“I’ll be there in a few.” she said.
“Okay. See you then.”
“Bye.”
“Bye. Hey, um, we need to talk when you get here.” Now
everyone really is looking at me.
“About what?”
“You’ll see.”
“Yeah,” she giggled. “I probably know already.” “I think you do.”
“Will I be disappointed?” she asked, sounding very serious
now.
“I don’t know, will you be?”
“I’m always disappointed when I don’t get my way.” she said.
“Am I getting my way?”
“That depends on what your way is.” I can feel that I’m
blushing. And all their eyes are on me.
“We’ll talk when I get there.”
“Okay. See you soon.”
I got up and took the phone around the corner, into the hall where its base is. I put it back on the base, then I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. Well, okay, replaying that whole conversation in my head, I guess I probably sounded pretty interested in her. My voice was doing that thing where it goes up a little, like what happens when someone is talking to someone they’re attracted to.
“You okay?” Jess asked. She leaned against the wall next to me.
“I was just thinking how it always goes bad when I stay in one place for very long. It always gets complicated.”
“Don’t go.” she said.
“I didn’t... I wasn’t saying that. Just that life is getting complicated.”
“But it wouldn’t be interesting if it wasn’t.”
“The last time I stayed this long it got bad. I lived in Miami,”
“In all that sun!”
“Yeah. And I graduated high school, and then I stuck around for a while. I moved across to the other side of the city, and I figured I wouldn’t bump into anyone, or if I did they wouldn’t even recognize me after just a few months, because I never got close to anyone. And then like six years later, When I should have been twenty four if I really was eighteen when I graduated, I bumped into one of my teachers from when I was in ninth grade.”
“And she recognized you?”
“Yeah. I tried to go away without talking to her, but she saw me and started talking. And at first she was talking about how great I looked, how I hadn’t changed a bit. But then I saw how that was sinking in. How she was thinking ‘wow, how is it she hasn’t changed one little bit in nine years’. That had nowhere good to go, so I took off.”
“You just left in the middle of a conversation?”
“Yeah. I ran away. And I didn’t stop until I was in Cleveland.”
“Wow. When you run you really run, don’t ya?” she said, laughing.
“Yeah, usually.”
“Brynne, please don’t do that this time.”
“Look, I don’t... plan on it, okay.” I said. “But if I ever have to leave, I swear to you that I will stay in touch. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Seriously, Jess, you mean more to me than my parents and little brother did. Which is sort of screwed up, but it’s true. That’s why I told you everything.”
“I love you, little squirt.” she said. She hugged me.
“Teresa is here.” I said. I could hear her on the front porch. That was quick.
Jess answered the door. I went upstairs. It sounds so cliche, but I had to go make sure my hair was straight and my clothes weren’t wrinkled. So I care if people think I look a mess or not, so what? It’s not like I’m worried she won’t like me or something. I mean... I don’t know what I mean.
“You look nice today.” Teresa said immediately.
“Thanks. You look really nice too.”
“So-o.” she said. She smiled and shifted from on foot to the
other, then back. “I was thinking we should go to the river and swim. Tony said there’s this sweet spot not too far from here, we could walk.”
“Oh. Um,” It’s sunny out. “We could do something else.” “Come on.” she said. She has that look on her face. The ‘I’m going to get my way’ look. “If you don’t want to swim, we could just walk along the river. Have that talk you wanted to have.”
“I can’t.” I hate being like this.
“Look, Teresa, she has a skin condition, okay.” Jess said. “She burns really easily.”
“How easily?”
“I was out in the sun for like an hour once.” I said. “I think another few minutes and I may have died.”
“Oh you poor baby!” She lunged at me and hugged me. “We’ll do something inside.”
“I can go outside, I just can’t go in the direct sunlight for very long.”
“Why don’t you two go out back.” Jess suggested. “I’ll bring some chips and cans of pop in a few.”
It was awkward going out back, we had to walk through the kitchen to get there, and everyone was still in there. They didn’t say anything, but I know they have questions, or comments, or something. I’m sure Barney wants to say something awful to embarrass me. He’s still really fixated on me, and I don’t think he likes the idea of me having a friend to spend time with if that friend may take me away from here for any extended period of time.
We went across the yard to sit under the big shade tree. She blocked the sun with her hands and her body as much as possible as we walked through the sunny part. It was kind of sweet.
“So,” she said. She sat on the ground, next to me, and stared at my face. Where did the sort of shy, nervous girl that showed up here yesterday go? I guess she was over that before we got to the mall, really.
“So.”
“You said we need to talk.”
“Yeah.”
“So were you actually thinking of something specific that we
should talk about, or were you just dying to talk to me?” she asked, smiling.
“Um,” So hey, I think you’re great and all, but I’ve never been in a relationship, and I barely know you. Not to mention the fact that just being near you makes me nervous. And oh yeah, my mouth won’t work right now to say any of this.
“Want me to start?” she asked. I nodded. “At some point last night you either figured out or Jessica told you that I asked her to introduce us. I saw your picture in Tony’s yearbook, and Jessica always has amazing things to say about you, so I asked her to set it up.”
“Yeah.” I wish my hands would stop shaking. “So now that you’ve figured this out and you know I like you and would love to keep seeing you, what are your thoughts?”
“I... um...”
“I’m a big girl, Brynne. I can take it, whatever it is.”
Jess brought out the chips and pop. She was looking at me like she was evaluating whether I wanted to be left alone with Teresa or not. After a minute, she left us alone. We ate a few chips and drank our pop.
“So if you aren’t into me like that, we can just be friends, maybe?” Teresa finally said.
“Uh-huh.” I said. She looked a little disappointed. “I mean... I mean we can just be friends for now and see.”
“For now?”
“Because I’m not sure, okay?” I can’t even look at her.
“That’s cool. Take your time.”
“I... it’s not that I’m not... look, I think you’re... but I never really dated anyone.”
“Oh.” She said, disappointment obvious in her voice.
“That doesn’t mean I’m not interested! Just... I’m trying to figure it out, okay?”
“Oh. Well good, so we have that all cleared up.”
I’m not even sure what we’ve cleared up. Well, I guess she knows I’m sort of into her, just not quite sure yet. I also know that she likes me. I bet I’m blushing.
“I mean I do like you, I guess.” I know I’m blushing now. “But how can you be so calm about this? Doesn't it seem the least bit awkward to you?”
“Hey, I’m just trying to make this as easy as possible on you. No pressure.”
“Oh.” She is? That's kinda sweet. “Right.”
“Besides, I could already tell you like me.” She smiled and
stared into my eyes until I had to look away. “You’re just coming to terms with that.” Just coming to terms with that. You could say that. When we got home last night I was mostly angry that Jess would trick me like that. But after I calmed down from there, all I could think about is the time I spent with Teresa yesterday. She’s so fun, and so pretty, and really sweet. But I barely know her.
“So do I seem like I’d be interested in girls? I mean how did you know I was?” This is so embarrassing.
“You mean does my gaydar go off when you’re around?” she asked, laughing. I love her laugh. “Not really, no. Not that I’ve ever been able to tell with anyone. I have to be the worst lesbian in the world at that. I just try to be honest. Or sometimes I try flirting a little, see if I get a good response.”
“Oh.”
“Which I did yesterday.” she said.
“Um, yeah.”
So I was responding to her flirting yesterday? I guess. Why did it take me until the trip home to figure it out, then? “We could go to the river.” I said. “Like, we just have to stay in the shade. Or I do, anyway.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Sounds good. You want to invite Jessica along? Ya know, as sort of a chaperone to keep me from forcing myself on you?” She has a look that says she may not be joking.
“It might be entertaining to see you try.” I said. Why, I don’t know, because if I’m not careful I’ll have to explain that.
If I were to take Jessica along, what would that say to Teresa? Would she feel offended that I don’t want to be alone with her? Or would she recognize that it’s because I’m scared. Scared! Can you believe I’m scared of her?
I asked Teresa to wait there for a minute. I felt odd leaving her alone out there, even for only a minute. But I didn’t really want to drag her inside for this.
“Hey, um,” They’re all still sitting at the table. Ted is reading the paper, the others aren’t doing much. Waiting for me, I think. “Is it okay if I go for a walk with Teresa?” I asked Peggy.
“You don’t have to ask our permission.” she said. She has a smile on her face.
“We’d just like you to let us know if you’re leaving.” Ted told me. “Just so we know you aren’t around.”
“When will you be back?” Peggy asked.
“I’m not sure.”
“Does she know what you are?” Barney asked.
“Why would she?” Jess asked him. “You just stay out of it. You’re just jealous.”
“Jealous?” Ted asked. He looked up at me, as he considered that. Then his eyes went wide. “Oh. I see. Well, have a nice time.”
“Yeah, um, okay.” I said. Could this be any more embarrassing?
I was trying to make my feet move, to head back out to Teresa, but they wouldn’t listen. And my hands are trembling again. Crap. I’ve never been this nervous about anything like this. Whatever this is. It’s not a date, it’s just a couple of friends hanging out. Except she wants to be more than friends. And maybe I will too, once I get to know her better. And maybe not. But I’m open to the idea, which is kind of a first for me.
“You’re going to be okay.” Jess told me. She got up and hugged me. “Calm down.”
“I am calm!”
“Yeah, whatever.”
“We’re just going to take a walk out by the river,” I said. I took a deep breath. “I’ll be fine.”
“Why are you so nervous?”
“I don’t know. I better go.” My feet still wouldn’t move. “Shove me.”
“What?”
“Shove me. Toward the door.” She was confused. “To get me started.”
“O-kay.”
She shoved me toward the door. Once she got me started, I was able to keep walking. I think I even managed a bit of a smile as I walked across the back yard.
“Okay, we can go now.” I told Teresa.
“You don’t want them to know.” she said.
“What? No, that’s not it.”
“It’s alright, I haven’t even told my parents yet. And these
people aren’t your parents, so if they don’t approve then they can kick you out without any hesitation.”
“Teresa, I’m not trying to hide anything from them. I promise.”
“Not that there’s anything to tell, right?” she asked.
“They already are making assumptions.”
“So are we going?” she asked, starting toward the gate.
It was weirdly quiet as we walked down the street, toward the path that leads down by the river. She was so talkative yesterday. Maybe she is taking it easy on me because she can tell how nervous she makes me.
“Why is it that you live with the Sloans?” she asked. “Jessica never told me.”
“My parents are dead.”
“Oh.” She sounds like she feels stupid for saying anything.
“It’s no big, they’ve been gone a long, long time. My little brother, too.”
“I’m sorry.”
We were almost to the river now, and she had walked back and forth across the path up to this point so we could avoid the sun. Now she stopped and looked around. Finally she led me into the edge of the trees and we stepped over and through bushes as we made our way along the river.
I hadn’t realized until now that she had been holding my hand for a while now. Since we first turned onto the path down to the river. So? Friends hold hands, right? She was pulling me along by the hand at the mall yesterday. I don’t know if this feels comfortable, though. I mean I don’t hold hands with Jess. But would I offend Teresa if I pulled my hand back? And it’s no big deal, really.
“What happened to your family?” she asked. “How did they die? If you feel like talking about it.”
“They were killed. Some... guy came along and he killed them. I barely survived. And I really can’t talk about it. It’s too hard.”
“Okay.”
She stopped at a small clearing that looked out over the water. She stepped up to the edge, but then noticed the sunlight and moved back. She glanced up and gave me a little smile.
“My parents argue all the time.” she said. “Over everything. Over money, over what to have for dinner, over whether I have to do my homework before dinner or after, over whether Andre can go out with his friends on a school night.”
“Some times people just argue. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”
“Yeah. Somehow it always winds up back on me and Andre. Whatever they’re arguing about. They can be arguing over money, and it suddenly becomes about our college fund, or they can argue about Dad not trimming the trees like he promised, and it’s because he had to mow the lawn that Andre was supposed to mow instead.”
“Sorry.”
“They’re getting a divorce, I think.”
She’s trying not to cry. It must really hurt to feel like you’re the reason your parents can’t stay together. I have no idea how to make her feel better, though. I’m not good at these things.
“Who have you been staying with?” she asked me. “Before Jessica?”
“I’ve been living alone.”
“They let you?” She was facing me now, shocked look on her
face. “They didn’t shove you in a foster home or something?” “I sort of didn’t let them. I sort of ran off.” True enough. “You’re a runaway?” she asked. “Cool! Bad girl.” “And then I rented a house and I’ve been here a couple of
years.”
“Who would rent a house to a kid?” she asked.
“I paid extra so he wouldn’t ask questions.”
“Okay, so where did you get the money? You’re not a drug
dealer or something are you? You’re not in some prostitution ring?” “Um, no.” And ick.
“Well good. So how can you afford it?”
“I gues
s it was sort of my inheritance. And then some stocks
paid off really good.”
“And nobody has found you and forced you to stay with a
distant cousin or something?”
“I have no cousins. I don’t think anyone has been looking very
hard for me.” Except some sadistic killers that would have finished me
off if Jess hadn’t showed up.
“So weren’t you scared to be by yourself? I would be.” “Terrified. Sometimes. But I had a gun.”
“Ooh, wow, you really are a bad girl.” She’s smiling about
that. I don’t like it. But her smile is nice.
“I've never used it.” I assured her.
“So how’d you wind up moving in with Jessica?” “Well,” I really don't want to talk about this. “I was attacked.
Beaten up, cut, hurt really bad.”
“And you couldn’t call the police because they’d put you in
foster care?”
“Yeah, basically. So Jess dragged me to her house and told
them everything. They took care of me, and then they insisted I move
in.”
“That’s nice of them.”
We sat on the ground and watched the birds playing near the edge of the river. I am not sure what we talked about, it was sort of mindless chatter. I’m sure in there somewhere she told me a lot about her past. I’m sure I spun a few tales about mine.
We went to the Sonic and ate cheese coneys. She can really down some food, let me tell you. It’s weird, because she’s definitely a girly girl, but she doesn’t eat like one. And then Jess is a bit of a tomboy, but she eats so daintily.
We went back to the Sloans' house after we ate our late lunch. Teresa wasn’t holding my hand on the way home, which I guess is good. I just don’t know what to think about her. She’s so much fun, and we get along great, and she’s really pretty, but I don’t know if I’m up for dating anyone. I like being friends, though.
Jess and her family were sitting in the dining room, playing cards. Why isn’t she out with Tony? Why isn’t Barney up playing his online games?
“You’re earlier than I thought you’d be.” Peggy said. It’s like four.
“Teresa has to go do laundry. Her aunt said if she didn’t have it done tonight then she would be grounded for a week.”
“How was your date?” Ted asked.
Brynne, Non-Vampire (The Non-Vampire Series) Page 11