Ex-files: Kinky Katy

by Dakota Cassidy

  He chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows at her. “It’s cuz I’m addictive.”

  “Yes, you are,” she said seriously, “and I love you, more than you’ll ever know.”

  Garret laid his head on her chest. “Love you too, babe. Let’s do this a lot more often.”

  Katy’s eyes fluttered shut with his words muttered near her heart and the bulk of him weighing heavily on her. Whoever was up there, fucking with her life, she owed them a debt of gratitude she could never repay, because for this reprieve in time, these last moments of her marriage, she would eternally be grateful.

  * * *

  “Katy,” someone hissed, “wake up.”

  “No.”

  “Katy! Get up, shake a leg!”

  Katy snuggled further into Garret and scrunched her eyes shut. “I said no.”

  “Katy Jennings, get up now, or I’ll whack you with my mojo.”

  Katy popped an eye open. “What are you doing here? Don’t you only make bathroom appearances?”

  Tallulah held her hand out. “It’s time, Katy.”

  Katy’s stomach dropped and her heart clenched. “I know.”

  “C’mon, honey. We have to go back to the bathroom.”

  Katy felt the flood of tears well in her eyes and her throat constricted as she choked out the words. “Can I have just a second, T?”

  “Don’t linger, Katy… it hurts more that way.”

  “I won’t, I promise, just let me say goodbye.”

  “He won’t wake up, Katy.”

  “I figured as much. Just one more minute, please.”

  “I’ll be in the bathroom… waiting.”

  Katy nodded and slid out from under Garret, the cool night air stealing away his warmth. Kneeling beside him, she laid her head on his broad back and squeezed him tightly. His even breathing never changed, but he curled his big hand around hers for a moment. Katy clung to it for as long as she could. “I love you, Garret Jennings, and I’m not going to let that woman have you. You’re mine and even though you won’t remember these last days, I will.”

  Katy rose and took one last glimpse of the man she’d loved over half of her lifetime and blew him a silent kiss, then turned and went to the bathroom.

  Tallulah sat on the edge of the bathtub, looking up to see Katy’s tear soaked face. “Sometimes my job sucks, Katy.”

  “It’s okay, T. I knew I had to go back, but I’ll always be grateful for what I’ve learned.” Katy held out a hand to Tallulah and she took it, giving it a squeeze. “Will I see you again, T?”

  Her pink head shook. “No, but I’m always around whether you know it or not.”

  Katy choked on a sob. “Okay.”

  “Are you ready, Katy?”

  “I think so…”

  “Okay, then here we go…”

  Chapter Six

  Katy woke to the cool press of porcelain on her cheek. She groaned, sitting up and clinging to the edge of what she figured was the tub. Oh, Jesus, was she back in Maddie’s bathroom? Did fairy godmothers load and unload in the same damn zone?

  She could vaguely hear raised voices. It sounded like the girls. Was she still at Maddie and Cole’s party? Stumbling, Katy stood and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

  Well, fuck. The lines around her eyes were back and, she looked down her shirt, so were her breasts. Down that was, about an inch from their perky 1983 resting place.

  “I’m telling you, dammit, we need to call the police, Maddie. No one has seen or heard from Katy in five days. I’m petrified she’s dead.”

  Katy heard a gasp and then Victoria’s nervous “Don’t even say such a thing, Maxine. She is not -- not --”

  “Dead!” Maddie yelled. “If she’s dead I’ll kill her!”

  Katy cracked the door open. Oh, she had some splainin’ to do…

  The ruckus continued as the three women paused closer to the bathroom door. “Girls!” Katy shouted into the fray.

  “Ahhhhhhhhhh!” Maxie, Maddie and Victoria screamed in unison jumping around to face Katy. And then there was stunned silence.

  Katy smiled meekly at their shocked, angry faces. “Hi, guys…”

  Maddie’s mouth fell open. “Hi, guys?” she mocked. “Hi, guys? Where the hell have you been, Katy Jennings?”

  Maxie flew at her, throwing her arms around her, hugging her in a shaky embrace and yelling frantically at her in Spanish. “Mi amiga, Dios mio, Katy, me tenias enferma de preocupacion! Jamas me vuelvas a hacer algo como esto, me oyes? Me has tenido cinco noches consecutivas sin poder dormir… si no fuera porque estoy tan contenta de verte, nunca mas te dejaria moverte de tu ‘thinking spot’.”

  Katy hugged her back and looked questioningly at Maddie and Victoria.

  Victoria shrugged her shoulders. “I have no clue what she just said, but I bet it was something like, where have you been and it’s a good thing you’re not dead, because we’d kill you just for worrying us like this!”

  Maddie stuck her thumb out and pointed at Victoria. “What she said.”

  Katy might have cried if she wasn’t in so much trouble with them, their concern etched on their weary faces. Grabbing their hands she dragged them back to Maddie’s living room. “Sit down and listen to me. I’ll tell you all about it.”

  Maddie shook her head. “I will not. If I do I’ll collapse, now talk!”

  “Darling, pardon my French, but where the fuck have you been?” Victoria near shrieked the last couple of words. Her slim face was gaunt, shadows rimming her green eyes and her auburn hair didn’t have its usual shine.

  Katy hugged her hard. “Victoria, you know what?”

  “Nooooo,” she screeched. “I don’t know what, or who or even where. I don’t have another double-u left in me after this week, but you’d better start telling me because I’ve been sick with worry over you. My skin has suffered for this little escapade, Katy Jennings. I broke a nail hitting your number on redial and I need a root job that’s been put off for a week.”

  Maxie rolled her eyes. “Oh, shut up, Victoria! Would you stop complaining? She’s back, she’s safe, it’s all that matters. I won’t even ask how she got into Maddie’s bathroom.”

  “And she looks like she had the life boinked out of her,” Maddie interrupted. “So what gives here, Katy? You had me scared witless and quite frankly, it’s pissing me off. I want answers.”

  Katy threw her head back and laughed, snorting for air. When she looked back up, three pairs of eyes were not laughing back. “I’m sorry… do you know what?”

  Maddie’s blonde head shook. “No, but I do know it’s the what, as in, what the fuck have you been doing for five damn days that troubles me.”

  Katy threw her arms around Maddie and kissed her soundly on the cheek. “I love you, that’s what. All of you. I’m so lucky to have you all.”

  Maddie squirmed away from her. “Who the hell are you? The Katy I know sure as shit doesn’t hug anyone impulsively. She’d send me to my thinking spot for getting so excited over this without letting her explain. You got laid, didn’t you? And that counselor brain of yours is all jumbled. You’re feeling the warm afterglow of some boinking.”

  Maxine’s eyes narrowed. “Carajo, mi amiga! Just what have you been up to? If I wasn’t up with this demon-spawn all night,” she pointed to her every growing belly, “I was up pacing the floor looking for you. Spit it out. I haven’t slept in nearly a week and my breasts are leaking already. Don’t make me any crankier than I already am.”

  Katy just smiled and said, “It’s a long story, but I did take some time to think. Sort of like a really big thinking vacay.”

  Maxie cocked her head and smiled sympathetically. “Because of Garret, right? Because he’s getting married.”

  “Look at me, Katy. Garret is an ass if he marries that woman, but you have to move on. It’s what you told me when I was getting over Albert. I know you’ve been all crapped out about it, but you have to get back on track.” Maddie put a consoling hand on Katy’s arm
.

  Victoria’s sigh was long and exasperated. “Garret isn’t worth your grief. He’s a shithead. So forget him and fill up your self-esteem account or something.”

  “Oh, fuck my self-esteem account!” Katy yelled.

  Maxie stopped rocking.

  Victoria’s hand clamped over her mouth.

  Maddie’s eyes flew wide open, but she only cocked an eyebrow at Katy. “Um, hookay… have you flipped your wig here? If you don’t start talking soon I’m going to have to like drag you to a therapy intervention.”

  Katy shook her head and struggled to gather words that would help them understand what she’d just been through without freaking them out and making them think she really did need therapy. “Okay, here it is in a nutshell. I spent the past few days going over my life,” in 1983, “and well, I came up with some very interesting conclusions.” Like I fucked up. “I realized that I spend a whole lot of my time A -- teaching people to control their compulsions, and B -- never really understanding that those techniques I taught and skills I honed kept me from letting myself or anyone else really feel stuff.”

  Maddie walked over to Katy and grabbed her arm, pressing her fingers into Katy’s wrist.

  “What are you doing?” Katy tugged her arm away.

  “I’m checking to see if you have a pulse or if the possibility that body snatchers have taken the real Katy Jennings away and replaced her with alien life form has occurred.”

  Katy started to laugh again. “Why would you think that?”

  Maddie cupped Katy’s jaw and looked into her eyes. “Because Katy does not call her therapy stuff. They are tools. She has thinking spots and friggin’ bank accounts with personality traits that need to be filled up with shit we’re all supposed to have hidden in our inner selves. She never lets Maxie tell Victoria to shut up and she does not have… well… stuff. Now give us Katy back or we’ll get our light sabers and whack your alien, body-double ass.”

  “Well, all of that is over now,” Katy said, knowing full well it had to be if she were to continue. That it was time to free herself of the constraints her textbook kind of counseling had placed on her. “The past few days have shown me that I therapied my way right out of my marriage because I was trying to fix something that just wasn’t broken. I never let Garret have his say about whatever upset him. I talked him down, gave him techniques to handle whatever issues cropped up instead of just letting him have a good freak.”

  “Freak?” Victoria said in disbelief. “Okay, girls, get the super-sonic, alien zapping machine because you’re right, Maddie, this isn’t Katy.”

  “What else did you find on this ‘me discovery,’ Katy?” Maxie asked tightly, always the one in the group to avoid confrontation.

  Katy sighed. “I found out that I didn’t fight for Garret. I didn’t scream and cry and get angry over his wanting a divorce. I did things the therapeutic way. I tried to talk to him sensibly, instead of having a knock-down-drag-out hissy fit and professing my undying lust -- er -- love. Then I let him have the towels and a divorce and I behaved like any good counselor would. I set about finding new people to ‘fix’.”

  Maddie’s eyes narrowed as she began to put it together. “Ahhhh, I see. So you founded this chapter of Divorcee’s Anonymous and decided to attack the whack-jobs like Vic here. Like transference or something, right?”

  “Um, excuse me,” Victoria interrupted, “but I am not a whack job, thank you, darling. I like order. It’s not a crime. If I were you I’d be more inclined to worry about Maddie, who likes her men in goddamn bunny suits!”

  Maddie snorted. “I did not like Cole in his bunny suit. We just met under some bizarre circumstances, Vick-ee, and then I just liked him period. Maybe you could use a good case of like -- you control freak!”

  “Giiiirls!” Katy yelled. “Shut the hell up, would you?”

  Maxie’s eyebrows rose. “Now that’s more like Katy, well… except the hell part and the shut up thing…” Her bewildered voice trailed off. “Katy never says shut up.” Maxie frowned. “Okay, who the fuck are you?”

  “Look, guys, I learned something really incredible here and it’s probably going to shock you. Garret wanted me to fight for him before the divorce. To show him that he was more important than my work and my practice. It didn’t have to be all of the time, but it had to be something more than just a little pat on the head and a new breathing technique. And now, I fully intend to do just that. I’m going to fight for my man!”

  Maddie shook her head in obvious confusion. “Um, so you didn’t fill up his ego account is what you’re saying? And what do you mean by fight for your man? Ya mean like, both barrels loaded fighting? Whip the bitch into a frenzy, then let her watch your trail of dust, fighting?” Maddie’s voice held disbelief.

  Katy nodded and grinned. “Yup.”

  “But,” Victoria stuttered, “you don’t fight about anything, ever.”

  “Well, that’s all about to change, ladies, and I need your help to do it.”

  “Katy,” Maxie said, “are you sure? I mean, Garret is marrying someone else. Maybe what’s done is done.”

  “Well, you would say that, now wouldn’t you, darling? You have the Lucky Charms hunk,” Victoria said snidely, referring to Maxie’s Gaelic husband, “and Maddie has the energizer bunny, Cole. So why would you care if Katy and I have nothing?”

  Maxie cornered Victoria, yelling, “Arghhhh! Carajo, Victoria! You’re just jealous that you’ll be the only one single. Stop being such a self-centered, controlling, bi --”

  “Stooooopppp this shit right now, dammit!” Maddie cut them both off. “Katy wants her man back and tell me, Victoria, when was the last time you can remember Katy this -- this -- well just this! She’s all excited and glowing and feisty. I’ve never seen her this fired up about anything. So we all need to shut the heck up and help her. We’ll worry about how screwed up she is later. Katy? You want your man back?” Maddie asked as she began to pace her living room.

  Katy nodded fervently.

  Maddie smiled with a gleam in her eye. “Just say where and when!”

  * * *

  “Katy…” a voice crackled in a hiss through the walkie-talkie. “Katy!”

  “What?” Katy pressed the button and yelled back into her walkie-talkie from her car, parked behind Garret’s apartment. Raindrops slammed against her windshield and thunder clapped in loud bursts.

  “The eagle has landed,” Maxie’s voice whispered back mingling with the thunderstorm.

  Charlie’s Angels they were not.

  “The who?”

  “The eagle, you know like our prey.”

  “Who is the eagle again?”

  “The b-i-m-b-o!”

  “Where?”

  “Ten o’clock.”

  “What? Is it that late? What time is it?”

  “No! She’s at ten o’clock!”

  “The bimbo?”

  “Yes! She just exited the south side of the building.”

  Katy gulped. “Where is she going?”

  “Give me that, Maxie, and cut out the Sherlock Holmes shit!” Maddie yelled into the walkie-talkie. “Katy? It’s Maddie, can you hear me, good buddy? Ten-four.”

  “Wait, I thought the eagle was at ten o’clock? What does four have to do with it?”

  Maddie sighed long and loud into the walkie-talkie. “No, Katy. When you’re done speaking into the walkie-talkie you’re supposed to say ten-four!”

  “Oh.” She clicked it off, then quickly back on. “Ten-four.”

  “Okay look, the bimbo just left the building. She had a suitcase in her hand. Maybe she’s going to spend the night somewhere because it’s the eve of their wedding.”

  “And you should see what she was wearing, darling,” Victoria chimed in the background. “It was just dreadful. I mean who wears shoes that glorious with a mini skirt like she had on to a bachelorette party on the night before their wedding? Believe me, Katy, you have it all over her in the fashion department.”


  Katy cringed. Their wedding… “Ten-four,” she said dejectedly.

  “Katy, darling? Listen to Victoria. Stop cringing and dig deep. The eagle is gone and the night is young. If you want your man, then go get him. We’ll make sure Miss Bimbo doesn’t get back in there tonight. Consider us Fort Knox.”

  “Girls?” Katy whispered over the static.

  “What, honey?” Katy could hear the concern in Maddie’s response.

  “I’m fucking petrified.” God! That was exhilarating to admit.

  “Katy? It’s Maxie. I know you are, but you’ve come so far. Please don’t give up. Not even if Garret won’t listen to you, because you can’t just give up now. We’re here and we’ll stay here until you give us the signal. I have sandwiches and Maddie brought coffee and Victoria,” Maxie paused and snorted, “Victoria brought nail polish. We’re going to camp out and do our nails. Cole and Kellen are waiting to hear from us. I want you to do one last ‘Katy’ thing for me, okay?”

  “What’s that, Max?” Katy’s voice trembled.

  “Breathe…”

  Katy took a long gulp of air and blew it out. “Done.”

  “Good,” Maxie replied. “Now don’t you feel a little better?”

  “Um, no.”

  Maxie giggled into the walkie-talkie. “I never did either. I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

  Katy started to laugh and she heard Vicky and Maddie chuckling in the background. “Now listen, Katy. This is your last shot. Take it and make the best of it. No matter what happens we love you and we want you to be happy.”

  Katy stumbled, overwhelmed with their devotion. “Th-thank you, girls…”

  “You can thank us in the way of diamonds after you make us wear some stupid color like lavender as your bridesmaids,” Maddie said.

  Katy’s throat was tight. “You’re on. I’m going to go now. See you later, good buddies. Ten-four.”

  Maxie’s voice drifted back. “We love you, Katy. Ten-four.”

  Katy held the walkie-talkie to her chest before putting it in her purse. It was the only place it would fit with this outfit on. Clutching her purse, she tightened the belt on her trench coat and opened the car door.