by C. J. Lau
Chapter 25
The silence is deafening when I open the door to my Captain’s room. Nancy wanting to talk to me, and I’m happy to give all the time she needs.
The room is smaller than the one Cat and I share. It’s also the neatest room I’ve seen, particularly for a space inhabited by three teenagers.
“Hi, Miss Conrad.” Nancy’s voice activates my hearing. The room not silent after all. The sounds of a shower running, and the faint hum of a laptop fan seep into the quiet.
Nancy’s sitting cross legged on a chair, her face showing no signs that she just captained a great victory. None of the pride of a semi-final bound Captain.
I try cheering her up. “Good game today, Nancy. How are you?”
She sighs her non-answer. “Thanks, Miss.”
I pull up in the seat next to her, touch her hand before she withdraws it in a flash of purple nail polish. “Please, call me Maggie.”
And when she doesn’t answer I push on. “You wanted to talk to me?”
The purple fingers came out of hiding, reach for the laptop to snap it open. “I wasn’t going to show you this if we lost.” And I detect a small smile behind the frown, today’s victory one they can never take away from her. “Would have sounded like I was making excuses.”
The image on the screen catches me off guard, and with one gasp everything that’s been won today vanishes.
“I got this last night.” Nancy trembling in body and voice. “Someone emailed it.”
“Do…” My eyes dance between the horrific image and Nancy’s shocked expression. “Do you know who sent it?”
A shake of her head. Eyes darting back to the screen. Who would do this?
“Have you received any others?”
A nod sends shard of cold horror through me. “Show me.”
A few clicks prolong the agony.
“This came just then.”
No image this time, just text: Bravo Nancy! Good win. Now your precious Maggie must die.
The world loses focus while I fight with myself. A death threat by proxy. Poisoning everyone on its path.
I swallow hard, hanging on. “Have you shown anyone else this?”
A shake of Nancy’s head. Her look of horror matching mine.
I take in the email. Ignore the words to focus on everything else. Sender unfamiliar, time stamp from this afternoon.
“Nancy.” An uneasy calm settles in my voice, even with my mind spinning hot and fast. “I am going to report this to the police. Do you mind if I take your laptop?”
“Sure, Miss. Am I in trouble?” Nancy’s voice is pure fear.
“Not at all,” my reply instant, straight out of the critical incident manual, “but whoever sent this is.”
Wollongong were on the field when this was sent. My thoughts take a path of their own. Shaking hands with us.
“A few of big blue were calling me Judas today,” Nancy interrupts my thoughts. “Got me really fired up. I’ve never lost my cool like that on the field. Was ready to deck that girl who hit Anna.” She finally looks at me, still shaking her head. “It was good Sarah got in my way, and then Cat called me off…”
“There is nothing wrong with what you did out there,” I reassure her, replaying the afternoon minute by minute. “So much of playing at the top level is about emotion and adrenaline.” Then my distracted brain contradicts itself. “Of course there’s a line, but I don’t think you crossed it.”
Solo leaving after his fight with Candace. What time had that been?
“Cat did though,” Nancy’s eyes burn into mine. “She was screaming at me to calm down.”
I drag myself back to this conversation, see it differently. “No, Cat didn’t think that. She was just making sure you didn’t go into a zone where emotion clouded judgement.” My thoughts drift to Cat again. “She’d know too. Having played at the highest level there is.”
What’s bothering Cat? Not knowing gnaws away at me. And now this.
Nancy breaks into my train of thought. Makes me feel guilty that though I’m here, my mind is miles away. “Maybe I’m not Captaincy material after all.” And I’m drawn in as she recounts all Wollongong’s taunting, unheard and unseen from the sidelines. “Not sure how Sam copes with it all the time.”
I bottle the anger. No use for it now. “What you did for Brooke proved 100% you deserve to be Captain. I’m sure she will thank you.”
“I can’t believe Ms X yelled out to target an injured player.” Nancy’s anger flashes again. My own rage for Darrell heaping on top of everything else. “That’s totally unsporting.”
Another thing to avenge and report. “Yep. I’ll take Zara to task on that at tomorrow’s Coaches meeting.” Go after the leg etched in my mind. “But in the end, their dirty tricks cost them, and they are the losers in every way that matters—”
The sound of a door opening stops me, brings cold fear back. We both go for the laptop. Snap it shut before Sarah appears, wearing sweats and a big smile.
“The final four!” Sarah’s excitement engulfs me. “We made it, Coach!”
I fake it. Have no choice. “Great match, Sarah.” On my feet to greet her. Nancy settling back on the seat. “You’ve proven me right in going with you as Vice-Captain.”
We hug. “Aww, thanks, Coach.” Her face a little red with the admission, “I know no one voted for me.”
“True,” I admit, see Nancy shrink back into her shell, desperate for more of her alone. “Hey, Sarah. Can you do me a favour and find Carol? I need her.” A flat lie for her own good. I convince myself.
An enthusiastic nod tells me I’ve pulled the façade off. “Sure, Coach.”
“Tell her to come here if she can,” I clarify, eyes following her all the way to the door.
“Okay.” She turns before leaving. “Hey, do you think Cat would spend some time with me? She’s my hero.”
Nancy straightens her legs to stand, my moment lost. “I’ll make it happen, Sarah.”
“Great.” And with that Sarah bounds out the door.
I scan desperately for Nancy, unable to shake the dirtiness of what I’ve just done. Yet hoping Carol is far away enough for us to finish.
The Captain at her suitcase. Withdrawing a pink case and carefully sliding the laptop inside.
“Do you really believe I deserve to be Captain?” Nancy passes the bag. “I only got the job because Sam freaked half way through the year.”
I try to channel Cat in my answer. Authoritative as a Coach could be. “Yes.”
“You really think I’m in the same class as Cat, Ingrid, and Sam?” Nancy names the three previous Captains.
I think for a moment, clutch the bright pink case with the menace safely inside. My words decisive when they come. “I think you can be, next year, with these finals under your belt.” A small smile from Nancy helps me smile back. “You have my support, 100 per cent. Don’t doubt yourself on the field.”
Nancy sinks down onto her seat again. “I’ll try. Thanks, Maggie.”
I set the case down, move beside her again. “Let’s sit down in private after every match.” This time her hand stays when I touch. “Once we’ve talked it over, I will go out there and support you every step of the way. Win or lose.” Then I risk bringing up last year. “I’m not Ms X. I’ll always be on your side.”
Nancy eyes close. Her voice barely a whisper. “We beat her.” Her sudden tears remind me of Danielle in the post-match dressing room. “We beat Ms X.”
“I’m so proud of you. All of you. But now everyone needs to go home and clear their heads. We have a huge game on Monday.”
Nancy nods, batting a tear away with her finger. “Yep. Let’s win this thing. I’d love to sit down with Cat too if she has the time for me.”
Cat again. The gnawing more intense. “I’ll make it happen.” I promise. And I’ll find out exactly what’s going on. A promise for myself.
Nancy pulls me into an unexpected hug. We stand together.
“I’m s
o glad to have you around.” Nancy lets go. “Thanks again.”
I grab the laptop case and make my way out.
Sarah’s walking down the corridor. Alone, her smile gone. What has she found?
“Carol’s looking for you.” It saddens me to hear Sarah’s voice. Ratchets up my guilt. “They’re all back in your room.”
“All?” I ask, suppress the urge to ask a thousand questions Sarah won’t have answers for.
“Cat, her parents, plus Sam and Carol,” Sarah points in the direction of my room. “They seem upset.”
I’m already moving past her. “Okay, thanks. Look after yourself this weekend. You are very important to my plans to beat whoever we’re playing. Probably Newcastle.”
The weight of the case bounces. Slows me down, and I dare not drop it. Flying through the door to see Cat hand Carol a piece of paper. Carol’s eyes wet. An ominous sign.
“I’ll get this to the paper tomorrow,” Carol struggles.
Everyone turns to me.
“Is everything alright?” I ask. Know they aren’t. What other surprises lie in store?
“I went to see a knee specialist last week. His report came back today.” Cat begins, and I’m already cringing before she says it. “The leg I broke in the helicopter accident has a significant risk of….” A defeated look down at the offending limb. “You can’t play hockey at the top level on one leg.”
Shock nearly knocks me off my feet, Cat’s sorrow leaking into me.
“I wasn’t sure I wanted to go back to Perth anyway. I’d rather stay here and rebuild my life with you all.”
The talk at the river, the action not quite right. How brave has she been this week without me even knowing?
Tears threaten, but even they fail. “I’m so sorry.”
“I went to Wollongong last week and Professor Addison offered me a job. I was already seriously considering it.” Nothing else in the world matters when her eyes turn to mine. “Sorry I was distant earlier. Mum called, they were coming up with some news. I knew straight away it was over.”
Ian and Georgia smile warmly. How do that do that? Another blow to their daughter’s recovery. A terminal blow, heaped with unfairness. I feel nothing but guilt and sadness for them both.
Cat still has the stage. “Carol has a press release that she’ll give to the local newspaper tomorrow, and I’ll call Perth now.”
Again you’ve been focused on your own battles. I chastise myself.
“You drove all the way up here to deliver the bad news?” I ask Cat’s parents.
Georgia answers, “No. We were going to come up tonight to see a concert.”
“Why don’t you come have a drink with us?” Carol jumps in. “There’s a bar across the road.”
Nods all round. “I’ll need one after this.” Cat fumbling for her phone. Too much happening for me to process.
“Can I come?” Sam, now 18 and legal, asks.
“Sure. Then I can take you home afterwards.” My eyes on Carol’s answer. Then switching to Cat, watch her search for the number she needs.
More Carol. “Did you bring something nice to wear out?”
“I’ll check. I think I brought something in case I met a boy and needed to sneak out.” Sam’s giggle reminds me of other problems I need to sort out. Expecting a rise I’m too upset to provide.
“Okay, can I get some privacy for a few minutes while I make this call?” Cat waves us all out.
My feet drag, unwilling as I pull them towards the door, everyone following me outside. So numb I don’t realise I’m still holding the pink laptop case.
Sam and Carol go off to Sam’s room, Ian and Georgia passing quietly.
Now’s my chance.
I excuse myself, fumble for my own phone.
“Goulburn police.”
“Hello, can I speak to Ryan Garry please?” And when he is unavailable I leave a message: Maggie Conrad, a laptop, more threats, a second thing for Carol to deliver home.
Then I walk ignorantly into Ian and Georgia’s conversation. Oblivious until I hear Georgia speaking to Ian. “…Suppose this letter from the Specialist just tipped her along a bit.”
“It seems I’ve been living under a rock,” I blurt rudely without thinking. Information overload snatching my manners. “I should have known. She told me she was having motivation issues.” Remember my total focus on the State Finals. Preparing for Solo with Candace. For Ms X. That battle won, this battle lost.
“You gave her a little escape this week, Maggie.” Georgia’s comforting words do nothing to lift me. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Cat reappears. Waves us back in. And the seconds of silence seem to roll for an eternity.
When news doesn’t come I ask her. “How’d it go? You okay?”
“Good. I suppose,” Cat answers with none of the energy she’s carried all week. “Press conference tomorrow at 2pm. Emily’s in town, and they’re going to get some current players for a photo op.” I move to hug her but Cat backs away. “Need to get that press release back from Carol. They handle all of that.”
“We’ll come up to watch your speech,” Georgia offers.
“Please.” Cat’s eyes take a desperate turn at mum. “Can you wait outside Mum, Dad? Want to get changed.”
She hasn’t dismissed me. Wants me alone with her.
Cat lets me hug her, finally alone and desperately hollow. “Sorry,” I apologise for two months of absence. “I abandoned you. Again.”
Alone with her now, my tears spew out. Crying for everything she’s lost. That I’ve lost.
She hugs back, somehow holding it together. “Hey, come have a drink with us. For old times.”
“I can’t.” Tears unstoppable. I surrender to the stress of the day. “Got to see off the girls. I’m so sorry, Cat.”
Overcome.
“Don’t be silly, Maggie.” A quiver in Cat’s voice. Perhaps it’s sinking in? “You and Carol are all I have now.”