Rise

by C. J. Lau

  Chapter 27

  My pillow sails through the air, on a collision course with the sleeping Cat’s head.

  “Get up!” I demand. The pillow finding its mark. “You said you’d come watch the match with me.”

  The pillow flies back, Cat turning over after hurling it. “It’s Saturday!” she protests, “the game’s not for an hour, give the retired old woman her sleep.”

  The pillow drops to the ground at her words. “You’re not old, Cat.”

  She pulls the blankets closer, still avoiding me. “I feel old. We only had a few beers…”

  My checking up on my girls, instead of going for quiet drinks and reminiscing. More guilt to start this new day.

  “Wish I could have been there.” A groan of protest as I sit on her bed. “How you feeling about retiring?”

  “Sucks.” Cat’s still not looking at me. “Would have preferred to do it walking off the field with another trophy in my hand.”

  “You must admit it’s not a bad place to end.” I try to encourage her, reach for her shoulder. “The Olympic Media Centre, walking distance from the place of your greatest achievement.”

  I don’t mention Trisha. All the tragedy that’s taken her to this day.

  Cat turns to face the ceiling. Gives me a glimpse of tired eyes, the hint of a hangover. “I didn’t want it any more, Maggie,” she blurts, reaches for her knee. My hand finds hers, and we trace the scar together.

  “What do you mean?”

  “One day I just I gave up. I stopped running and couldn’t get myself to start again. I’ve never given up before—”

  “That morning we crashed at Carol’s?” I jump in, little stabs at my heart for different reasons.

  Her eyes find me. “Yep. I rang Kathy a lot. She is a miracle worker. But even she told me I should consider retiring.”

  I push memories of Solo’s attack away. Worrying about him has stolen too much already.

  “Oh, I know,” I say, stand up to let her rise.

  “And yet,” Cat sits up, “she couldn’t save me.”

  Cat’s face drops before I can get in there with a hug. Feel her head on my shoulder as we share an emotional moment. Cat not letting got for a bit.

  If I could change things, I’d trade whatever it took to see my friend get her life back. But I know it’s hopeless. Instead I offer the one thing I have.

  “If you need a new dream, I know about 20 girls who would love to have you around more,” I say, remember Sarah’s request. “And they don’t care if you never play again. You’re already their hero.”

  She looks at me. A small smile forming.

  “Thanks, Maggie. You are a special friend.” Her hands go to her face, rubbing sleep from her eyes. “I’m sure I’ll have a lot more time to hang around the team next year. Even if I do go back to Uni.”

  I study her face. A little mark under her eye the only blemish; the only reminder. She catches me looking. Both hands flying over her cheeks.

  “Have you decided to go back?” I try to ease my embarrassment by asking.

  “Yeah, I just need to figure something out with Professor Addison. Maybe get my PhD one day.” Her hands back by her side as she stands. “Plus, I saw Mark and Emma. Walked right up and knocked on the front door to say hello. Mark seems really happy now.”

  Cat’s done what she promised. And I know she went alone to spare me.

  I hug her again. “Sounds like you have a bright future ahead of you. So let’s just get you through today and then you can get stuck into some new goals.” I encourage.

  She gives my shoulders a squeeze before moving to the bathroom.

  “Suppose I better get ready. We want a good seat away from Zara. Plus, I don’t know what time they want me in the Media Centre.”

  We walk into the Hockey Centre 45 minutes later to find Zara and most of the Wollongong team sitting far away from us and watching on nervously. Solo nowhere to be seen. Were he and Candace through?

  I clutch tightly to the scenario sheet Francis left. Analysis his strength. We have a lot in common, and I hope I’ll learn to work closer with him next year. But today he is back home relaxing. Bittersweet feelings flood back as I study his writing, reminding me of the report he faxed to England.

  “So, who do we be cheer for?” Cat asks behind dark glasses and a baseball cap.

  I start making sense of the sheet in front of me. “The winning team progress through to the semi-finals, and Wollongong go through if the match is drawn.” A pause as my brain digests the other possibilities. “If either side win by five or more, then we play Murwillumbah on Monday. Otherwise we play Newcastle.”

  “So as long as one of them win outright then Ms X gets the boot?” Cat simplifies the scenario.

  “Yes.”

  “Good, because I don’t really care for either of them. As long as one of them gets up.” Cat’s back to her direct self as the starting whistle blows.

  Scoreless at half-time. Both teams discussing strategy in their huddles. I hope one will work.

  “They’re cancelling each other out,” Cat observes, following up with changes she would make if she were coaching.

  A look over at the Wollongong team finds Candace, returning my gaze with a look of fury. Hostilities resuming on the field as well.

  “Sprung, you silly girl,” I mutter to herself.

  “What was that?” I see my face in Cat’s glasses as she turns to ask.

  “Nothing.” I turn back to the field. “Candace just gave me a death stare.”

  “Ignore her. She’s not worth the trouble. Now if only someone would bloody score, then we won’t see her again.” Cat’s nervous voice at odds with her relaxed appearance.

  My nerves back as well. Wanting nothing more than Candace, Solo, Ms X, and the whole Wollongong team as far away as possible. Murwillumbah and Newcastle, the State’s two best teams, will present enough of a challenge.

  “Action, finally,” Cat points. With Sutherland scoring, and Hornsby answering back immediately after.

  Both teams score again, push for a victory as the half wears on.

  “What does this mean, if it stays like this?” Cat asks in the final minute with scores still level.

  Has she forgotten? Or hoping she misheard me the first time.

  “Wollongong go through to play Murwillumbah, and we play Newcastle.” I answer. “There’s a chance we will play Wollongong again.”

  “Damn.” One word sums it up.

  Hornsby go in for one last attack. Their final shot hit with power, but well wide.

  2 – 2. Match drawn.

  “Let’s get out of here.” I stand quickly, make a beeline for the exit with Cat on my tail.

  We both run back to the hotel. The meeting tonight will confirm what I already know.

  “Good run, Cat. Good to know you’re still fit.” I say, heading out of the lift toward our room.

  “Yeah, I’ve been able to go in a straight line for a few weeks now. It’s just the side to side, the pivots, and the impact I can’t—” Something stops her suddenly.

  Roses on the table. The card from Solo.

  Dear Maggie,

  I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done.

  Please forgive me.

  Solomon, Rm 1204…

  Cat’s mobile rings. Urgent voices from the phone to her ear.

  “Okay, I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Cat hangs up.

  “They need me over at the Media Centre. Make up, outfit, speech. One last moment in the sun.” Her voice full of sarcasm.

  I barely hear her. My eyes on the flowers.

  When I don’t respond she asks, “Are you coming? Maggie?”

  “Can I join you later? Want to sort this out first.”

  “Sure.” She takes in the flowers, a smile fighting with the worry on her face. “Don’t let him off the hook so easily.”

  I nod at her, eyes then back on the flowers. “You should go, Cat.”

  A little sigh, like she knows I’
m trying to get rid of her. “Sure. Come find me when you’re done.”

  I hear the door close behind me as Cat lets herself out. A million thoughts running through my head.

  Why should I trust this man when I’ve finally hardened enough to face the world without him? When he has done so much harm since he’d gone?

  He hurt me, physically and mentally. Enjoyed taunting me over the phone when he knew my heart would still be bleeding.

  The throbs from my cheek remind me he’s done so much worse than taunt.

  “Why, Solo?” I ask the flowers. Remember the many times he told me his life was Wollongong.

  No logical reason to take him back. None.

  Demanding I face this, I look back at the card. Enter my heart into the considerations. Logic doesn’t always need to win. Always space for the love of lifelong friends and family, whatever the cost.

  “Cat’s back now,” my mouth speaks my heart’s words. “That’s one big change.”

  The power of one person can change it all. Especially now she’s staying around.

  But will it be enough?

  “One chance,” I breathe to myself. Head and heart reaching a truce. “Hear him out, and make up your mind once you have. When he’s done.”

  My head’s still nodding when I bring my phone to my ear.

  “Hello,” Solo’s voice greets. Almost making me forget what I want to say.

  “Come meet me at Reception.” A distance in my voice, for now.

  “Maggie? That you?”

  “Yes. I’ll wait for you there.” I hang up.

  With that I head down to reception. Card in hand, mumbling like a madwoman, I board the lift.

  “One chance. One chance only…”

  My heart jumps in my chest a minute later, a lump in my throat. His smile still does that?

  Tick!

  “Let’s go find somewhere to talk.” I start moving to the lounge area before he responds. Take a seat on the comfy chairs, with every exit mapped, wait for him to sit across from me.

  I decide it’s safe to attack. “If this is one of you and Zara’s games I will never speak to you again.”

  His reaction surprises me. No rise, but a calm shake of his head coming along with a sigh.

  My silence lets him in, so he begins, “Candace and I are finished. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done, and I want to start over again.”

  His words stoke an angry fire. He has no right!

  “I can’t trust you.” My words drill into him. “After all that’s happened.”

  Another look makes me check my anger. He isn’t here to fight. So I calm down, realising he’s looking in silence.

  “Well?” I ask, and wait.

  A small nod. “You can’t trust me. I don’t deserve to even be in the same room as you.”

  Unexpected honesty stuns me into silence. He keeps on. “I broke your heart out of selfishness. I dated Candace out of spite. I attacked you.”

  Everything stops as he says those words.

  “This all smells like Zara’s games.” It takes a moment to clear the lump in my throat. “Why now, Solo?” I try to be forceful, but this time it comes out flat. “Why after my girls finally beat Zara and Candace?”

  The clench of his jaw has me shrinking back, eyes on my escape route.

  Bad sign.

  A long sigh brings me back, his face in his hands. I can feel my own face is red, heart thumping and ready to flee.

  There’s anger, but not at me, when he speaks. “Candace played me. Dumped me before the match was done, angry it hadn’t put you off your game.”

  I jump in without thinking. “Sorry if I can’t find any sympathy.”

  My cruelness makes me wince. This is not me.

  The shimmer of tears in his eyes sets off alarm bells. His words heightening the guilt that suddenly builds. “I told Candace you were beautiful, and stronger than she knew.” Nobody calls me beautiful anymore.

  “We have something special. I wanted to see if it wasn’t too late.” His body sinks with defeat, and it hurts me to see him like this. “I didn’t want it to end how it did…” His fingers on my hand bring a whole new fire back. “But, maybe I should go.”

  I go cold, my hand like a block of ice on my face. He means it. Means everything. Including the going away.

  “Wait!” I reach my frozen mitt forward. But I miss his hand and he’s pulled away, preparing to stand.

  Go away forever. I can’t have that.

  “Solo…” My voice reaches where my hands fail, bringing him back to my eyes. “Wait.”

  And he does.

  I’ve been raised on prodigal stories, finally realising what this decision means. No more chances.

  But still I have questions. “I won’t give you what Candace did so readily. I’m not going to sleep with you, Solo. So if that is what you want then walk away.”

  My faith brings warmth, and doubts, everywhere. Awful that I can’t keep everyone happy.

  “I just want to be with you.” A smile comes with his words. “I didn’t love Candace, or any of the girls I was with before you walked into my life.”

  Back come the good times. Wollongong with Cat and Mark, Trisha and Emma.

  Cat weighs on my mind. Retiring today, to Wollongong next year. The happiest part of my life, back from the dead. And now this.

  What’s left of my anger leaks out, “You have no idea what you put me through!”

  “Yes, I do.” His answer breaks down that last wall.

  More silence lets all my bravado melt to the ground. Leaving a heart rebuilt through months of pain, but missing a piece.

  The year flies through quickly in my mind. Me, pushing everyone away because of who it reminded me of. But Cat’s back.

  So now I can set it right. “Okay, Solo.”

  Confusion crosses his face. “Okay?”

  My own culpability floods back. “I’m sorry for demanding you adapt to my move. Everything since Cat… I was totally unreasonable.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. Not to me, not to Emma, not to anyone.”

  I talk over him. “I love what I do, but I never stopped missing you.” My heart leaps at the pain finally being acknowledged. Not buried in bravado. “I promise this time I’ll do everything I can to make this work. Come back to me, Solo. We can make this happen.”

  And with those words I breathe again. Feel utter relief. I don’t need to force my heart to hate him.

  “I don’t have all the answers. I never will.” And his hand finds mine again. “I just hope I can be the man you deserve.”

  Hope. I never lost it. Despite everything.

  “I love you, Maggie.”

  “No.” I shrink back, can’t control it. “It’s too soon to hear that again. Just let it sink in.”

  Another look of confusion. This time we stand together. “Uh… Okay. What now then?” Solo asks.

  Cat.

  There mustn’t be long now until the announcement. Helping her is priority for now.

  “I need to go to the Media Centre for Cat’s retirement press conference.” Needing to be in too many places at the same time. “Then I need to run to the Coaches meeting.” I pull close, remembering how to flirt. “Then I’m all yours.”

  His smile is warm and welcoming. Making goose bumps rise on my neck. “I’m in.”

  Take it slowly. I stop myself from kissing him endlessly in the hotel lobby. Your best friend needs you.

  We walk hand in hand into the Olympic Media Centre. Greeted at the door by a woman in a suit. Not an eyelash out of place on her face, framed by a headset, her nametag reading Paige.

  “You must be Maggie?”

  “Yes, and, and Solomon.” I smile.

  “Cat told me to expect you two.” Her response matches her attire, all business. “Put these on and I’ll take you out back.”

  Warmth floods me when she hands us visitor badges, leading us around back. Cat knew I’d take him back. Was so confident that she t
old reception to be expecting two.

  The landscape transforms once a door lets us in. Suddenly back stage with a flurry of activity happening.

  “We’ve got just over an hour to go before the press start getting here. I’ll take you through to where she is,” Paige says.

  I try to take in all the conversations in the crowded area. Everything from the look of the stage to where people stand being argued over. The engine room working hard. All for Cat’s moment.

  Another door opens to reveal a dressing room complete with large mirrors. Cat in a make-up chair, facing a mirror. Ian and Georgia watching it all, standing in a corner. A rack of clothes next to them.

  “There are already too many people in here,” The make-up artist shouts on hearing the door.

  “Relax Clara, these are the last two,” Paige, with her headset, replies. “Plus, we only have one client today.”

  I notice a second empty make up chair in the room.

  “Maggie!” Cat waves us closer, turning slightly. “And Solo,” she growls. “I swear if you treat her wrong this time I will feed you my hockey stick.”

  I laugh, Solo backing away from Cat’s stare.

  “Keep still, sweetie,” the make-up artist says. “I need to get you shining for the cameras.”

  I stand behind Cat. She can see me in the mirror; smiles a nervous smile.

  “I hope you are good at working miracles, Clara,” Cat says to the make-up artist.

  Right now Cat would rather be walking on nails than preparing for the cameras.

  “How are you feeling?” I meet her eyes through the mirror.

  “Scared,” Cat replies without moving her head. “I wasn’t expecting all of this. A one paragraph article in the local paper would have been enough.”

  “I’m sure you’re going to do fine, and look great. Is there anything I can do?”

  “Yes. Tonia the media manager will be here in a few minutes. She’ll have my speech. Can you read through it, make sure there’s nothing you wouldn’t say? Also go with her out front and answer any questions about set up.”

  “I wouldn’t know the first thing about how these things are meant to look, Cat.” Nerves kicking in hard at Cat asking me to be her eyes and ears.

  “I trust you. Plus, they’ll have it all set up, you just okay it all. Maybe Mum and Dad can come with you,” Cat insists.

  A woman walks in with a sheet of paper. “Cat, your speech came through.”

  “Hi Tonia, can you give it to Maggie to check? She is my eyes and ears.” Cat again, without moving her head. “Is Emily here yet?”

  “Not yet. Nice to meet you, Maggie.”

  Tonia shakes my hand, the sheet of paper transferred before disappearing.

  I read through the speech. Reliving her Olympics moment and wishing the current team all the best. Before one line stops me dead.

  “Cat,” I warn, reading on: Thank you to sponsors, team mates, family and friends. “They want you to talk about your accident.”

  I shove the paper in front of her, finger marking the spot.

  Cat reads without moving. “Suppose that’ll be fine.” Pausing for a moment as Clara works away. “Anything else?”

  “It’s fine, very short. You’ll be done talking in 3 minutes tops.” I hand Cat the paper.

  A few minutes of silence as Cat’s imperfections disappear under expert hands.

  “I’m going to go. This is your moment, Cat,” Solo squeaks from the corner of the room. “I feel a little out of place here.”

  I look across at him. “So what are we doing tonight?”

  That smile again. Testing my resolve not to kiss him and never let go.

  “Did you bring something nice to wear?” he asks, still smiling. “How about we find somewhere nice in the city? We can spend some time alone so I can apologise nine hundred and sixty-two times for being an ass.”

  “I’ll come up with something,” I answer, going through the contents of my suitcase in my head. A few pairs of heels, but everything else back at home.

  I can’t resist giving him a kiss on the cheek. Close enough to whisper in his ear. “There’ll be more of that tonight.”

  Then I almost push him out the door.

  Cat’s trying very hard to keep still, flashes of a bright smile threatening to burst through. Back at her photogenic best.

  Tonia’s head pokes back in. “Maggie, do you want to come out front and see everything?”

  I recognise her tone from the one I use in the classroom. It’s not a question.

  “Sure. You’re going to look great, Cat,” I encourage, before following Tonia out.

  Tonia leads us into a large room where a table and two chairs sit on a raised platform, facing four lines of chairs. “This is the stage area,” Tonia points, giving us a quick rundown of events. Finishing with where we would stand, out of camera shot. “See anything you want changed?”

  Cat hadn’t wanted to be centre stage to a room full of people pointing cameras and microphones at her. Nothing could be done to change that though. I smile to myself, scan the room again.

  “No. Thank you for doing all of this,” I answer.

  “Just following direction from HQ. Hockey is being increasingly forgotten since the Olympics. We try to get it back into the news when we can. Positive exposure like this is good for the game.” Tonia’s finger to a tiny earpiece I hadn’t noticed. “Emily is here. So I’ll leave you now. See you in a bit.”

  The three of us return back stage, stand out of the way, noise increasing in the media room. Every now and then someone zooms past us as if we aren’t there. A smile at the ushering in of two more familiar faces. Carol and Sam, here to support their friend.

  Cat emerges a few minutes later. Wearing a knee length dress and her boots from last night. A nervous smile from her unblemished face.

  “Everyone,” Cat gestures to an older woman wearing a NSW hockey jacket, “meet Emily Carew.”

  I shake hands with Cat’s former Coach.

  “There’s a slight issue. We need to re-light. We’re going to be delayed,” someone shouts as we stand, Emily and Cat awaiting their cues to walk on.

  “I’m glad you’re here.” Cat put her arms around her parents. “You were there when the dream started, and you’re here when it ends.” More than a touch of sadness in her voice.

  “The dream doesn’t end just because you stop playing elite,” Emily interjects. “I hear you’re working with high schoolers now. That can be just as rewarding. Plus, I’ll have you back in the NSW team any day.”

  “Yep. I’m up here helping Maggie. They’re into the semis of the All Schools hockey tournament.”

  “That’s good. I have a few scouts watching. At least two potential recruits there.” Emily turns to me. “Your Samantha Keene is a real prospect.”

  Sam’s face goes an instant red as we giggle. I open my mouth to offer Emily an introduction, but another voice beats me, making Cat turn and smile.

  “Looking good there, Cat.” Three women, in Australian hockey uniforms, walk up to join us. I recognise two of them as Shelly Neilson and Kara Smith. The poster girls of Women’s hockey, looking even more beautiful in real life.

  Cat went to the third woman first and they exchange a big hug.

  “How are you, Slinky?”

  Cat’s mention of her name triggers my memory. Jeanette Thorpe, or Slinky as the others call her. Jeanette had won gold in Atlanta and Sydney, and was now the Captain of the Australian team. Cat’s playing mentor when she first joined the Hockeyroo squad.

  I watch Cat fight back tears as there’s hugs all round. Unimaginable pain and anguish running through her head. Her team-mates coming to support her, but also reminding her of the life so cruelly snatched away.

  I curse Darrell’s meeting that I’m obliged to attend. Wanting nothing more than to pull Cat aside once this was all over. Let her cry herself dry on my shoulder. Reinforce my need to keep an eye on her for the next few months; to make sure she’s co
ping okay

  “Two minutes, people!”

  I curse my meeting again. Glance at my watch.

  “Catherine and Emily, you’re on,” the stage manager interrupts everyone. “Everyone else can follow but don’t go past the end of the corridor. Actually, can you three go stand at the back of the room?”

  I start to object as the stage manager ushers Shelly, Kara, and Slinky into the room. Hard enough for Cat without needing to be looking at her team-mates. But they’re already moving before I find a word.

  Jeanette whispers something in Cat’s ear as she passes. Her words doing the trick. The familiar look of steely resolve over Cat’s face as she leads the way onto the stage, Emily close behind. My smile trying to encourage her, even though I know she can’t see me. How many people are staring at her?

  Cat turns to smile back before facing the cameras and saying her name for the record. The she picks up the speech and begins to read. Her words composed, only a hint of the emotion she must be feeling. Like she’s been doing this all her life.

  “Today I am announcing my retirement from all competitive hockey, effective immediately. I would like to first start by thanking my family and friends for the support shown to me during my career. I would also like to thank all those people I have played alongside. This decision has been forced on me by injuries sustained in a helicopter accident that killed two other people—”

  My heart stops at the sudden break in Cat’s reading.

  “Hang in there, Cat,” I whisper. Cat taking a second to gather herself.

  Hundreds of flashbulbs are sounding by the time she starts again. “One was a good friend of mine.”

  My chest clenches again. Knowing that isn’t in the speech. My relief audible as she goes back to script. “It has been a memorable journey, and I consider my greatest achievement wining gold in 2000. Also to the sponsors…”

  Our souls connect for those few seconds. The grief running through Cat’s veins behind the stoic expression for the cameras. Anger at the cruelty of it all; the one thing she worked her whole life for, gone. I feel it all.

  There must be something I can do to save her? Something to make me, the best friend, less helpless in the moment.

  The team. I think to myself, knowing I need to go. Your girls are the answer.

  18 warriors back at home, watching this on TV. Looking at Cat with admiration. Her elite career ends today. But I’ll give her so much more to look forward to. With two matches left, the girls need Cat around to motivate them, and I need her around to lift my confidence.

  Cat, be strong, my promise whispered, even with feet turning to leave. You and I will make history next week.