Dweeb

by Aaron Starmer

  Even if there was no alarm, Eddie knew he was being recorded. His face, his eyes. Clear as day. Snodgrass will check it. He’ll come for me, Eddie thought. He’ll punish me in ways I can’t even imagine.

  Now, instinct demanded that he run. Run to the nearest exit. Go home. Climb into his own bed. Forget about the others. Forget about what his parents might know. Hide under his covers and just hope it all went away. But he was paralyzed for the first time in his life. He pressed himself flatter against the wall and closed his eyes.

  He wondered what the others were doing. Were they asleep? Probably not. They were probably waiting for him to return. They were counting on him. One thing they certainly weren’t doing was calling him a spaz. He might not have been a hero to them, but he was someone they trusted. Now he had gone and let them down.

  He waited for what seemed like an eternity. There was no other movement in the hall—no alarms, no indication that he had been detected.

  He opened his eyes and looked up at the camera above him. It panned slowly back and forth. There was something wrong with it, though. A frayed wire stuck out from the back. Could it be broken? Blind? He had no way of knowing, but there was a chance. He’d take that chance.

  Eddie drew in a deep breath and felt a rush of adrenaline dance through his body. So I won’t get an A-plus in cat burglary, he thought. It doesn’t mean I should give up. The race isn’t over until you cross the finish line.

  He could see another camera farther down the hall, sweeping back and forth. Eddie realized that by timing things right, just as Bijay had said, he could move along the wall without any of the cameras detecting him.

  Pressed firmly to the tiles, Eddie slid slowly along, watching the cameras and timing his movements accordingly. Before long, he was beneath the next camera. Then he started the process all over again—watching, sliding, taking things slow.

  Once he reached the third camera, he was steps away from the door to the cafeteria. He waited, made his move, slipped inside.

  It was dark in the cafeteria, but from what Eddie could see, it was completely different from how he remembered it. All the artwork and nutritional posters had been removed from the walls. It was no longer populated with the round yellow tables he had eaten at for the past couple of years. Instead, there were two parallel rows of long, sturdy black tables, lined with plastic ketchup and mustard bottles. On the wall at one end of the tables was a giant sign:

  IDAHO TESTS! FOOD FOR YOUR MIND!

  On the opposite wall was an image he knew well. He’d seen it on television, on billboards, even tattooed on the bicep of a guy who worked at the local convenience store.

  It was a giant pickle. The pickle had a face and feet and hands, and was wearing a baseball cap sideways. One hand was giving the thumbs-up; the other was pointing directly down at the tables. A banner above the pickle read:

  Join the Mackers Revolution!

  Over twenty feet tall, it was not just any pickle. It was Peter Pickle, the official “spokespickle” for Mackers.

  Taking another step inside, Eddie heard a crinkling sound at his feet. He looked down to discover the floor was a sea of burger and fry wrappers. Trash cans were overflowing; paper and cardboard were strewn everywhere. There might have been an unbearable stink to it, if it all hadn’t been picked clean. The evidence of a feeding frenzy was all around him, but there was no sign of actual food.

  Eddie waded through the ankle-deep garbage to the opposite corner of the cafeteria. Snodgrass’s office was nearby. That was his destination. The cafeteria in all its strangeness was of little importance. He opened the nearest door.

  Standing beneath another camera, Eddie removed his headband and checked the watch: 12:36. The door to Snodgrass’s office was just a few steps away. He couldn’t believe their plan was actually working. He watched the camera. He watched the watch. He watched the camera: 12:37. He went for it.

  Inside the office, there was bound to be something that would prove their innocence. That was the hope, at least.

  But all hope was lost when he reached the door. As he grabbed the knob and tried to give it a twist, nothing budged. It was locked.

  How had they not thought of that? They had figured out pipes and security cameras and everything else but had forgotten about simple locks. Eddie tugged on the door for a few moments, then scrambled back under the camera. He didn’t know how to pick locks. Surely it wasn’t as easy as it seemed on television.

  When the camera panned away again, he slid back over to the door. He gave it another tug, then scanned the edges, looking for a hidden key or a place to remove the hinges. Eddie might have been a troublemaker, but he wasn’t a criminal. Breaking and entering was new to him.

  What he found was a small panel on the wall, just below the knob. He pried it open to reveal a keypad, almost identical to the one that operated the door to their cell. He was tempted to try his luck with it, but had no idea what might happen if he typed in the wrong code. As the camera swung back in his direction, he shut the panel and slid back to safety.

  “Stupid friggin’ …,” Eddie growled. He scraped his fingernails against the wall behind him, trying to liberate some energy. He had a distinct desire to bite something. He put his forearm in his mouth and clenched down his teeth. It hurt, but it also calmed him down.

  He closed his eyes and tried to think things through. To get into Snodgrass’s office, they would need a better plan. His only option at this point was to go back. But how on earth was he going to climb back up through the grating in the hall? It was ten feet high!

  That was when he heard the footsteps. They sounded like tap-dancing, a frenzy of feet going pitter-pat, pitter-pat, pitter-pat, pitter-pat.

  Then silence. Then a frenzy of feet again, louder and closer than before. Then silence.

  Eddie’s eyelids snapped open. He saw a mass of darkness at the other end of the hall. Was it a shadow? Or something else? All he could tell was that it was coming toward him.

  The camera panned and Eddie moved away from the shape as quickly as he could. He prayed that he wouldn’t hear that rumbling growl.

  Eddie had watched enough nature documentaries to know which animals he could beat in a race.

  A snake: six-minute mile.

  An elephant: five-minute mile.

  Eddie: four-and-a-half-minute mile.

  A cheetah: one-minute mile.

  The cheetah was the fastest animal on land. The question now was, what was the fastest animal in the school?

  Pitter-pat, pitter-pat, pitter-pat, pitter-pat.

  Eddie turned the corner and faced another long hallway. He assessed the cameras and continued on. When he had reached the halfway point, the dark mass appeared around the corner. It was following directly in his path.

  He grabbed the latch to the first door he came upon. It was tight at first, so he put his entire body into it. When the latch finally turned, the door opened and he tumbled into a dark corner of the library.

  Eddie jumped to his feet, closed the door, and clumsily attached the watch back to his forehead. He didn’t exactly have intimate knowledge of the library. His brain was a database of facts drawn from television and the Internet. Why waste time cracking a book when a Google search or a click of the remote could feed his mind? Sure, he’d been in the library before, but the only thing he knew was there would be plenty of books to hide behind, no cameras to deal with, and now his speed was back in play.

  He began to run. Though when he looked from side to side, he noticed something extremely strange: there were no books in the library. The shelves were bare. Nothing but dust bunnies. It was as if a plague had swept through.

  Then he heard the footsteps again. The chase was back on. Eddie quickened his pace, weaving through the empty shelves, past tables, and over and around any obstacle in his way.

  Yet somehow, he was losing the race. His pursuer was gaining on him. There was no one in the school, and only a few people in the whole state, who could actually catch Eddi
e. Still, the footsteps were getting closer while Eddie was running as fast as he possibly could.

  Up a flight of stairs, through row after row of shelves, he kept sprinting, too scared to look behind him. And the footsteps kept coming.

  Where to turn? Where to hide? Without any books, the library felt as wide open as a gymnasium. And when, through the glow of the watch, Eddie found himself facing a corner, his only choice was to turn around.

  The footsteps slowed to a jog, and a figure emerged in the dim light. Bone white teeth. A wide grin. It stepped closer as Eddie cowered in the corner. For a moment, he thought of putting his hand over the watch, closing his eyes, and letting it all end in the darkness. Instead, he decided to face his fate.

  Chapter 12

  DENTON

  The hour was ungodly. The room was pitch-black. Their voices were soft. And Denton couldn’t believe Eddie wasn’t back yet.

  “Have you?” Wendell asked Elijah.

  “I was gonna say sort of, but actually … no. Not yet,” Elijah said.

  “How about you, B?” Wendell asked.

  “Oh no, not even close,” Bijay said.

  “Denton?”

  “Well …” Denton hesitated for a moment. He was sure telling the truth would make them jealous. Then again, it was something he was reasonably proud of. So he finally said, “Yes. I have.”

  “Really?” Wendell said. “What was it like?”

  “It was perfectly pleasant.”

  “You kissed a girl and all you can say is that it was pleasant?” Elijah laughed.

  “Perfectly pleasant,” Denton reiterated. “You can’t get any more pleasant than that.”

  “Did you use your tongue?” Bijay asked.

  “Yes, I suppose I did. At least a tad.”

  “And was this girl imaginary?” Elijah asked.

  “No, as a matter of fact, she was from Scotland.”

  “Scotland is like England’s Canada, isn’t it?” Elijah teased. “That imaginary land to the north.”

  “If you must know, we met in the Cotswolds.”

  “Is that one of those wizard schools?” Bijay asked.

  “Yes, Bijay. We met at wizard school.”

  “See, Elijah,” Bijay said, “she is imaginary. Even I know there’s no such thing as wizard school.”

  “You know who I’ve always wanted to kiss?” Elijah said. “Carla Rossi.”

  “Best of luck with that.” Denton chortled. “Chad Mitchum would snap your skinny neck.”

  “Okay, Jude Law,” Elijah shot back. “Who’ve you got your eye on?”

  “If I had to choose? I suppose Karen Esposito isn’t horrible,” Denton said.

  “Yeah, not horrible,” Wendell said. “Just gorgeous.”

  Denton wasn’t about to tell them, but he thought Karen Esposito was more than gorgeous. She was perfection.

  Thirteen years old, yet not a trace of acne. Her hair was dark and straight and long, and Denton loved to sit behind her in social studies and just stare into its velvety blackness. It smelled liked the beach. Her eyes were an alluring green, which people said were the result of tinted contacts. Her voice was calm and crisp, a singer’s voice.

  Denton knew that maintaining such an image must take a lot of time. To him, it showed an admirable amount of determination. It couldn’t leave much room for schoolwork. Still, he had heard that Karen scored consistent Bs.

  She was nice to everyone. She smiled to people in the hall, actually made eye contact. She remembered names. She seemed to have no secrets, no demons, no insecurities. She was completely up-front about who she was and what it took to be her.

  Denton noticed that the school reacted to her in one of two ways. Boys would blush and stutter in her presence. Girls would chat politely with her, but as soon as she was out of earshot, they would whisper suspiciously among themselves.

  Denton figured they were just jealous. He knew what it felt like to be misunderstood. Denton and Karen worked hard to look the way they did. If others couldn’t achieve the same results, it was because they weren’t trying hard enough. They were kindred spirits, he and Karen. Made for each other.

  There was one catch. Denton had never said a word to her.

  “Esposito,” Elijah scoffed. “She’s only interested in high school lacrosse players, you know? You don’t even have a clue what lacrosse is, do you?”

  “With the sticks? Silly game with a French name? Please,” Denton quipped. He’d seen lacrosse before, but no, he didn’t have a clue how it was played. Another oddity of America.

  “Who’s your girl, Wen?” Elijah asked.

  Wendell paused. His face grew flushed. “I’ll tell you who I hate,” he finally said. “Sally Dibbs.”

  “Who’s Sally Dibbs?” Denton asked.

  “New girl,” Wendell said with a huff. “Rides my bus. Asks the stupidest questions.”

  “There are no stupid questions,” Bijay said sincerely.

  “Only stupid people,” Elijah and Denton said at the same time. They locked eyes for a second. No one called jinx. Sharing a point of view with Elijah wasn’t exactly something Denton valued. Elijah was recklessly rebellious, while Denton relied on logic.

  Elijah turned away first. “So, you hate Sally Dibbs,” he said to Wendell. “Then who do you … you know?”

  Wendell paused again. “It’s personal, all right.”

  His tone was a bit too defensive. Denton feared that Wendell might have another episode. If he could put a hole in a wall, he could probably do a lot worse.

  “How about you, Bijay,” Denton asked, shifting the focus. “Who do you want to kiss?”

  “I don’t know,” Bijay said. “Anyone, I guess.”

  “Right on,” Elijah said. “With an attitude like that, you’ll do fine.”

  Right then PERSEVERANCE started to glow. Just a pinprick at first; then, like a stain spreading over fabric, light enveloped the entire poster. It was an encouraging sign. It had been hours since Eddie had left.

  Bijay rose from his bunk and walked over to the poster. “Finally,” he said as he carefully pulled it down.

  Denton sat up from his bunk. Through the hole, he saw the glowing watch first, dead center on someone’s forehead. Only the forehead wasn’t Eddie’s—bangs now hung over the watch. Denton gulped as he looked down into the person’s eyes.

  “You!” Bijay screamed, jumping away.

  “Me!” said Tyler Kelly, smiling back at them.

  “Eddie’s mutated!” Bijay screamed. “He’s become Tyler Kelly! Hit the button! Wake McKenzie!”

  “Don’t wake McKenzie,” Eddie said, appearing alongside Tyler. “Everything’s fine.”

  Nudging Tyler out of the way, Eddie thrust his arms and head up through the hole. As Denton backed away, Wendell came over and grabbed Eddie’s hands and started pulling.

  “Give me a push, buddy,” Eddie said to Tyler.

  “Sure thing,” Tyler said.

  With the extra help, Eddie passed through the hole with relative ease.

  “A big thanks, Ty,” Eddie said.

  “You are most welcome, Edward,” Tyler said.

  “Where on earth were you?” Denton asked like a scolding parent. “And where on earth did you find him? And why on earth would you bring him here?”

  “He was in the library,” Eddie said. “He was looking for books.”

  “They say that reading is fundamental,” Tyler said with an odd amount of enthusiasm. “It’s far more than just a pun, you know. It’s fun and addicting and fulfilling and gives your brain a case of the warm fuzzies. I adore reading! I read all the books in my house this evening. So I thought, Perhaps I’ll visit the school and see what’s left in the library. I had heard there had been a run on books, but good heavens. Not a single volume left.”

  “And he saw me,” Eddie explained. “So he chased me down to say hello.”

  “A cordial ‘how do you do’ between friends,” Tyler said, staring straight ahead.

  Den
ton stared straight back at Tyler. There was something different about his eyes. They were distant. They were spiritless.

  “Okay, this is more than a bit weird,” Elijah said. “Does anyone else find this weird?”

  “Yeah, Tyler, why aren’t you teasing us?” Wendell said. “Or punching us?”

  “That’s humorous,” Tyler said with a manufactured giggle. “You’re quite humorous, Wendell. I never knew that about you. But then, we never had much of a chance to get to know each other before, did we?”

  “I guess not,” Wendell said cautiously.

  “You really missed a wonderful day of school,” Tyler said. “Everyone is studying hard, as they should. We have the pep rally on Thursday. Boy, do I love pep. And the food … the food is absolutely splendid.”

  “Mackers?” Bijay asked, leaning in to hear more.

  Tyler’s eyes rolled back. Drool began to collect on his lips. He licked it back up far too enthusiastically. “Double Double Triple,” he moaned.

  Denton wasn’t completely immune to the lure of fast food, but he had never seen such a gluttonous display. It was appalling. And obviously, Denton wasn’t alone in his feelings.

  “Okay, now you’re really freakin’ us out, Tyler,” Elijah said.

  “All apologies,” Tyler said, his eyes scrolling back to attention. “I find myself getting carried away sometimes. Edward told me you were down here on a secret mission. I shouldn’t be a bother much longer. I shall retain your confidence and return home.”

  “What else can you tell us?” Denton asked. He wasn’t entirely fooled by this new version of Tyler. It had to be some sort of act. The more Denton got him talking, the more chances Tyler would have to slip up and reveal his true agenda. It was a classic legal maneuver: keep the witness on the stand.

  “He can’t tell us much,” Eddie jumped in. “I asked him everything I could think of. Doesn’t know a thing about Snodgrass. All he talks about is studying and eating.”

  “Two of life’s greatest pleasures,” Tyler said. “Wouldn’t you agree?”