gently took Gemma’s hand in his as they moved up the stairs to her room. There was a restless energy surrounding them as the door closed behind Gemma. It was unnecessary, since no one else was home and probably wouldn’t be for hours since it was still really only seven o’clock, but it just served to bring home the magnitude of what they were about to do.
With trembling hands, Gemma trailed her fingers along the bottom of Elliot’s t-shirt, before taking a steadying breath to calm herself. Once she felt more at ease, she lifted it from his body, letting his pale skin come into view. Elliot wasn’t muscular by any definition, as say someone like Trent, who worked out regularly was, but he wasn’t pudgy either. His stomach was lean, and there was slight definition where muscle would show if he made an effort. But to Gemma, he was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen.
With a delicacy he knew only came because of horrific circumstance, Elliot reached up to unbutton the blouse Gemma was wearing. He could see her take deep breaths, her eyes never leaving his face as he gently removed the clothing from her body, pushing it off her shoulders only to pool at her feet. He couldn’t help himself after that, he looked down, noticing the soft pink bra she was wearing. He also noticed the way her breasts seemed heavy, and her nipples were poking against the garment.
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