Heartbreaker

by J. Dorothy

  I take his hand, and my heart lurches the instant we touch, the memories of that last contact so strong, like no time has passed at all. I wish. I wish for that and so much more in this moment. But Cam is with someone else, and he’s moved on. I am not for him anymore. And fair enough. This is the first time I’ve acknowledged the fairness of that fact. I need to be more honest with myself and stop the illusion we can ever be anything more.

  Cam doesn’t say anything as he helps me down, but he doesn’t let me go and I cherish every second. Once we get to my front door, I pull the front door key from my pocket. A habit I formed from an early age. I was forever losing keys and the only way I kept hold of them was to keep them on my person at all times.

  “I see some things haven’t changed,” Cam comments, and I suppress the urge to roll my eyes.

  I unlock the door and Cam follows me inside. I can feel him behind me and hairs on my neck stand up on end, goose bumps trailing down my arms. I’m glad for the sweater I put on earlier so Cam doesn’t see the effect he’s having on me. That little nap in the car has made me feel a little better, but the headache is ever present.

  “Go and sit down. I’ll get your medicine and a glass of water.”

  I obey. Grateful to have him here. I pull the soft blue blanket over me and shroud myself in it. I feel a little cold now I’m out of the warmth of Cam’s truck. Normally I’m a warm frog and don’t feel the cold so much, but tonight my body temperature has plummeted and I need the extra padding.

  Cam returns with a tall glass of water and two little white pills in the palm of his hand. They are the best treats right now. I really need my pounding head to go away, and I need to sleep.

  “Thanks,” I say and take the pills and the water. I swallow them quickly and close my eyes.

  Just the gesture of taking the drugs makes me feel instantly better, even though I know medically it will take a little while to take effect. I open my eyes again and look up at Cam, wondering if he’s going now. He's looking around the living room, like he’s remembering. I wonder if he’s been here in a while. I have no idea if Dad ever invited him over after I left. Probably not. Dad doesn’t like to mix his day job and his home life. I expect Cam to announce that since he’s seen me home he’ll be going, and I can’t blame him. He’s gone above and beyond the call of duty tonight.

  I’m just about to tell him I’ll be okay and to thank him, when his cell rings. Jessie’s Girl by Rick Springfield plays, and I frown, wondering why he suddenly has eighties heartbreak hits as his ring tone. He grimaces and pulls out his cell, stepping out of sight and into the kitchen. I can only hear a few words of his conversation…

  “What the hell ... Goddam it! ... No ... Not now ... No ... Please yourself ... You owe her.”

  Owe who?

  That piques my drug induced mind. I have no idea who he’s talking to. It can’t be Sweet Cheeks, because he’s being really mean. Then Cam’s voice goes quiet and he appears again.

  “Sorry, are you okay? Do you need anything else?” he asks, with the cutest concerned frown on his forehead.

  I shake my head and suppress my urge to hug him. I don’t know if it’s the drugs, or if I suddenly get a surge of big girl courage, but I ask, “Jessie’s girl? Hurts so good? Since when are you into eighties love hits?”

  He gives a wry grin. The first I’ve seen. “Yeah, well it’s not me so much.”

  Oh. No. It’s her. She programmed his cell. I wish I hadn’t asked.

  “Travis.”

  “Travis?” I wasn’t expecting that answer.

  Cam takes a seat opposite on Dad’s recliner. “Yeah. He thinks he’s funny, keeps taking my cell and re-programming the ring tone.”

  “So he’s a good friend of yours then?” I have to ask, as I really have no idea who his close friends are now. I use to be his closest friend, but I guess after I left he got some different ones. Better ones.

  Cam shrugs. “He’s okay, keeps me entertained.”

  “Where did he come from, then?”

  “Showed up in town one day and asked for work. Your dad gave him a job, and he’s been here ever since.”

  “What’s his story?”

  I figure this is a safe topic for me and Cam, doesn’t dredge up any old memories.

  “I’m not sure. He’s got a history, but he’s never really said much. He’s out for a good time and doesn’t like to dwell on his past.”

  Maybe not as safe a topic as I thought. Those last words of Cam have huge repercussions for us.

  “Fair enough,” I say. But don’t know what to say next. I yawn instead. Those drugs are kicking in. My eyelids feel so heavy and I’m finding it hard to focus.

  “Bai, maybe you should get some sleep.”

  I nod and shut my eyes. That’s the best command from Cam I’ve heard so far. And this time I have no trouble obeying.

  “As you wish,” I say, in my drugged state. And then I’m off, on the train to sleepy town, and I can't wait to get there.

  SiXTeeN

  ______________________________________

  I wake. Then I shut my lids again. The light stings my eyes and I creep back underneath my covers, delving in the muted light of morning. That feels better. Man, the back of my head hurts. I reach and touch the tender spot, wincing as I find the sore point. The doc was right. I can feel an almighty lump back there. My headache seems to have disappeared, so the god of mercy has some soul this morning.

  I turn back and recount the events from last night. Then I realize very quickly that I didn’t fall asleep in my bed, where I'm wrapped up all cosy and warm. That begs the question: How did I get here?

  I reach down and feel my legs. I have pajama pants on. I didn’t change out of my skirt though. That must mean ... Crap. Cam must have carried me to bed and changed my clothes. I quickly recount what underwear I wore yesterday. I’m just hoping it wasn’t my real big girl pants. I take a quick peek and see it’s my nice black lacy ones. Phew. Not that he’d be looking.

  Or would he?

  Stop that! He has a girlfriend. Cam’s as loyal as a black Labrador.

  Maybe he took a quick look for old time's sake?

  Then I realize we’ve never really had old times like that. Our relationship went to that next level, but only just before we broke up, and the couple of times we had sex, it was a rushed effort, no time for lying in bed checking out each other’s underwear or anything. Dad was pretty strict when it came to that, and Cam and I didn’t dare cross that line. Well, not until we went away to college for those few lovely months …

  My wicked thoughts are interrupted as a weird sound echoes through the open door of my room, and I suddenly realize I’m not alone. I pull back the covers and creep towards my door, the sound gets louder as I tip toe down the hall and I realize it's snoring. Holy hell, that must mean one of two things: Cam rang Dad and he came home last night and was too tired to go to his own bed. Yeah, right, like that happened!

  I know who it is. Cam must have stayed to keep an eye on me. Double crap! How will that look to Sweet Cheeks. I don’t want him to get in trouble with Jennifer.

  Or do I?

  I slap my own wrist at my nasty thoughts. Ow! That stings. I pack a mighty punch. Bennett is always telling me I do, but I never believed him.

  I poke my head round the corner to see Cam lying on his side, with his back facing me, the covers have dropped off his luscious body. He still has his jeans on, but nothing else. Holy hell, he’s put on some muscle since we last went out. I was too shy and to annoyed to peruse his naked chest properly last time. I swallow the lust that erupts in my entire body as I take my time checking him out. The god of mercy is not being kind today. How am I supposed to act unaffected around him when he looks like that? And now, even when he wears a shirt, I’ll know what’s underneath. I let out a quiet groan. I am in so much trouble.

  I wish I could turn it off. I wish I could lust after someone else. Right now, I’m not sure I ever will. Curses. That’s it, I’
m cursed. Maybe the Wicca Woods legends are true, and any lovers who go into those woods are cursed for all eternity to never love anyone else. I always thought that old legend was so romantic, not now. I might visit the Hocus Pocus shop today and see if they have a spell or something to stop it. God I’m so hopeless, if Gerry ever found out, or Bennett for that matter, I’d never hear the end of it.

  I don’t realize how long I’ve been standing here having these ridiculous thoughts, when I glance back to Cam. Shit, he’s stopped snoring, and now he’s facing me, his baby blues looking straight at me. My stomach drops and my heart races. Torture. That’s what this is. He coughs and reaches for his black t-shirt.

  Aw … so much for my pleasure cruise this morning.

  “Morning, Bai. How you feeling?” he croaks out in a husky tone.

  I let out another groan.

  Get it together, get it together, I repeat in my lust filled brain.

  Cam sits up and pulls down his t-shirt. “You okay?” he asks again.

  No. I’m not okay. “Yeah, thanks.”

  “I ah … stayed. And I ah, put you to bed last night.” He runs his fingers through his brown locks and ruffles his hair nervously.

  I nod and blush and my leg starts jiggling. I can’t take much more of this.

  “Yeah I figured. Thanks again.”

  Cam stands up and stretches, flexing all those gorgeous muscles. Good lord, will he just stop it!

  I look up to the ceiling, because it’s white and boring, and helps to calm me.

  “Can I look at your head?”

  My head? What? Oh, right. My head.

  “Sure.” I walk over to him slowly and turn around, lifting my hair so he can see. I can feel his warmth behind me and it’s driving me crazy. Then he touches around the wound and my legs nearly give way.

  I am definitely buying that spell today.

  “Looks okay. Glad you didn’t need stitches.” He speaks softly but I barely hear the words, as his breath blows lightly on my exposed neck.

  I really have to get far away from him, or I won’t be responsible for my actions. I quickly put my hair down and rush into the kitchen faster than the Flash. Coffee. That’s what I need. Something to dull my over sensitized, stupid lust filled brain. Cam must follow me, because I catch him from the corner of my eye, standing on the other side of the counter. Good. Good counter.

  “You want me to go?” he asks. And I ponder on that for a moment. Wondering for one, why he’s even asking. I thought he’d want to go. And two, do I? No. You don’t ever want him to go, but you know you have to let him go. Kidnapping Cam is suddenly a very appealing idea to me right now.

  I shrug with my back facing him as I spoon coffee beans into the grinder with trembling fingers. “I can make you a coffee. It’s the least I can do.” It’s not an answer, its evasive tactics, but they seem to work. I spy Cam take a seat on one of the two bar stools and I take that as a yes, and pull down another cup. I fuss around taking more time than necessary. Cam doesn’t say anything, and I wonder what he’s doing, then I look over my shoulder to see him checking his texts.

  My heart plummets and I wonder if Sweet Cheeks has text to ask where he is this morning. I decide I should help him out.

  “Ah, Cam … I won’t tell anyone you stayed here last night.”

  His brow wrinkles. “Okay. If that’s what you want.”

  “Just so it doesn’t cause any problems,” I clarify.

  “Why would it cause me problems?”

  Do I have to spell it out? I really don’t want to. Looks like it. I’m just about to tell him, when my cell buzzes. I thought I’d left it at the office, but I look over and see it on the counter next to the box of mail. I frown at it for a few seconds.

  “Are you going to answer that?” Cam asks.

  I blink, and then say, “Yeah. Of course.”

  I pick it up to see Bennett’s goofy grin. I sigh. He’s going to give me a right royal thrashing.

  “Hey, Bennett.” I roll my eyes, waiting for it.

  “Don’t hey me. What the hell, Bailey Ryan? What the hell happened? Gerry and I have been worried sick all night.”

  “All night, huh?” I smile.

  “No. No diversion tactics. Now tell me what happened, before I reach down this phone and ring your neck.”

  I flick my glance over to Cam, who has his eyes fully trained on me.

  “Okay, settle, petal. I just fell and hit my head. I had to get checked out by the doc and she gave me some meds which knocked me out. No biggie. I was going to call you.”

  “Who’s there with you?”

  He really should have been a spy. How he knows that, I have no idea. But I have absolutely no intention of answering those kind of questions when Cam’s sitting right there.

  “No one.”

  I glance at Cam, who is looking at me with an arched brow. I shrug at him.

  “So you’re telling me, you looked after yourself with a head injury. Bales, do you know how dangerous that is?”

  “Look, Bennett, the doc said I was okay and she sent me home. I took my meds like a good girl and I feel fine this morning. Drama over.”

  “Next time I see you, you are in so much trouble. I’m telling.”

  “Telling who?”

  “Your dad.”

  “No. Don’t. He’s having a nice weekend, I don’t want that ruined. He worries enough,” I hiss the last bit out through clenched teeth and turn away from Cam. I don’t want Cam to know that Dad worries, or why he worries about me.

  I hear Bennett, sigh. I think I’ve got through to him.

  “Listen, you and Gerry have fun this weekend. I’m sorry I worried you, but honestly I’m okay. Now go and be a gentleman to my best girl and I’ll see you next weekend.”

  “Gentleman, huh?”

  “Yeah, she loves that. You’ll win her over for sure.”

  “Noted.”

  “Bye Bennett.”

  “Okay, I’ll call you later. When whoever’s there, you don’t want me to know about, is gone.”

  I stamp my foot. “You’re impossible.”

  “I know, it’s a god given talent reserved for boss’s of the universe.”

  I shake my head and Bennett chuckles. “See you, Missy.”

  I end the call, still reeling from the fact Bennett knows me so well. I toss my cell on the bench and look up, to see Cam staring at me, all wide eyed, like he’s in shock.

  “You alright?” I ask him.

  I see him swallow. “Yeah.”

  “What’s the matter?”

  He blinks and shakes his head. “Nothing.”

  Okay. Doesn’t look like nothing, but I don’t pursue it. I move back to the coffee machine and it’s finished brewing. I’m not the world’s best coffee maker, but I’m getting better. Ted never let me make it at the bar. I was deemed hopeless and that hasn’t really changed. I get the milk out of the fridge and make Cam’s coffee without asking him how he likes it.

  Because I know just how he likes it.

  Stupid thoughts. That sounded dirty, and now my mind’s back on the lust trail, just when I thought I had a handle on it. Cam’s naked torso comes into my mind and I try to shove it behind images of kittens and fluffy bunnies. So cute. I am indeed crazy. I better schedule Gerry in, sooner than I thought.

  I pass Cam his coffee and he takes it and puts the cup to his beautiful lips and takes a long sip. Shit. I really wish I was that coffee cup.

  Stop it! Fluffy bunnies ... Fluffy bunnies ...

  I turn away and look out the window and take a long sip of my own coffee. I close my eyes and sigh. That tastes good, even if I did make it, and it settles my nerves. They've been buzzing since I got up. I wonder how long Cam will stay. I figure he’ll have his coffee and leave, then we’ll go back to emails and texts. All professional. All cold. Like last night, or today, never happened. That thought depresses me a little. No, a lot.

  “We need to talk, Bai.”

  I nearly choke on m
y coffee. What? Where did that come from?

  I turn quick to see Cam staring at me again, but this time he’s not in shock. He’s looking at me differently. He’s looking at me like he used to. Oh crap.

  I swallow the hard lump that’s lodged in my throat. “Okay,” I manage to splutter.

  He gets off his bar stool and reaches up to put both his hands on his head. Like he’s frustrated with himself. But to me, it's just showing off that gorgeous body even more, and I’m having trouble focussing.

  “Not now. I’ll pick you up at lunchtime. I have something I want to show you.”

  I swallow again. “Okay.” It’s a good word choice, my messed brain, doesn’t really have the resources to draw on my full vocab right now.

  He blows out a huge breath, gives me a weak smile and walks out of the kitchen. I hear the front door slam shut, and I hear his truck start up. And my heart jolts.

  What the hell just happened?

  What does he want to show me?

  And why did I agree to go with him?

  I have a nauseating feeling this could be bad, and I could be in so much trouble.

  SeVeNTeeN

  ______________________________________

  So I decided I’m making chocolate cookies for our lunch today. Petty? Yeah, maybe. But the way Cam looked at me before gives me a small glimmer of hope. So I’m giving myself a fighting chance, that maybe, just maybe, I can get him back. And that is one fight worth having. I would never forgive myself if I didn’t at least try. I know with certainty he is it for me. I owed it to my mom to try and live life on my own terms, and I did for a while. But that wasn’t what I wanted. It never was. It was her dream. And not mine. Hard, life lesson learnt, Bailey Ryan.

  I’m at the Mr Hellier’s refurbished grocery store, and it’s impressive. He’s certainly done a great job designing the wider aisles, and the wall of freezers along the back are pure genius.

  Perusing the cooking aisle, I'm looking for top quality chocolate chips. I spy the brand I like and reach up on tippy toes, when another hand beats me too it and takes the packet off the top shelf. Huh?