“Let me get you a bowl.”
He got another bowl down and filled it and sat it in front of me. He got a glass of milk for me, and I didn’t even ask. And he got the ketchup. I don’t know how he knew, but I do like ketchup in my chilli.
I had to stop every few bites, but I managed to finish my food. It was really nice of him to get me all that, but I still don’t want to ask for his help to get back up the stairs. I really didn't think this through before coming down. How am I getting back up there?
“Um, I’m going to take a nap on the sofa.” I said. “You want me to go get you a blanket or pillow or anything?” “I’ll be okay. Thanks, Barney.”
I laid down on the sofa. When I woke up the television was on. Before I opened my eyes I sort of took inventory of everything. Still hurt, but I feel a little better. Let’s see, there’s a blanket over me. Barney must have gotten it anyway, once I fell asleep.
“Hi.” I said. Mrs. Sloan is sitting in the chair across from me. “How are you feeling?” she asked. “Did you sleep well?” “I guess. I feel a lot better.”
I worked my way painfully into a seated position. I was still chilled, so I pulled the blanket up over me and hugged my doll tightly against me.
“Where is everyone?” “Barney is over at his friends’ house. Ted and Jessica are out getting burgers. Jess said she knows what kind you like.”
“Yeah, I eat at the diner a lot.” I told her.
“She’s supposed to be working tonight, but she wanted to stay home with you.”
“Oh.” Great, one more thing for me to feel bad about. “Well, if she wants to quit... I mean I have a lot of money, and I don’t mind sharing some of it. I just... never did before because that job means a lot to her.”
“She’s an independent girl.”
“She is.”
She very much is. Independent. And stubborn. Like she’s the kind of girl that would stick by a friend, even when everything in the world says you shouldn’t. Stubborn and independent like she makes up her own mind and then changes other people’s minds by force of her will. Like convincing her family to not call an ambulance, because the chopped up best friend is a vampire, or something like it.
“Why are you letting me stay here?” I asked her. “Jess told you what I am, you know what I am, and you know that I’ve killed people.”
“So you have killed people?” she asked. Her voice is a little shaky. “Jess said you don’t do that.”
“Not in a very long time.”
“I have a hard time picturing the gentle, tiny little girl that I know as a killer.”
“I never meant to.”
“So how many?” she asked tentatively.
“Do you really want to know this, Mrs. Sloan?”
“If you’re going to be living here, I think I deserve to know. And I think you should call me Peggy.”
“When Alejandro changed me I just did what he said. I didn’t know anything, and I had no clue what to do at all. So back then it was... I had to get blood from the source.”
“Do you grow fangs?” she asked, completely seriously.
“No. I have to cut with something. But I can just bite with my teeth, if I need to. Just no fangs. And it heals. You can see what Jessica’s finger did.” I never really like thinking about this. “But at first I didn’t know when or how to stop after just a little, and I drank too much from the first two.”
“I thought you said four?”
“A few years after that, I was walking along a road at night and this carriage, this horse pulled wagon, came up beside me and this guy grabbed me and shoved me into this wagon. He was really drunk. His hands were all over me, and I shoved him away. And he fell from the wagon and broke his neck.”
“Well that was self defense, honey.”
“Yes. And then just after the turn of the century, the twentieth century, I was caught by this guy in an alley. He saw me, he figured out what I was.”
“So you killed him? Brynne, I don’t understand this at all. I can’t imagine you doing something like that.”
“Not on purpose. I was going to run, but he came at me with a knife, and in the fight I twisted it around and he ended up... I stabbed him in the chest. And then I got scared and ran off.”
“Self defense again.” she said. Then after a pause “So why did you run off? I mean it seems gruesome to me, but I would imagine it’s an easy meal, right?”
“What if someone came by? Ninety pound little girls aren’t supposed to be able to wrestle down a three hundred pound man.”
She was tensed up, her muscles all drawn up tight and her breathing accelerated. She really understands the awful things I’m capable of now, I think. How awful I really am.
“I never asked for this.” I said. I sniffled and closed my eyes to try to hold back the tears. “I have spent so many nights wishing that it had been me that he killed instead of the rest of my family. Or even with the rest of them. But what am I supposed to do, give up and starve to death? I tried that, and it’s just too hard. I can’t help being a monster.”
“You’re not a monster.” she insisted. “You’ve done the best you can with the hand life has dealt you.”
“I killed people.” I said, dipping my head in shame.
“When you didn’t know better and in self defense.”
“That doesn’t forgive it.” I said, barely above a whisper. “I shouldn’t even exist. And I always thought I was the last, that eventually I’d die and that would be it, but apparently there are a lot of us. So he lied to me about that, too. Like almost everything.”
“Brynne, I think beating yourself up about this for what, a century? is enough punishment for any wrongs you may have done.”
She’s willing to forgive me. Why is it they’re all so calm about this? I don't think anyone else would just handle having someone sort of like a vampire showing up with their daughter as well as they are handling it.
“Jessica said you have some talents.” “Um, yeah.” I don't want to do this, but she deserves to know anything she wants to.
“What kind of talents do you have?”
“I’m sort of fast, and I can run for hours without resting. I’m strong. Not super human strong, but very strong. Stronger than almost anyone in town, I guess. My eyesight is better than any normal human, by a long shot. I heal, which you’ve noticed. And then I can hear really well.”
“Is that it?”
“Pretty much.” Good grief, what does she want? Does she think I should be able to turn into a bat and fly away?
“How well do you see?”
“I can probably read the newspaper from a block away.”
“Okay,” she said, smiling. “That is good.” she said. “How about your hearing?”
“I... it’s good. Like at home I insulated extra just so I could sleep. And I’m really sorry about this, it’s not like I have a choice, but when I’m here you don’t really have any secrets. I just can’t stop hearing.”
“So you hear all our conversations?” she asked. She sighed and gave me a very frustrated look.
“Pretty much. I always try to ignore it, though. Usually, anyway. I was sort of listening that time when I cut my hand when slicing watermelon. Jess and I were in the bathroom, and I heard your discussion.”
“I don’t even remember what we were talking about.”
“Me. That’s sort of why I was having a hard time ignoring it. Barney was speculating that I was gay, and Mr. Sloan was wondering why I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“Oh yes, I remember that now.” She looked away, a little embarrassed.
“But now you know why.”
“You could still date.”
“For a few months. And then I’d have to break up with them.” Plus, Barney was right.
Jess and her dad came back with the burgers. They usually eat in the dining room, but tonight we ate in the living room. At least I was able to feed myself. The fries were especially good.
I not
iced that the newspaper Mr. Sloan had was always being shuffled away from me. After a while I got a peek at a headline about another victim whose blood was drained. I have to do something when I’m healed.
I had to have help to make it up the stairs. I was able to walk to the stairs, but I just didn’t have the strength to go up. And once Jess helped me to the top, we sat on the top step so I could rest.
When I was able to continue, she helped me into her room. It’s our room now, I guess. At least for the time being. And there are bunk beds set up where the other bed was. I can’t believe I slept through those being delivered and set up.
“I got you something today.” Jess said. “Well, you got you something.” She held out a pair of earplugs on a string. “Maybe they’ll help you sleep.”
“I’ve been sleeping pretty well.” “Because you’re sick. When you get better, you will definitely want those.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re so lucky.” she said. She watched as I gingerly sat on the edge of the bottom bunk. “You don’t have to go to school tomorrow.”
“It’s the last day. Who doesn’t like going the last day.”
“Me. We actually have a final in my math class. That sucks.”
“Sorry, Jess.”
“Anyway, you have some cash leftover.” She pulled several twenties from her back pocket. “Like, two-fifty, almost.”
“Oh. Just hang on to if for now.” I told her.
“Yeah, okay. So how much money do you think you have in the bank?”
“In that account? About twenty thousand.”
“Twenty-eight.”
“Oh, okay. Whatever.” It's only money.
“I have to work, and you just have all this cash.” she whined. “Well you can quit working, I’ll help pay for stuff.”
“No,” She sighed. “That’s okay. Hey, maybe Michael would give you a job too, then we could work together.”
“There are just so many things wrong with that.” I said, smiling. “I need to get to sleep, I’m tired.”
“Goodnight, hon. And goodnight, Jenna.” she said.
Thursday, May 26 Jess slept in. It's the first day of summer break, so why not sleep in? So I was up before her, and I was feeling so much better than before. I took a shower, dressed in my favorite cute skirt, then went down and made Jess Breakfast. Okay, so it was almost eleven by then, so it was more like early lunch.
“Wakey wakey.” I said. “What is this?” she asked. She was staring, bleary eyed, at the tray I was carrying.
“Breakfast in bed.”
“Aw, honey, that’s sweet.”
“I figure you’ve done a lot for me, you deserve something like this.”
“Well thank you.”
She climbed down from the top bunk and sat on the bottom one so she could eat. I sat next to her and watched. It was interesting. I’ve never really paid a lot of attention to how she eats. So dainty.
“You look better today.” she said.
“I feel a lot better. I have a ways to go, but I’m getting there.” “Good. So,” She nibbled the edge of some toast. “Do you think
you’ll feel up to going on a shopping trip with me and Tony in Kansas City tomorrow?”
“I don’t know. Probably.” I do love shopping.
“Good. His cousin is coming along, and it gets awkward with a
third person sometimes.”
“So you two are going to wander off and stick me with Andre
again?” Great. “Look, Andre was an okay guy, I guess, but I just
wasn’t feeling it. I wish you’d stop trying to set me up with him.” “No, it’s not Andre. Andre’s little sister, Teresa. She has been
begging for someone to take her shopping. She’s like really into
clothes and stuff, you two will probably be best friends.” “You’re my best friend.”
“Yeah,” She reached up and ruffled my hair. “But she’s the
same age as you.”
“So you’re going to do this? Treat me like a little kid now? Great Jess. Thanks.”
Is she always going to treat me like a child? Try to push me off on other people, so she doesn't have to babysit? We'll never have the same kind of friendship we had before, will we?
“Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it.” She sat the plate down and leaned over and hugged me, being gentle because I’m still pretty sore. “You’re my best friend, and you always will be. When I make comments about you being young, it doesn’t change any of that.”
“I’ve been alive a lot longer than you.” I said, fighting back tears.
“But you’re physically and mentally a fifteen year old, right? That’s what you keep saying. Look, that doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a fact. All I’m saying... look, you were the one who said I’d have friends my own age. All I’m saying is it’s okay if you have other friends, too. It won’t change anything with us, honey.”
“Whatever.”
“Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“You look mad. And you’re about two seconds away from crying.”
“No I’m not!” A tear escaped and ran down my cheek. “I’m just frustrated, okay!”
“I know.”
“You don’t. Okay, so... so like everyone thinks maturity comes with life experience, but it’s not true. I have more life experience than anyone, and... and I still have stupid impulsive thoughts, I still feel really depressed and sad when things don’t go my way, I still have stupid little things make me really happy, and I... but I mean... I mean I was sort of an immature girl when I was normal, or with my family, or whatever.”
“Brynne, it’s okay. You will eventually get there. So many people would love to age slowly, like you do.”
“Well I’d trade places with them any day. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It sucks to never get to be normal, never get to grow up.”
“I’m sorry.”
She’s sorry. Only I’m the one who should be sorry. I whine about this, but it’s just because she was teasing me a little. Still, it hurts my feelings a little that she thinks of me as a kid now. We’ve always been equals, and the second she finds out I don’t really age and that I’m actually younger, she starts acting like I’m a little girl.
But I am. I still play with my dolls, I still feel scared of everything, even though I have very few things I really need to fear, there’s just so many things. I know I have to be okay with that, but it hurts that she’s outgrowing me. One day she won’t want me around. I don't want to think about life without her, though.
“Sorry I’m such a downer. I just... I’m sorry.” I got up and hurried to the bathroom before she saw me crying any more. I hate crying. I’ve cried so much in the past couple of weeks that I think I’m starting to go insane. I’ve never been this emotional. I’ve never let myself be. At least not outwardly.
When I was done crying in the bathroom, I came back out and found Jess changing the sheets on the bunk bed. And she moved her pillow and blanket to the bottom bunk. I guess she figures I can make it to the top now.
“Where’s, um,” Where’s my doll. But oh, stop treating me like a little girl. Yeah, brilliant.
“She’s on the dresser.” she said, pointing sideways at it.
“Oh. Thanks.”
“Don’t be embarrassed.” she said. She’s still changing the sheet, not looking at me. “A lot of adults have teddy bears or dolls they can’t live without. I might tease you about it a little, Brynne, but I think it’s fine. Really, it’s okay.”
“Thanks.”
“So I’m going over to Tony’s in a while.” She reached out and nudged my arm. “Wanna come along?”
“Nah.” Seeing her date someone is too hard to look at right now. It just makes me feel that much lonelier. “I should probably rest up for our trip tomorrow. I’m still a little weak.”
“I can stay here if you need me to.”
“No, go ahead and go.”
; “Brynne, what’s wrong? You’ve been in a weird mood ever since I got up. And you act mad at me. Did I do something?”
“No, nothing.” Except you're going to be with Tony, and I will be alone for the rest of my long, long life.
“You sure?” she asked. I nodded. “Okay then.” She pulled me into a hug. “The breakfast was really good. Thank you.”
I watched television all afternoon and through the evening. I ate with Mr. and Mrs. Sloan, --Barney was out again-- and I talked with them a little. Mrs. Sloan insisted on coming up with me so she could check on my cuts. They’re almost completely healed.
And then I decided to go for a walk. I haven’t been outside all week. I got dressed and grabbed Jenna. Usually I don’t take her, ‘cause I feel kind of silly walking around where people could see me with a doll. This time I had to have her. Just for my comfort. Nobody will see me.
“Where are you going?” Mr. Sloan asked. I was already reaching for the door. “It’s pretty late, Brynne.”
“It’s just ten thirty. I was going for a walk.”
“Be back by eleven.” he said.
“Um,” I don’t want to sound disrespectful, but I’m not used to being told what to do. “Why?”
“It’s your curfew.” he said.
“I... um... okay?”
I didn’t even go anywhere once I left the house, just around to the side. I sat in the dark, wondering how in the world he thinks he has a right to tell me what to do. But they are letting me stay in their house. Their house, their rules. And I think there may even be a law for children under 16. Here I am being treated like a child again.
I always ring the doorbell at their house, so I wasn’t real comfortable just walking in. But it seemed odd to ring the bell, too. I stood there for a couple of minutes, arguing with myself, before I finally rang the bell.
“Did you lock yourself out?” Mr. Sloan asked when he opened the door.
“I wasn’t sure... I mean... it’s not my house.” “You live here, you don’t have to ring the doorbell.” “I... wasn’t sure.” I repeated.
When she got home, Jess laughed at me when I told her about my curfew. She doesn’t have one. So now that they know I’m developmentally fifteen (as good a way to describe it as any, I guess), they treat me like a fifteen year old. This is going to get really old.
Brynne, Non-Vampire (The Non-Vampire Series) Page 9