Broken (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 1)

by Michelle Betham

  ‘I’m sorry, did I leave my electronic tag behind?’

  She’s got a smart mouth on her, and I’m not in the mood for games right now. I grab her arm and slam her back against the wall, but she fucking knows how to fight back and before I can draw breath she’s slapped me so hard I can still feel her hand on my cheek, even after she’s pulled it away. And her eyes – man, she ain’t taking no shit. And it’s making me hard, Jesus! This woman is killing me!

  ‘I asked you if you understood what it meant, me fucking you in front of the club. You remember that, darlin’?’

  ‘I understand enough, Mack. OK? I belong to you, I’m your property, I get that. And I know exactly what that means. I just wasn’t aware it also meant I had to be glued to your fucking side twenty-four-seven.’

  I grab her arm again and she doesn’t fight me this time. But those eyes… she is freakin’ pulling me under with those eyes! ‘It don’t mean that… Listen, Izzi…’ I drop my head, because my brain just closed off there. I can’t remember what the hell I was gonna say. ‘Where’ve you been, darlin’?

  Her eyes soften slightly, and I reach out to gently stroke her cheek, her skin smooth beneath my fingers. I want to kiss her; until my mouth aches, I want to kiss her. But she needs to know the rules.

  ‘You don’t just disappear without letting me know where you’re going, baby, you got that?’

  ‘I wasn’t aware part of the deal involved you keeping me prisoner.’

  She ain’t making this easy, and for a brief moment I wonder why the hell I’m putting up with this shit. I gotta whole line of women out there who’d be more than happy to do as they’re told if it means they get to fuck me on a regular basis. Like I said before, no woman ever had the pleasure of my cock inside them more than once. They think there’s a chance of that happening, they’ll be beating down my freakin’ door. Yet I’m here, arguing with this complicated, unpredictable girl who is fighting me every step of the way, and I don’t want to be any place else. She’s bad for me on so many levels I can’t even begin to think about it. But I need her. I crave the challenge she represents. So far she’s paid no attention to the rules and it’s such a fucking turn-on…

  ‘I just want to make sure you’re safe, Izzi. Word could still be out there about what you came here to do, and if Viper’s crew get wind of anything…’

  She’s shut me up with a kiss. And I ain’t gonna stop her. She tastes of raspberries and cigarette smoke and my cock is yelling at me to set it free and send it home. But I kinda just want to stay here awhile, and kiss her. I had no idea kissing could be so freakin’ exciting! Man, who the hell am I?

  ‘I’m sorry, OK?’

  Her mouth rests against mine as she speaks, and I slide a hand into the small of her back and rub it gently. ‘You gotta be careful, baby. I’m only tryin’ to look out for you.’ Which is sort-of true. But in reality I hate not knowing where she is. I hate thinking she could be with other men. I hate feeling this way, because it’s strange and I just ain’t used to it. I can’t control what’s going on in my head, and for me that ain’t right.

  ‘Want me to show you how sorry I am?’

  She’s looking at me with eyes that are promising me something I ain’t gonna turn down, even though I should. I should be showing her who’s controlling this relationship because, right at this very second, it ain’t me. It’s her. And my cock. They’re both winning this fight, I’m not even in the running.

  She doesn’t wait for my answer, because she doesn’t need to. She knows my weakness, and even though there’s a part of me that’s angry at myself for making it that obvious, I can’t stop it from happening. She’s on her knees, for fuck’s sake, right there in front of me. She’s unzipping my jeans and… Oh, Jesus-fucking-Christ! She’s got my cock in her hand and she’s gripping it tight, flicking her tongue over the tip a few times before she finally takes me in her mouth, and the urge to thrust it hard down her throat is all-consuming. But I hold back, and let her do the work.

  I close my eyes and bury my fingers in her hair as she sucks me off, pulling me in deeper, doing tricks with her tongue that mean I have to use every ounce of willpower I have to hold off from coming within seconds. But, man, it’s hard! And I can’t watch her doing this. If I take even one quick glance at my cock thrusting in and out of her mouth I’m gonna come. And I ain’t ready yet.

  But as she takes me deep, so deep I know I can’t go any further, I’m all in there, the floodgates open, and I shoot everything I fucking have down her beautiful throat. And this girl ain’t got no gag reflex because she takes it all; everything. She’s swallowing me down like the smoothest bourbon, and that’s so freakin’ hot!

  But I still don’t know where she’s been. Two days, and I heard nothing from her.

  ‘Am I forgiven?’ she asks, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she pulls herself to her feet. And even that’s a turn-on, watching her wipe my cum off her face.

  ‘Where’d you go, Izzi? For two whole days…’

  ‘Forget it.’

  She turns to leave, and all I can do is stand there and sigh. And watch her go – what the fuck…?

  ‘Two days, Izzi.’

  She stops in her tracks and turns back around to face me. ‘I just needed some space, Mack. OK? All of this, I’m scared. I don’t always want to admit it, but I’m fucking scared, all right?’

  That kinda stuns me into silence. She don’t strike me as someone who gets scared. But then, look at me. I’ve been seconds away from death and been less terrified than I am when I’m around her.

  ‘I just needed a bit of time to get my head around everything.’

  ‘Tell me the truth, Izzi. Are you really making plans to go home? Are you really gonna leave here?’

  She throws me a small, weak smile and once more that urge to just wrap my arms around her and hold her close overwhelms me.

  ‘Eventually. Yes.’

  ‘Why not now? I mean, you ain’t going after Viper’s crew no more, so…’

  She walks back over to me and she takes my hand and places it between her tits, and I feel her heart beating hard against my palm.

  ‘I can’t leave, Mack. Not yet. I’m not done.’

  I frown. That was a pretty ambiguous thing to say. ‘Not done…? No… Jesus, Izzi, don’t tell me…’

  ‘I’m not done with you.’

  My frown deepens. But I know exactly what’s happening now.

  ‘I’m not finished here, Mack.’

  And she kisses me again, and this time it’s my heart that’s beating hard, my hand still resting against her chest. I know what’s happening, and I just ain’t sure I can let it.

  ‘Izzi…’

  She pulls back and shakes her head, pressing her fingertips to my lips. ‘Out of everything that’s happening here, Mack, what I feel for you – that’s the most terrifying thing of all. Because it’s too soon. I’m not over Aiden, and I loved him so much, so fucking much…’ Her eyes lock with mine, and they’re filled with a sudden, heartbreaking amount of sadness that just wipes all that other shit I felt when she turned up here after two days of nothing clean away. All of that’s just become pointless. ‘I feel like I’m betraying him, Mack.’

  I don’t know what to say. I really don’t have a fucking clue. I ain’t ever been in this situation before so how the hell am I supposed to know what to say to her? So I say nothing. I just pull her into my arms and hold her, and she clings onto me, and that confuses me even more because, so far, she’s been this ball-busting chick with attitude who ain’t afraid to face up to anyone, no matter who they are. But this – this suddenly fills me with a whole new kinda fear.

  I rest my chin on the top of her head as I continue to just hold her. But I know I have to broach this subject, because it ain’t gonna go away.

  ‘Izzi?’ I mumble it quietly into her hair. I don’t want this to turn into a fight. And she responds by squeezing my waist, but she stays silent. ‘You’re still going after Vipe
r’s crew.’ I phrase that as a fact, not a question. Because I already know the answer. And she don’t even flinch, I feel no movement from her. Her body doesn’t stiffen in the slightest, which would have been one hell of a giveaway. But she don’t even flinch.

  ‘No, Mack. I’m not.’

  She pulls back from me and runs her thumb lightly over my slightly open mouth, her eyes following it as she does so. And I’m more confused than ever now.

  ‘I want to be with you, Mack. I want to be your old lady. That’s why I’m still here. That’s why I haven’t made any plans to go home just yet. I stayed because I wanted to see if these feelings – I wanted to see if they were real. Because so much hasn’t felt real these past few weeks… I stayed because I needed to know.’

  I don’t know whether to be shit-scared of the way this is going, or pleased that I’m hearing her say she feels something for me. Because I feel something for her, I just ain’t got a clue what the hell it is. But whatever it is, I’m fighting it. I can’t be this way with her, I can’t do it. I can’t let myself become involved in a way that could see me take my eye off the ball. But Izzi, she’s… she’s something else. And I need her. I don’t know why, I really don’t, because I’ve spent my whole life needing nothing but the Soldiers of Darkness, and a random fuck with the club whore of my choice. All I ever had to do was click my fingers and some mama would come running with their panties already round their ankles. But now… now I just want her.

  ‘Mack?’

  ‘I don’t know what to say, Izzi.’

  She tucks a finger under my chin and lifts my head back up. I hadn’t even realized I’d dropped it, but I must have done.

  ‘I didn’t expect this to happen, OK? It was the last thing I wanted, to feel anything for a man like you.’ I’m sure that ain’t a compliment, but I know what she means. This still ain’t her world, no matter how comfortable she may appear to be in it. ‘I didn’t expect it, and I didn’t want it…’

  She pulls away from me and steps back, and I don’t know how to respond. This is all crazy-shit to me. I’m way out of my comfort zone here. I can face up to a gang of gun-wielding bastards with my fucking eyes closed, but this – I don’t know if I can do this.

  ‘I’m tired. I should probably go home.’

  She looks down at the ground and pushes a hand through her hair, and I can feel something, an atmosphere I ain’t ever experienced before but it’s here, in the air, filling the room, wrapping itself around me. And then she raises her head and her eyes lock with mine and the realization slams into me so hard I can’t breathe.

  I think I’m falling in love with this girl.

  And I saw it coming. But I didn’t stop it.

  I’m fucked.

  Izzi

  I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have told him anything. But it was like something had suddenly snapped inside me; like I’d opened my own Pandora’s Box and no matter how hard I wanted to, I couldn’t get the lid back on.

  What makes it all the more frightening is that it’s true. The way I feel about Mack Slayer, it’s gone way beyond just needing him to think I’m his. I think I might actually want to be his. But I know that can never happen, because of what I still plan to do. We have no future together, because once I’ve taken my revenge on Viper’s crew I’m out of here. I’ll have to go, I’ll have no choice. I’ll be leaving North Carolina behind and heading home for a future I’m not even sure I want anymore.

  ‘Izzi?’

  His voice breaks into my thoughts and I try to shake myself out of this self-pitying stupor I’m in danger of falling into. ‘I’m sorry, Mack. I shouldn’t have said any of that…’

  He moves closer, filling the space I left when I stepped back from him. ‘Baby, I don’t know if I can do this.’

  I feel my stomach sink, and I still can’t believe my broken heart is allowing these feelings to manifest. After Aiden’s death I didn’t think I’d ever feel this way again, about anybody, never mind a dangerous, outlaw biker. And I certainly didn’t think I’d be feeling anything like this so soon. But I am. And it sickens me, but it also excites me; I feel alive, for the first time in a long time.

  ‘We don’t even know what this is, Mack.’

  I feel him take my hand and pull me gently against him, and it takes everything I have, every ounce of strength, not to respond. But maybe pulling back from this is the only option. I can’t let it go too far, because it really can’t happen. The mess it would cause… ‘Why don’t we just leave things as they are and… and see how this plays out, OK?’

  I look up at him. He has the most beautiful eyes. They’re not the eyes of a killer, but that’s exactly what he is. He’s taken lives, committed crimes I only ever thought existed in TV dramas and movies. In reality he’s no better than the bastards I’m trying to rid this God-forsaken world of. Which makes me no better than him. It’s so fucked-up it’s almost funny.

  ‘Izzi? You hearing me, darlin’?’

  I nod, my eyes still fixed on his. ‘So, what do we do now?’

  He places his palm against my cheek and his skin is warm and rough against mine. ‘I was kinda hoping you’d have the answer to that one.’

  I smile, and he smiles too, which eases the situation slightly. ‘I really am tired.’ I have good reason to be. Viper’s bar is a step beyond Laney’s; the crowd want way more than Mack’s crew ask for, and these past couple of days have seen me struggle to find my way in an even seedier underworld than the one I first walked into. But I learn quick. Ask Sam. He knows how quickly I can pick things up; how fast I can adapt to new surroundings. But I’m exhausted. And I’m scared, because I don’t know how I’m going to continue to split my time between the two bars without someone finding out. My naivety’s starting to rear its head, and that’s dangerous. Which is why I need to concentrate on getting the job done as quickly as I can because a part of me just wants to walk away and forget this ever happened now. And another part doesn’t want to go anywhere; the part that knows if I leave this alone, I’ll regret it.

  ‘Why don’t we go home, huh?’

  Mack’s still smiling, and his smile is just as beautiful as his eyes. It really does change his whole face; all the hardness just evaporates and he seems different. Kind, almost. Maybe he can be kind. And then I remember he’s killed people. Kind people don’t kill, do they? But I want to kill. I need to kill, and just thinking that makes the bile rise in my throat, so fast I have to sprint to the bathroom, making it to the sink just in time to throw up all the guilt and the pain and the anger; the seething frustration that just won’t leave me alone.

  ‘You OK?’

  I keep my head bent over the sink, watching as the running water washes the last of the vomit away. It hasn’t lightened the load. I don’t feel any better for that. ‘I’m fine. Must’ve been something I ate.’ I straighten up and look in the mirror, and I almost recoil at the image there in front of me. My eyes seem dead; my face looks haunted by all the things that have dragged me down to this level. But I’m too far along the road to turn back now.

  He stands behind me, his hands on my hips as I continue to stare at my reflection.

  ‘You look beautiful.’

  I burst out laughing, I can’t help it, and he joins in, the sound of our laughter echoing around the empty bathroom.

  ‘Seriously, Izzi…’

  I shake my head, which silences him. I don’t want to hear him say anything else. I started this, and now I’m ending it.

  ‘Fuck me,’ I whisper, the words falling from my mouth before I can really think about what I’m saying. ‘Hard.’ I want to be with the Mack Slayer I first met. The man I only ever intended to be with because I needed to be. I want the real Mack, not a sanitized version that I caused; I created. I want him to hurt me; to fuck me so violently the pain wipes away all those feelings I think I might have for him. I want him to destroy them. Before he destroys me. Before I destroy him.

  I close my eyes as he runs his fingers
over the back of my neck, pushing them up into my hair. It’s a nice, almost calming sensation, but that isn’t what I asked for. It isn’t what I want. But then I feel the atmosphere change. Without even opening my eyes I feel it, filling the air, a dark, suppressing feeling; foreboding, even. I’m aware of his fingers tangled in my hair, pushing me forward over the sink; of his other hand pushing my dress up over my hips as he literally tears my panties from me before he nudges my legs apart with his knee. And I know I’m wet, I can feel it. That warped excitement is back, and this is what I need to feel. This makes me strong. And as he thrusts his rock-hard cock into me with the force of a man who cares little about the woman he’s fucking, I cry out loud, a twisted pleasure washing over me.

  With each thrust he almost pulls out of me completely before pushing back inside, slamming me up against the sink, knocking the breath right out of me, but this is how I want it. This is turning me on.

  He speeds up a touch, which means every thrust is harder, and as he slams into me one more time pain rips through me, causing me to scream so loud it’s deafening. And he’s coming. I can feel him pumping into me, filling me up with his poison and I’m taking it. I crave it. It’s the drug I need to get through this.

  His cries mingle with my screams, and as he gives one final thrust, making sure every last drop he has to give is received, his fingers tighten in my hair, yanking my head right back as he lets forth a sound so animalistic it verges on terrifying. It’s so loud I know for sure anyone else inside the clubhouse will have heard it. But no one’ll come running. I don’t want them to. Me and Mack, we aren’t finished yet.

  He finally untangles his fingers from my hair and pulls me up, his cock still surprisingly hard as it remains inside me, and I lean back against him and open my eyes, staring at our reflection in the mirror. My expression hasn’t changed all that much. I still look haunted. But so does he. Two tired and twisted messed-up souls.

  ‘I need you to come for me, baby,’ he whispers, his mouth close to my ear, his breath warm on my neck. ‘I need that to happen, OK?’